Why does it seem like manliness hinges on being able to physically dominate each other?
This article originally appeared at The Dignified Devil and Rebel Magazine.
Have you ever wanted to punch someone in the face?
Lately, I’ve been working to suppress the desire. I don’t fantasize about hitting anyone in particular, rather I find myself longing to run down the street on a punching rampage.
In the movie “The Knock Around Guys,” Vin Diesel steps up to a redneck hillbilly in a country bar and says, “Five hundred fights.” Diesel goes on to explain that 500 is the number of street fights he figures it takes to be a tough guy. “You need them for the experience,” he says, “to develop leather skin. So I got started. Of course along the way I forgot about being tough and all that…”
Diesel peels off his leather jacket to reveal his jacked up arms and continues. “After…you realize that’s what you are. A tough guy…” Then, suddenly, Diesel grabs the redneck’s shirt, head butts him in the face and continues to beat the man until he’s almost unconscious.
In real life, the brutality of the beating would have resulted in death or irrevocable brain damage that would have left the hillbilly requiring 24-hour-a-day care. And given that the hillbilly might not have health insurance, a lawsuit to cover his medical bills would have landed Diesel and his bulging biceps in court on both criminal and civil charges. The real question might be how many times would your name be listed as the defendant in a lawsuit on the way to 500 street fights?
Despite this reality, the North American male is obsessed with violence. Even the most liberal among us secretly longs for the rush that comes when you stand face-to-face with someone and know that you’re not backing down. I don’t have a specific grudge or hatred urging me to pitch my fist into the faces of unsuspecting pedestrians, but I need to release the pent up frustration of life somehow. If I’ve learned anything from “Fight Club” it’s that the thrill of violence will help me feel alive.
So how many fights have I been in on my journey to 500?
None. I played hockey as a kid so I had a few helmeted scuffles. And I was the lanky younger brother whose limbs were taken over so my older brother could ask, “Why are you hitting yourself?” In fact, the only face I’ve ever punched is my own.
One time in fourth grade, I tackled a kid on the playground and held a plastic knife to his throat. He hadn’t done anything to offend me, but somehow became the target of my out-of-control younger self. Except for pride, no one was hurt. Still, all these years later, that unprovoked attack reminds me that the fragile social order we adhere to can, at any moment, descend into hand-to-hand combatted chaos. If I’m not the one to snap, someone else might.
The only problem is that I shouldn’t feel triumphant from my ability to physically dominate an opponent. The majority of confrontations can be dismantled with diplomacy. While our cultural fixation on MMA, boxing and other violent sports suggests otherwise, isn’t the true display of masculinity the ability to use intellect to avoid violence? Yet we must set aside so much of our personal pride to do so. And few cinematic moments capture the art of nonviolence with the intensity and power with which Diesel beats the hillbilly within an inch of his life.
Perhaps our over saturation to horrific violence has desensitized us from the true effect of our actions. Perhaps, we’re all seeking a release from the slow bubbling, melting pot of anger that has become a catchall for our numerous disappointments and these films allow us to purge our feelings vicariously through the main characters. Perhaps part of us knows that the façade of social confines can erode at any moment leaving us in a lawless anarchy to fend for ourselves. Isn’t that the essence of the second amendment, that at any moment, we will be forced to defend ourselves?
Clearly there were no police around to protect the bloodied hillbilly from Vin Diesel. But during that savage beating, the audience doesn’t question what governing, paternal authority will stop the fight. Instead, we become engrossed in the violence. We channel all our pent up rage and fury through Diesel’s fists as they whiplash the hillbilly’s neck back repeatedly until his eyes close and his head thumps one last time on the dance floor. But afterwards, while the blood clot likely builds in the hillbilly’s brain, we’re left to wonder why our sense of masculinity hinges on our ability to completely obliterate another human being.
Photo credit: Flickr / bark
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“Why does it seem like manliness hinges on being able to physically dominate each other? ”
That’s how we were bred, bro. When you see dogfights what do they always say? Oh the poor things, try were bred to fight. Yea, well so the fuck were we. If you feel the urge to fight go train in mma, it’s great exercise and you get to punch people in the face. And when shit does pop off in the street you’ll be able to throw a roundhouse kick that’ll blow the other dude’s knee out.
Classic confirmation bias story telling –
I actually think it’s really funny when women try to analyze male behavior and come up with their own assumptions. Because those assumptions are *always* based on a female perspective. So it’s really just a projection of their own psyche into the situation. How they would act and why. Then they ascribe that behavior and mindset to men and think they understand us.
In reality they have absolutely no idea how we think, feel, or why we do the things we do.
Just to be clear Jimmy – I’m referring to the OP piece, not your comment…
I considered that, elissa, but I stand by my comment. I loved studying psychology too but I don’t think you can just blanket-label the author’s piece as confirmation bias, because when I read:
“I find myself longing to run down the street on a punching rampage.”
I know exactly how he feels.
“Despite this reality, the North American male is obsessed with violence.”
I view the above statement as the main point of the piece. This is a conclusion. There is no evidence that this conclusion is backed by compelling evidence – reference Pinker’s latest book on the history of violence.
Referencing a Vin Diesel film to prove said conclusion is confirmation bias.
Why not reference a much more popular channel view such as American Idol and conclude that the North American male is obsessed with karaoke?
Consumerism, food, consumption, social technology, being wired – these are more indicative of North American obsessions.
