Lead a Good Life, Everyone: Trey Malone’s Suicide Note

Premium Membership, The Good Men Project

About the Editors

We're all in this together.

Comments

  1. Joanna Schroeder says:

    Thank you so much to Trey’s family for sharing this- I’m crying, thinking of my own boys, and reaffirmed how important it is that we support survivors and change the culture surrounding rape. So many prayers to your family and hopes that we can find a way so that no one else’s child has to experience what Trey did.

  2. Tom Matlack says:

    Agreed. In all my dealings with Trey’s mother and grandfather I have been overwhelmed with respect and, at the same time, crushed by the reality of what they have had to endure. Thank you for sharing this letter as a tribute to Trey and as a way to shine a light on an issue that we at GMP obviously care very deeply about.

  3. Lisa Hickey says:

    This has been one of the most difficult pieces we have every published, and yet one of the most important.
    Suicide and sexual assault are two things that simply don’t get talked about enough, and Trey’s words have a beauty, grace, and straightforwardness that we’re hoping will open the doors of communication about these terrible issues. My thoughts are with Trey’s family, and I also want to thank them for sharing this letter with the world. Trey’s words have had a lasting impact on me, and I’m sure those words will connect with many others. Let us be a community that helps people heal through openness and kindness.

  4. Callan Malone says:

    I’m Trey’s sister and I can’t put into words how happy I am that this was published. I don’t have much to say other than I loved Trey so much and not a day goes by when I don’t think of him. Thank you so much for posting this.

    • Your brother clearly loved you very much. Much Love your way

    • Joanna Schroeder says:

      Callan – We sincerely hope that this letter helps bring about change so that we can help prevent this from happening again. We’re also grateful that we’ve gotten to know Trey here, even if just as a fraction of the guy he was. He was clearly talented, bright, funny, a good friend and brother and son.

    • Callan,
      I’m so sad for the loss your family has suffered because of the ill treatment Trey received. I pray this is a wake up call for everyone. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
      Thank you for sharing such an intimate piece with us—Trey’s words say much…I pray the world sees this as a means of becoming more sensitive to others.

    • My heart goes out to you and your family. Im at work and tears started streaming down my face as a results of what Trey’s reality was. How beautiful was his last words to you guys. I can’t imagine your pain and sorrow, to be honest I don’t even what to. To the worthless person who made him feel this way, death should become him as well. NO matter how the situaion came about for Trey he didn’t deserve what happened to him. He surely didn’t deserve to die!!! May GOD bless this family.

    • I can’ expalin the emotions that I feel right now. So many emotions for me as I read his last wrods. I will pray for you and your family that you guys can find peace through the pain.

    • I had a child to commit suicide 14 years ago. He was home from college and he had changed so much, I did not know or understand what was happening. He walked out of the house one day and I never saw my child alive again,.
      The guilt, and devastation was and still is unspeakable. He left to mourn him a Dad, a sister and two brothers. We continue to mourn to this day. The suicide changed our lives in so many ways. This is something you learn to live with each and every day. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of my child.

      May God Bless you
      And you will get through this.

      Love you Guys

    • Callan, Trey would be so proud of you for being able to speak on his behalf. I lost my brother to suicide also and not a day goes by that I don’t think about him. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  5. Trey was my son. We published his letter because I know that Trey would have wanted his message to be heard. I can’t help but be so saddened,however, every time I read his words. The sexual assault battered him, and the lack of support from the administration at Amherst defeated him, taking away any fight Trey had left. When I read the fist lines of Trey’s letter, I get a glimpse of the novel he will never get to write. He will never advocate for those who would have been buoyed by his goodness and sense of righteousness. Trey was an amazing brother, friend, son and grandson. We all miss his intelligence, his grace, and his sarcasm. No human power was able to help my child. We tried.

    I get up early every morning, and when I go outside, I look up to the bright stars and I speak to my boy. His light shines through in beams of light from those stars. When I get too sad, I close mt eyes to see him happy, standing in a bay in the beautiful blue green water that he loved so much as a child.

    • Audrey, we certainly see, and are greatly appreciative, that you and your family tried. That is perhaps one of the most profound truths I see through this tragedy, and it’s clear that your son was able to identify that as the most shining constant in his final moments.

