When Raoul Wieland witnessed backlash against the Take Back the Night march on his university campus, he knew it was time to speak up against systems of oppression.
In my last post, I wrote about what I referred to as the staircase of oppression, a simple framework for thinking about how everyday stereotypes may contribute to and reinforce what are called ‘systems of oppression’ (racism, sexism, classism, etc.). While the model that I described is limited and must be viewed from a perspective that demands more detail and context, I believe it has value as an entry point to critically engage with the roles that we have in shaping a particular type of society and community.
Not too long ago, a group of activists at my university were organizing an annual event called “Take Back the Night“, which is an internationally held march and rally intended as a protest and direct action against rape, rape culture and other forms of sexual violence. As the organizers wrote, “Take Back the Night” will be an opportunity “to heal, resist, and speak out and is for those of you who are constantly silenced and harmed at this school… to reclaim voice in spaces that keep trying to suppress it, spaces keeping you unsafe”.
I was following a Facebook feed that the organizers had started and was soon frustrated by how dark the comments turned. The context of the recent well-publicised attacks on women added fuel to the fire. What struck me as particularly frustrating were the responses by mostly men who were arguing, reasoning, shaming, shouting, pleading and blindly clawing their way out of any sense of shared responsibility for what was happening on campus.
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The belief that most men were “good guys” as compared to the deranged pervert ‘out there’ harming women was seemingly leading men to write angry responses to any articles or comments that seemed to indicate that – yes – even they, the ‘good guys’, were implicated in how, in this case particularly women, on our campus still felt the need to ‘Take Back the Night’. In so doing, they began to take up more and more space on the feed, claimed that the organizers were insensitive to and sexist against men and were thus excluding them from the event; I noticed an attitude of ‘be nice to us if you want us to be your allies and attend your march’ amongst many, but of course not all, men.
During Sexual Assault Awareness month at my university, I had the opportunity to write a blog that encouraged guys to speak out and talk about sexual assault. I wrote that “while I struggle to understand sexual assault and the role I play within a culture that allows it to occur, I do know that my gender lends me a certain privilege in our society. I also know that by simply not speaking out against sexual assault I am indirectly contributing to it. So instead of getting offended when I am told that sexual assault is a man’s issue, I am taking action”. I ended it by writing that “I vow to educate myself, to cease being a mere bystander and to start taking responsibility for a system that, while not being of my choosing, I must nevertheless help dismantle”.
While my words were sincere and come from a place of wanting to change what is often a violent society full of injustices, I realize that they will ring hollow until they are backed up by action. I also realize that I have the benefit of exiting and entering this struggle at my leisure. The fact that I am a Caucasian, middle-class man living in Canada speaks to this. I live a very comfortable life and like many other men, harbor resistance to the change and struggle that might come along with the full realization of my role – speak responsibility – in perpetuating and maintaining such systems of oppression that give rise to, for example, rape culture.
Therefore I want to introduce another framework that I/we use at my work with the Really? Campaign: The allyship circle. This is the idea that simple actions such opening your mind to new ideas, listening, asking questions, expressing curiosity, self-reflecting or challenging what is ‘normal’ are in constant conversation with what it means to be an ally. Allyship takes a lot of work, commitment and is a long process.
What we learn from our initial inquiry means little if we do not also start to believe in and value our newfound understandings. For only in this way can we begin to appreciate and honor the diversity we see being expressed around us. This may include making space for, respecting and acknowledging other’s experiences, co-constructing projects and solutions, including and using inclusive language or nourishing relationships with diverse groups of people.
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It is my responsibility to critically engage with my own sense of awareness of the community I live in. Not only must I ask questions of others, I must also ask them of myself to challenge my own biases and assumptions about what I believe to be ‘normal’. This is difficult work for we are often blind to the culture that we swim in, as suggested by David Foster Wallace. Systems of oppression are not generated over night and have long complex histories. It is a challenge to understand them; and they keep changing.
The more I become aware of my own involvement in such complex systems that give rise to, for example, rape culture, the more I will be able to actively and effectively challenge the stereotypes, believes, acts, legislation, laws and harmful relationships that perpetuate and maintain them. I might enter a space of mind where the quote by Lila Watson, an Indigenous Australian activist, begins to ring true: “If you have come here to help me, you are wasting our time. But if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together.”
I don’t know about you, but this – awareness, this process, this taking action – feels liberating.
