Tim Pylypiuk calls all victims of female abuse to share their experiences, hoping that those who’ve been singled out and bullied can now come together in common story.
“No more turning away
From the week and the weary.
No more turning away
From the coldness inside.
Just a world that we all must share.
It’s not enough just to stand and stare.
Is it only a dream that they’ll be,
No more turning away.”
—“On The Turning Away,” Pink Floyd
♦◊♦
Since the fruits of my labor were borne from “Bullied By Girls And Women: One Man’s Tale” and “My Guilt,” there have been traces of immense inspiration churning these creative juices. Both my contributions garnered praiseworthy platitudes, the likes of which I had never experienced in mainstream society. The flock has begun to congregate.
This got me thinking carefully about the next step to take. I had planned for just the right epilogue to my trilogy. But the comments these articles attracted gives a pause for consideration of something different.
Rather, for an idea that involves you readers. For when narratives shift to areas unexplored, it takes more than the moon alone to cause it. The tides, when influenced enough, are as vital in the waves they make.
Here’s your chance to jumpstart the light that’ll scatter the shadows that were used to loitering sans consequence. Give it full power from the energy of your experiences.
There are more survivors like me out there, recovering from and dealing with their trauma under the merciless haranguing wrought by female perpetrators or bullies. For those of you who fit that description, this will be your moment.
I’m going to end this article shortly with a cliff-hanger only you can complete that will involve one formula alone:
Your stories.
Everyone, emerge from your hiding places. Spin your tale, weave the fabric. “Give me your tired, your poor. Your huddled masses yearning to be free,” as the poem goes.
Anyone out there pining to exorcise the demons shackling their legs, do it below in the commentary section. Leave no hurt and pain inside. Let it all out.
Regardless of your gender, age, race, religion, ethnicity, color, creed, or mental capacity, whatever part of the world you inhabit, all are welcome to provide their tales of abuse, neglect, and hurt from any girl or woman who dealt harm upon your person either in the past or present.
Let’s show everyone that abuse from women and girls are NOT isolated incidences, that we are neither anomalies nor less of a priority. The sooner society hears us as one voice, the stronger a shift can occur.
That’s enough pomp and circumstance from me. I will finish with the following comments that have fulfilled their part in the inception of this haven:
From Jill:
I was a shy, socially awkward girl and I was bullied relentlessly by a group of “mean girls” through grade school and jr. high. One of my few friends was a boy who was picked on by the same crowd. To this day, I have a visceral dislike of women who remind me of the “popular” crowd in school (cheerleaders, sorority girl types, etc.) as I had so many bad experiences with those types of girls.
From Lori Day:
I was also bullied quite a lot by both boys and girls. The bullying by girls was the meanest in my own experience. One thing I can say is that mean girl bullying–while crueler than ever due to the use of social media–is getting a lot more attention today. When Tim was a boy, there were way fewer resources for dealing with it and the culture of bullying was largely ignored by adults. When Tim was young, boys and girls were rampantly bullied by boys and girls in every combination, and there was little help available. Back then, female bullying was less recognized and chastised than the male bullying.
Today things are changing. Bullying in general is now recognized by adults as a huge problem, sometimes leading to suicide, and bullying perpetrated by both genders is seen for what it is, well described, and now legally reportable. Schools have strict accountability. It doesn’t take care of it all, but at least people are not willfully “not seeing it” as much as used to be the case.
I have never believed that childhood bullying was perpetrated only or mostly by boys. As a longtime school administrator, I saw it perpetrated about equally by both genders, but in different ways. The title and description of this article make it sound as if the author were only abused by girls, but in the text he makes clear that he was bullied by both genders. This is important. We must all recognize that bullying crosses all gender lines in terms of perpetrators, victims and bystanders. Neither gender bullies more than the other, and neither gender gets bullied more than the other. Unfortunately, there is plenty to go around for everyone.
And special thanks to Juliana Bjornsdottir of Iceland Review Online, www.icelandreview.com. “Bullied By Girls And Women” was partially based on a letter written to her from me in the letters section of said publication and whom I’ve had the honour of receiving a positive and inspirational response of support for my story.
