Jason Francis wants men to know that even though Street Harassment isn’t their direct issue, it doesn’t absolve them from their part in the equation.
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Street Harassment is a hot button issue that has been in serious need of addressing for longer than many of us care to admit. As men it simply isn’t something that we deal with. It’s not programmed into us to worry about, be concerned with or fear a woman when they approach us or attempt to communicate with us in the street. Even though this is a case where we play the central role in dealing with this ugly social condition, and this begins with our overall perspective of the matter.
At a recent relationship -themed event in New York city, co-host Evita Robinson gave me the most relatable breakdown of Street Harassment. Without villainizing every man with broad assumptions, she explained the things that she does and doesn’t do to avoid situations where harassment has happened before. Often when this matter is brought up, it’s presented in a guilty ’til proven innocent, accusatory stance that automatically puts men on the defensive. Avoiding that initial conflict of perspective, Evita expressed the following.
I will always return respect with respect. A person who compliments you respectfully doesn’t deserve attitude until they do something disrespectful. With that being said, to the good respectful men out there, understand that the rude, disgusting ones out there have put us in a state of constant alert. It sucks for you but that’s the reality.
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In all the times I’ve heard Street Harassment addressed, I’d never heard it put so simply and so balanced. You see, it’s almost like dealing with any other animal in nature. Dogs, cats, bees—generally they are harmless, but once you’ve been bit, scratched, stung, or in this case harassed, you will always proceed from that moment with a higher level of self-awareness and be much more guarded.
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What this has taught me is that no I do not need to feel like a criminal in this matter, but I do have to understand this realistic condition for many women. It is not realistic for me to assume that just because I bare no ill will to anyone that a stranger is going to just assume that about me. It is my duty and that of other men to make women feel safe around us.
We must be aware of the effect we have on the environment and those within it. I’m 6 foot 4 and weigh about 220. Even on my best days I’ve been told that my presence can be imposing. With that knowledge I try my best to lighten the mood when interacting with the public. I stay mindful of people’s personal space. I don’t creepily stare at women, I hold doors open, give ladies the right of way if the walking space gets tight. In spite of the horror stories we hear, I’ve yet to see someone return the aforementioned actions with an ugly reply. By nature people want to be happy, and giving that energy out leads to it more often than not.
If we’re not trying to improve our relationships with out each other, then we’re co-signing the disrespect.
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Just because Street Harassment isn’t our direct issue doesn’t absolve us from our part in the equation. If we’re not trying to improve our relationships with out each other, then we’re co-signing the disrespect. I often hear the phrase “We need to teach of boys not to rape.” While I get the meaning of this, its inflammatory and puts people at odds. I was never told, “You don’t rape women.” But I was taught to respect people’s personal space and that no means no. I was brought up not to be where I don’t feel welcome. These basic principles characterize the type of people who are true allies for women’s rights without implying they are rapists in the making.
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We all have friends, sisters, cousins, etc., out in these streets. I keep them in mind when I see something transpiring that needs to be addressed. Humans are creatures of habit. If we don’t break the negative habits associated with this culture of disrespect, then it will continue to instill itself in present society and those going forward.
Photo: Moriza/Flickr
MANY. Interesting views expressed here. Definitely brings a different level of understanding to the issues I hear being expressed.
Here’s what I think it comes down to. The difference between:
A woman thinking, “That’s a guy. I’ll have to be mindful.”
And expecting a guy to think, “That’s a woman. I have an obligation to make her feel safe.”
And as a man how do you view that thinking? Is making women feel safe a problematic thing to believe in?
Is making women feel safe a problematic thing to believe in? In and of itself its not but let’s be real here. If this were just a matter of making women safe and in and of itself most people woudln’t have a problem. What has guys bothered is that they are expected to make women feel safe and that expectation is based solely on the fact that they are male and because a small portion of the male population mistreats women there is a gender wide collective responsibility. Because some guys mistreat women, all men are responsible for keeping women… Read more »
@ Jason
“And as a man how do you view that thinking? Is making women feel safe a problematic thing to believe in?”
Yes, when it becomes an obligation required only of men and extended only to women.
“As men it simply isn’t something that we deal with.” Speak for yourself. I’ve been street harassed. Not on a daily basis as I’ve heard some women say they have, but it’s happened and just because the genders were reversed doesn’t make it right. As for the rest, I agree that you should treat people with respect. I don’t believe though that you have an obligation to sooth anyone’s irrational fears. Someone afraid of you because of your size is not your issue unless you’re being threatening. I also have an issue with this concept of the bigger people must… Read more »
Yes it does happen to us and its not better BUT how often are man assaulted, raped or killed from declining the advances of the opposite sex?.
Yes we do get a slight degree of harassment but the scale isn’t even comparable.
Still doesn’t justify the idea that men, based solely on their gender, have an obligation to sooth women’s fears.
And how often does that happen? Compared with say the frequency of men getting mugged, assaulted or murdered? Last I checked men were 3x as likely to be murdered as women and men get assaulted quite frequently. It’s disingenuous of you to suggest that it’s not a realistic threat. I’m a rather large man and I still get a bit nervous when I hear footsteps behind me in a darkened garage. Bottom line here is that this is a problem that women can help solve. Every time a woman responds positively to the attention it just encourages things. Women being… Read more »
I think that’s a New York thing, I haven’t ever seen it around here, nor have any of my female friends ever mentioned it at all. I hear far more complaining from women about the fact that men around here won’t approach them at all than too many do so in a vulgar way. I’ve never actually seen construction workers catcalling anybody and the only staring that seems to happen around here is the result of people being too shy to say anything. And articles like this are just going to make that problem worse. Quite honestly, it’s not worth… Read more »