As the Space Shuttle sinks, the alimony wars are set to soar.
The end of the 30-year-old Space Shuttle Program is old news, but every layoff hits every worker and every family hard when the pink slip finally comes. And a new round of layoffs is scheduled for October.
The folks who lose their jobs at the Kennedy Space Center have a special burden that those at the Houston office don’t. In Texas, alimony is limited to three years after a 10-year-long marriage. In Florida, family courts are heavily biased against men, and much of the alimony that’s doled out, even to women in their 30s and 40s, is permanent. There’s an industry of attorneys who only represent men. It’s the boys vs. the girls from the get-go, and the prevailing attitude is that men are sugar daddies and women are helpless.
Ninety-seven percent of alimony payers are men. In rare cases in Florida, when women are ordered to pay alimony, it’s short-term.
Walking papers in hand, laid-off workers must return to divorce court, plead for relief in their alimony payments, and hope against hope that it’s coming. It helps to show up with a lawyer, and it helps to expect the worst. A judge told a petitioner several years ago that he should have been saving money for alimony in case he lost his job.
One laid-off worker already filed court papers. What should be an ordinary adjustment escalated once his ex-wife claimed that he, a lead engineer on 100 Space Shuttle launches, quit work voluntarily. Her lawyer is demanding three years of pay stubs and bank statements—and threatening to plunder his 401K for her legal fees. He fears the worst; he declared bankruptcy after his divorce. His attorney wanted—and got—$10,000 up front.
For him and other payers, there is no automatic end to or reduction in alimony, even at retirement, even when it the payer is disabled or retirement is required, as with airline pilots. Couples divide marital assets, including pensions—or judges divide them, often giving women more than half—and the payer is expected to work forever or use his assets to pay alimony, even though the ex has gotten her fair share. A payer’s new wife can even get embroiled when the ex-wife makes a claim on her resources.
Payers are afraid to tell their stories because they’re ashamed, don’t want to hurt their children, and because going public might hurt a court case.
Last year, the Florida legislature made a few changes in the laws, and cut down on the wholesale awards of permanent alimony to all, but did nothing to protect people who want or need to retire, and nothing to help the thousands of payers already burdened by crushing debt, with no light, ever, at the end of the tunnel. This year, a grassroots organization, Florida Alimony Reform, is pushing for real change. Opposition will come from the Florida Family Bar, a powerful force in state politics.
As the Space Shuttle sinks, the alimony wars are set to soar.
Elizabeth Benedict is a novelist and journalist who writes often about alimony reform and wrote the Boston Globe op-ed that ignited the reform movement in Massachusetts.
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Tom Matlack also writes about the end of the Space Program: Who Has ‘The Right Stuff’ Now.
—Photo loomingy1/Flickr
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To learn more about the abuses in the Florida Family Court System, kindly visit us at http//www.floridaalimonyreform.com. You will certainly be amazed.
Susan
Excellent article bringing to light haow the family law sector never lets a good crisis go to waste. How can they possible sleep at night? Special thanks go out to Elizabeth Benedict for this informative article and also thanks to the Good Men Project. This type of reaction by the family courts are typical, not the exception. I am certain to be bankrupt in the very near future without any possibility to save the house. I will be forced into the street, then to the courts, and then to jail. I am currently forced to forfeit 50% of my take… Read more »
Thanks Elizabeth, I’m sending an email now.
Way to go!!!! I got raped by the courts in New Jersey which is another state that is as bad as Florida. I’ve taken the ex back several times to get it reduced. Once I was out of work for 6 months and the arrears kept accruing.I went to court to have the arrers eliminated. The judge said no. I and many others need help in NJ. I cant keep paying the ex $600 a week plus $35 a week for arrears. I’m 54 years old make around $100K per year. They all look at the men like we are… Read more »
RE New Jersey. If you write to me via email, I might be able to put you in touch with some people who are thinking of starting a reform group in NJ. [email protected]
Florida and New Jersey are not alone. Alabama is just as bad. I spent my entire life working to have a comfortable retirement, then like a fool married this woman consierably younger than I. But, she was well educated and had a good job….I certainly was not looking for someone to support. Soon after marriage she decided that I made enough money to support both of us so she quit her job. I should have divorced her then but tried to make it work and tried to convince her to go back to work. She refused. Long story short. I… Read more »
I am recently divorced, am an airline pilot and have recently retired from the United States Air Force reserve. After a costly litigation that ended with a trial I was given a life sentence to pay a 46 year old woman, college educated with 2 professional licenses permananet alimony. I have a mandatory retirement at age 65 that will not turn off the alimony unless she remarries or I can convince a judge that I no longer have income. Since I gave her half of an airline pension and almost half of a military retirement with a combined worth over… Read more »
Until the feminists publicly state that alimony is unfair and unnecessary (are you listening, NOW?) as a matter of public policy, I will assume that the feminist movement is more about privilege and superiority than equality.
