Chris Kilmartin wants us to put the Penn State Situation in context and look at campus-wide sexual assaults.
I spent a year in “Happy Valley” as a predoctoral intern and remember passing Joe Paterno on the street while he was walking his dog. He smiled at me and said hello. His phone number wasn’t even unlisted. He gave large amounts of money to the University for non-sports things like libraries. He seemed to me to be the nicest man in the world. Now I find myself in shock that he was apparently complicit in one of his coach’s repeated and escalating sexual assaults of young boys at summer football camps. If the allegations are true, a “nice guy” failed to do the right thing, and his amazing legacy as a coach will be forever tarnished.
In this rare historical moment, people seem open to understanding sexual assault as the product of both the perpetrator and of the systems that support the offender by failing to report incidents of violence, covering them up, or ignoring them completely. Finally, we appear to be holding the coach, athletic director, and university president of accountable for not stopping or preventing the crimes they knew or should have known about, and thus putting potential victims at risk from these serial predators.
So here’s my question: when are we going to do this with administrators and Boards of Directors at the majority of colleges and universities that are doing so little to prevent or hold perpetrators accountable for the scourge of acquaintance rapes that plague every campus in America? Why do most colleges and universities pour infinitely more resources into the security of their email systems than the protection of their students from sexual trauma that can cause so much damage to their bodies and their psyches?
Our hearts go out to the young boys who attended summer football camp and their parents, who may have worried that they might be injured on the field but had no idea that they were at risk in the locker room. Can we also find room in our hearts for the thousands upon thousands of college women and men who suffered sexual victimization when they went out for an evening of fun with friends and thought that designated drivers were all they needed to keep them safe?
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Why are we, as a society, so reluctant to address the needs of relationship violence victims? Is it because we believe that they are party to their own victimization because of drinking too much, dressing the “wrong” way, having poor judgment? Would we deserve what they got if we did some of these things? I want to look forward to the day when these victims and survivors get as much empathy as the boys in the Penn State locker room, and when our outrage at these violent crimes and passive bystander behavior of people in power matches that of the horrific scenario that has unfolded in University Park.
Like child sexual predators, acquaintance rapists show a strong tendency to be serial offenders, so if we don’t stop them, they will hurt others, just as Sandusky is alleged to have done. The bottom line is this: if athletic directors, coaches, fraternity advisors, college presidents, Boards of Directors, and all those in power on campus care about sexual victimization, they will educate themselves about the scope of the problem and do whatever they can to invest time, money, and other resources to provide swift remedies when someone commits a crime as well as to invest in prevention efforts that make campuses safer.
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Christopher Kilmartin, Ph.D., is Professor of Psychology at the University of Mary Washington. www.chriskilmartin.com
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photo: caitlinator / flickr
Julie. Fine with me, but it might be seen as threadjacking, or not. No idea.
But if you agree with that possibility, you can email me at [email protected] to continue the discussion.
Or if you think the thread wouldn’t be thrown off, we can continue here.
Julie. You’re not misinformed. I’m a lousy typist. The Good Men Project SHOULD be TGMP. And TBTN is Take Back The Night.
Hmmm. I’d like to break this email down and talk about what New Masculinity and Old Masculinity is/are etc. I don’t want to derail. But I’m super curious about your comment.
“New Masculinity and Old Masculinity”? Why can’t we just be men an a learning curve? P^) I am a man right now! I can be right, and I can be wrong! Mea Culpa. I can learn from my mistakes – and even learn without any mistakes! Honestly – I am able to learn! That allows me to teach others, by example or even by being a man, standing up to and even for others and saying – hey I think you need to change/learn/have a different view etc, etc, etc….. Is the “upto and for” the wrong language? Should it… Read more »
Julie. I think, to deal with it, we’d have to leave TGPM. For example, in the last five years, iirc, 100% of rapes of white Norwegian women where the attacker has been identified, the perp is a Muslim immigrant. That’s a lot. One Norwegian prof said women will have to dress differently in order to avoid inflaming Muslim men. It’s been said that some women are dying their hair black in order to reduce the likelihood of being raped. Or. Commenters in the US have said that carrying a gun might be more effective than dying one’s hair and less… Read more »
I feel uninformed. TGPM? TBTN?