That’s a fair criticism of his sources, and although I for one am fascinated, inspired, and haunted by violence, I’m sure some north american males aren’t.
Because the biggest professional sports league in America is the NFL. Because action movies are the #1 kind year after year. Additionally, it’s pretty obvious he’s using hyperbole and poetic license when describing that — it’s not meant to be taken literally. This story is his personal experience, treat is as such. It’s a personal memoir, of course its going to have confirmation bias. That’s like saying the Great Gatsby is crap because it adhered to Fitzgerald’s view of the 20s, even if it was not factually accurate.
BTW, you must be a fantastic critic to be totally refuse someone’s thesis in one line. I’ve never seen a professional critic with your innate ability to casually overturn an argument with something you overheard once. That must take real skill and introspection.
While the assertions in Pinker’s book about our societies as a whole becoming less violent are statistically true, the decrease in violence does not mean that we as men have diminished our inherent desire to go out and beat the crap out of people. We just have more constraints — beating up customers is not good for business, for example. Diplomacy is another factor. And these constraints come with their own stress and internal ambivalences.
And given a choice between watching American Idol or two guys beating each other up, a lot of us wouldn’t be choosing American Idol. We man not understand why, but we do need our catharsis somewhere.
So basically what I’m getting from this piece is men are inherently more violent then women. Yep. Sure says a lot about men when they, for some odd reason, have this urge to beat people up, and the only thing keeping them from punching someone is societal constraints. So without those constraints, men would just go around senselessly beating each other up. Seriously? I thought The Good Men Project was trying to move away from this.
My karate sensei is a champion in both karate and judo….he has also been arrested a few times in the past (for fighting, I would guess…)…
He is a hothead by nature…but also beautiful and terrifying to watch when in motion….sort of like the karate version of Robert DeNiro in “Raging Bull”….
I have studied karate with him for 3.5 years because he understands truly what it means to defend yourself in a nasty drag down fight…and I find that integrity in his movements…he understands violence so intimately and how to survive it…somehow I feel like I can understand the meaning of life (and death) better just by watching him teach karate….
Some people say you should find a karate teacher who has mastered his feelings and exhibits great discipline and control over his own violent impulses….I find my teacher the most interesting because he is always so on the edge, like he is barely containing it….
Real men fight with ideas; boys fight with fists. The only people real men fight with fists is tyrants, pedophiles, and rapists.
Some real men do fight tyrants with ideas. The late Soviet physicist and human rights activist Andrei Sakharov was a prime example.
Is appears that the article simplifies men and violence. I am ashamed to admit that I have had a few fist fights when I was young. Odd thing is that the guys I fought with, became friends. Anger = violence. Men haven’t had and still don’t have the outlets to deal with their emotions. Ever watch the original movie “12 Angry Men?” Each one of the men had something in their lives that they were dealing with.
Then you have to look at men and how they’re wired. Why do so many men go into fields that have “danger” associated with it? Is it violence that attracts them or is it the rush that goes along with the job? But we live in a time that society appears to want to tame down the male. A new and improved “softer” man? It’s a great idea provided the softening relates to men properly dealing with the anger and pain that’s inside of them. Properly dealing with their true feelings. How many young men are out there that truly resent not having a dad in their life?
I see it every day, young men/boys break down and admit that if they weren’t in treatment, they would beat the shit out of someone. Violence is a symptom, not the problem but as I have seen so far, that’s not being looked at.
One last thing and that’s “control.” Guys are losing control in their lives. A recent article here at GMP talked about the guys that are retreating and shutting down and in this article, we’re addressing the other side of the spectrum and that’s how guys are using violence to compensate in a society that’s left them behind in hopelessness.
All in all, we’ve got big problems.
“‘Despite this reality, the North American male is obsessed with violence.”
.That’s an untrue GENERALIZATION about males. I am a North American male and am NOT obsessed with violence and personally know thousands of other males who are not obsessed with violence.
The writer seems to have a problem with violence and, perhaps in an attempt to feel normal, projects that only all 180 million males in North America.
He reveals his problem straight away by saying, “Lately, I’ve been working to suppress the desire. I don’t fantasize about hitting anyone in particular, rather I find myself longing to run down the street on a punching rampage.”
I understand that people can have issues but projecting them onto everyone else is not an effective way to deal with them. A better way is to stop feeding his mind on violence, such asVin Diesel type movies (don’t go or be willing to get up and walk out), stop playin the war-game-type video games, and instead feed his mind positive thoughts and associate positive, peace-loving people.
Eric — I appreciate your calling us out on the generalization against men. I agree that it can perpetuate stereotypes. I also like your suggestions for doing something else other than feeding that which he wants to change.
I am a male, I get urges to hospitalize people but what is it really? Just pent up anger and frustration, stress. So how should we fix it? Learn how to destress, learn how to unleash the anger in a healthy way. I use to put my fist through walls, doors, but now I just hit a boxing bag or play an extremely violent game where I can let it out without actually harming someone.
But I’ve learned empathy over the years and that is what stops the violence, I saw how violence harmed my family, friends, and for what? what’s the point? Someone is being a jackass? They probably had someone be violent to them so adding more violence won’t solve much. Violence can be fun in fiction, games, movies etc, but when it becomes reality it’s a whole different story. Remember this, a single punch can kill. We’ve had people hit ONCE in Australia, they’ve fallen and hit their head, died, the puncher gets manslaughter charge. So remember that every-time you want to throw down and get into it, you may end up permanently injuring or killing someone.