Alex Yarde comments on the satirical petition calling for straight men to be banned from driving, insisting that men truly are capable of controlling their sexual behavior.
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“Educate your children to self-control, to the habit of holding passion and prejudice and evil tendencies subject to an upright and reasoning will, and you have done much to abolish misery from their future and crimes from society.” ― Benjamin Franklin
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A satirical petition on Whitehouse.gov called “Prohibit Straight Men From Driving” states that because public schools find it necessary to prohibit students wearing tank-tops, tube tops, and shorts that are deemed “too short,” because these could distract male students, we should be careful to regulate situations where any straight male may become distracted by a woman and then become a danger to others. Thus it makes sense to ban straight men from operating vehicles, which weigh thousands of pounds and go at high rates of speed, because a suggestive billboard or a woman whom they deem attractive could cause an accident.
The petition is clever satire and points out the absurdity of the point of certain dress codes. These dress codes propagate the false idea that men, somehow, can’t control themselves and don’t have any obligation to control themselves. Those who perpetuate the “Male Weakness” myth end up being apologists for those men who commit sexual assault and legislators without the imagination to tackle the underlying issues of educating a generation of boys not to rape, as opposed to burdening a generation of girls with the task of avoiding being raped.
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Though dress codes themselves are not necessarily wrong, the intention behind them should have some careful thought behind it. A school which uses dress codes in hopes of restricting gang violence or inappropriate sexual behavior is not going to accomplish much to prevent these things from happening. The problem is most assuredly not what the kids are wearing.
Show me a society that has a restriction on women’s dress and I will show you a society that is not dealing with their sexual assault issues. In Uganda, the Government is debating the merits of a law that will ban thigh-bearing skirts because the President feels they “provoke” sexual crimes, which are increasing rapidly in the country. Such “decency” laws are common in countries such as Saudi Arabia or Afghanistan in which women must be covered. These laws have little impact on the incidence of sexual assault. Often these societies have high rates of such crimes because there is a lack of a modern education for children about human sexuality. These laws exempt the perpetrators of the crime from any accountability and do nothing to prevent the crime itself.
Unfortunately, the very same issues and attitudes are not unknown in the United States. In the last election, many candidates touted bizarre theories about rape, pregnancy, contraception, abortion, and related topics. U.S. Senate candidate Rep. Todd Akin of Missouri infamously stated that pregnancy rarely occurs as a result of what he called “legitimate rape.” Indiana State Treasurer and U.S. Senate nominee Richard Mourdock said that pregnancy from rape was “something that God intended.” This flawed logic exemplifies a culture that blames victims while simultaneously pardoning their attackers.
It’s wrong. Sexual violence against anyone, male or female is wrong. Full Stop. Rape is about power. Those with power over others need to learn restraint, not be given excuses for inexcusable behavior. Can’t we as a society do better to educate our youth so tragedies like the Steubenville, Ohio rape case don’t occur?
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I remember being raised in a home of compassion and respect for everyone. My mother, being a medical professional, was very matter of fact about human sexuality, which is something I now appreciate. My mother and older sister were important female role models for me growing up. It’s hard when you know better to act as if you don’t.
My dad—though I could tell it made him uncomfortable—spoke to me at length about the importance of being compassionate to one’s intimate partners. No meant no. I was lucky that I had the parents I did and inherited the self-esteem, respect and empathy for others they had. But it seems these are in short supply in many households. Morality doesn’t have a price tag or a zip code. Respect for others should be an important value taught in every home.
We need to have the awkward conversations with our sons. In a country where 1 in 6 women will be assaulted by the time they reach college age, we need to teach young straight males to see women as more than sexy billboards or trophies to acquire. Their own self-worth shouldn’t be measured in notches on a bedpost. They need to realize the women in their lives that mean the most to them are subject to sexual violence.
The prevalence of a culture of rape is inherently misogynist and detrimental to males as well.
Violence aimed at boys is likely to be minimized or dismissed by adults, leading to increased acceptance of bullying. False bravado and conflict with other males trying to be “macho”.
Men feel compelled to prove their dominance over others by using violence. This affects other men disproportionately, since dominance over women is already assumed in many situations. Men are more likely to face a serious physical assault or murder than women, and this violence is almost always at the hands of another man.
