Fear Less

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About Dan Griffin

Dan Griffin, M.A., has worked in the mental health and addictions field for over sixteen years. He lives in Minnesota with his beautiful wife and two-year old daughter and has been in recovery for 17 years. He wrote A Man’s Way Through the Twelve Steps (Hazelden) and co-authored Helping Men Recover. Do you want to read more of Dan’s writing and learn more about his work? You can go to: www.dangriffin.com.

Comments

  1. Richard Aubrey says:

    I think you’ve got this mixed up. Some things merit fear. Such as being a bodyguard to a Chicago “businessman”, or a drug dealer. You either keep doing it or you don’t. You do it in spite of your fear.
    I don’t know anybody who denies legitimate fear. But it’s not worth gassing on about if you have to face it, anyway. Other stuff is more important. That’s not “denying”.
    There are people who seem to be more fearful than others, which can be a handicap, since facing fear, courage, is a “wasting asset” in the words of Gavin Lyall. Eventually, you run out.
    There are people who, possibly lacking in imagination, or more inclined toward fatalism, don’t seem to fear what might cause others to become at least apprehensive.
    And, of course, there are the phobias. Some decades ago, it seemed you weren’t right if you didn’t have one or another fashionable phobia. The real ones can be a handicap, even if nobody else fears, say, red-winged blackbirds to the extent of panic attacks.
    Lastly, in addition to dealing with your fear, an internal exercise, becoming capable of dealing with the real-world issue and making it less threatening if it ever shows up is a way to reduce fear and increase real-world competence. In that sense, taking counsel of one’s fears is a good thing.

  2. This is the crux to understanding men: what do they fear and what do they do in face of it…My ex was afraid of failure… afraid of not being able to support his family…afraid of not finishing his doctorate….afraid of not being able to control his subordinates at work…afraid of not being able to outwit his superiors at work….but more importantly, he was afraid of not attaining his dream career and breaking out of his dead-end job…he was afraid of me, a mere girl, getting ahead of him on the career ladder and out-earning him in the game of life…he was really afraid of me becoming independent of him and breaking free of his control…of me sky-rocketing ahead and him falling woefully behind….I never understood how huge his ego was and how easily wounded it could get by a mere careless word or gesture from me…he always hid his true fears, his true ambitions, and his true feelings even from me, supposedly the one he loved the most….I only discovered what he secretly desired all those years we were together 2 decades after I left him…..

    Understanding the fears, stated or unstated, of a man is the key to understanding him… I guess I never really understood him at all the 7 years we were together….how sad that he could never just say it…

  3. Richard Aubrey says:

    Leia,

    If he’d told you up front, what would you have done? I mean the younger Leia. What would she have done/thought?

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