We need to take a closer look at ourselves as a country — because the scariest thing in this world is what we’re perpetuating here in our own homes.
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As the airwaves get ripped apart by chatter, with us trying to determine whether to classify Omar Mateen’s brutal attack on gay nightclub Pulse Orlando, which left 50 dead and more than 50 injured, as an act of terrorism (which it was) or a hate crime (which it was) or both, it might be worth interjecting with another culprit that underscores both the terror and the hatred:
Masculinity.
To look at the photos released of Mateen is to not be immediately stricken by his race or gender, but by his attitude, posture, build, and disposition. Broad-shouldered and cold of gaze, in one photo wearing the T-shirt of a major police department, it’s perhaps not a stretch to presume that toughness and belligerence were important parts of his self-image.
Mateen’s masculinity is of the excessive and toxic variety, yet masculinity in general, as we understand it, has tipped quite far in that direction, widely. The masculine impulse is geared toward results, willpower, and assertiveness at the wholesale level — which often translate into repercussions, force, and aggression at the retail level.
In other words, impulses which are sound and human at their root are routinely exaggerated and worshiped to the point where they become mad and depraved.
To worship all that is masculine often means to frame oneself in opposition to those in the LGBT community. The attitudes and values of that community do make room for the masculine, but predominantly veer toward the gentle, the soft, the empathetic, the sunny, the good-humored, the multicolored, and the spirited.
It’s that last one I’d like to look at closer. By “spirited”, I don’t just mean “upbeat.” I also mean “of the spirit.” Per the dictates of classic masculine culture, to refer to one’s spirit, or inner life, is one of many taboos. The masculine being does not look inward. Reflection, rumination, even big words or subtle displays of emotion — these are acts that “soft” people (i.e., feminine people) engage in.
Which is why artists so famously and eternally clash with athletes.
It wasn’t the gay men kissing that caused the bloodshed. The cause was a psyche that’s repelled by gentleness… A psyche that therefore feels justified to kill, in the hope of restoring the coarseness it craves, yet creating a horrific and sickening excess of the same.
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Which is why so many of the Mateen photos are selfies — the ultimate 21st-century gesture of trading one’s inward gaze for an outward one.
Which is why Mateen was known to show up at home and find some reason to beat his (now ex-) wife, for why turn one’s gaze inward when one can aim one’s fists outward?
Note, of course, that it wasn’t the gay men kissing that caused the bloodshed. The cause was a psyche that’s repelled by gentleness. A psyche that’s irritability is supported by many members of its prevailing culture, as a supposedly natural outgrowth of simply being a man. A psyche that therefore sees male humans and expects to see only coarseness. A psyche that therefore feels justified to kill, in the hope of restoring the coarseness it craves, yet creating a horrific and sickening excess of the same.
We see then why gay people are anathema to masculinity. In gay people, masculinity perceives its soft and vulnerable (i.e., human) underside, the side it wishes would just fuck off and shut its mouth — forever.
Sometimes, in pursuing its urgent ends, masculinity does indeed put on the cloak of religion (see: terrorism) or politics (see: hatred). But it’s still masculinity beneath the cloak.
Afraid to be anything less than mighty. Desperate for the world to observe that might.
Photo credit: Getty Images
Language has meaning and power; so as we make those the changes in culture, and engage in this critique (or, if you prefer, ‘self’ critique) I would think it would be highly incumbent on those who are employing such language or terminology (not to mention those who are having language or terminology broadly applied to them) to have achieved a more equitable measure of consensus on their meaning. Getting ‘everyone on the same page’ about words, phrases, slogans, or vague ideological notions that are inherently malleable, fluid, or contentious is not simply a license to say ‘acquiesce to this term’ when… Read more »
That’s only true if you don’t believe that they’re saying exactly what they believe. The “tell” is that the only thing toxic is masculinity. Where is the language applied in any other context. Heck, even sexism is toxic when it benefits women. It’s “benevolent”. I think we understand him quite well.
Good article, Eric.
The backlash over terminology is tiresome and weak. We should be stronger in our ability to be self-critical and to make the changes in our culture that will save our own lives, and those of others.
I don’t think it’s an issue of terminology. It’s blaming something that is blameless in an attempt to gain cool points with a group identified with. If some one did 50mph in a school zone and hit a child, would we blame the car? Would we blame Fast and the Furious movies? What if the person was doing 20, but was texting on their phone and didn’t see the child? Would it be the phone’s fault? Would it be society’s fault for creating a culture of immediate gratification? If ISIS kills gat people as part of it’s Islamic State, do… Read more »
Good article. Don’t listen to the haters, Eric. This needs to be said.
Ad hominem attacks are the last refugee of those with poor ideas.
Conservative have done everything to shut down speech from people who don’t agree with them and they do it with hateful talk everyday.
I was reading a story on Salon with a corresponding theme from writer Amanda Marcotte, and I find myself at odds with its preface, as I do with this article’s preface. In her article, Marcotte said: “Every time feminists talk about toxic masculinity, there is a chorus of whiny dudes who will immediately assume — or pretend to assume — that feminists are condemning all masculinity, even though the modifier ‘toxic’ inherently suggests that there are forms of masculinity that are not toxic.” There are a few inherent (and, I would argue, errant) presumptions in that; the first being, of… Read more »
I’ll tell you whats going to kill you. The people you demonize instead of helping each time you put out an article that puts undue blame on a demographic. Everytime you use a buzzword like “toxic masculinity” I want you to visualize a bullet being loaded into a gun. Now imagine that gun being fired by someone at the end of their rope.