Richard, I’m similar, and agree. At 66, I did six years Army, trained in aikido and karate, and still lift weights and run. I agree that older guys, with some sense of honor, may be safer for women and other men. I think that trying to be completely non-sexist creates passive aggressive men. I think men with a sense of honor are more likely to come to someone’s aid if they’re being assaulted.
“So here’s my question: when are we going to do this with administrators and Boards of Directors at the majority of colleges and universities that are doing so little to prevent or hold perpetrators accountable for the scourge of acquaintance rapes that plague every campus in America?” Just a suggestion – Carpe Dium! Ask the ten largest advertising agencies in the US how they would deal with it! Its a Hot Topic and has many possibilities. Public Service has value still. Better still, ask the ten smallest or most up and coming agencies. How about a simple poster saying “No… Read more »
Julie Gillis.
Seems to be. See, for starters, history. The really peaceful people, had there been any, didn’t survive to pass on their genes and good ideas.
See Keeley, “War Before Civilization”.
We can either pretend that talking really earnestly will get water to run uphill, or we can deal with the reality that all humans have the choice to use violence and some use it to victimize others. Working with that will probably get us further than wishing water uphill.
Agreed. So what to we do about it? Cause denial is a terrible thing.
The Ensler post is getting a great deal of comments offering up the very terrible suppositions that men would sexually assault right and left if they could. Some of those comments are from men. Men and women arguing online pages worth when the bottom line is, to me, what is the solution to violence in general? Is there one? Is it possible to raise girls to be stronger and fiercer and men to be kinder and more empathetic? Or would that just reverse some polarity and make things worse in the other direction? Maybe violence is just inherent in the… Read more »
“Why are we, as a society, so reluctant to address the needs of relationship violence victims? Is it because we believe that they are party to their own victimization because of drinking too much, dressing the “wrong” way, having poor judgment?” I think that’s a huge part of it. We’re also desensitized to it as a society. So many women experience some form of sexual harassment or violence in their lifetimes, it’s hard to get the proper attention put on it. And I find that we need more men in this dialogue than we often have. There are a lot… Read more »
Yes, Lori. I know there are men out there who have experience multiple levels of violence to them by other men. That’s not good. Not at all. Nor is the long term systemic damage of male violence on women. Or any violence, yeah? But the polarizing is causing problems, of this “who has it worse” situation. Isn’t it at all possible that women and men calling attention to rape and sexual violence against women will open the doors to all of us calling attention to violence prevention period? And that yeah, it’s damn hard for men as a culture to… Read more »
I completely agree. Well said.
“Isn’t it at all possible that women and men calling attention to rape and sexual violence against women will open the doors to all of us calling attention to violence prevention period?” – Why not just start out with women and men calling attention to rape and sexual violence against all victims, regardless of gender? “I’d rather us all get together on this to figure out ways to cease violence, rape etc on anyone.” – If that is the ultimate goal, then there is no need to single out one demographic group. If activists had tried this gender-neutral strategy instead… Read more »
Put Luckey in charge!
I gave up working as a sexual assault advocate and anti-violence work because as a male victim, I just don’t matter to women.
At. All.
The reason men don’t participate in this is you deny our reality. Men know they’ll be ignored if they’re the victim. And you assume they’re perpetrators.
See ya!
Really?
I’m a woman. I care about men. Don’t paint me with that brush, don’t you dare. Or Lori. Or Lisa. Or any of the women who contribute here. Or work at shelters.
This is the BS I’m talking about. Men and women going head to head like there can be a winner. If we want peace and we want a world where this kind of violence isn’t tolerate?
We have to put that aside.
Julie, I know, I know. Jeez!!!
I’ve worked with abused children and young adults–girls and boys, women and men. I cared about ALL of them. Just Another Boy, I am so sorry for your experience. But it does not represent all women. Most of the women I know and have worked with are uniquely empathetic and compassionate individuals. I have NEVER denied any boy OR girl the reality of their victimization. How awful to accuse all women of doing that. THIS is why things don’t move forward. Sad.