      Thank you for honoring Trey through your love and your willingness to share what must be an incredibly painful memory with the world. I don’t doubt that it will bring further light to this horrifying injustice. Do know that, through Trey’s words, I will be even further diligent in my awareness and advocacy to provide compassion, empathy, and support for victims.

      Blessings to you and your family.

    • Audrey, I have read and reread your son’s words. My heart breaks for you and your family. His love for all of you was so evident from his writing. You were clearly a wonderful mother. I am sorry that Trey was in so much pain. I am sorry that the administrators at Amherst did not support him when he went to them for support. We send our children out into the world and teach them to trust that the adults in their lives will be there for them – show them compassion and give them guidance and support when they are in need. My daughter is at Amherst College now and made me aware of this published note and Biddy’s open letter to the Amherst community. Amherst is in the midst of a social revolution. Publishing this note from Trey was absolutely the right thing to do, especially at this time. Colleges across America are watching to see how Amherst deals with this Sexual Respect/Sexual Assault issue. I am sure that Trey is in a better place now and smiling down from heaven knowing that his voice is now being heard. It is sad that he had to leave this world in order to accomplish this. It is clear from his writing that Amherst and the world lost a shining star when they lost your son. You are brave. As a mother of four children, I cannot begin to imagine how you are getting through each day. I hope you will find some solace in knowing that Trey’s final words will have a lasting impact on many others for years to come. I will hold you in my prayers.

    • I can not express my heartfelt sympathy for the loss of your son. He sounds like a beautiful, kind and gentle soul from the little I am able to learn of him through his writing. You and your family can be proud of the man he became in his short time here. I think what you have done by allowing this to be shared is a wonderful and courageous thing to do. I know it must have been difficult to open up such a private and emotional experience to the world. I think it is an ultimate showing of your love for him and his wishes to educate the world. I am certain he is proud of you for that. I have daughters and I know that the idea of either of them having to experience such a traumatic event tears my heart in two. We raise our children knowing that we can not always protect them in life but it does not stop the pain we experience when it happens. I think the inability to do anything to take away their pain is the worst part of being a parent. I grieve for you in so many ways. I just wanted to share my thoughts and feelings with you, hoping upon hope that perhaps my words could give you some peace of mind. Know that there are many of us out here feeling your pain and wishing you some semblance of peace during this time. Take your joys and happiness where you can. Hold your family and children close for a moment at a time. Take pleasure from the fact that you raised a remarkable child. Know that one day you will be together again. Wishing you peace.

    • Audrey,

      I am saddened that a system or serious of systems within an institution designed to educate, help, encourage, guide and provide for healing failed to do so for whatever reason–I cannot think of a reason that would satisfy me as to why it or the administration failed. It is clearly unacceptable and as an educator in higher learning I know that I must fight for what I believe to be true in my heart over what any policy, procedure or standard says to do.

      But my sadness and surely the blow you must feel having lost your child will not bring him back. It is only through action that Trey’s life and his internal torment will not be in vain. I, for one, have written his name on my heart as a constant reminder to stand up for victims of sexual abuse.

      I did not have the good fortune of meeting your son, but this story found its way to my email today quite randomly and it made an impact. That impact Audrey is a ripple in the ocean that starts from just a single droplet and then reverberates out causing a wave of change.

      Thank you for sharing Trey’s note. I will be passing it along as well.

    • God Bless you Audrey and your family, this is such a touching tribute to your son. I can only hope and pray that so many others see and read this message. God Bless you all

  6. Understanding depression and mental illness I say it’s a good idea to stop posting these sorts of notes and videos.

    • A Classmate says:

      I assume you are referencing the propensity for such an article to be triggering to a certain community. I do think that in this case, the risks of that are outweighed by the necessity for the existence of these situations to be known. This isn’t simply a lament of a suicide brought on by depression. This is a reminder that sexual assault can happen, and does happen, to men. This is a reminder that societal response and opinion regarding the issue of sexual violence has an impact on the victim’s chances of success. This is a reminder that these things happen far too often. And, it is remarkably well written for someone in a state normally considered chaotic and irrational. Also, they do place a “trigger warning” at the beginning.

