For all the men who give humanity a bad name, there are good men and dads who renew our faith.
—
I’m dedicating this post to my Hippie Father; who told me I could do anything. Be anything, and warrant anything I desire.
Lately, social media is flooded with extraordinarily terrible headlines. Primarily we’ve heard a lot about wretched men. Men who have used their power to either get away with horrible acts or have tried to run from the actions they have caused.
We have endured Donald Trump’s self-righteous opinions on race and gender. And presently our eyes are being opened to a corrupt, self-serving Justice System, with the poorly executed Sentence by Judge Persky in the Brock Turner case.
Men aren’t favoring valiantly in the eyes of women these days.
But not all men are bad. As women, we have to remember this as we stand on our feminist pedestal and shout our angry words into the crowd.
We have to remember, there are good men.
I get it. I am angry too. In fact, I’m horrified at the recent events devouring my news feed. Terrified for my children growing up in a day and age where we are supposed to know better. Be better. I too wrote my rage filled post concerning Judge Persky’s lame Sentence. And, I continue to stand by it.
With that being said, I want to give a shout out to the Good Men. The ones on the sidelines, maybe even a little afraid to speak now. For, we are an angry mob. Pitchforks in hand. Ready to burn the next man who crosses us or one of our sisters.
Women are angry, and we deserve to be. We want change, and we deserve respect. Although let’s not burn all men at the stake.
This issue isn’t men against women; it’s a matter of a failed Justice System, which affects all people, even men.
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In the eye of this storm, generated by a broken justice system, I want to let the good men know, I see you. I hear you, and I appreciate you.
You are the men that raise your daughters without a Mother yet teach them you are a feminist, and they can be anything they aspire to be.
You are the heroes that didn’t have a Father and have learned to be an astonishing Dad all on your own.
You are the men that share your love of a woman without fear of being ridiculed by other men.
You are the brothers who stand by your sisters and believe they can achieve anything a man can.
You are the advocates for rape survivors who share personal and tragic stories of the women you love.
You are the good men, the ones who support and raise women up, and I thank you for everything you do.
I have penned this to encompass all men, but there is one man in particular who deserves all my admiration.
To my Dad, who convinced me, I wasn’t a girl, but a person. To the Man and Father, who behaved in a way that cast a shadow of love, not hate. The person who, despite me having had a frightening man hurt my soul, taught me there were and are good men in this world.
He is the man who showed me; I am the star in his eyes. That I am bright enough to shine in a universe full of sparkle. He is the Father, who became a Dad despite not having a fabulous Father of his own.
The man who taught me there is strength and talent inside me, and to go forth without fear, to never compromise my beliefs.
Thank you Dad
and
Thank you to all the good men, I appreciate you.
I understand it may be hard to speak out now, that you may not know what to say, or how to act in the wake of hearing such personal tragedies. Some of which may be from close friends or women you love. But I see you there, holding the hands of your loved ones, reaching out to your daughter’s and hugging your sister’s. I hear you, and am grateful you are there.
Thank you for your support.
My final thought goes to the two men who recently gained attention in the news for saving a young woman from a much more tragic ending to a story we all know too well. Peter Jonsson and Carl-Fredrik Arndt are the men who saved Emily Doe from behind the dumpster—they chased down Brock Turner and held him until the police arrived.
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Photo: JD Hancock/Flickr
This essay originally appeared on New World Mom.
And thank you for sharing this!
But not all men are bad.
As women, we have to remember this as we stand on our feminist pedestal and shout our angry words into the crowd.
You should put that into a hashtag.
Oh wait…
Someone on the feminist pedestal already did.
Anyway, I’m sorry Darla, that your honesty, nobility, and heartfelt attempt at thanking us good men has turned into a shit storm, but this is the level of frustration that I see out there every day. It’s not on you, and if not for this nonsensical war on masculinity, your comments would have been met with a simple, “no problem”, and a shrug as if there was any question, or reason to thank for something that is just a part of who we are…but this is the world we exist in today, were the very fact that we are men… Read more »
DJ,
I am sorry for your loss.
I would like to say something, but I’m really lost for words.
Take care /K
You are the men that raise your daughters without a Mother yet teach them you are a feminist, and they can be anything they aspire to be. What has being – or encouraging others to be – a feminist got to do with being a good *anything*? You are the men that share your love of a woman without fear of being ridiculed by other men. Yes, this regularly happens. Because guys just hate girls and think they have cooties. Liking girls is so gay! (sarcasm) You are the advocates for rape survivors who share personal and tragic stories of… Read more »
“You are the men that raise your daughters without a Mother yet teach them you are a feminist, and they can be anything they aspire to be.” For starters, only about 20% of Americans identify as feminist. So what you’re speaking of here is a percent of a percent. I’d also like to ask when did encouraging our daughters become a “feminist” only platform. What was and IS feminist is their lack of interest in equal rights for dads in family courts. Instead we get things like … http://www.avoiceformen.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2015/03/the-NOW-opposes-bill-to-give-fathers-shared-custody-2009.pdf http://www.avoiceformen.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2015/03/national-organization-for-women-opposes-shared-parenting-joint-custody-bill-2010.pdf And Florida NOW? “Recognizing that mothers’ rights in family law… Read more »
Hmm. Viewing the comments above, something tells me I wandered into the wrong website…
I have the same thoughts….
Where o where are all the good women approving the sentiments of this article, considering about 75% of GMP readers are all the good women committed to teaching me to be a better man.
Erin? Bueller? Anybody?
