Ten things Christians say a lot, but shouldn’t.
We Christians have a remarkable talent for sticking our feet in our mouths. When searching the words most commonly associated with “Christian,” the list ain’t pretty. I think part of this can be attributed to a handful of phrases that, if stricken from our vocabulary, might make us a little more tolerable. Yes, these things may mean something to you, but trust me, non-Christians don’t share your love for these tried-and-true cliches.
So in no particular order, here are ten phrases Christians should lose with a quickness:
- “Everything happens for a reason.” I’ve heard this said more times than I care to. I’m not sure where it came from either, but it’s definitely not in
the Bible. The closest thing I can come up with is “To everything, there is a season,” but that’s not exactly the same. The fact is that faith, by definition, is not reasonable. If it could be empirically verified with facts or by using the scientific method, it wouldn’t be faith. It would be a theory. Also, consider how such a pithy phrase sounds to someone who was raped. Do you really mean to tell them there’s a reason that happened? Better to be quiet, listen and if appropriate, mourn alongside them. But don’t dismiss grief or tragedy with such a meaningless phrase. - “If you died today, do you know where you’d spend the rest of eternity?” No, I don’t, and neither do you. So stop asking such a presumptuous question as this that implies you have some insider knowledge that the rest of us don’t. And seriously, if your faith is entirely founded upon the notion of eternal fire insurance, you’re not sharing testimony; you’re peddling propaganda.
- “He/she is in a better place.” This may or may not be true. Again, we have no real way of knowing. We may believe it, but to speak with such authority about something we don’t actually know is arrogant. Plus, focusing on the passing of a loved one minimizes the grief of the people they left behind.
- “Can I share a little bit about my faith with you?” Too often, Christians presume we have something everyone else needs, without even knowing them first. Ask someone about their story, but maybe not the second you meet them. Christian evangelism often is the equivalent of a randy young teenager trying to get in good with his new girlfriend. When your personal agenda is more important than the humanity of the person you’re talking to, most people can sense the opportunism from a mile a way.
- “You should come to church with me on Sunday.” It’s not that we should never invite people to church, but too much of the time, it’s the first
thing we do when we encounter someone new. My wife, Amy, and I started a new church eight years ago, founded on the principle of “earning the right to invite.” Invest in people first. Listen to their stories. Learn their passions, their longings, and share the same about yourself. Then, after you’ve actually invested in each other, try suggesting something not related to church to help you connect on a spiritual level. If the person really gets to know you and wants to know more about why you live your life the way you do, they’ll make a point to find out. Then again, if you come off as just another opinionated, opportunistic Christian, why should they honor your predatory approach with a visit to the church that taught you how to act that way in the first place? - “Have you asked Jesus into your heart?” As many times as I’ve heard this, I still don’t really know what it means. why my heart? Why not my liver or kidneys? This also makes Christianity sound like a purely emotional experience, rather than a lifelong practice that can never entirely be realized. But yeah, asking someone if they’re engaged in a lifelong discipline to orient their lives toward Christlike compassion, love and mercy doesn’t exactly have the same ring to it.
- “Do you accept Jesus as your personal lord and savior?” Again, this is not in the Bible. Anywhere. And for me, it goes against the whole Christlike notion of the suffering servant. People tried to elevate Jesus to the status of Lord, but he rejected it. So why do we keep trying? Plus, the whole idea of a lord is so antiquated, it has no real relevance to our lives today. Be more mindful of your words, and really mean what you say.
- “This could be the end of days.” This is one of my favorites. We Christians love to look for signs of the end of the world; we practically have an apocalyptic fetish. It’s like we can’t wait until everything comes to a smoldering halt so we can stand tall with that “I told you so” look on our faces, while the nonbelievers beg for mercy. Yeah, that sounds like an awesome religion you’ve got going there. Sign me up!