Empathy and compassion for others aren’t seen as qualities that are important for young boys or men to cultivate and it repeats the cycle of violence. It’s insidious and self-perpetuating.
All males need to have the courage to speak out, even if it’s as simple as not laughing at a joke that uses rape victims as the punchline. Making rape seem okay by laughing about it “normalizes” attitudes that perpetuate a culture of rape.
It’s not Pollyannaish to assume males can control themselves. It’s what should be expected, isn’t it?
Photo: Flickr/Jason
interesting….
I agree that violence against boys is minimized, and not punished. I remember when I was aged 9 -11, the other boys in my class could push me over, and kick me with impunity, but as soon as anyone hit a girl (the girls were bigger than us at this age) it was the worst thing that ever happened, and we were all punished.
Violence against boys matters because boys get hurt.
We don’t need to bring in cycles of violence, and caring about the damage that violent men cause. We need to care about the little boys.
Dress codes are a commonly accepted feature in society and it appears as though people only get upset about them if there isn’t any benefit to conforming. Doctor’s dress like doctor’s, l lawyers dress like lawyers, and so forth. If one were to dress like a clown and showed up in court to defend one’s client, it would be out place and inappropriate. The same could be said of dressing up specifically to get attention from the opposite sex rather than to be taken seriously as a student, an emerging intellectual, who is in charge of their emotions, needs and… Read more »
ogwriter, Precisely. It is not the media’s job to tell children what is appropriate to wear to the beach. Nor is it the school’s responsibility to tell children what is appropriate to wear to school, nor is the government’s responsiblity to make laws about what is appropriate to wear in public. It is the parent’s and individual’s responsibility to manage one’s sexuality and appropriateness in society. If our society at large is worried about sexual imagery on billboards, hold advertisers accountable. If society at large is worried about sexual assault, teach your children to dress more conservatively. If society at… Read more »
“If society at large is worried about sexual assault, teach your children to dress more conservatively” What? I can’t believe someone still believes what you wearing is what is making you get raped. Really. That is a shame. And unforttunately, almost always comes from a man. That is almost offensive to all the tribal societies worldwide – many of them walk around naked, so if any of them ever gets raped we need to tell them to dress up! Because of course, the cause of rape is the lack of “decend” appearal. Oh, and let’s never allow our children to… Read more »
Many women dress “appealing” because that is what they learn to wear in our society. Not all these women want attention from the opposite sex, come on. Not all women are even straight for that matter – and lesbians – or asexuals! – also dress appealing a lot of times. Many guys wanted to be more showy, but they are oppressed. “When girls or women dress to get attention-good and bad- from men and boys and deny it, which is common, it creates all sorts of problems for society.” Is the denying part what is creating “all sorts of problems… Read more »
“The prevalence of a culture of rape is inherently misogynist and detrimental to males as well.” So the CDC estimated that 1,267,000 men were “forced to penetrate another” (in other words raped) on 2009 as compared with 1,270,000 women who were raped. 80% of men reported a female perpetrator. The BJS reported that 80% of staff rapes in adult prison and 90% in juvenile prison were female staff raping male prisoners with 50% or more of the rapes being staff on prisoner in both cases. So how exactly is women raping men and boys in staggering numbers a sign of… Read more »
“Can’t we as a society do better to educate our youth so tragedies like the Steubenville, Ohio rape case don’t occur?”
With all due respect, there’s something very rhetorical about that-
As though, when individuals act abhorrently, it’s ‘because of our society’
And when individuals are raised in a environment of compassion and respect it’s ‘in spite of our society’
I can’t speak for society, but I think if that is so, then it would probably like equal credit for its victories, as well as its failures.
Alex, I agree with you that it’s a perfectly reasonable expectation to have that men (collectively or individually) ‘control themselves.’ But that, after all, is beside the point. To quote Teddy Roosevelt: “Obedience of the law is demanded, it’s not asked as a favor.” I disagree with some of the gendered generalities you’ve used to arrive at and justify that conclusion: “Empathy and compassion for others aren’t seen as qualities that are important for young boys or men to cultivate and it repeats the cycle of violence… All males need to have the courage to speak out, even if it’s as… Read more »
Mostly,
Thanks for posting. Glad to see there’s someone out there who gets it.
ohh MY BAD! I didn’t see my PREVIUOS POST IRONIC!?
og, When are you going to teach me to dance? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PK2HANwsUWgI I think the lyrics are wonderful too.