She’s also a feminist, which proves that those who do care are from all walks of life.
Thank you, Juliana.
Note: This haven is intended to be safe, supportive, and validating for the survivors who comment. Any responses centering on patriarchy, male privilege, who has it worse, and excuses for the female perpetrators/bullies are not welcome. Take it elsewhere, please.
This is my second comment on this thread. I am male. When I was in grade school the girls would bully as much as the boys. The girls would tell me to “go away” constantly. Even if I was only in their general vicinity, just like all the rest of the kids standing around the same area of the school yard, I was the one who got told to “go away”. Many times they would scream at me for even looking at them. If the girls started bagging at me, the boys were only moments behind in beating me up.… Read more »
I am male. I also have autism. It was diagnosed when I was in elementary school, but my parents, the school system, and the psychiatrists who evaluated me all abdicated the responsibility of explaining my condition to me in the belief that someone else had done or would do it. I always heard the name, but no one ever gave me the tools to learn more. I only came to understand my condition a year ago (I am now 22), having it explained to me by other people on the spectrum when I attend a convention. Because of my inability… Read more »
HidingFromTheDinosaurs, thanks for your story. I am autistic myself and am delighted with all my heart to hear the tale of an autistic abuse victim from women and girls. Just like I was as well. So let me tell you, I share in your pain two-fold. Also know, being autistic isn’t a disorder or a mental issue. It’s only a processing system, brain wiring. There’s nothing good or bad about it. It just IS, that’s all. The challenge comes in finding the right supportive environment that accepts your way of thinking. Unfortunatly, you didn’t receive it at all in elementary… Read more »
I’m female, Hi I wrote a reply and it got eaten up or I managed to somehow cancel it :/ I was 17 when I was raped by a woman. I was at a hospital receiving treatment for a rape-related complication and a nurse violated me as I lay in the stirrups. I’ve told this story maybe 3 times because I still feel so ashamed. So much so I am writing under a pseudonym for the first time on this site. It was out of the blue and so surprising. I remember thinking that maybe I was mistaken and so… Read more »
Ibethy.
You don’t have to fear disbelife here. Your story counts.
If you read all the other comments and stories, you’ll also find a lot feared disbelife as well.
I assure you, you didn’t invite anything. You were abused and violated, pure and simple. Whatever support you’re lacking, you’ll find it here.
Thanks for visiting.
I was sexually abused as part of a larger dynamic of maternal abuse. My mother selected me as the victim of target abuse. I’m five years younger than my next brother and he has been insanely jealous my entire life. He maliciously teased me, constantly, and he could be extremely violent. He’d hit or throw me till I’d see stars and/or have the wind knocked out of me. My mother did nothing. By her obvious tacit approval, she deliberately condoned his daily torment and violence. My next brother, older by seven years, protected me against the mean one, the tormentor.… Read more »
I am a male. I was married to and lived with my wife for 16 years. We had dated for 2 years prior to marriage. My wife was abusive and violent. There are more stories than you can imagine. I was raised by a strong feminist mother, and around strong feminist women. I still consider myself a feminist. I have just taken women off the pedestal I put them on. You see, I learned throughout my childhood that women were saints and men were abusive userous jerks. Most of the men I met were jerks. This wasn’t some trash of… Read more »
Sarching For Peace, your name couldn’t be more apt. From the story you told me, it certainly fits the description of someone searching for peace after hardship. A comment on the feminism your mother et all taught you. If this is what they were preaching in your description, then it’s nothing more than prejudicial gynocentric feminism, where women’s priorities get top billing over men’s struggles while making equating every man in positions of power to men like you who have little to no power. What gets my gall is they did this to you as a child! This is what… Read more »
A very moving piece, thank-you. The more people that read stories like these, the more awareness and help we can all get. ” I would dutifully get an erection and play my role as a hairy dildo while she got her rocks off. Some times she would let me orgasm, other times she would concoct a reason to be mad at me during sex and would stop things after she had orgasmed.” “Even when the male is much larger, twice their weight and is skilled in hand-to-hand combat.” These 2 parts really stood out in power, I wish everyone could… Read more »
“As I read my words, it doesn’t have much punch.”