Very well said, Mostly. A man kills a bunch of folks, and they happen to be gay folks, but to be fair alot of straight people go to predominantly gay clubs too, so some of the victims could be straight but just presumed gay, and ergo it is masculinity to blame. Well, at least it wasn’t just guns to blame this time. The authors conclusion fails for two reasons at least. He has an agenda and bias to begin with, and ropes the situation into his belief system as proof, and two, fails to consider any other influence such as… Read more »
It is odd how something that is said to be “killing us” is in reality having the exact opposite effect, when one actually reviews all the key indicators of wellbeing, around the globe, and over the last 500 years of the evil patriarchy. Let’s quickly review, shall we: longevity, health, education, disease, population growth, strife, wars, technology, ability to provide food, etc All of these above have bettered significantly over time, yet, the emotional and unreasoned response by far too many is that a strong component of this betterment of wellbeing, masculinity, is having the opposite effect. The real problem… Read more »
Very well stated, Elissa.
That is a VERY excellent post Elissa. All over the world, even in the worst of countries, the average person has a lot more in their favor than even 50 years ago. But nobody wants to talk about that because it’s all relative.
Very well articulated, Eric. Thank you for eloquently delving into this swept-under-rug topic. Ignore the trolls for they too have a big broom in hand, rug lifted & ready to sweep; ready to perpetuate the ongoing trend of what they feel masculinity entails in this Violent American culture. As a member of the LGBT community myself, I have experienced oppressive taunts by machismo type of males I do not have the fortune of residing in more progressive, accepting areas of the country like SF, West Hollywood or Grenwich Village- therefore my sexuality has always been the provocation for bullying by… Read more »
So people that defend themselves from sexist, bigoted attacks are trolls…but masculinity is evil? You do not blame your cow because a fox took your chicken, you go after the fox. It’s not masculinity my friend, but the lack there of. We’ve created, or rather fabricated a voodoo doll in which to stick our pins these days. The broom goes both ways and reality is what gets swept under the rug, and it is just as much hate as any hate. The terrorists were not the 1100 men that risked or gave up their lives to run into the two… Read more »
Well said DJ. Thank you.
Eric, I tell you in earnest, and as plainly as possible: I think you’re absolutely wrong to juxtapose gender onto this, particularly in the way that you have. Your view of ‘masculinity’ is narrow-minded beyond belief; it’s a grotesque monstrosity of exaggerated, monolith proportions. You see all as malignancies and gendered-jingoism, wrapped up in a neat little package of the most superficial stereotypes that you would reduce to ‘masculinity.’ Your conceptions (or stereotypes) may indeed have breadth, (look for examples of a stereotype no doubt your can find them) but they have no depth. You’re preaching against a belief in mythology that… Read more »
FYI
http://www.wsbtv.com/news/local/wftv-arrest-expected-in-orlando-nightclub-mass-shooting/340918422
Seems they’re still investigating. Story may take a few turns yet. Could femininity be killing us?
Femininity and masculinity kills us either way, DJ.
You’re a vulture, Shapiro. As someone who is ACTUALLY part of the LGBT community, please kindly screw off.
You are a picture of honor and character, 8ball. Just saying.
I’m not touching this drivel with a 10′ pole. DJ, I’m sure you’ll either say everything I would have said. only better…or you might throw up your hands in disgust, like I did. *sigh*
Hey, Anthony. Hope all is well. Mostly beat me to it, but I am pretty much done with commenting on all this and am here on a one day pass. All I’m doing is wearing out a good keyboard. I’ve grown weary of these attacks on masculinity as if it is a plague upon mankind (which, of course, means men), especially when the loudest of the loud would not know true masculinity if they tripped over it into a wall, let alone the cracked mirror of their own irrational hate. We need to start undoing that and the damage it… Read more »
DJ, just let us know where and when your writing will be available to read.
FYI
http://www.palmbeachpost.com/news/news/orlando-shooter-omar-mateen-was-gay-former-classma/nrfwW/
Not sure if it’s true or someone trying to get 15 minutes of fame.
Gacy and Dahmer also killed a lot of people just one at a time.
No, just no! I’m sure there’s a domestic violence aspect to this case. She feared for her life here. Don’t go victim blaming. And of course DV takes us right back to the patriarchy. There is no escape for you, you, you masculine male you. All your base are belong to us.
“All your base are belong to us.”
Serious discussion, I know, but that’s just hilarious.
This falls in line with what Planned parenthood is saying “#Islam doesn’t foment the violence alleged gunman Omar Mateen enacted, toxic masculinity & global culture of imperialist homophobia does.
“Toxic masculinity enables rapists & rape culture, violent heterosexual-ism & attacks on reproductive freedom, #AllOfUs must fight for justice”
“Toxic Masculinity AND Violent heterosexuals” …. yup that’s the problem!