Lisa Hickey finds something she can believe in. And it has everything to do with “good” and much to do with “men”.
I was raised a Catholic, a “good” Catholic – baptized, communioned, confirmed, confessed. I slowly decided I didn’t like the organized part of organized religion, so I stopped going to Church, stopped participating in the rituals. Started to think of myself as more of a Christian, and then gradually slipped towards agnostic. And then I decided I didn’t like the religious part of organized religion either, and I had a “Spiritual De-Awakening”. I describe the moment when I turned, unequivocally atheist, in my post “On 9/11, Atheism, Buttons and Bowling for Jesus”.
But if an Atheist describes what he or she is NOT, I’m here now to tell you what I am. And why, in the scheme of things, my spirituality depends on what I think about men.
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It was a year or so after I was feeling comfortable with my new, self-proclaimed label of “Atheist”, when a colleague of mine called me over to her computer and whispered conspiratorially “Here, take this test. It’s great – it’s called The Belief-O-Matic quiz.”
“Right” I answered. I’m pretty sure my eyes rolled. “No really,” she said convincingly. “It tells you what religion you would be if you didn’t know what religion you were. Don’t you want to know?”
So I took it. And was told I was not an atheist but actually a “secular humanist”—the belief that it is “the connective goodness of mankind that moves the world forward.” And that I had a “naturalistic worldview and a positive ethical outlook.”
I felt like I had died and gone to heaven. (Just kidding, that was an atheist joke.) But truly—“secular humanist”—if there is anyone that believes that it’s the “connective goodness of mankind that moves the world forward,” that would be me. I felt as if I had been holding my breath for years and could finally let it out. YES. That is what I believed.
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To me—The Good Men Project—that’s part of why it feel so much like home. Like such a part of me. Because I’ve come to see that it’s part of my “system of beliefs”. What are we forming if not connection points that believe in the goodness of mankind? A positive ethical outlook? Yeah, that, too.
I’ve mentioned before that for much of my life, I’ve been quite scared of men. My relationships with men didn’t get off to such a great start, and the systematic portrayal of men by the media didn’t help matters. At all. Men were scary because they were portrayed as villains. It’s hard to trust any individual man if you’re always wondering when the dark side is going to show up.
And so, for a secular humanist to not believe that one-half the population is “good”—it doesn’t work. To not be able to connect with half the people in the world spiritually—that’s a problem. It’s kind of like being half-alive.
But learning to believe in men as good—all men, as good first—that was a spiritual awakening of the very best kind.
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photo: aturkus / flickr
there is no spirituallity
I too have recently realized that I’m a very spiritual atheist, but I really don’t like the term Secular Humanist. Is that really a “thing”? I hate to have to call myself that. It’s the connectedness that you mention that makes me feel spiritual. Here’s a great quote from Neil DeGrasse Tyson. *“Recognize that the very molecules that make up your body, the atoms that construct the molecules, are traceable to the crucibles that were once the centers of high mass stars that exploded their chemically rich guts into the galaxy, enriching pristine gas clouds with the chemistry of life.… Read more »
i tried the belief-o-matic. here are my rankings. notice anything missing? Secular Humanism (100%) Unitarian Universalism (94%) Liberal Quakers (85%) Theravada Buddhism (84%) Neo-Pagan (70%) Nontheist (70%) Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (65%) Taoism (57%) New Age (55%) Mahayana Buddhism (53%) Orthodox Quaker (52%) Reform Judaism (49%) Jainism (43%) Baha’i Faith (39%) Scientology (36%) Sikhism (34%) New Thought (33%) Hinduism (32%) Seventh Day Adventist (30%) Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (28%) Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (27%) Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (21%) Islam (19%) Orthodox Judaism (19%) Jehovah’s Witness (15%) Eastern Orthodox (15%) Roman Catholic (15%)… Read more »
Yes, you can use the word ”spiritual” to mean many things. In the French language, “esprit” means liveliness, to be alive etc You may have to ask yourself why you hang on to this term to describe matters like connectedness though, as it feels like a longing for something, and as you say, it is a well-worn substitute (some say more advanced) for religious leanings in commonly used human advertising language i.e. dating sites. The connectedness you describe, for me, is better styled by the knowledge that everything around us is made of star dust, as it is often said… Read more »
As I mention in my article, “Does You Soul Have a Goal?”, the Hebrew word “ruach” (and the corresponding Greek word “pneuma”) mean not only spirit, but also wind or breath. So, whether you believe in the immortality of the soul or not, your soul or spirit could be defined as what makes you feel alive, in more than the physical sense of breathing and functioning as a biological organism.