Sorry for your negative experience. Very often people focused on VAW do see males as far, far more likely to be perps than victims and may therefore have a much harder time believing they can be victims, let alone sympathizing, let alone helping. However, it’s certainly not true that NO women care AT ALL about any boys and men. Like, hopefully, your mom or sister(s) care about YOU at least, right? Even if they don’t care about any other male. To your point, though, there is clear evidence that western society as a whole cares far less about advocating for… Read more »
Its probably because women are finally finding their voice (in the mid 20th century and forward) to speak out about abuses to them. And things still are disproportionate. I know men don’t like hearing that, but it’s true. That doesn’t mean it makes abuses against men (in prisons, in famiies etc) any less egregious, only that women are trying to push back for themselves as well as others. One thing I see in threads, like on Huffington Post, there will be a topic focused on women and rape. Or women and FGM. Women, anyway. And there are always WHAT ABOUT… Read more »
Julie, I just spent about 20 minutes composing a thorough response and some questions to this excellent comment. I chickened out and deleted my comment. Then, I felt frustrated I had done that. How chilling. I feel my voice was silenced by the apprehension that simply stating the gender-related facts of victimization by violent crime, and why they matter, would inflame the comment thread. It’s like we all need to say the Earth is flat in order to get anyone to care about the environment and work to preserve it. I don’t agree with those terms, and I’m sick of… Read more »
You response was very well timed, you are pointing out that on sites like huff when a talk is on women getting raped or other crimes against women, some people (men) complain , “What about the men”. BUT , is that exactly what this article is about. Young boys got raped and lo and behold , the article and several posters here are saying “What about the women”.
I wish irony was a commodity, we would all be rich right now.
A quote from the article: “Our hearts go out to the young boys who attended summer football camp and their parents, who may have worried that they might be injured on the field but had no idea that they were at risk in the locker room. Can we also find room in our hearts for the thousands upon thousands of college women and men who suffered sexual victimization when they went out for an evening of fun with friends and thought that designated drivers were all they needed to keep them safe?” I don’t see the irony. Lots of the… Read more »
This is what Julie said
“One thing I see in threads, like on Huffington Post, there will be a topic focused on women and rape. Or women and FGM. Women, anyway. And there are always WHAT ABOUT THE MEN.”
This is exactly what this article which you are commenting on is doing but this time in reverse , that is the irony.
I can’t believe I had to point that out to you
Here’s my last attempt. When COMMENTS change the topic to the opposite gender on an article, I agree that is aggravating. When someone decides to write an article on a DIFFERENT TOPIC, like this one, that is fair game, and there is no irony when people respond appropriately to it in the comments.
We’ll agree to disagree.
Wow, I’m glad at least one women got it.
Julie says: “Women get raped disproportionately to men, outside of prison populations. What do we do about it? Men don’t feel as if they can discuss assault by men or women on men. What do we do about it? Children, all of them are vulnerable to predation. What do we do about it? Genitals are special things and shouldn’t be cut up. What do we do about it?” As I read that list I was reminded of a dear departed friend who built many shelters for abused women. She was used to meeting where lists and questions about action came… Read more »
Thank you Media Hound. My questions are, in some way rhetorical I guess, but also literal. I wish I had a broader loudspeaker, and I”m working on that. But I do think it’s the day to day that has to happen too.
Day to Day is an odd place to be! Many are angry because some seemed to miss the day to day – and failed to act in the moment. But as with all moments, it will pass. The war will be waged, even if one battle is over – won or lost. They say it’s 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration! This just pooped up in my Inbox! I have very strange search parameters for my universe! http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-latin-america-15730572 It’s interesting to read the comments by the people affected! It smacks more of truth and reconciliation, None Destructive Restorative Justice, as opposed… Read more »
Another lengthy comment lost to the auto-refresh… what a pain.
“outside of prisons populations”…
We punish rapists by putting them in a prison system where rape is a just punishment, common, encouraged to keep the prisoners from uniting against the guards. And release them to act like rape is unthinkable.
Folks, I don’t think that’s gonna work for us. Do you think?
There’s a new hierarchy of sympathy in place. One with men and boys on the very bottom. I thought women were against that? Slut walks and all?
