One day, Katie Vessel had an epiphany that helps her enjoy every minute she’s given.
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We have all been there—that sense that our lives and our schedules are spinning out of control. It is that feeling that we are slowly drowning in our own special soup of chaos, just trying to stay afloat amidst it all.
We have work schedules, social obligations, and smart phones that tend to tug at our attention constantly throughout our days and sometimes even our nights. If we have children then it becomes even more difficult to maintain sanity and presence, let alone a sense of peace or control over our lives.
Recently, I have done some experimenting in my own life. I was finishing one program at a local university, another program at a school out of state, running my own business, teaching yoga, writing, and trying to maintain some type of social life as well as self-care while parenting two toddlers. People would often ask me how I did all of this, and initially I would raise my eyebrows and respond with a smirk, “not very well.”
I was getting through it, rather efficiently, but mostly I was just going through the motions. I was like a machine, not a person. I was handling things, sure, but there was not a lot of joy involved and my creative energy was close to being tapped out, which does not bode well for anyone, especially a writer.
I realized that what I was doing was taking a traditionally masculine approach to my schedule. I was managing it, constantly chasing after every single minute trying to be as productive as possible, even scheduling stress reduction techniques into tight blocks of time in an effort to relax.
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It was one day while I was having a conversation with a friend that I decided to see what could happen by intentionally shifting my perception of the entire situation. I realized that what I was doing was taking a traditionally masculine approach to my schedule. I was managing it, constantly chasing after every single minute trying to be as productive as possible, even scheduling stress reduction techniques into tight blocks of time in an effort to relax.
It occurred to me that I could choose to change my relationship with time. I realized that time is not something that we should be chasing or managing, but rather something that is always being given to us—each moment is a gift. Mentally, I shifted my position in the dynamic with time to more of a feminine approach.
We receive time.
All of the time.
It is constantly being given to us, as fluid as a river. If we are standing in that river, facing downstream, it would be impossible to catch up with the water. But, if we turn ourselves around so that we are facing upstream, the water comes to us. We are in the same place, but making this hypothetical 180-degree turn in the river has the same effect as our choosing to shift our perception of our relationship with time from that of a masculine to that of a feminine role.
Once we can realize that we are all on the receiving end of time, we can begin to get practical by choosing what we do with this gift.
Every single moment really is a gift.
The first step in this process is to take a detailed look at how we are spending our time. It can be helpful to take one full week and at the end of each day, write down what you did for the entire day. Most of us have planners and calendars to which we could revert for this purpose, but light also needs to be shed on our time that is not necessarily being scheduled. How much of what we are doing are we just defaulting to? Are we watching a lot of television? How much time are we spending on our phones?
Once we have done this, it is time to make some decisions, but before we do that we need to once again shift our mindset to make sure that we understand that this time is ours—every minute of it.
This is how we get our power back.
I took a look at my schedule, and even though most of what I was doing involved things that I was passionate about, there were many tasks that seemed obligatory.
Our choosing to keep what we keep in our lives immediately provides us with a sense of accountability, because we chose it. It is not a random circumstance to which we are somehow victims.
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Take a job, for example. If your job is a place to where you drag yourself, day after day, and get no joy out of whatsoever—you are still choosing to be there, if you keep this on your schedule. Our choosing to keep what we keep in our lives immediately provides us with a sense of accountability, because we chose it. It is not a random circumstance to which we are somehow victims. There is still a purpose in our occupation—whether it is the salary, or the benefits for which we are working, we choose this for a reason.
Many of the tasks with which we are busy, even if these are areas of personal passion, can still be prioritized. I gave up teaching some classes, which was difficult for me, but I knew that I valued my space at that time of my life more so than what I was getting from that. I needed that space to expand into, and it was the right decision.
Another option is to delegate tasks that can be delegated. For example, it does not cost a lot to hire someone to do yard work a couple of times during the month, so if that is something that you can afford, this could allow for more time with your children or on any hobbies that you may enjoy. This is just one example, but there are many areas of our lives to which this can apply.
One day when I was driving on my way to an appointment that I initially thought of as arduous and my toddlers were both upset in the backseat and I was running late, I had an epiphany. I was stopped at a stoplight, and thought to myself, “I get to do this. I chose this job, I have a car to drive, and two beautiful little girls—I get to do all of this.”
In this moment, my perception along with my mood changed. I felt some stress melt away and things seemed lighter. I even felt a strong sense of gratitude for a set of circumstances which only moments before felt like a burden.
Once we have found a flow with how we have decided to spend our time, we need to accept that things happen. Plans change and urgent situations arise, but at the crux of it can be our realization that we have the option to shift our perception of what is happening.
We can flip the “I have to do this,” to the “I get to do this.” And sometimes circumstances can be extremely difficult, and we need to step back further and further until we arrive at the point where we say to ourselves that we “get” to live, because despite the specific difficulties, we do have this opportunity.
We get to do all of this, and amidst the ever flowing time and schedules and interactions, we can choose to not take a moment of it for granted.
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We get to do all of this, and amidst the ever flowing time and schedules and interactions, we can choose to not take a moment of it for granted.
Since I have reprioritized the way that I spend my moments, time truly seems to have slowed down. Mentally, I am able to be wherever I am at much more easily and my shifting my thoughts to that of “getting” to do whatever I am doing has in turn led me to be happier and more appreciative of it all. I think about things before I commit to them, whereas before, I would agree to anything that sounded okay without really reconsidering how this involvement on my part would affect my life.
A moment in time is a moment in time, and nothing is ever a means to an end if we are being intentional with the time that is given to us. The clock does not discriminate, and it is at that point when we realize that for the most part we have more of a choice in this than we initially had thought that we can begin to get time back on our side.
Photo—Hartwig HKD/Flickr
‘A Relationship with Time’…however, I feel – It’s an illusory state of mind and a pulse which bends space… and time. Yet, I agree with you in ways Katie, only in some ways – “Time waits for no man” – ‘so use it or lose it’, no machinery is required-we don’t have to do, anything. If we all want to fit together on ‘this rock’, and build better dreams, then time would be on our side, if collaborating not negotiating. Yet it seems, Time, is often against us. Then, I sit at my desk at work – and breakdown my… Read more »