As I read your words, I find they have a lot of punch. What you describe is rape…long standing and repeated.
I understand the feeling of being tired of healing. I want you to know it gets better and you won’t always be plagued by flashbacks and fear. Thank you for honouring us with your truth
Amid such sorry stories, I was reluctant to tell you mine, but if nothing else, my story is that of the conditioning of men, to ignore the actions of females in situations that, were they reversed would likely be vilified. I am male and in truth, I don’t consider myself a victim of abuse, I still don’t know what to call it. A few years back I was rebounding after a long term relationship ended and I met a young woman online, let’s call her ‘Kate’. Kate and I, after a few emails, met up for drinks, I had a… Read more »
I don’t want to force you to believe it’s rape, your experience is what matters and you are free to feel whatever you want about the incident. I will say if she continued after you said no, I personally consider that rape, I feel it’s important to point that part out especially for others who read it. I believe that unsure feeling is very common amongst victims of sexual abuse or even harassment. I was unsure of my own experience of sexual harassment but I feel acknowledging it for myself is important to give it the severity it requires. “Today,… Read more »
I agree, Archy. L, what you describe is, in my opinion as well, rape. If this girl had a sex with you when you clearly didn’t want it yet continued anyway, it’s without consent which is pretty much the basic definition of rape. It doesn’t matter if you were a man and she was a woman. Both genders are capable of having sex without the other’s consent, forcing them into a situation they’d rather not be a part of. In the end though, it’s up to you. Your feelings toward the incident are your own. Thank you for visiting the… Read more »
Male here. Been abused plenty,but conditioned not to talk about it. Worst experiences have been at the hands of police and courts on false accusations made by women. Found out there is no due process in these proceedings. The personal abuse I can deal with, the betrayal by the judges and courts I cannot. Every person should have access to due process,protection by the Bill of Rights,and access to legal recourse on false accusations. It is my perception(by first hand experience) that men are presumed guilty and must somehow prove their innocence. (prove a negative) This must change,and change now.… Read more »
Is bullying a big deal now? It is if you are gay or a female. The bullying that happens to boys and has always happened to boys rarely makes makes the news. When people think of Internet bullying they think of the poor wittle wyminz on Facebook who dished it out but couldn’t lap it up. Am I being insensitive? If so then let me remind you that if the suicide rate for girls was 6 times higher than for boys we’d never hear the end of it and there would be a national crusade (with ribbons of course) to… Read more »
That’s a truly horrific experience, no words I know of can make you feel better but I truly do hope you find happiness. It’s scary how some people can be so selfish, thank-you for sharing it.
I assure you, Jean, my intentions are honest. The goal of this haven is to make sure that every survivor, male or female, of female abuse is treated with dignity and empathy. Something you hardly get out there since the mainstream has trouble imagining girls and women as capable of hurting people. In fact, if you read my story called “Bullied By Girls and Women: One Man’s Account” on this very site, you’ll understand more about why I’m doing this. Believe me, my reasons are not fabrications. Thanks for your story. It was very harrowing yet also a relife to… Read more »
I was 19 years old and still a virgin. I visited a friend and were at a party in a shared flat with him and several of his friends from the college he attended. A girl who was at the party found me interesting and as the evening progressed and we went out to a disco (yes, this is some years back) where we started making out. When the disco closed several people went back to the flat to party on there. We retired to a bedroom and made out some more before she said “let’s just sleep”. “Ok” I… Read more »
Don’t know if I was bullied by girls or not. I recall almost nothing of my childhood. It always amazes me that anybody else can, but it seems very common so I suppose I’m the odd one out. So I don’t recall being bullied (except one unusually bad incident when I was held down and kicked briefly) but I do recall having the opinion that being bullied was entirely normal as an experience. Later in life I wondered if perhaps it was not normal but I still tend to think it is. I do recall that all the various stats… Read more »