You asked what are we going to do about it? A worked example that brings domestic abuse and sports fans together just landed in my in box! “Stoke City: Domestic violence film at Britannia Stadium Thousands of football fans will be shown a film about the effects of domestic violence. A 90-second film featuring the voices of real victims from Newcastle-under-Lyme will be played before kick-off and during half-time. It will be shown at the team’s game against Queens Park Rangers at the Britannia Stadium. It will also be aired in Newcastle-under-Lyme pubs Revolution and Ikon throughout next week. It… Read more »
Will it tackle the victims of all genders…NO IT WON’T, and that is the problem, when a movement fails to acknowledge a large population of victims because of their gender, that is a huge problem
I suppose, to have an analog, you’d have to have and acquaintance rapist shown clearly to be such, and show clearly the U actively covering up for him. Any examples? If we have an acquaintance rape that is not reported…. If we have a report that is not confirmed, despite the loss of due process for the guy in question…. If we have an acquaintance rape which is exactly he said, she said…. What is the U supposed to do? Failure to stop something that is extraordinarily difficult to anticipate and which almost always takes place in isolation is different… Read more »
I think it is especially important to open to public discussion to the value of consent within sexual relationships (and all relationships). If people (especially young men and boys) are socially conditioned to be dominant sexually (which they are), they will not see anything wrong with their potential actions crossing lines of consent and becoming acquaintance rapists. There needs to be a shift in the entire paradigm of sexuality and male dominance in society.
What happened at Penn State has nothing to do with consent. These boys did not consent. Children can never consent to sex with an adult.
This is the second disturbing article I have read on GMP regarding the Penn State child rapes. The first was by Tom trying to relate child rape and/or molestation to normal male lust and homosexuality. And now this one which is trying to equate child rape to date rape, and from a phD no less! Both are WAY off base and in these instances, greatly mishandling a very important issue.
Right on target Luckey. PhD’s in psychology are as messed up as everyone on this one. Also, the whole date rape context almost never has much to offer male victims. It’s just an after thought. Further, Males victimized in childhood report about 40% of the time FEMALE PERPETRATORS. See: http://www.annafoundation.org/ACE%20folder%20for%20website/37LTCG.pdf In juvenile detention and jail, 95% of boys who were victimized in jail reported sexual contact with female staff. Females were only 41% of staff: Sexual Victimization in Juvenile Facilities Reported by Youth, 2008-09 http://bjs.ojp.usdoj.gov/content/pub/pdf/svjfry09.pdf When we correctly recognize it’s about power not sex, we do better. When we assume… Read more »
I actually don’t think those things are being “equated.” i think the conversation is being broadened. I can understand wanting to keep enough focus on child rape. Absolutely. But I think the nature of blogging and commenting is that at some point the dialogue segues to other issues that also need attention, and there is no malice or ignorance in this. But I share your outrage about child rape. It is heinous beyond words.
It should be a given but it’s not, which is why I brought it up. This article expands the discussion but not far enough.
I agree but why limit it to sexual assaults? Why not include all physical assaults, no matter the gender of the victim?
I think that should be a given. But the topic of the day, Penn State, is focused on sexual assaults on young men. Thus, I suspect that’s what the coverage is on. I don’t think any interpersonal violence is a good thing, no matter the gender of the person.
They aren’t young men, they are young boys. Children.
Yes, I misspoke. I am well aware that this is a case of adult men raping children. It’s untenable.
There is a need for extra attention regarding sexual violence precisely because it’s *not* treated like general physical assault by society. It’s easier to get police involved and get legal assistance on a general physical assault charge than with sexual assault. I think every sexual assault awareness activist would be thrilled to see sexual assault treated with the same gravity as general physical assault.
“I think every sexual assault awareness activist would be thrilled to see sexual assault treated with the same gravity as general physical assault.” I think “thrilled” sends the wrong message – “relieved” is more like it! I have dealt with getting statutes changed to recognize sexual violence. Whilst doing that some activist were of the view that there was no value in pursuing cases under, what they perceived as, unrelated and inadequate laws. That denied the victim even a possibility of any form of justice – and it denied the justice system seeing that they were themselves inadequate and needed… Read more »