For Steve Harper, the question of, “When did you first realize you were White?” is only the beginning.
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Recently I was on a call with some of my Good Men Project colleagues and I was smacked in the face with a profound awareness about race. The conversation, which editor Lisa Hickey moderates every Friday, always covers a range of topics and this one veered toward racial awareness and identity toward the end of the call. That’s when I got smacked.
Like everyone, I’m multi-dimensional. I’m a gay Black man, a writer, an actor, a creativity coach. And at the end of this call, Wilson Jordan asked the participants on the line to consider this question: “When did you first realize you were White?”
It’s a great question, of course, and several people chimed in as their minds were blown by the concept. Most of the White people, it seemed, didn’t have to think about race, and some were hard pressed to identify a moment when that awareness of Whiteness hit them. Some admitted they realized it when they were around non-White people for the first time.
The fact that people can go unconscious about their racial identity is a mark of privilege. It isn’t surprising to me, but it was, and is, maddening because I don’t get that luxury.
While the White people on the call searched for a moment when they first realized they were White, I’m reminded I’m Black and gay every day. Yes, there was a first moment, which I’ll never forget, and there are also continual reminders. Consider the complexity of the combination of race and sexuality on this topic and you may get a glimpse at my perspective.
This is one of the complicated things about being “other” in America. I may move through private moments (in my house for example) just being me, but when I step outside, I realize I’m Black and gay over and over again. When I pass a police car, or step into a convenience store, when I see a straight couple holding hands – it resonates: “I’m the different one.”
That doesn’t mean I’m alone in all this. There are other people like me, but we are not the majority. As I walk through the world I feel the reverberations everywhere.
That constancy is a profound difference between my life and what I imagine a White / straight person’s life is like. There is no “set it and forget it” version of being who I am. I get reminders almost every step of the way.
At times I lean into it. As a writer in the entertainment industry, I now come out as gay at almost every opportunity (the Black part is, of course, obvious.) Since it’s part of who I am, it’s part of my artistic and creative perspective. The Black/gay combo is, on some level, a brand I’d be foolish not to use.
There are blessings that come with who I am, for sure, and complications. A better series of questions for me about race would reference different areas of my life: “When did you realize as a writer you were Black? As a voter? As an actor? As a gay person? As a church-goer?”
Part of me wishes I could set and forget it. But I don’t have the privilege of being unconscious.
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Photo credit: Getty Images
I’m white and I hear you Steve! I also have the privilege of paying attention to the oppression of People of Color….or not. I also notice that white people tend to code racism as a personal character flaw “I don’t use the ‘N’ word and I have a Black friend, therefore I’m not racist. So there’s no racism in the room.” While Black people tend to code racism as a cultural phenomena “My people are being oppressed and hurt by white privilege and institutionalized oppression. There’s ALWAYS racism in the room.” Also, I’m aware of how I subtly collude with… Read more »
I find it frustrating that the discussion of race talks about it as an absolute. A person is white, black, Hispanic, Asian, etc. as if everyone was one distinct race. What about those who are bi-racial. You could ask me when was the first time I realized I was Asian and then ask when was the first time I realized that I wasn’t (I was white). I knew a couple light skinned black women who had a similar experience. Among white people they were black. Among black people, they weren’t black enough. “Some admitted they realized it when they were… Read more »
You’ve got three things going on steve. Black, gay and gay black. From what I can see, black culture has eay more issue with gay than white culture has. Bottom line is we’re all oddballs because we are human. My philosophy is jump a bit higher and get over it. This my life. I didn’t pick being white, unless in some new age spiritual sense i did. Like you did becoming a black entity but that’s not pertinent to this. So deal with what is, drop the personal side of things and enjoy your life. I enjoy your life just… Read more »
The comment “we’re all oddballs because we are human” reminded me of this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2nmhAJYxFT4 “You haven’t gotten into proximity to black people, as you say, because … you don’t have to. And that’s part of what it means to be American, to me, is to have all these things that you can do if you want to, you don’t have to do if you don’t want to. And there’s a way in which American and White and Human become synonyms. That ‘why can’t we just treat each other as human beings?’ – to me, when I hear it from a… Read more »