I don’t know if my story qualifies as “bullying”, but several psychologists have told me that it is definitely “abuse”. The fact that I don’t even know what to call it, and need others to tell me I was victimized, is the consequence of my reaction to it until this day: I “toughened up” and ignored it. That reaction has had seriously negative influences on pretty much every area of my life, especially my relationships, and especially my relationships with men. (But I was abused by a woman. I’m getting there.) My mother is a lifelong co-dependent. When I was… Read more »
Wow, reading that I felt so sad at the abuse, and then totally surprised my experience moved someone, Thank-you for allowing me to feel that sense of honor that I’ve helped someone open up, it was the goal of why I spoke up. I even felt that shock and surprise feeling inside my chest when I read that line, it moved me a lot. So thank-you again. :-* I totally agree the abusers need help too, as much as I want to hate my abusers or the abusers I saw I feel sorry for them. I know of people who… Read more »
Archy: “I totally agree the abusers need help too, as much as I want to hate my abusers or the abusers I saw I feel sorry for them. I know of people who abused their children badly, but the parents of these abusers heavily abused them, and their parents, and so on and so forth probably since the dawn of time. That cycle, if it can be broken, if help can be found for the victims and even the perpetrators will directly lower the levels of abuse in our world.” The one thing I should caution about this, Archy, is… Read more »
Thanks to Tim for writing this and to the editors of GMP for ensuring it was a safe space for people to share. I won’t go into extended detail as I’ve hashed this out pretty extensively on my own blog: http://jameslandrith.com/content/view/3148/79/ http://jameslandrith.com/content/category/8/181/79/ The short of it is that I was drugged, raped and then blackmailed into silence by a female friend of a friend. Once the drugs wore off in the morning, she also used her fetus as a human shield to keep me compliant. Obviously, this is somehow my fault, given how many well educated people still want to… Read more »
Yes, James, I know all about your story.
I was hoping you would add your contribution as well and thanks for doing so.
I am so sorry that happened to you, it’s so terrible. I hate how helpless we feel after abuse by women, in the day and age where abuse awareness is so high we still have so many men so afraid to speak up, feeling so trapped that they won’t be believed by even the anti-abuse industry. Reading through your site it made me especially sad to see people try to minimize and deny female led abuse as not statistically significant. Some people seem have a view that only women can be victims, or that abuse against women is such a… Read more »
My first experience with female bullies was in elementary school. They often called me names like “retarded” or encouraged the boys to shove me. My teachers would always punish the boys who bullied me — on the rare occasion when they were caught, or even rarer, when they believed that I wasn’t lying — but the girls ALWAYS got away with it. Maybe it’s because they were never thought of as a serious threat? But they were still bigger than me. (I was VERY small up until late in high school.) And so I often got slaps that I couldn’t… Read more »
Zek, for what it’s worth, your story has enough value as any gold plate in fort knox. Especially for places like this. Your tales of being bullied are a mirror reflection of my own. Only I never really told anyone about them much. Just took the punches because I believed no one would listen to a boy with “Behaviour Challenges”. As far as the False Accusation story, you’re not alone Zek. False Rape Accusations are another way that unbalanced women can use against men like you in order to get what they want. People like to believe they’re no big… Read more »
I am still connected with my brother, although not as close as we once were. Drift happens – we were three years apart so I entered college when he was a soph in high school. I am very proud of him and feel a lot of affection for him, and I try to tell him so often.
I am female. Last night at my family’s Christmas Eve dinner (we come from a European tradition and so celebrate the holiday on Christmas Eve, not Christmas Day), I joked about how one of my rules for myself when growing up was, “If you make him cry, make him laugh before Mom hears him.” That was in reference to my younger brother, whom I did bully sometimes. I say sometimes because we were very close and got along well for the most part, but there were times when I used my strength to subdue or even injure him (not ever… Read more »
All stories are valid KKZ. It’s only when we all can actually “see” them that we can hope to have change. Thank you.