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Photo: Flickr/ t3rmin4t0r
I appreciate all the comments that have been made so far. I get a sense that there is some confusion however, as to what I was speaking to. There is a difference in context and statistics between ‘violence’ and ‘gendered violence’. A recent Statistics Canada report reads: “Police-reported data show that in 2008, the rate of violent victimization for female and male victims was comparable, at 1,155 and 1,150 per 100,000 population, respectively”. If you continue reading the report, you will see that it states “Gender differences in police-reported victimization are seen in the types of violent offences experienced by… Read more »
Thank your for this, Raoul.
You are welcome, Joanna.
““While men were more likely to be the victim of a homicide, female homicide victims were more often killed by a spouse” (think about what that means)” Do keep in mind that men can be high at risk both inside n outside the home. In Australia 1/3rd of DV homicide victims are male, but men also make up the majority of homicide victims in general so you could say women are more likely to be killed by a partner, men more likely to be killed by a stranger but men are still significantly at risk from their partner. Another area… Read more »
Thanks, Raoul! This is more or less what I was trying to get at in my own comments, but laid out much more explicitly and eloquently. I appreciate your thoughtful approach.
FYI, I just did a google search on stop violence against men campaign. It came back with a bunch of results on stopping violence against women campaign. In addition this is what was returned at the bottom of the page.
Searches related to stop violence against women campaign
stop violence against women quotes
how to stop domestic violence against women
stop violence against women act
stop violence against women day
slogan stop violence against women
stop violence against women pictures
unite campaign violence against women
help stop violence against women
Illuminating.
“The context of the recent well-publicised attacks on women added fuel to the fire. What struck me as particularly frustrating were the responses by mostly men who were arguing, reasoning, shaming, shouting, pleading and blindly clawing their way out of any sense of shared responsibility for what was happening on campus.” “claimed that the organizers were insensitive to and sexist against men and were thus excluding them from the event” It seems to me that there were some men who experienced violence and wanted to march, but the organizers “were arguing, reasoning, shaming, shouting, pleading and blindly clawing their way… Read more »
Having both genders together supported would get far more people marching. Why on Earth do they have it for one gender only? Unless you have a brother campaign setup to handle the male cases, why would they only have one gender supported? Do they realize a lot of men are victims and don’t like gendered campaigns? I am all for ending violence but I rarely support gendered campaigns unless they have a brother campaign so all people are supported.
I understand where you’re coming from, and I completely agree that the issue of violence against men is enormous and largely overlooked. I don’t know how I feel about limiting the march to women, but I think I understand the reasoning behind it. The response to so many women’s campaigns (as illustrated in these comments) is “what about men???” This is something lots of women really struggle with, because from many women’s perspective, the world itself is a male sphere in which women are encouraged to become more like men in order to fully participate. When women want a space… Read more »
@ MM
“because from many women’s perspective, the world itself is a male sphere”
I think this is what you’re seeing in the comments section. Anti-violence campaigns are a women’s sphere. I suspect that you wouldn’t see as much backlash if there were ONE, high profile, campaign that focused on men as victims. The best we’ve been able to hope for is a shared space.
Agreed! A campaign like that is absolutely necessary. In some ways, I think that addressing the issue of violence against men is doubly tricky because of the notion that “real men” don’t become victims; being a victim is somehow emasculating while being a violent aggressor is an expression of manliness. How do we alter notions of masculinity to highlight the strength and bravery that is necessary to speak out against violence? The campaign you suggest will never be successful until these issues themselves are discussed. (Do you men agree with my observations about masculinity here?)
“Do men experience violence? Absolutely. Is it a problem that warrants discussion? Yes. BUT NOT HERE.”
NOT HERE, On a mens site , for men, by men and about men and we aren’t allowed to discuss it.
See, this is the problem, even on a mens site we aren’t allowed to talk about it. THEN WHERE.
I don’t think she meant not here GMP. I think it was not here take back the night.
Thanks. Yes, to clarify I meant the Take Back the Night campaign specifically. I really appreciate GMP and the discussion it fosters about men’s issues and gender issues more broadly.
I suppose it depends in how the take back the night event was organized. I’m pretty sure the picture at the top wasn’t from the event, but it does serve as a good example. The sentence end the violence against WOMEN implies that violence against men is OK.
It’s incredibly frustrating that I keep seeing comments in this vein on articles like this–these are exactly the type of comments the author denounces, and they reflect the sort of attitude This article is not in any way implying that violence against men is OK; it is implying that violence against women occurs in a specific context (different from that of violence against men) that is exacerbated by “good men” who would never think of catcalling, groping, or raping a woman, and who seem to think that therefore they have no responsibility to improve their understanding of the lived realities… Read more »
edit: “Talking about violence against women does not mean that violence against MEN isn’t important.”