Yes, I agree that refering to yourself as “spiritual but not religious” can evoke a sense of longing: maybe for life to mean more that we can express in our short corporeal exsistance, for example, or perhaps to hold onto something positive about one’s religious upbring while rejecting the overall concept. And of course, not everyone who has left religion is an atheist. If you have read my responses to Marcus’ posts, you will hopefully see that I, as a Secular Humanist, am not at all conviced that what are capable of experiencing and understanding in or brief lifetimes is… Read more »
Marcus, whoever said anything about spirits/souls being “super natural”? I regard it as that “thing” that makes each individual unique. It may have as much to do with personality as it does anything else. It’s not something you can contain, or measure, or even see, but you can see the effects of it. If you have sat with someone as they die, then you know that there is a moment when that body ceases to be the person you knew as “dad” or “Julie” or “Joe”. The person becomes a body. There is no scientific explanation for that difference. Science… Read more »
I used to resist the word spiritual as well — when someone used the term “spiritual, not religious” (most often on online dating sites) I often thought they were copping out in some way, and just trying to give the “answer most likely not to turn others off.” But lately I see spirituality as more of “connectedness”. The flow of information — OH — I meant to write about Isaac Asimov’s great story “The Last Question.” Marcus — have your read that? It rocks. To me, it’s that connectedness that makes things more than the sum of their parts. The… Read more »
Thank you for the reading suggestion, Lisa. I haven’t read it but will check it out. Roger, I have sat with people on their deathbed, including my mother. I agree there’s a point at which the life is over and the body is just a body, not a person. I disagree that science can’t explain the difference, because death is when the heart stops and all brain activity ceases. That’s clinical, scientific death. You and I both know that when such death occurs, it does not wipe out the memories or influence that the deceased had on people still living.… Read more »
Traumatic brain injury can damage one’s ability to perceive and interact with the outside world, but we have absolutely no evidence related to whether or not it changes the person inside in any fundamental way, and it has nothing to do with the question of the soul. A person with the kind of disability your refering to is basically locked in, unable to interpret cognative input correctly and is therefore unable to express himself or herself as he or she did before. Therefore, when the brain-damaged person dies, and they are free of the mechanical damage to the brain, then… Read more »
Traumatic brain injury can damage one’s ability to perceive and interact with the outside world, but we have absolutely no evidence related to whether or not it changes the person inside in any fundamental way, and it has nothing to do with the question of the soul. And yet, the essay I linked in my previous comment cites many examples of what I’m calling evidence that people can be fundamentally changed by brain injuries, both in terms of how they’re regarded by others, and how they regard themselves. I’m not talking about people in vegetative states, but who continue to… Read more »
I don’t think that true at all Brian. Atheists do not believe in “nothing”, they believe that you don’t need to invent a God to explain how things are as they are. For an atheist, the unknown portions remain in the realm of energy, quantum mechanics and why various universal rules of interactions exist and where they these rules came from – There is a heavy cognitive bias towards the belief that something cannot have always existed, with the bias showing in the form of “all things must have a start and an end” of some form. Non-atheists have that… Read more »
Elissa. It appears that my post was unclear on several points, so allow me a moment to clarify. First, I am well aware that Atheists have belief systems like every other human being. I am non-religious, so in a manner of speaking, I‘m an Atheist too. By nothing, I was referring only to the poster’s belief that there is no soul, e.g., either the biblical or supernatural convention or nothing at all. My response to Marcus’ post was a reaction to the notion that simply because the traditional, mythical image of the human soul is discredited by our modern understanding… Read more »
Lisa– I could say “me, too!” to most of what you wrote, but as a fellow atheist, I balk at summing it up as “spirituality”. As I opined in my piece on spirituality being optional, I only see what you’re describing as spirituality in the loosest sense of the word, which is so loose that the whole “spirit” part barely applies anymore. If people talk about the “human spirit” or something like that in a metaphorical, descriptive kind of way, then being an atheist doesn’t disqualify me from understanding or sharing in that universal human experience. (E.g., I believe Ray… Read more »