I could not agree more with the article. In Florida, you are going to pay permanent alimony. My ex-wife had a military pension, Ivy League education, worked 12 out of 19 years of our marriage, and was awarded permanent alimony. At the age of 52, I would think the judge would find someone like that able to rehabilitate herself and award temporary relief of a few years alimony. If they cannot be rehabilitated, then they should be on some type of government disability because of their dramatic inability to learn or get a job. Unfortunately, like other men in the… Read more »
I am a recently laid off Space Center worker, where I dedicated 25 years to the Space Shuttle program. I have vigorously been looking for another job, but there are not too many jobs out there handling rocket propellants. For the past 10 years my former wife has been aware that this day was soon at hand. Instead of preparing herself to work by finishing her degree, she has simply retained her attorney to attempt to take everything else from me that she did not get during the original divorce in 2007, even including my unemployment check. Permanent alimony is… Read more »
Liz, the picture you have chosen for this article speaks a thousand words!
Thanx for what you do.
I’m in it for $900 per month, I’m a firefighter with literally no hope for retirement because she gets some of that too. I guess I’ll be going to jail someday. Works for me. At least I’ll get three squares and some rest time before I die. Judges don’t care about people in Florida. They all suck. I’d piss on their graves if I could get away with it.
Thank you so much for this article. My husband and I pay his ex 750.00 every month and we will for the rest of her life. She will never remarry. Why would she give up all that free money? She intentionally works part time, if at all, because she is a parasite who only wants to live in a drug induced happy land while we are forced by law to pay for it. The laws have got to be changed and they must be retroactive because no one I know can even afford to file for a modification. Anyway, the… Read more »
Great article and so true (Yes it happened to me and cost me a bundle)and atrocious that this can happen in a modern day so-called democracy. Tyranny like this cannot be allowed to continue so it’s great that you are shedding light on it. Power to the people as we used to say;-)
I had no idea permanent alimony was still available in any state! That seems so archaic. I’m opposed to the concept of alimony in general (in California I think it’s called spousal support) even for a “transitional” period unless it can be shown that a gross injustice would result. If the other spouse has a job then they should work, even if they make less than their ex. No one owes you a free ride in life, not even a former spouse. But I am kind of a radical in that I think marriage should be abolished as a government… Read more »
It can be done. We changed the law in Massachusetts. It is just waiting for signature from the Governor. http://massalimonyreform.org/ It makes a whole bunch of sensible reforms: 1. Alimony is time limited to 50-80% of the length of the marriage. 2. Second Wife’s (Husband’s) Income and Assets Excluded 3. Co-Habitation Suspends, Reduces, or Terminates Alimony 4. Alimony Ends with the Remarriage of the Alimony Recipient 5. Alimony ends with the retirement of the payor. They key is to get the press involved. Let people see the terrible stories and how unfair it is. In MA we compiled a series… Read more »
It is really sad that Alimony was meant to compensate for a gross inequity many years ago, i.e. women left without financial means after devoting their lives to raising children and managing domestic affairs for the family, and is now used to support women to live in a lifestyle they are accustomed to, even after they are co-habitating. No one should have to pay alimony for life, yes, definitely, assets should be split and transitional income should be allotted to the person whose income was/is lower, 3-6yrs perhaps transitional income. And of course, child support until out of College. BUT,… Read more »
Thanks to the Good Men Project and to the writer for exposing the truth about alimony in Florida. Divorce and after-divorce life should not have to be about “boys vs girls”. But unfortunately, the Family Section of the Florida Bar wants it to be a war because it is generates millions in attorneys fees. And that’s why the Florida Bar has opposed adequate alimony reform in the past. The Florida Bar does NOT CARE about families or what is JUST; The Bar cares more about how much money they can get their attorneys to pocket. With Permanent Alimony Reform, the… Read more »
Permanent Alimony is Financial Slavery…pure and simple. There are only two reasons why an X wife should recieve an order of “Long Term” Alimony. 1-if there is a permanent disability that would prevent her from ever finding work or receiving income from other sources; and 2- If the marriage was so long-term that she simply doesn’t have any skills and is simply aged out of the job market. And even then, there are ways to get gov’t assistance that doesn’t enslave her former husband for a lifetime. Florida Judges and Attorneys have the biggest scam going to create chaos and… Read more »
It would seem that alimony is one of the things that has not changed in this era where women are taking a larger place in the work force and leaving behind the tradatitional expectation of being a stay at home mom. Frankly I like the fact that things have changed for women as much as they have (no I didn’t say it was perfect but I dare you to say things haven’t changed in the last 30 years or so) but it seems that when it comes to things like alimony (and custody, and child support, etc….) its still a… Read more »
Permanent alimony is a disgrace and epitomizes a broken family law system. Once you marry the law considers the married couple as one entity, permanently responsible for each other. But think about the opportunities for abuse that such a system enables. Whether because of mental illness, personality disorder, a get-even attitude brought on by advancing age, or just plain nastiness, one person can abuse and wreak havoc on the other; aided and encouraged by the LAW. Today, most families consist of two working people. Often, the two are professionals. If one partner decides over the course of the marriage to… Read more »
Permanent alimony is archaic. In this day and age every adult should at some point in time be responsible for their own financial well being. Rehabilitative or transitional alimony is fine, but permanent alimony needs to end. Also, modifications, especially in the cases when there are mass layoffs in an area, should NOT be as difficult to obtain as the Space Shuttle employees are finding it to be. Judges need to be more realistic and less paternal.