- “Jesus died for your sins.” I know, this is an all-time Christian favorite. But even if you buy into the concept of substitutionary atonement (the idea
that God set Jesus up as a sacrifice to make good for all the bad stuff we’ve done), this is a abysmal way to introduce your faith to someone. I didn’t ask Jesus to die for me, and if I’m not a Christian, I really have no concept of how that could possibly be a good thing. he whole idea of being washed clean by an innocent man’s blood is enough to give any person nightmares, let alone lead them into a deeper conversation about what Christianity is about. - “Will all our visitors please stand?” If someone finally is brave enough to walk through the doors of your church, the last thing they want is to be singled out. They probably don’t know the songs you’re singing or the prayers or responsive readings you’re reading. Depending on the translation of the Bible you use, the scripture may not make much sense, and they probably have no idea where the bathroom is. So why add to the discomfort by making them stand so everyone can stare at them? Also, calling someone a visitor already implies they are simply passing through, that they’re not a part of things. Instead of “visitor” or “guest,” try something less loaded like “newcomer.” Better yet, walk up to them, introduce yourself and learn their name.
Photo—Rolling eyes from Shutterstock
About Christian Piatt
If being dead means going to a better place, then evangelicals should be perfectly fine with suicide, assisted or otherwise.
True, true.
But, so should abortion rights advocates, since the idea of personal bodily autonomy applies at least as much to persons who wish to die as it does to persons who wish to abort a pregnancy.
True. I’m also thinking that if a baby has a soul that originally comes from Heaven, then it’s cruel to bring a baby into the world. Why not just leave the souls in Heaven by never having children? Why force souls to go through this crappy existence? Makes no sense.
Unless maybe our souls come from Hell, and this world is actually the best part of existence, before the soul goes right back to Hell. Theoretically that’s just as possible as the opposite….
It’s not that simple, WellOkayThen. =)
Ignoring beliefs about souls, about heaven or hell, and about who actually wrote the Bible in the first place, the Bible and other religious texts serve as guides for “good behavior” in the context of the Bible’s intended audience.
In this context, the “no suicide” rule is a kinda “take-responsibility-for-yourself” rule,
leveraging eternal suffering against the challenges in life to encourage perseverance in the face of terrible challenges (thereby facilitating reproductive and material success).
Do a close reading of the Bible some time, searching for cultural imperatives. They’re EVERYWHERE.
The problem is that all this is based on faith, to which i will quote W. K. Clifford in my views on faith, “It is wrong always, everywhere, and for anyone, to believe anything upon insufficient evidence.”
even better one
‘Every time we let ourselves believe for unworthy reasons, we weaken our powers of self-control, of doubting, of judicially and fairly weighing evidence. We all suffer severely enough from the maintenance and support of false beliefs and the fatally wrong actions which they lead to…. But a greater and wider evil arises when the credulous character is maintained and supported, when a habit of believing for unworthy reasons is fostered and made permanent.’ W. K. Clifford
Um yeah thats the choice YOU make.You cant possibly go through life without having a little faith in something.Its jsut th fact that through time some people cant handle not being tld over and over that this is why things are.Im sure if enough time went by people would look at Charles Manson and think he was some anti fake hollywood revolutionary or some crap.The fact is you hav faith that yoru car wil take you to work everyday until the day that it doesnt.To say that everyone has to absolutely be based on evidence is idiocy and why alot of murderers go free and to quote someone who is so closed minded shows….. well.Think about it,intelligence and faith can exist in the same person with an open mind.The world isnt and will enver be black and white we dont know whats at the bottom of our own oceans or how space time exists and to think that we should know God’s mailing adsress??? Wake up thats just arrogance or stupidity I dont know which.And for this guy to say “well i didnt ask Jesus to die for me” sounds like a teenager caomplaing about his new car because its not the kind he wanted and saying “well i didnt ask for you to buy me a car” of course you didnt but you sure didnt mind accepting it or appreciating the fact did you?
Cars work not based on faith, but using internal combustion engines and gasoline. You may want to look up the word faith in the dictionary.
I don’t have an ounce of faith in me, Sheesh, but from a socialogical context, faith is USEFUL.
Blind faith can prompt people to take monstrous risks, and as the old saying goes, “Who risks, conquers.”