      • Joanna Schroeder says:

        I also hope that everyone understands that we have researched this issue and have sought help from very prominent suicide support experts and they have helped us come to the conclusion that publishing this letter, at the request of Trey’s family, would hopefully do some good for the world.

    • To SOS posting this was not for the purpose for others to commit suicid e or about mental illness.. This is about the damaging effectst of sexual assaul and a man who did not get justice served. I knew a friend who tried to committ suicide because she was abused by her step father. She survived the attemp she was not mentally ill. I knew of others who wanted to commit suicide not because of mental illness but because they had a hard time dealing with a sexual assault or continuouse physical abuse. These occurances can leave someone feeling worthless and useless humiliated especialy if their face is posted all over the internet. If there was no consolation given of conviction of the perpertrator hope further dwindles. This was the hardest thing for me to read. Society needs to treat victims of such crimes better.

  7. Callan and Audrey … Your gift of Trey’s letter has helped me to choose life again for another day. Thank you.

    (Today’s been a rough one.)

    • Please, Please, Please choose life over death. There are so many ppl that love you in this world. Please don’t give up! Please!! Im not asking, Im begging. Death is soooooo final. I know things get really tough and at times you want to lay down and forget it all but it does get better! If there is anything I can do for you please let me know. If I get a reply I will send you my personal e-mail. Good luck to you Courage! Stand by your name….Please!

    • Courage, whatever your story, whatever burden you carry, know that you are not alone, that many others want to stand with you and share that burden. We care, we honestly care. You will find ways to become stronger and to leave the past behind. Know this. Reach out for help now and again and again. Your courage — your heart strength — will help you find the way forward. My heart reaches out to comfort you and hold you tucked within its safety.

  8. My beautiful bother took his life too Trey. Like you, he was a genius. He was sensitive, loving, kind and devoted. I cry as I read your good bye. My brother never wrote one, but I held him while he was dying and I will never forget him, or that grim day in my life. I wanted to die too.

    He loved the mountains, Yosemite and the wilderness. He was going to be an Archeologist. I miss him soooo much. Maybe you will meet my brother in heaven. I believe you are both there and we will see you again. I am sorry that we all failed you. The world is so messed up. Most people only care about the big I, we are disconnected from each other, from Gods earth and creatures. We need to come home. I care, in bunches about you, your family and my own. There is always someone missing, he was the sunshine in my world when I was a little girl and I wish he were here today. And I know you are and will be missed….You are another Angel watching over us now and just one breathe away. <3

    • Joanna Schroeder says:

      My thoughts and prayers are with you, too, Janet. Lots of love coming your way from those of us at GMP.

  9. Trey’s message is very very powerful. It will stay with me and help me to remember that victims of rape are not just some statistic. They can and should be seen as our collective sons and daughters. Trey’s letter will stay with me and it will spur me to act from a place of humanity and compassion. It will cause me to hold my son closer and to fight for his right and all our children’s right to live free of abuse. So, thank you Trey.

    And thank you to Trey’s family for having the courage to share his letter. Your courage during a time of great personal loss is commendable. I understand that this letter may trigger some challenging issues for some people, but it will also create generative self reflection for many more of us. It will create change for the better, and as such, is a powerful legacy for Trey.

    Rest in peace, Trey. I would have liked to have known you.

  10. Thank you for bringing attention to this and allowing a victim to be heard fully…how tragic how few listened until it was too late…

    What a loss of such an articulate and incredible person….

  11. Bennett Schneider says:

    Amherst is by no means alone in having an insensitive, culpable administration deaf to the absolute imperative of immediate, compassionate, loyal, and responsible response to rape. Wesleyan University, my alma mater, is currently being sued by a woman raped in October of her freshman year, as is another prominent north eastern university currently. and of course, U. PENN, U. PENN, U. PENN!

    In my freshman year, a female friend, a beautiful, strong, radient woman was raped at a party most violently and evilly. The administration did nothing then either. Nothing. Another woman had to shout the lurid and graphic details to an unmoved dean to provoke any response. There was none. The fraternity where it occurred went undisciplined, no investigation, no students held responsible for the perverse marring of a life. This has continued apparently in the 30 years since.