I just had to go back to court as I was laid off in 2008 and still have not found a job and have determined that there are no jobs in my six figure salary range. I have a $3,000 per mo permanent alimony award with no resources to pay for it…what happens? Contempt Motion. Had to hire a kick-ass lawyer and borrow 10K to pay the firm and they cut me a deal (if you call it that) of a reduction to $2,000 a mo. The firm told me that the permanent alimony will NEVER go to zero or… Read more »
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Crazy story Dale absolutely ridiculous, did u try the one time payoff option through mediation? Thats what I did, took the money out of the IRA and paid her and the atty. off and done with it. I know it’s a big check and painful but better in the long run to smell the free air once again after many years of virtual slavery just paying and paying. Good luck man.
My husband tried for that PJ but his ex sat stubbornly in the mediation room, refusing to even speak, while her attorney said “she won’t settle for anything less than lifetime alimony because that what the law says she deserves”…..strange how SHE was the one who filed a no fault divorce but apparently the courts still see fit to punish someone financially for a lifetime.
Wow, good work and thanks to Good Men Project. We at http://www.floridaalimonyreform.com applaud you. We should all join together, women and men are in the same boat now. Alimony awards in Florida (and elsewhere) are really unfair and a disgrace. We can work together to make a change… It is the American way after all. (Spoken as a woman trapped in an alimony scenario after leaving a long term mentally abusive marriage)
Together we can make change, look at Massachusetts!!! We need to all band together and make our voices heard.
With over 50% of marriages ending in divorce, why is it still so legal intensive? When you’ve been laid off it should be a simple process of showing your current income. Reviewing Income Tax Returns annually by an unbiased third party must be too simple a solution. Take the emotion out and look at the numbers. The Space Shuttle workers spent years dedicated to America’s Space Program. Now, we not only throw them away, but for alimony payers, we throw them to the wolves. Family Law Attorneys (Divorce/Child Support/Alimony) find themselves trapped as well in a maze of legal maneuverings,… Read more »
Huge thanks to the Good Men Project for helping spread the word about Florida’s alimony problems. Please feel free to email me for more information, or for a copy of my original op-ed, or go directly to Florida Alimony Reform (http://www.floridaalimonyreform.com) to find out more about the law and how these folks are trying to bring it into the 21st century. My email: [email protected].
Thank you Elizabeth Benedict for your help in Alimony reform for Florida (mostly men) who are in bondage for eternity to their ex spouses for lifetime alimony. It is cruel and spiritually kills men who must live their remaining lives under stress because they can never be free again due to lifetime alimony. When will judges realize what they have done to the lives of people in Florida who must pay until they die to an ex who happily lives enjoying lifetime alimony. Thank you also Susan who has organized and put years of work into helping others who are… Read more »
Dear Elizabeth:
Also, I forgot to thank the Good Men s project for allowing this information to be broadcast to all people who are not aware of what is happening in Florida with alimony. More people need to become aware of “LIFETIME ALIMONY” laws in Florida. I have spoken to people who are amazed that here in Florida lifetime alinony is in effect and men kill themselves because their lives are ruined by lifetime alimony with no recourse no matter what they do. They must die to end lifetime alimony and that is the truth.
I hope something can be done with this loop hole of stealing, My wife left me for another man and they file for divorce on me. I was completely caught off guard and had no idea how corrupt the legal system is. She refused marriage counseling and wanted a new life with a man that can not even support himself. Everything we ever had was because of me. She never paid a bill or paid anything with her pay check as she only spent on herself. She never did anything for our daughter;(found out after the separation) except call her… Read more »