Without faith (and here, we mean faith in anything: faith in god, faith in yourself, faith in the fact that the sun will rise tomorrow), it’s much easier to wait for evidence. But sometimes, waiting for evidence prompts you to wait too long or go into analysis paralysis. Or, to quote Patton: “A good solution applied with vigor now is better than a perfect solution applied ten minutes later.” (actually, Patton was an expert on this sort of thing — just take a look at his wikiquote page).
I guess what I’m trying to say is that there are two ways of going about things:
* Acting on faith, and thereby taking risks without data, daring the impossible and, therefore, sometimes achieving it (or failing, and often
* Acting on evidence, and therefore only acting when victory is certain, but otherwise missing opportunities to act for lack of evidence
Faith, then is a shotgun effect: random acts of faith sometimes take advantage of opportunities we didn’t even know were there. But it’s a dicey way of going about things.
I don’t like the conflation of “faith”, as in “I have faith in a god and an afterlife”; and “faith”, as in “from what I currently understand, I have a reasonable chance of success”. This is because the latter isn’t “faith” – although many think it is – but it is instead “estimation”. There is a world of difference; mainly, estimates are based on at least some evidence.
As Christian Piatt said above, “The fact is that faith, by definition, is not reasonable.”
You seem to have a skewed view as to what faith is.
I don’t have FAITH in the functionality of my car, I have EVIDENCE that my car will function based upon past experience. There is a notable and DEFINABLE difference.
In that case, W. K. Clifford sounds as wacky as the Christian fundamentalists!
Try telling people WHO have been to hell and back literally and know the truth before you spout this drivel.
Dear people who claim to have been to hell and back literally and know the truth:
You are wrong. You are wrong about the existence of hell. You are wrong about what the word literally means. You are wrong about what know means. You are wrong about what truth means. Don’t believe things just because you heard yourself say them.
Sincerely,
Everyone.
How the hell do you know what people who you’ve never even seen have gone through?
I was a heroin addict for 7 years, and addicted to other substances during the 8 years prior to that. I’ve – literally – died twice, as in I had no pulse and no respiration for a span of several minutes. I have bipolar I disorder with psychosis, meaning I hallucinate and have delusions along with extreme mood swings. Because of these I’m on a rather wide array of sometimes debilitating medications. I’ve been beaten multiple times for my sexual orientation and gender identity. I’ve been homeless.
Despite all of these experiences, I wouldn’t dare to questions anyone else’ trials and tribulations – not a friend, not an acquaintance, especially not someone I’ve never met and whom I only know from reading a few short words of theirs online!
How dare you pretend to possess superior knowledge while at the same time assuming the author – or anybody else here – couldn’t possibly have suffered as much as you.
The only hell is the one we make here on Earth.
I’m really rather sick of sanctimonious comments by people who declare nobody else could possibly understand true suffering, because only they have truly plumbed suffering’s depths.
Even after everything I’ve been through, I don’t judge other people’s misery. What’s easy for some is painful for others, and unless you know a person – and know them intimately well – you have not one solitary, shivering clue what they’ve gone through.
These are definitely not the worst things said by Christians. Fundamentalist Christians say much to offend non-believers and LGBTs, using a cafeteria approach to the Bible, where they quote parts that suit them and ignore parts that don’t suit them. Fundamentalist Christians have very little to do with the teachings of Jesus of Nazareth.
All I’m seeing is assigning blame to categories. Go broad! Go with “humans” as a good broad category of evil-doers, hypocrites, liars, losers and loads.
Christians are in fact a nice and easy category at which to shoot, but surely there are more…there are others. If you can’t assign others categories to such nastiness, you might want to examine the true source and nature of your objections.
Rob, I think you’re being overly defensive. Even before I got to the “about the author” blurb I could tell this piece was mainly directed at Christians themselves and those who might otherwise have investigated Christianity if not for initial bad impressions. Nothing wrong at all with cleaning one’s own house.
This article is the kind of thing Christianity needs, not circling the wagons every time we see a perceived “attack.”
Oh man Chuck! LOL….I am SO glad they never published my earlier replies to this article! It would have curled yer hair. Sorry bout the over-reaction. Been kind of circling the wagons all my life.
As a devote Christian I often share with other 4, 7 & 9 – but none of the other sayings written.
I try to live my life like how My Lord Jesus lived while he was here on earth, hoping to be an example for others as My Lord is for me.