KKZ, I just want to talk about the rite of passage thing. Being made to feel bad about yourself by complete strangers you don’t know, have no beef with, is not a rite of passage. I know our culture likes to believe that bullying toughens you up and prepares you for the real world but as you can see from other testimonies there are serious consequences with this approach to child rearing that can actually have a detrimental affect on adult self-development. Yes, sometimes life has to throw you curve balls. People aren’t perfect. But there needs to be a… Read more »
Amen to not being a rite of passage, the bullying that goes on in schools is more severe at times than many adult’s experience in their life. Thing is, adults have a fully developed brain and especially the emotional reasoning part of the brain which can handle much more stress, so giving children a stress like an adult would face isn’t toughening them up but instead it’s just harming them. If it was a very small stress like simple homework or assignment deadlines it may fly, but not bullying. The things that go on with kids, if you did them… Read more »
I am a male For the female bullying I suffered, it was the stuff that left me quite fearful of the opposite sex and pretty much killed off the chance of decent relationships for the first decade of my adult life. I have been groped on my “manboobs” (Overweight male), and I’ve had this happen from male students and a teacher saw one day and decided to call the police. Next day there was a student “parade” get-together and the police educated everyone on what sexual assault is, yet after this I didn’t get groped at school but I received… Read more »
Archy: “I truly hope times change where male victims, especially of females, get the same respect and care as anyone else, aren’t treated like failures or weak, don’t have to listen to comments on how weak a female can punch, etc. I hope all victims get safety, love, and respect.” I hope so too, Archy. But, as I said in my article, the more male survivors like you, and I, and many others, speak out in this commentary section, the better chance we have of affecting a narrative shift so that girls bullying boys and women bullying men can be… Read more »
Totally agree, I think when female survivors realize how bad some men have it they may not fear as many men, and vice versa. I thought all YOUNG (over 40’s were nice to me, even called me handsome?) women were *insert bad language* because I was treated badly by a few who were very influential in my peer group. But after learning that other women and men have been through good, bad, happy, sad, love, heartbreak, it makes you realize you can’t assign blame to an entire gender but only the individuals. It’s why I hate the Abuse industry for… Read more »
Archy, I too hope all victims get safety, love, and respect. I know that you have earned that here from many people who know you though the comments. I can’t imagine how horrifying some of things you describe must have been, but I believe you. For whatever reason — much of what you describe may be worse, but the part that got me was “being asked out as a joke”. Imagining that makes me want to throw up. I hope you come to see how very much you have to offer the world, that not everyone is like that, that… Read more »
Thank-you Lisa. Means quite a lot to have support and especially RESPECT.
The one positive I gained from the experience was to take women off the pedestal. In my early teens, I had thought of women as innocent, pure, angelic even without fault but after going through that it became clear they’re just like all humans, some good and some bad. My biggest wish like the OP is for people to drop the pedestal view of women, and drop the demon view of men. See people for individuals so that stereotypes never hide abuse again.
I’m with you Archy. And you *always* have my respect, just by being here, just by talking about things.
I am male.
It’s fitting that I wr
Pcarvious, you kinda got cut off there.
Can you post your comment again?
Yeah, My phone was acting up. I’m going to write as a response. I am Male. The story I want to tell is going to be a bit different. It spans the course of fifteen years, or depending on who you look at, as many as fifty. You see, the antagonist in this story isn’t my parents, my aunts, my uncles. it’s my Paternal Grandmother. I begin by saying this because I have been told of stories of abuse from my father’s childhood, but he won’t speak of them to me directly. My mom has shared some of the dirty… Read more »
I just want to say thank you for telling this — I was worried when you started to write on your phone but got cut off. I can see how tough the “emotional maelstrom” must be. I can see how hard it must be when patterns of abuse get handed down over generations. I cannot imagine exactly what you’ve been through, but through your words I can experience empathy to your situation. I believe that many victims of abuse feel so alone and don’t know who to talk to about it. How do you even bring it up in conversation?… Read more »
I am male. I remember being bullied at school if I sat near a girl they would tell me to leave. I remember never being able to play normal kids games at school if girls were involved they would tell me I’m disgusting and they didn’t want me to touch them even within the rules of the games. I remember crying and female and male teachers telling me i shouldn’t cry because I was a boy. They would tell me you can’t be a man if you cry that often. When i went home i would try to play by… Read more »
Leta, no one ever ever ever should feel they are sub human. I’m not denying your feelings, but just want you to know that I am as horrified as you that could be a consequence. The thing about talking about it — at the very least it helps others who have been through things like it also. I remember with my own abuse — it never occurred to me to talk about it. It wasn’t even that I consciously decided “I’m too afraid of talking about this” — it went beyond fear, into numbness. I simply didn’t have the words… Read more »
God this is a hard one … one of my earliest memories of my mother is laying on the floor and seeing her black 4 inch high heels kicking into me , Its something that now I am starting to put in a box and walk away from but my mother really , really disliked me as a child , between her radical feminist leanings ( the scum manifesto was quite literally a coffee table book in our home ) , to the fact i reminded her of my father I was bullied quite mercilessly and it impacted through my… Read more »
A powerful story, I’d like to read more about it so maybe Lisa can set you up to write an article here if you would like? Truly sorry you had to go through that though.