La Bamba Lyrics (Spanish)
1. Para bailar la bamba
2. Para bailar la bamba
3. Se necesita una poca de gracia
4. Una poca de gracia para mi para ti
5. Arriba y arriba
6. Arriba y arriba
7. Por ti seré
8. Por ti seré
9. Yo no soy marinero
10. Yo no soy marinero
11. Soy capitán
12. Soy capitán
13. Soy capitán
@Joan…how about after I am finished blushing!
…lets see if the moderators can handle criticism put this way. Why so often does this site present information that ignores the well known realty that women commit rape? That is precisely what this article does. We know that lesbian’s commit rape as do straight women and bisexual women. We also know that rape and domestic violence are problems in all groups in America. Simply put, rape that happens to straight women is not, by far, the only dynamic that exist. Yet, this article and many others I have read on GMP and elsewhere ignore all of these facts. Why?… Read more »
Isn’t hiding the fact that women commit rape too and hiding and denying the scope of the problem contributing to “rape culture”? I find it ironic that articles like this can purport to challenge rape culture while simultaneously supporting it.
“U.S. Senate candidate Rep. Todd Akin of Missouri infamously stated that pregnancy rarely occurs as a result of what he called ‘legitimate rape.’ Indiana State Treasurer and U.S. Senate nominee Richard Mourdock said that pregnancy from rape was ‘something that God intended.’ This flawed logic exemplifies a culture that blames victims while simultaneously pardoning their attackers.” I must say I find it deeply insulting (and disheartening) that these people, burdened with such a profoundly abundant ignorance are the ones being held up as an ‘exemplar’ of anything. As an autonomous individual and a North American citizen, I never relish being judged… Read more »
Hell, I went to Catholic school and you better believe that many girls figured out ways to dress sexually, even with a dress code. The most popular was the skirt roll. The girls, under no pressure from the boys, would roll their skirts up at the waist so that it was mini skirt height. The skirt could be easily let down when nuns were around or during dress code check. Nature will take it’s course, regardless what the “progressives” say or do. Do we really want our daughters dressing like Madonna, while they deny their emerging feelings of lust and… Read more »
Progress is teaching girls they don’t need to look sexy. And that boys could look sexy if they wanted to.
Many cultures have both sexes being sexy. Many cultures have both sexes’s bodies not sexualized. Double standards will always bring pain.
Personally I am all for dress codes. It makes sense in a modern day environment where I can be charged for sexual harassment when making a comment to one person and having it overheard by a hyper sensitive 3rd party. My eyes should have the same rights to not be inadvertently offended as their ears. — Uganda is a different culture. You show great disrespect for their culture and their beliefs by mocking their president’s assertions that women can provoke rape. Unless you are an expert on Uganda having spent at least a decade of your life there getting to… Read more »
Bob, you’re statistics are about reported rape cases in the U.S. Those reported rape cases involve strangers in relationship to the victim. Rape committed by strangers only make a small minority of actual cases. In the majority of reported and unreported rape cases, the majority of the victims were raped by acquaintances, friends, or people that the victims know personally. About 80% of unreported rape cases involve an acquaintance of the victim as the rapist. It is important to tell both sons and daughters to respect others and each other, regardless of what the other person was doing. The only… Read more »
Self reported,not police reported.If you look at the police reported stats the figure is nowhere near 1/5.Self reported stats take into consideration unreported rapes,but also you have to take into consideration the others forms of sexual offenses counted which are not.It’s not 1/5 women are raped,it’s 1/5 women experience some form of sexual violence in their lifetime. At this point you’re putting words in my mouth.It was analogy i’m not saying someones mental wellbeing/dignity is a tangible thing that can be stolen,nor was i victim blaming.I was saying women need to be aware of their surroundings,telling men not to rape… Read more »
I was talking to you and Joanna about that analogy. Your analogy implies that idea that a person’s body is a tangible item, and that sexual assault is the same as burglary or theft of an item–I’m not saying that you felt or said that bodies are the same as tangible items. It’s just what the analogy implies. If that’s not what it implied, then why would you use that analogy. I never said that people shouldn’t take precautions either–I was stating that society’s ideas on what are precautions and their effectiveness are unrealistic. A good precaution would be to… Read more »