Is there a list of cliches that Mr. Piatt has written on what, he believes, Christians should say?
Cardy
Here’s a start. Assume that not everyone shares your belief and just be polite, respectful and realise that your religion is your religion – that’s all. And let all the non-religious live in peace without your condescension, such as “I try to live my life like how My Lord Jesus lived while he was here on earth, hoping to be an example for others as My Lord is for me.”
As the author stated – lords don’t have any meaning in the 21st century and for many nor does Jesus.
BTW
I try to live to help others and look after my environment. If Christians have an issue with this – I really don”t give a damn.
Dianna – I made no reference to everyone sharing my belief or religion – only to myself and My Lord.
You wrote ” I try to live to help others and look after my environment” – which is your shared belief. Likewise, I before respectfully shared my belief.
All respectably shared beliefs should be appreciated, not only those in agreement with the author.
Lords are a significant part of today’s society, the thing is that most everyone assumes they are it.
Great article.
Nice article. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and sharing your faith.
I think more compassionate Christians like yourself need to speak up. IMHO, I think Jesus would be pleased. 
In the spirit of equality, perhaps a nice dressing down of other faiths as well as athiests?
i think this isn’t so much a dressing down of the faith as it is a certain type of christian. if you want to read a fantastic piece in a similar vein on atheists check out terry eagleton’s review of richard dawkin’s “the god delusion” in the london review of books. it should still be on their website and is indexed by google.
One more I’d like to see added to the list:”Have you heard the good news?”. I’m 52 year old man living in a an 80% Christian nation in the 21st century, how likely do you think it is that the Christian message has completely escaped my notice?
I doubt that 80% of the american population is christian, maybe it was back in your youngan days. Today is a whole different generation, a generation that is the product of a falling away of the faith. But in retrospect, that is a cheesy line.
Christian Piatt, I don’t think you’ve read and prayed on the bible very carefully… It is our job as Christians to be sharing our faith. It doesn’t matter what a persons life is like, EVERYONE needs Jesus.
He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation. Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned.” (Mark 16:15,16)
So does that mean because I’m Jewish that I’m condemned? I mean, I’m sure Jesus is great for you and all, but I feel like I’m living a fine upstanding life without believing in him as the son of God. I don’t need to be told to be a good person. I just do it. Not everyone needs Jesus, but everyone does need to practice a little acceptance for different faiths.
Yes Zek, according to her belief, you ARE condemned. But wait there’s more! If you agree now to betray your faith, both you and she get extra special brownie points! She the Jews are Gods chosen people, but they’re all going to hell.
I’ve never understood why Christians find it so hard to understand why everyone doesn’t flock to them.
What does it mean to be good? Your merit is not enough, and as a Jew you know that the Messiah was coming, all the prophets you read about including Moses prophecied about Jesus. I urge you to analyze, to study, and ask Jehova God; the God of Abarham, Isaac, and Jacob; to open your ears and your eyes to the truth.
So if your lord tells you how to treat other people (your interpretation), who do not and never will share your beliefs, for whatever reason – you get to treat them with contempt.
Great religion. Think it up in kindergarten? Because that is the level of maturity many religious people display.
And that is what this topic is about. Have your religion but respect the right of others to their beliefs and this means not proselytizing.
Capiche?
LOL!
Proselytizing about not proselytizing! Love it!
LOL
Doesn’t know the meaning of ‘Proselytize’. Kind of confirms my ‘kindergarten’ reference.
pros·e·lyt·ize
[pros-uh-li-tahyz]
verb (used with object), verb (used without object), pros·e·lyt·ized, pros·e·lyt·iz·ing.
to convert or attempt to convert as a proselyte; recruit.
PLEASE
Read the article before commenting.
The proselytizing is equally being done by you. That is why your criticism of Carl Menger is so hilarious.
There’s no sense in criticizing someone for proselytizing if you are proselytizing too.
I disagree with number 10 because we do the introductions in our church so that we can welcome people into the church. By seeing the vistors standing up after the service I can welcome them to the area and our church. Because we have so many members we wear name tags so if I attend the 9:00 service(I usually attend the later 11:00) I would be confused with a vistor and I’ve been a member for ah thirty-six years.