Scott, I, too, would like to express my sorrow and sympathy at what you had to go through. As Archy mentions, I would be honored to publish your story, or anyone else’s. We will respect the stories, help edit only as much as needed for flow, spelling punctuation, grammar, etc. — and offer support in any way that people need. Stories can of course be submitted anonymously. Please only do so if you feel strong enough to write. There is no pressure to do so, it is only if you yourself would find it helpful. For some people, it is… Read more »
I am a male…. I have always had a rocky relationship with my mother…. She would always complain about how hyper active and poorly behaved I was. I remember when I was about 4 years old, she threw me into my room and slammed the door. I landed face first and was bleeding from my mouth. I felt little pain but was shocked by how much blood was flowing down my face. I remember cupping my hand and my hand filling with blood. I ran to my mother. She was still angry with me instead of comforting. She eventually took… Read more »
I am really glad you got to this: “I don’t consider myself a victim, that is just a part of my life history now.” It’s important for people to know that is possible. It is possible. Thank you.
I am now friends (FB and in real life) with a HS girl who bullied me once in HS…we started out friendly in 7th grade, but I think when she broke up with her BF after 9th grade she was really negative and mean…I tried to get into my locker and asked her politely to please move and she said “NO!”….I literally had to shove her aside to get my textbook out for class…Needless to say, I kept my locker empty after that….3 decades later she friended me on FB (everything long forgotten) as we have 35 FB friends in… Read more »
Actually Leia, stories like yours are welcome as well.
It’d be also great to hear from former female bullies who have reformed just to get a bigger perspective.
I believe people can change also. I think that would be a powerful story — someone who has bullied in the past and can talk about it. I know that sometimes people are so hurt that they just want others to hurt too. Thanks you for being a part of this conversation.
Thank you TIM for your heartfelt and wise call to share all those stories that let us grow, prevent, and try building a kinder world. All stories can be read as one, heard as one voice, act as one tribe with enough will power and resilience to testify that no more lives -of children, girls, boys, or women and men- can be torn by any kind of abuse. We need to care, and as matter of fact, I see that ethics of care pretty much as the only way out to a reality that has taken too many victims (even… Read more »
Vinka, thank you for the voice from Chile. THIS: “all those stories that let us grow, prevent, and try building a kinder world.” That is what we must build, to end the cycle of abuse for everyone. Appreciate your reaching out and hope you can be another voice to help those who share their stories be seen and heard.
Just to add another few disclaimers: Before any survivor comments, please state whether they are male or female first. Secondly, while Men and Women are welcome to share their stories, I really am hoping that a lot of men come forward. So that way, we can not only shift the narrative that girls and women can hurt, but they can also hurt/bully boys and men as well. So any man who has been bullied by girls in the past or women, whether they’re being hurt now, I plead with you to come forward if there are no avenues of support… Read more »
I am a male who was raped by a live-in female maid when I was around age three. I hated her touching me and I cried and begged her to stop and she forced me to do things to her that made me sick. She said if i told that my mother would send me away for being a bad boy. I became so wounded from this I stopped eating and refused to let anyone touch me or comfort my crying spells. My mother took me to a child guidance center for help. At that time the therapist could not… Read more »
Thanks for sharing your story, MBC.
You touch on a very important point: People still want to believe that boys who are sexually abused by females should just think of themselves as lucky. It’s an old myth that refuses to die, along with the myth that erection equals consent.
Luckily, this is changing.