“I do think that dress codes need to be enforced in certain places, not just school. It promotes professionalism and decency for both men and women.” In the U.S. dress codes also tend to reinforce gender norms. I’ve never seen a dress code where men have had as many options as women (women can wear pants, but men can’t wear skirts, etc.) nor have I seen a dress code where men have had fewer requirements than women (men must wear collared shirt with tie. Women just collared shirt / blouse, etc.). If there is no problem with a discriminatory dress… Read more »
Well as a male, yes short skirts were distracting in class but you do reach normalization and it’s not like we all just stare all day at the pretty hot cheerleader or whatever. The mere fact our hormones are in overdrive and there is someone we’re attracted to nearby can be all the distraction in the world, regardless of clothing. There are studies which seem to suggest segregated learning is better for boys but has little effect on girls I think? Could be that the boys are being distracted but my guess is it’s more to do with sexist attitudes… Read more »
And whoever is using distraction as justification for abuse….is at best an ignorant fool and at worst probably an abuser. A woman standing naked next to a man sexually attracted to her will at most turn him on, distract his mind, and that’s it. It won’t turn him into a monster that will grope n abuse her, he’ll simply get an erection and have sexual thoughts most likely. 99.99999999% of men will be able to control themselves, and even those that do go on to abuse are probably making the choice themselves to do the abusing.
In class I’ve always had my attention focused on the pretty girl. I also seen to do better, The one engineering class I took, which kicked my ass, had three women in it. None of them were particularly distracting.
“Show me a society that has a restriction on women’s dress and I will show you a society that is not dealing with their sexual assault issues” I’m not sure if I understand your point. You appear to be apologizing for women’s scantily clad public dress, supporting some school dress codes, yet asking for women to respect men. It’s sounds like a double standard. Yes, men can control themselves, if raised with a family who promotes mutual respect. Re-read the actual petition again, when are women accountable for their public behaviors? The petition could be turned on women to dress… Read more »
The way someone dresses does NOT promote weakness or irresponsability. Come on!
Men should also wear whatever they want. That does not mean they are disrespecting women, or that they are displaying weakness. Freedom!
Id just like to correct a misleading statistic .According to the national sexual violence survey its 1/5 women in a lifetime, not before they reach college age. Also I disagree with the author, vehemently.Rape isn’t caused by some patriarical conspiracy its caused by deviance, to lecture boys about how they’re potential rapists is extremely sexist and doesn’t do anything to solve sexual violence. Pragmatism should be used to address social problems, not ideology. To say that most boys or even some boys need to be “taught” not to rape is grossly offensive and ignores the fact that the amount of… Read more »
bob, please cite that data. I’ve never seen credible data that said that. And the car thief analogy is ridiculous. If my car is left unlocked and is stolen, the police still charge the person who stole my car with a crime, the still pursue the thief as they would if I had locked it. They don’t question the validity of my claim of having my car stolen in the first place because I left it unlocked. And I have personal experience here. I actually did have my purse stolen from my unlocked car (I’d forgotten to lock it in… Read more »
http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/nisvs_report2010-a.pdf You missed the point of my anology.This wasn’t victim blaming i’m not saying the person who got their car stolen is at fault. What i’m saying is that telling “men not to rape” is myopic as you can’t tell a criminal not to commit a crime,you need to look at the sociological factors contributing to their delinquency.Telling men not to rape won’t solve the problem and will give women a false sense of security.Rape can be combated,however the current approach is misguided and is based upon socio-politcal beliefs. The notorious “just say no!” campaigns didn’t prevent kids from experimenting… Read more »
Prevention ia key not victim blaming.Women shouls be aware of what makes them vulurnable to predators however they shouldn’t be blamed for someone elses wrong doing.
1in6.org for boys under 18, unsure about girls under 18 but I would assume a similar number or higher. NISVS 2010 has 18.3% of women forced penetration or attempted forced penetration and 1.4% of men reported forced or attempted forced peentration + 4.8% reported made to penetrate. 8% of women and 6.5% of men report sexual coercion. Approx Half of women and 1/4 of men have experienced some form of unwanted sexual contact. Basically the reports all say a lot of men and women have been raped, far more have been sexually abused and that society as a whole needs… Read more »
Did you know that rape has a conviction rate comparable to that of other violence crimes?