One of my favorite tings is coffee hour because the discussions can be so intersting; where else can a humanist, a Christian, atheist, mystic, and agnostic have a friendly debate. Oh, where can a Gay man openly grieve for his lover that just died. Guess thats why we keep growing as the other churches become irrelivent.
Reading something like this and demanding the author do a similar article on every other religious group – or those with no religious identity – is so predictable and stupid.
This article is by someone who is obviously a member of the Christian faith. Insiders tend to have the most insightful criticisms, and any organization that can’t stand criticism doesn’t deserve anyone’s time (this includes political parties).
VERY interesting article. I’m fascinated with the idea that Christians should abandon the Great Commission found at the end of Matthew’s Gospel, where Jesus literally commands his followers to make people into disciples of God, and then he places himself at God’s level. I’m not sure how this is “rejecting” being made Lord, but it truly is a fascinating concept.
For more on God and why it just might be okay to tell people about him, please feel free to see my site: http://dontforgettothink.blogspot.com
Blessings, or not, if you’re not into that.
Regarding number 7: One of the commandments was to have no other gods before him. That’s what accepting him as Lord of your life is all about – it’s putting him on the throne of your heart.
To all Christians quoting the religion at non Christians is part of this topic. Did none of you read it?
I don’t care if you are christians – I do care if you cannot hold a single conversation without referring to your lord or prince or whatever it is you worship.
Please. That you do the above indicates a complete lack of respect for other people.
And I promise not to quote Christopher Hitchens back at you. I don’t worship him. I don’t worship anyone. I am just trying to make a point.
OK?
I rather lack respect for you than for God. Not that I don’t care about you or your feelings, but because I care about your eternal soul. I must do what the “LORD” tells me to do. I am to preach to all nations about Him. He said that I would be rejected just as He was and I understand your opposition, but true Christians will always speak out and proclaim what the Lord has done, is doing, and is going to do.
Jesus loves you and wants you, He does not need you, but He wants you. To want is something more desirable than a need, it should shake you to know that the Creator of the universe wants you.
I Can Also Abuse Capital Letters, Like People Used To Do In The Middle-Ages, Capitalizing Nearly Every Word.
Do you know that “God” is not “God’s” name? YHWH translated as Yahveh, Jehovah. Most people seem to think that “God” is actually the name, I’m agnostic and I know better (and I don’t do bible study every other week, I stopped when I left high school religion class, by graduating (the other option was no better).
I think it is unfortunate that you stopped studying religion. Even though I was extremely put off by Southern Baptists in high school I continued to study religion and philosophy in college. I am now a flaming liberal Unitarian Universalist. Much of my core beliefs are from Asian religion. Although my deepest core is just coming to terms with being a shaman. What can I say its what I am. I’m just thankful that my grandfather was still alive to give me some advise, it helped.
Love this, thankfully in Britain the end days nonsense hasn’t made it over, and we are too formal to ask visitors to stand, however the rest are spot on.
Yeah…”nonsense.” LOL
Hey if the US want to fall for the ideas of a 19th century Welsh snake oil salesman, feel free, but just don’t say it is scriptural.
That’s right. Fk! I forgot that Christians are fully unenlightened, knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing, mOrons. Now where did I put those bloody crystals?
LOL!!! Love ya babe!
Amusingly you seem to think I am not a Christian. Perhaps if you let your prejudices down you might learn something.
LOL…cuz yer not.
The power of discernment is not prejudicial babe…its a gift of survival.
Ahh I see your intellectual repartee has slain me, “cuz yer not” (sic) is so stunning an argument that that if my faith were not based on being saved by the grace of God and Christs love I would immediately become a devil worshiping satanist.
As it is I shall remember Mathew 25, and pray for you. Trolling is a sign of great inner pain and turmoil
dunno what a troll is, never have really cared. I simply classified you as “hostile to Christian” by virtue of your initial yap: “Love this, thankfully in Britain the end days nonsense hasn’t made it over, and we are too formal to ask visitors to stand, however the rest are spot on.”
