If I never make a check mark by those places on my bucket list I want to visit, I’ll feel bad and forget the hundred other amazing places I have been. So will you.
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Every time I go to the supermarket, I pick up a magazine to look at in the checkout queue. I never buy it–reading magazines is the quickest way to feel poor–but the photos are nice for a bit of glossy escapism from the crazy man behind me complaining about yoghurt. (My local supermarket is next to a methodone clinic. If you don’t get picked on by a nut they give you a discount).
The magazine I picked up yesterday was International Traveller and the reason I chose it was the headline on the front cover. ‘100 Cities To Visit Before You Die.’ Fast forward to the checkout and I’ve got to ‘Number 62: Baltimore’ (really??) before I’ve realised what I’m doing. I’m not reading a useful article about nice places to visit. I’m ticking off how many of them I’ve been to. Worse, I’m also making a mental note about the other cities I should visit. Note the verb there, it’s not ‘want.’ This–I think–is why bucket lists are so bad for us.
And it suddenly occurred to me ‘OMG if I don’t act now, I’m going to have to wait until you die before I ever do that.’
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I’m going to Mongolia next month. Yeah, I’m excited. I was lying on the couch a while back reading out an article to the current Mr. Gillmore about this mountain people who hunt with eagles and how you can visit them and pretend you’re in a furry hat advert. ‘Mah,’ he said, ‘I think I’d prefer a beach holiday.’ And it suddenly occurred to me ‘OMG if I don’t act now, I’m going to have to wait until you die before I ever do that.’ Now it’s all booked and I can hardly wait. But what makes me nervous is I’m going to be standing there, further from the ocean than I feel comfortable with, surrounded by natural beauty and small people in strange clothes, and instead of being taken away by the beauty and majesty of it all, I’ll be thinking ‘Well, that’s Mongolia done. Tick.’
It’s like the line in Howard’s End when the people are overheard saying ‘Was that Rome?’ ‘No, honey, Rome was where we saw the yellow dawg.’ It’s list-ticking, it’s doing what you think ought to be done, not appreciating where you are right now and how amazing it is.
When I’m not writing, I work in a bank, kinda sorta in project management (the way lots of people’s jobs are kinda sorta project management these days). I don’t do too badly at it and the reason, I think, is I’m very outcome-focused. I go to meetings and everyone’s bla bla bla this and bla bla bla that and I just say ‘so what are we trying to achieve here and have you done it?’ It winds people up, I know, but it does drive results.
But that’s work, and if you think about it the definition of ‘work’ is something you don’t want to do (otherwise it’s just a hobby which pays the bills, which is why we all want to be pop stars, or writers, or football players). So why would you want to bring something you don’t want into the rest of your life? Why would you want a list of agreed outcomes which stop you from focusing on all the fun you’re having now?
What I’m saying is, don’t make a destination an agreed outcome, which must be achieved, another thing to tick off your list.
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Don’t get me wrong. I’m not suggesting we all stay indoors feeling grateful we have clean running water (although, can I please point out, how amazing and undervalued clean running water is? I mean come on, we flush the toilet with this stuff which is good enough to drink)! What I’m saying is, don’t make a destination an agreed outcome which must be achieved, another thing to tick off your list. Sure, you can take a selfie and plaster the proof all over Facebook, but is that why you went?
And more importantly, what if you don’t make it there in the first place? I would like to visit every country on earth, but I don’t want to beat myself up in forty years time if I don’t make it to the Central African Republic (I cannot be the only person who thinks that sounds more like a description than the name of a country). Agreed outcomes are great for work because they drive behaviour which, if left to our own devices, might not be achieved. Bucket lists in life are terrible for the same reason. They overshadow all those wonderful things we’ve already done. So I’ve never been to San Francisco, I know, I know, but don’t make me feel bad about it otherwise I’ll go there just because I should. Or, if I never make it, I’ll feel bad about that and forget the hundred other amazing places I have been.
I believe the objective we should all be striving for is contentment and a bucket list is designed to make you feel less than content. So, I recommend you throw yours in the bin and make a list of all the great things you’ve already done and stick that on the wall instead. See which one makes you feel better.
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This post is republished on Medium.
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