    If a university provides living quarters and social facilities, and affords social activities on campus, then their job #1 is the physical and mental well being of their clients and charges. Period. You do not prepare young men and women for work and servie in the world by ignoring them in the most vulnerable, most needing time. Walk the talk, Administrations everywhere or suffer the consequences of malignant inaction.

    • Audrey Gaffney says:

      Thanks so much, Bennett. You are the reason I published such a personal letter. Keep speaking up. Some may not like it, but it is the only way to affect change.

  12. …My future is rubble and while below that rubble, there is still a foundation, my arms are weak and my tools are broken…**Tears in my eyes** I’m so sorry to Trey, and his lovely family…and I’m sorry that every day we live with people, loved ones and strangers alike who we can heal with our words, but we are indifferent, we’re too busy, and when we do talk, we only kill kill kill with our words…such a tragedy, God rest his beautiful soul. Amen.
    Read more at http://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/lead-a-good-life-everyone-trey-malones-suicide-note/#zP4yQDGUVRc7f7GM.99

  13. Thank you Audrey and Callan for publishing I remember Trey from
    Swim team practice and other times I would see him at the pool at LWCC.
    I have seen this come back via several sources, so I know that the word is being spread and that his
    message is being shared. Every time i drive over the skyway Bridge I turn off the radio in his memory.

  14. Kaarisa D'abell says:

    It is pretty clear that Trey is a genius, poet and writer. I was reminded of Sylvia Plath and Virginia Woolf. I am an incest and rape survivor. I have been to the depths of darkness and yearned for death. I have a child and he kept me alive from the infinite. I believe life is for eternity and that death is not the end. Secual assault destroys the soul in intricately psychological, energetic and somatic ways. I have deep respect for Trey and his family. Trey I heard you and your voice will never be stilled.

  15. Heartbreaking. I can relate to Trey’s pain so deeply, too deeply. I’m at the edge of the water too. After surviving more than one sexual assault, it’s not the memories that haunt me the most as much as everything that came *after* the assault— the victim blaming, lackadaisical responses from administration (university or otherwise), people (often unconsciously) supporting and strengthening a rape culture… I no longer have faith in the legal system, and I now see that a university’s sexual assault services (in my case, rutgers) usually cannot act in the best interests of the survivor AND the university. ultimately, their allegiance is to the university. My heart breaks for Trey and his family. It takes a lot of courage to post this letter, but I’m glad you did. Trey has a message that needs to be heard. i will pass it on to others in hopes that somebody might learn something, see something in a new light, in hopes that i won’t have to write this letter myself. thank you for sharing.

    • Joanna Schroeder says:

      Leah, hang in there, friend. Please reach out for help when needed. The world would be better with Trey in it right now, and it’s better with you in it too.

  16. Angelica Keith says:

    To the Malone Family, Thank you so much for allowing this to be posted. I understand how difficult this was for you. My family lost my brother years ago, and it’s something that never goes away. I have been so incredibly inspired by your son’s note. I dont know him, but I wish I could have. People like Thomas are the kinds of people we need more of in this world. Reading his words, I cried because they are beautiful words, and also because he is a beautiful soul. I have been inspired to get involved with preventing suicide of people of all ages. I am really empathetic, like incredibly to the point that I can literally feel other people’s pain. I want to thank you for raising such an inspirational and thoughtful young man. I shared this story on Facebook because I want his words to be heard too. I hope his words are heard all over the world. May he rest in peace.

    Thank you.

  17. Clarissa Lancaster says:

    I just happened to come across this story. What a sad ending to a beautiful life. It’s sad it took ending his life to get his words across but at least his family had a goodbye from him, even if not in the best way. This story brought tears to my eyes. May you find peace in the change this letter will bring. I promise you if not millions but even just one it’ll make a change. Sorry for the familys loss RIP

  18. What an amazing last note, and how tragic that he could not obtain the help he sought. His was a beautiful mind

  19. That was the most endearing letter/message I have ever read. He had a beautiful mind. Too bad he
    could not find the help HE needed to right himself to live a productive adult life. He will be missed by all those he touched. Sorry for the family and friends that knew him. Sorry for his anguish and I can only hope that with that beautiful letter he wrote his family will find some solace in how he expressed his thoughts to help them with some closure to a desperate act my a turmoiled mind. I bid you a heartfelt good-bye Trey and hope you find peace in Heaven that you could not find after your attack here on Earth. My deepest sympathy and condolences to the Malone Family.