“Thank you for your support.” You are welcome, but the problem is not our lack of support, it is the lack of support for us, for who we are, not what others want us to be. We share here, right? Well allow me to share. Good men are turning off at an alarming rate, and it appears they will continue to do so as the laws and expectations of society continue to press down on them. I’ve been reading here for a while, commenting also. In that time my hope has not risen, but fallen as there is very little… Read more »
As always DJ, I enjoyed your response.
If you don’t mind my summation is this … We’ve been given the proverbial bone that we occasionally get. Now that we have it … we need to go back to our respective caves and be happy thinking all will be good now. Yes, we are on our own.
Not at all, Tom. Good summation.
Just wanted to echo what Tom said.
Thank you, DJ. I too enjoyed your response.
I’m sure the words and tone in this article were meant to convey a sincere and earnest sense of magnanimity, generosity, charitableness and equitability- but at the risk of being over-critical I daresay this is not what you have achieved. It actually matters little whether you be lauding or castigating one group or another so collectively & conspicuously by such a ubiquitous trait as gender; the singular fault line remains the same. That is, to reduce and compartmentalize it all by gender is, as scholar Graham Good described -as I have had quote before- is “to diminish both their humanity… Read more »
The good men are there, no question. I hope I’m one of them. But there’s one thing the good men aren’t doing, and that’s talking **among themselves** about sexual violence. I don’t know much about Brock Turner’s upbringing. I can’t be bothered to find out. But I’m sure he went through the standard repertoire of sexual-assault training in middle school, high school, and again during freshman orientation at Stanford. How much of it remained with him, in the sense of affecting his actions? Zero. Who might have got through to him? In all likelihood, his captain on the swim team,… Read more »
This was tried in the 90s, Cof. A group of black clergy started and all boys school for young black boys in Detroit as a mean’s of getting to them before the street, and gangs did. The mothers of these young boys were fully on board, wanted badly to have Good Men in the boys lives. The power of the National Organization for Women came crashing down upon them with their full legal and financial power (Most of which derived through funding of the violence against women and children act, which is like the punchline in a bad joke). their… Read more »
I’ve little interest in talking about masculinity. We do plenty of it already; no two people define it the same way; and nobody seems better off for such discussions. I’m interested in men speaking with each other about sexual violence. Actual conversations, face to face. The National Organization for Women need not be invited. Public money need not be spent. Schools need not be founded. The question of child custody in divorce cases need not be brought up. People’s lachrymatory practices at the offices may be deferred to some convenient future time, or preferably never. The reason this article was… Read more »
@ Cofrisi I wonder if it’s less the conversation happening and more I don’t agree with the way the conversation is happening. Many men don’t believe that masculinity is the problem. Many men don’t believe that men as a group are the problem. Many men don’t believe that rape culture is the problem. A lot of men believe that criminals are the problem. So how do you think we should stop crime? Many people believe that fewer people would steal if they had legitimate alternatives, jobs paying a living wage. Many men here realize that rape of women is reduced… Read more »
No, JA. The conversations have not been going on. Lots of examples out there of women addressing men on the subject. Fewer (though some) examples of men addressing women on the subject. Hardly any of men addressing each other. And certainly none at a level that might have done something to prevent the likes of Brock Turner becoming either a perpetrator or a victim.
As for the content of those conversations, I would have them be as wide-ranging as possible.
@ Cofrisi You seem to believe that Brock Turner would have been dissuaded by a slogan or a guy having a random conversation or a commercial or a consent class. Brock Turner would have been dissuade if he believed there was a good enough chance of getting caught. There is no amount of conversation that will dissuade a criminal. Do you think rape is over. No one (at least not a man) will ever rape a woman again because they saw what happened to Brock Turner? Do you think that his supporters would turn their backs on him because of… Read more »
Sorry, John, not biting. I’ve done enough troll-feeding for one thread.
Troll meaning those who disagree with my and have more knowledge of what they speak of. I will leave you with this thought. There is a conversation that can be had on reducing rape. If Erin is correct and I’m not doubting her, she’s just the only person who has brought this up; virgin shaming may have been a motivator in this of he indeed took a picture of her and shared it. Many guys have actually brought this up in numerous conversations, but no one wants to hear it because it doesn’t further the narrative of men bad. Men… Read more »
Ideology based moments are always susceptible to manipulation and ultimately corruption. Like all things as the influence of Feminism grew so too did the potential for unintentional consequences. To that end. What we are seeing in the public discussion as well as in every aspect that has been influenced by that ideology has some disastrous outcomes. What those who speak up and out against feminism specifically are trying to speak to “power” in institutions such as education, national organizations that have access to federal funding, the government itself with affirmative action policy, entire human resource departments, the majority of social… Read more »
Thank-you so much for -what I am certain you believe to be- your nuanced, generous, gracious, and tactful collective validation of the demographic to which I belong. Nothing (quite literally, nothing) could be more endearing to one’s sense of personal integrity, individually, and identity than to be held aloft and told so stiltedly: ‘Good for you fellas! You -as I have arbitrarily chosen to define you by your gender- you have overcome the innumerable innate shortcomings and misdeeds of your larger collective, which, of course you represent and are thus morally and fraternally culpable for. And these shortcomings and imbalances… Read more »
Mostly, I forgot how eloquent you can be … I understand it but I wonder if she does.
Bravo.
The only reason this sort of piece exists and is couched in faux-magnanimity is because so many people are so unfairly shitty to men 99% of the time. In that environment where men are seen as the problem it will only be seen as generosity to treat them like actual human beings.
Are there gonna be ANY articles that don’t include something about Trump?
Any articles or comments that doesn’t include something about Obama, Mr. Brechlin?