So I’m not to discern anything thar? You write stuff that means and says nothing my dear? You wrote “Love this, thankfully in Britain the end days nonsense hasn’t made it over, and we are too formal to ask visitors to stand, however the rest are spot on” and I’m to derive what?
esplain pleez….cuz i was raised (by wolves) to understand that words mean things and that words strung together can, in a symbiotic modus, actually make a statement directly or via entendrae. No?
So what the bloody fk do you mean by: “Love this, thankfully in Britain the end days nonsense hasn’t made it over, and we are too formal to ask visitors to stand, however the rest are spot on” and I’m to derive what?” Und “Hey if the US want to fall for the ideas of a 19th century Welsh snake oil salesman, feel free, but just don’t say it is scriptural.”
You don’t read this as a figurative pissing upon Christianity? Is your finish-line rhetoric Obama-like to “sound like” a Christian after you kick us in the nards?
Does that last snake-oil thing mean I’m a Mormon or a Moron?
Count me confuzzled babe.
Don’t espect to drop bombs and walk away dear. Let’s at least dance.
And BTW jeMIma…
I don’t appreciate that people like you feel free to take pot-shots at the USA in your superior tone.
“Love this, thankfully in Britain the end days nonsense hasn’t made it over…”
In other words, the US is too stupid to no better and the UK (or vastly stuck-up “Britain” as you refer) is imune to such simple idiocy.
…and we are too formal to ask visitors to stand, however the rest are spot on.”
The USA has no manner nor “class” to handle ourselves.
In your later text, you claim us to again, be stupid. “Hey if the US want to fall for the ideas of a 19th century Welsh snake oil salesman, feel free, but just don’t say it is scriptural.”
In your nation and within your flamingly anti-American sub-culture you rather enjoy shredding us. Of course, you cannot say a negative word about anyone except for Christians and Jews, for a verbal attack on Islam simply will be far too stark a contrast of reality, that will shed ample light on your bitterness.
You American-hating blabber, though so chique in targeting Christians, is quite clear. Let me see ONE bit of nasty truth about Islam come from your keyboard. Your fingers would crack before you could type such things. Truth is a bitch and she drives realities that you can duck, ignore and blame on the US Christians, but reality always collects what she’s due.
@jemima101 and Rob:
Okay you two that’s enough. Keep it civil or I show you the door.
Sorry that I have been away from my e-mail for several days. The political ads are getting ridiculous, especiually since I voted a week and a half ago!
But I digresss, actually I’m looking forward to December 22, 2012 because once again the doomsday people can go away for a while. I was raised on this BS. Growing up in the Southern Appalachian Mountains there was always some person down the street that was “seeing” signs of the End of Days. The ones you feel really sorry for are people like in Ohio around the turn of the last centuary. They sold everything wrapped themselves in sheets and waited on the end on a hill top. Sunrise came and went and nothing happened.
When I was going to college back in the seventies the self-rightous self-proclaimed evangelists hated me. I carried a copy of the King James Bible in the hip pocket (with a English copyright no less) they hated me because I would look up the scripture that they had missquoted to me and read them the full text and explain it to them. I was also a Sunday School teacher in High School. So when people get annoying around me I don’t get angry and defensive. Rather I have enjoyed long conversations about religion. When Hare Krishnas showed up on campus I welcomed long talks with them so I could learn more about Eastern thought. You don’t have to be hostile because someone has a different world view. Often at my Unitarian Universalist “church” we have very interesting conversations with people of widely differing views. Neo-pagans, humanists, atheists, mystics, and liberal Christians its delightful! I feel sad that others are so caught up in being so closed minded that they denigh themselves of this joyious feast.
@ James W Love
I am an atheist, but regularly tune into the Melbourne, Australian Unitarian broadcast on local community radio for their Saturday presentation. There is no sermon just rational, thoughtful and compassionate talk about all things great and small; from climate change to gambling, from the right of all to education to the rights of indigenous people. I always feel hopeful after these programs.
No proselytizing just positive, helpful discussion. I know if I attended a Unitarian meeting I would feel welcome and not judged. Other more dogmatic religions could well be enlightened by Unitarians.