Conviction isn’t the same as bringing charges or even allowing a case to make it to court.
Insurance companies will question you and some (can’t say all) won’t cover you if they find out it was unlocked.
The analogy is very bad. Frankly, once you’ve come to the point of using insurance companies as your role model in ethical decision making – stop, reflect, rethink…
Our society has a massive sexuality problem – desire, pleasure, and consent are all taught and dealt with poorly regardless of what angle you’re looking at it from. I feel this article did a good job of outlining how everyone gets hurt in various different ways, and the point that bad behaviour by anyone shouldn’t be excused is pretty much proven. Thanks Alex.
@RMNZ -Thank you for reading my piece and your thoughtful response.
@Joanna – Fascinating, topical and frankly disturbing article on women including the threat of Rape in their descision to join the Military. Sex assault scandals affect enlistment http://t.co/ihIApDQoni
@ Bob, Thank you for reading my piece. By your own numbers 30 million women in this country will be survivors of sexual assault. Rape is a woefully under reported crime. Still, 30 million sexual assaults is an epidemic. This is a huge number of overwhelmingly male perpetrators it is most certainly not a few “deviants” The burden is upon parents & caregivers whomever helps to raise boys that those in thier charge don’t add to this disturbing statistic.
It`s a well known fact that most rapists don`t only attack one victim.They often strike multiple times. I found a study with a moderately sized sample which helps bring into context the sociological aspects which are prevalent in rapists. http://library.childwelfare.gov/cwig/ws/library/docs/gateway/Record?rpp=10&upp=0&m=1&w=+NATIVE%28%27recno%3D64336%27%29&r=1 “In contrast to child sexual abusers, rapists reported more frequent experiences of physical abuse (68%), parental violence (78%), emotional abuse (70%), and cruelty to animals (68%). Both child sexual abusers and rapists (>93%) reported frequent exposure to violent media during their childhood. Most offenders (94%) described having insecure parental attachment bonds; 76% of rapists reported avoidant parental attachments and 62%… Read more »
> Rape is a woefully under reported crime. This has a lot to do with the fact that events that are technically rape are collected in statistical data that aren’t considered rape or serious enough to report by the person, for example – someone who wasn’t in the mood, but had sex because their partner was. >This is a huge number of overwhelmingly male perpetrators it is most certainly not a few “deviants” The Liask / Miller data says its around 6 % of men, that are most likely sociopaths, so it is a few, and they are the deviants.… Read more »
“Pragmatism should be used to address social problems, not ideology. Rape isn’t caused by some patriarical conspiracy its caused by deviance, to lecture boys about how they’re potential rapists is extremely sexist and doesn’t do anything to solve sexual violence… Painting everyone from an identifiable group with a broad brush is dangerous and leads to numerous slippery slopes such as sexism, racism and other forms of discrimination.” I tend to agree with those sentiments. The counter-argument is, of course, that the scope & scale of the problem is such that it necessitates a broad-base based approach, with preemptive action aimed at… Read more »
“To say that most boys or even some boys need to be “taught” not to rape is grossly offensive”
I don’t have a problem with that as much as I have a problem with the idea that this implies that women don’t rape, which is untrue, or much worse that if women rape it’s not detrimental to men and boys so it’s not necessary to address. It may even suggest that it is impossible for a woman to rape a man because he always wants it, which actually negates the author’s premise that men can control their sexual desires.
Men should be given the same licence to exhibit their bodies too. My friend used to wear women’s leggings, and he was stared at, harassed, groped and even stopped by the police because they were so figure hugging. Also, remember that photograph of the guy from mad men that revealed his shape that distracted the female media? This myth that women get distracted by seeing men in revealing clothing has to go! >Men feel compelled to prove their dominance over others by using violence. Are you sure about that? I think its more accurate to say that a small percentage… Read more »
OP: “The petition is clever satire and points out the absurdity of the point of certain dress codes.”
Oh of course, hit-pieces like the petition directed towards straight men is always satire, a joke done with tongue in cheek.
If the petition were named “Ban all straight women from (insert activity here)” it’d be called hate speech and misoganistic.