  20. I wish more people had the opportunity to read Trey’s letter because his words are powerful. However, those that have taken the time to read it comes away with a deeper understanding of the issues that we are afraid to discuss or don’t want to look at because of how ugly they are. Sometimes it seems that we really haven’t progressed much. I hope I always remember his words.

  21. Thank you to the family for publishing this note. This is a subject that is far to hidden in our society. As a child I was sexually abused by my step-father. As I grew into a young man, I dealt with the chaos of my broken life and broken relationships by delving deeply into drugs and alcohol. When I could go no further I too took the permanent solution to a temporary problem. After 25 each Prozac, Ambien, and Adavan, followed a Prayer “God, I am finished. Do with me as you wish.” I woke up three days later in ICU. It was at that point I knew God had something else in store for my life. It is now, after reading this, I know I have not shared my story enough. Prayers from my family to yours and all other victims still hidden in the darkness.

    The Heritage that is handed to you is not necessarily the Legacy you have to leave behind…

    • Richard……that was a beautiful response to Trey’s published letter. I am proud of you for seeing God’s “wake-up” gift to you. You are special, you are loved, and you are meant to go and advocate thru any means possible for any victim of sexual assault but for some reason I hope you advocate for men the most. They seem to take this the hardest of the two sexes. My heart just breaks for Trey that he could not quite get over the hurdle. He sounded like an amazing young man. But his message is heard here and I will keep my ears and eyes opened for any person stuck in this cave of guilt. I will also help to free their heart. God Bless you Richard.

  22. I’m deeply moved by Trey’s letter and story and by the courage of his family in allowing us the honor of reading them.

    One thing missing from the comments so far: We must do better in helping our young men — and yes, us older men as well — become better grounded in our manhood and what that means. I’ve sat with a number of men in my community who have spoken of being raped &/or sexually abused and almost inevitably, questions of their manhood arises.

    Rape is not a reflection on the victims. Rape is a reflection on the lack of humanity of the perpetrators. All too often, those who have suffered this violence look within for answers as to why. The answers are to be found elsewhere — in the perpetrator, in our society’s lack of consciousness around what it means to be a man, and society’s perverse way of holding sex and sexuality — as if sex is what one does to another rather than what we give to each other, as if sex is something to be used to sell cars and beer rather than something to be mentored in our young people.

    Men tell me often that there is a disconnect twixt their heart and their genitals. “I get my intimacy over here and my sexual needs met over there.” Our pornography, tho’ ubiquitous, doesn’t help at all.

    Let’s not forget Trey and those others who have experienced sexual violence. Let’s unite to hold and heal them, to confront the culture of sexual violence that runs just beneath the surface of our society, and to pressure our universities, churches, and other institutions to stop placing institutional loyalty over those they are responsible to protect.

  23. Suzette Scofield says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this with us. I don’t know you, but I am deeply touched by this. May God bless you and your family.

  24. Claudia Mielke says:

    Trey, I’m so sorry it came to this! I’m so sorry for your family. Your point is taken. I didn’t know you, but in reading this beautiful letter, I can see that you are an incredible person. You will be sorely missed. What a wonderful young man you are! I’m just so sorry that you went through this travesty of sexual assault in a society, that provided no support. With love…

  25. I am both a victim of sexual assault, and a mental illness social work administrator. I appreciate the sentiment in Trey’s letter, but I went through a very similar situation where nobody helped me, yet I found the strength to carry on because I independently sought treatment and therapy.

    I feel that it’s dangerous to use this suicide note as an example or message to anyone, other than as a warning to people dealing with severe depression. I realize we’re trying to change society’s perspective on sexual assault, but you’re listening to and taking advice from a man who was just about to kill himself, and went through with it. Just think about that. There’s fundamentally something wrong with that. A healthy person would find another way out, difficult as it may be.

    His message could have been heard without the pain his decision brought on so many others – and yes, it was his own decision. Suicide is, in many cases, an act of power. It’s the only great sweeping gesture many feel they have left. Much like self-mutilation victims often believe it’s the only way they can feel. But it’s more a symptom of mental illness than anything that has happened to them.