Marcus, if human beings do have souls which exist beyond our physical bodies, it would be the most natural thing in the world, nothing “Super” about it. We had no idea what a nebula was until we actually saw one, yet they were churning away out there the entire time. Our ignorance didn’t make them supernatural. Now, it could very well be that you and I are no more than biochemical reactions that burns out and disappear forever, but looking at the vastness and complexity of the Universe, and at how much more we are learning every day, are you… Read more »
Lisa: I don’t know that my faith and yours are very far apart. I just kind of role with the punches when it comes to going to church and talking about Jesus or Buddha or whatever prophet you admire. They were human too right? So under your theory they are part of our little club here on earth moving towards goodness. I’m glad that GMP has filled the hole of what you have been scared about men in particular. As you know, I like to try to push the envelope in terms of what it means to be a man…and… Read more »
That’s funny — even though I’m not religious, I do like the thought of being in a little “club” with the likes of Jesus and Buddha. And I’m always in respect of those how change the world for the better in some way. I think it was the Dalai Lama who said if he could give any bit of advice as to how to work towards world peace, it would be to invite 5 people you hate to dinner with you. Similar to your thoughts of the extremes. I love the way connection points are becoming much less superficial. Like,… Read more »
Lisa- I really enjoyed this insightful article which ended up re-inspiring me. (Who would have thought you’d end up with anything remotely useful from something called a Belief-O-Matic quiz?!) You practice what the great mystics from all the religious traditions have always known and practiced: the goodness inherent in us as a given. In the seminary I was ordained through, there is a very high value placed on what’s termed Sacred Activism, or how you live your ministry (or spirituality) not only in a private way, but as an outreach to a world in need. Your incredible contributions as a… Read more »
Thank you Lili. I love the concept of Sacred Activism. Making what one does even more thoughtful, and conscious and *meaningful*. Thank you for that, for all.
Lisa, I really like the connection you make between spirituality and a larger set of beliefs. For some reason, we Americans tend to either exorcise religion/spirituality as if it were an fully-contained entity with no effect upon other portions of our lives OR we act as if it is the primary factor in our lives. The black-and-white approach around spirituality/religion that pervades American civil discourse is almost too extreme to attempt a conversation. And thank you for the link to Belief-O-Matic. I discovered that I am a 100% secular humanist. trying to answer and questions at all about my spiritual… Read more »
I do think recognizing a “system of beliefs” was life-changing for me. Thanks!
Let me start out by saying that one of the biggest influences on my own spiritual life has been the writings and views of Terry Pratchett, a secular humanist. I may not agree fully, but I can learn from your viewpoints, That’s why i call it “The Great Conversation” as opposed to “The Way.” You have to follow a way, but you contribute uniquely to a conversation. I’ve studied religion and spirituality for years, and wrote my doctoral dissertation on religion and psychology. One of the perspectives I take when looking at the subject is to divide religion and spirituality… Read more »
Thanks Zack! I do think it’s hard when people don’t see the good *first*. And really, that’s one of the whole reasons we started The Good Men Project, because it was so blatantly ridiculous the way men are portrayed.
I’m certainly no saint. But all I can do from this moment forward is recognize the failings of myself as a human and move ahead. And respect the fact that others are, for the most part, trying to do the same.
I tend to flit between stages, as in your model.
Good article and I understand. As a fully fledged theist (born-again Christian) I obviously disagree with the ‘secular humanist’ position, but I understand where you are coming from.
I must say that as a Christian I believe in both the inherant goodness and inherant wickedness of all people. People are naturally good because they are made in the image of God. But also naturally good because they are in rebellion against that good nature. Until that is Christ restores them.
Chris, I got a good chuckle from the Freudian slip that made it into your comment: “But also naturally good because they are in rebellion….” Though much of Christian theology focuses on that “wickedness” I am unconvinced that such a dualistic battle is taking place within us. But that’s just me.
Lisa, as always, your honest open reflection is refreshing. I remember hearing conservative Christians spit the words “secular humanists” out of their mouths as if they had taken a bite out of a rotten apple. I couldn’t understand the distaste. For those believers, to place trust in human goodness was somehow a denial of God as the author of good. But that doesn’t make any sense at all to me. At any rate, I celebrate your discovery of label that fits. It is clear to all who know you through the GMP that this is more than a good professional… Read more »