I don’t have a problem with the sentiment. I question the phrasing. “including and using inclusive language or nourishing relationships with diverse groups of people.” We talk about using inclusive language then decide that in certain situations, it’s not just unnecessary, it’s counter productive. Why not say X number of women were attacked. This needs to stop or some other phrasing that puts the emphasis on stopping the violence not on the fact that they’re women. As far as sexual violence against men. It’s done in much larger numbers than society wishes to recognize. Some studies like the 2010 CDC… Read more »
I guess what the “what about the men” posters actually ask for is, guess what, inclusive language when talking about violence …
Maybe because the vast majority of victims of violence are men? And that all of these marches and protests are about protecting those least likely to be assaulted……. while ignoring the bigger social issue?
@ MM ” Do men experience violence? Absolutely. Is it a problem that warrants discussion? Yes. BUT NOT HERE” Then where? Where is the take back the night campaign for men? When women are disadvantaged, men are told they need to welcome women. Not enough female super heroes, men need to create them. Not enough women in tech, men need to mentor them and / or change the environment to make it more accommodating, etc. When men are disadvantaged, women tell them to get off their butts and do it themselves. No men’s shelters, well if men want them they… Read more »
In my many years reading comments n looking at campaigns, I’ve come to the conclusion that women really do not care anywhere near as much as helping men be safe from violence, than men care about women. Anyone with a computer can easily see a massive amount of violence perpetrated BY FEMALES against males yet there are very few articles written by women, if any, that are calling on women to stop hurting men. I am 100% convinced now that men care far more about women’s safety than women do of men’s safety. If women truly did care then it… Read more »
@ Anonymous When people say that we need to end tax subsidies for the rich, do they really mean the poor and middle class too? When people say let’s get more women in STEM, do they also mean lets get more men in STEM also? When people say let’s ensure reproductive choice for women are they also saying let’s ensure that men have reproductive choice as well? Sometimes people mean precisely what they say. End violence against women doesn’t necessary mean violence against men is OK, just that it’s not worth addressing, which some people would say is tactic approval… Read more »
Sorry, comment was supposed to be in reply to db’s comment.
“. I hate the fact that every single woman I know (I am not exaggerating) has experienced sexual harrassment at some period in her life. I’m sorry, but men don’t know what that’s like.” And you don’t know what men’s lives are like. I’d be surprised if I knew any men that had a life free from violence. But your comment sounds extremely dismissive of men’s victimization. ” As a female UBC student, I hate feeling unsafe at night in a campus setting that is supposed to be secure.” MEN are the majority victims of violence on the street by… Read more »
Again, I’m not in any way saying that violence against men isn’t a problem. It’s an enormous problem. My brother suffered serious sexual abuse during his time in the military as part of his “hazing” and it is something that he struggles to talk about. He has never sought medical or legal help and I doubt he ever will, despite support and encouragement from his family. So it’s an issue that is of personal importance to me. I think you may have missed the edit I made on my typo in the third quote of mine you address…I meant to… Read more »
I’ll say that none of it is your fault, it’s just the general thing in society. A lot of men are so…distraught over our lack of awareness for both genders, it gets to be a touchy subject. The articles of highlighting violence against women aren’t the problem, it’s the lack of articles for men and also major campaigns. Like we have white ribbon + and a bunch of other campaigns for women, but for domestic violence very often the material to stop it is gendered in nature and it is a slap in the face for men. When we get… Read more »
” The sentence end the violence against WOMEN implies that violence against men is OK.” In no way does that sentence imply that violence against men is OK. It is not like there is a quota of violence that needs to occur and if there is less against women, more will occur against men. By that logic we also must say that ending discrimination against disabled people means that it is okay to discriminate against abled people, or ending violence against queer people mean that it is okay to beat up straight people…all of these groups experience violence and discrimination… Read more »
Yes! Thank you, db. Sometimes it feels like there is a one-upsmanship between men and women that actually exacerbates problems rather than solving them. Also, if men are concerned about issues pertinent to them, please do something about it! Many women will support them. Goodness knows the women’s movement wasn’t started by men, or by women sitting at home whining, it was started by women who identified a problem and took action, and has been helped along by the growing support of men.
Call me confused …. On one hand articles are written that tell men to pretty much keep their eyes to themselves and on the other hand women should be allowed to wear whatever, wherever she wants. A young lady wants to wear revealing clothes for a reason and I would presume to be attractive to other people, yes? But then we’re told not to look….. I’m confused. Excuse me wile I wipe my nose and blow my ass.