    To his family, I’m very sorry for your loss. I’m sorry Trey was in such great pain. But there was help. There was therapy. There were all sorts of avenues that Trey could have taken that would have helped him put this behind him. He made this escape because he had no coping mechanism. Depression is a serious illness, and his goodbye letter tells me far more about what mental illness does to a person than what rape does to a person. There is strength in building yourself back up from being a victim, yet strength is the one thing people don’t have with severe depression, which I believe Trey suffered from far more than his sexual assault.

    For all those attempting to reform society’s views on sexual crimes, I’m not downplaying the importance of that whatsoever. I am, however, asking you to help reform society’s views on mental illness as well.

    • Joanna Schroeder says:

      JJ –

      Thanks so much for your comment. We agree, mental health issues are absolutely central to the tragic story of Trey Malone’s suicide. Ultimately, Trey’s suicide was prompted by multiple factors. As outsiders, all we know about those factors are what he has told us. In this letter, he tells us what mattered to him. Because it mattered to him, it mattered to us to simply let him speak. But in no way do we take a position that anyone was responsible for Trey’s death. That is not for us to say.

      We never positioned this letter as an attempt to raise awareness of any particular agenda. For us, this is the loss of a young man full of potential, who had a message he wanted people to hear. The message is profound and multi-faceted. We also considered exactly what you’re saying before we printed it and chose to let the letter speak for itself, with no commentary or context aside from the trigger warning above and a summation of the reason we were printing it – which is just to raise the issues Trey wanted heard.

      We also very seriously considered the impact of publishing a suicide note. First and foremost, we believe that Trey could have done MORE good if he’d stayed on this Earth, and we wish we had the opportunity to work with him. No doubt he would have been a force for good in the world. But being as that option is gone, we consulted foremost suicide support resources to be sure that publishing the note was a responsible choice.

      You can learn more about that here, in the words of our Founder Tom Matlack.

      Ultimately, you are exactly right that mental health issues MUST be addressed, and as we often discuss here, we live in a society where men are told to toughen up, suck it up, man up, sack up and shut up. We tell our boys this from when they are very small. There is no way for us to support boys and men who are struggling when we believe that their struggles make them weak.

      Trey was not weak. But he needed help. He asked for help, and he felt he didn’t receive enough. For those of us in a society that shames men who are struggling with mental health issues, WE are the weak ones for being so afraid of the emotions of men. WE are the failures for not recognizing and placing the utmost importance upon mental health issues for both men and women. And in turn, it is up to ALL of us to create a new societal view of mental health.

      We wouldn’t shame a person for having Cancer, and we shouldn’t shame anyone for having the disease of depression or for having been assaulted. By publishing Trey’s letter, we only hope that his words remind us of how precious each person’s life is. We hope that it serves as reminder to all of us that shame has no place in any aspect of mental health—be it supporting those with depression (or other emotional challenges), suicidal thoughts, or in talking with survivors of sexual assault or abuse.

      I hope this has addressed some of your concerns. Believe me, JJ, we are on the same page with you and are doing our very best to try to make the world understand.

      And man, we wish we Trey were still here so we could have walked shoulder-to-shoulder with him on these issues.

    • Purple Shell says:

      His depression was caused by the rape. You really do not know what you are talking about. Everyone is different and are effected differently. So you were able to tough it out. Good for you. This young man was not mentally ill, he suffered from depression as I said, caused by the rape. You need to learn empathy.

    • Georgina M Puente says:

      JJ

      I too was sexually abused by my Maternal Grandfather while my Mother was in andout of Hospitals with colon cancer in the early 60′s-Our family was broken apart and I lived with my Grandparents-My father worked day and night topay the bills-Later after my siblings and I were back home with Dad-My middle sister older than me must have been experimenting with her i dentity and would drag me into a closet and make me breast feed from her–I was threatend with the usual stories. I was able to block things out untilI was about 25 no onger about to suppress them after OPrah began to talk about ti I felt free to at least divulge to a best friend whoused it against me the shame and mixed up mental thoughts all re surfaced. I was in several years of therapy, lost countless relationships over it and continue to build walls with friends co workers and potentional lovers- It is know that depending on how old you were where you where in your psychological development and how long the abuse as well as other trauma going on lasts. Some people never find a way to overcome it–Beleive me I have done everything I can to overcome eating disorders-OCD with spending as well as closeness and trust–Its not a cut and dry illness–Mental trauma invades every single inch of your life–Im an RN not a psych expert take it from one who lives everyday with isolation saddness regret anger and thoughts of suicide. You were lucky you were helped This is the most perfect letter I have ever read from someones soul crying out for help -help that never comes and is often too far gone in your damaged personality-self esteme and relationships-I applaud Treys family for putting this out there It can help Millions not only get help but also realzie they need help or there are others suffering as much as they are–this is still a very tabboo subject.
      Thank you Treys Family I am 52 I finally was able to get this down on paper my life has suffered so much-I dont consider my self a victim I only wish there were more help-You may get the much needed help for todays youth and stop this silent killer-God Bless You and Your Family MayTrey rest in peace He is quite a champion

  26. Carol in Tampa says:

    Thank you for sharing this intensely personal note from your son, Trey. I am so touched by his words and at the same time so traumatized with the end result. I didn’t know him, but somehow feel like I do. I hope the family can find some comfort in knowing that by sharing this note, you are sharing your son with us. He was and still is a shining star in the sky. What a tragedy you have had to endure, what a tragedy he had to endure. I too love the water and can feel why he went there – he was looking for comfort. I hope he can rest in peace now.

  27. I am moved to tears by this young man’s words. Such a young life to feel such hopelessness, such pain. We do not do enough to educate young boys and girls about sexually based crime and that it is never acceptable. The hidden acceptation by institutions is unforgiveable and should be brought to justice. How I feel for his family, his friends, those who tried, in vain, to comfort this torn young mind and body. Thank you to his family for allowing his words to be published so that others may find a haven where they feel free enough to talk and seek help. What sorrow he must have felt in leaving his life and dreams behind due to some other person’s thoughtlessness and violence. Such a waste of young, admirable, ambitious and intelligent life.

  28. NameNames says:

    Enough of this. Name the rapist.

    • I am with you. After my initial reaction of terrible sadness that this young man took his own life because of the terrible violence done to him, I felt so unbelievably angry at the perpetrator(s?) of this sexual assault. If this person or persons were students at Amherst, it is to be assumed that they should be top students—what is wrong with this picture?

    • Frosteetoes says:

      Yes, the rapist should be revealed.

  29. Lise from Maine says:

    Hi!

    This is so sad, and so sad that another person has to die because “society” did
    nothing.

    Trey’s message is loud and clear. Someone “in power” needs to stop brushing
    important issues under the table. In other words, “society” needs to step up to
    the plate and do something about it.

    He needed validation that someone “in power” cared enough to deal with the
    sexual assault that he endured. Same thing with bullying.

    During these difficult times, Trey needed support from the right places (society such
    as the college that he attended), and it is apparent that he got it from his family but
    that was not enough. He didn’t mention the word “society” for nothing. It meant a
    great deal to him.

    “Society,” pay attention, will you?

    “Society,” stop this BS. Do something for those who are suffering and need assistance
    during their crisis.

    My love goes to the family and friends of Trey. Suggestion: write a book about Trey’s life
    even if you have to self-publish it, and let us know about the book’s arrival. There are plenty of self-publishing organizations out there.

    I am a former licensed clinician, and I have dealt with this issue time and time again.

    Love to all.

  30. I am so grateful that his family let you post this note. The word needs to be spread to the ENTIRE world. There are so many beautiful people left behind in this world that just need to help. Suicide is taking over in this world, and no one seems to care. When someone needs to talk take the time out of your day and listen. It is not that difficult. You could possibly save a life that day. When someone comes to with evident information of illicit activities call the proper people to have it handle and get justice! Never let someone go unheard.

Trackbacks

  1. [...] Lead a Good Life, Everyone: Trey Malone’s Suicide Note — The Good Men Project. Share this:TwitterFacebookLike this:LikeBe the first to like this. Categories Uncategorized [...]

  2. [...] This was a comment by Audrey on the post “Lead a Good Life, Everyone: Trey Malone’s Suicide Note.“ [...]

  3. [...] Lead a Good Life, Everyone: Trey Malone’s Suicide Note — The Good Men Project. [...]

  4. [...] On November 5, his June 2012 suicide letter was published by a website called the “The Good Men Project.” [...]

  5. [...] Please read the article here Share this:FacebookTwitterLike this:LikeBe the first to like this. [...]

  6. [...] “Trey Malone’s Suicide Note” http://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/lead-a-good-life-everyone-trey-malones-suicide-note/ [...]

  7. [...] People trying to prevent rape on college campuses should focus on the risks of drinking alcohol. Trey Malone, who took his own life, left us with these words: “There are millions more just like me that need [...]

  8. [...] Editor’s note: HuffPost College is reprinting parts of a suicide note left by an Amherst College student named Trey Malone, who killed himself when he was unable to cope any longer with the sexual assault he had suffered while attending Amherst College. We recognize the sensitive nature of publishing such material, and have done so only after consulting with his family. Malone’s loved ones originally provided the text of the note to The Good Men Project, and we are publishing it with approval from both the website and the Malone family. We publish this because Malone wrote it to educate. The Good Men Project writes that his last words “speak of important issues that go unexamined, important voices that go unheard. He writes to a society that, in the end, couldn’t help him enough. He wanted the things he was saying to be heard, and so, in accordance with that wish, we are publishing his words.” Read the full note on the Good Men Project. [...]

  9. [...] at the Good Men project the editors have published Trey Malone’s suicide letter in full. While heartwrending to read, there is a lot we can learn here; I blame a society that [...]

  10. [...] story (here’s the link) and Trey Malone’s note, published in full at The Good Men Project site (link here) with his family’s [...]

  11. [...] These are comments by JJ and Joanna Schroeder on the post “Lead a Good Life, Everyone: Trey Malone’s Suicide Note“. [...]

  12. [...] week we published the tragic suicide note of Trey Malone, an Amherst College student who was abused and did not receive adequate help. The note, and [...]

  13. [...] these heartbreaking last words of former Amherst student Trey Malone last week, I was reminded of memories from college. I was never the victim of sexual assault, but [...]

  14. [...] Reading these heartbreaking last words of former Amherst student Trey Malone last week, I was reminded of memories from college. I was never the victim of sexual assault, but was close to several people who were, including both women and men. I also had the difficult and confusing experience of being close to someone who was accused of sexual assault in one of those grey area occurrences where both he and the other young man had been drinking. [...]

  15. [...] Trey Malone took his own life in in June 2012. His last wish was that his voice finally be heard and listened to.  [...]

  16. [...] was a gifted writer. His suicide note is heart-breaking for all of the reasons you might expect, but for me even more so because Trey [...]

  17. [...] came across Trey Malone’s suicide note today, while browsing Facebook during dinner.  One of my friends shared this link and urged her [...]

  18. [...] handled at Amherst. The college remains in the spotlight after a male sexual assault victim committed suicide, and a female student posted a 5, 000 word account of her rape and the troubling response of [...]

  19. [...] letter by President Martin on the suicide note left by Trey Malone, which the Good Men Project [...]

  20. [...] Lead a Good Life Everyone: Trey Malone’s Suicide Note [...]

  21. [...] Trey Malone in his last requests wanted his voice to finally be heard. Again, making suicide a statement. He concerned me with this part of his suicide note. Pithy a statement as it may be, “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem” is certainly accurate. I’d take my own advice, but I stopped listening nine months and six days ago. – Trey Malone [...]

  22. [...] has been a while since Trey’s suicide letter has been published, but it’s just one of those things I can’t bring myself to forget. [...]

  23. [...] we at the Good Men Project published a suicide note from a young man who’d killed himself, we took pains to place it in context and provide [...]

  24. [...] Parsons who, after being raped and then wasn’t supported, committed suicide.  He did not mention Trey Malone, a student at Amherst College who was raped, did not receive support, and then committed suicide as [...]

  25. [...] There was also Trey Malone.  The President of the college, Biddy Martin, has spoke out about how the administration has handled such situations.  After Trey Malone took his life in June 2012 after being sexually assaulted while at Amherst College, President Martin issued a statement to the public.  Malone’s story can be read here. [...]

Speak Your Mind