Marc Oromaner believes that the strongest men are those who have the strength to forgive someone who did them wrong.
The first time I was given advice about the importance of forgiveness was at the most unlikely of places: an advertising school I was attending in Atlanta. The school had brought in speaker Joey Reiman—a very successful advertising executive who ran his own agency. Almost immediately, I could tell this man had a lot of wisdom, but it was towards the end of his presentation when something he said really resonated with me.
He asked how many of us had someone in our life—from our past or present—that still made us angry sometimes. Nearly everyone had a hand raised. Joey then shouted, “Evict them! They are living in your mind rent free!” It gave me chills. I’d thought about all the people, some from years and years before, that still made me bitter. Joey was right! Why was I still holding onto these negative emotions? Surely, they weren’t thinking about me!
Years later, I saw T. Harv Ecker, author of Secrets of The Millionaire Mind speak in New York. He said something similar to Reiman’s quote, which resonated just as deeply: “Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die.” Wow, such a simple message and yet, so true and impactful! Taking both messages to heart, combined with what I had learned from various spiritual teachings and the myths in the media, I decided then and there to forgive anyone who I ever felt had done me wrong. At that moment, it all clicked: You can’t control the actions of others, but you can decide whether you suffer for them. I chose to no longer suffer.
Since then, I’ve become even more conscious of the power of forgiveness. One thing that makes it easier for me is my belief that we are all connected. When I workout, do my muscles get angry at my brain for making them stress and strain? Similarly, perhaps a reason others cause us pain or sorrow to begin with is to give us an opportunity to grow. Maybe all the seemingly negative experiences we go through in life, no matter how horrendous, allow us to step up and make some good come out of them.
Whenever I experience something or someone which causes me pain or anger, I do my best to stop and think about the bigger picture: “What is the possible opportunity or lesson here?” Even when I hear devastating stories that have happened to others or in the news, I still think about the possible blessings. I don’t mean to belittle the anguish and devastation that may come out of these situations, and I think everyone has a right to feel angry or depressed about whatever travesty they may have undergone. The issue, however, is when you hold onto the pain and let it control your thoughts, decisions, and actions. Such a situation doesn’t do anyone any good, especially you.
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I believe that one of the greatest, yet underappreciated, healing forces in our world is the power of stories. Consciously and subconsciously we learn so much wisdom from the myths in the media and the forgiveness motif shows up frequently, particularly in the Star Wars saga.
During its sixth episode, Return of the Jedi*, Luke Skywalker is battling his own father, Darth Vader, to the death. In a powerful scene, Luke’s hatred fuels his strength to the point where he knocks Vader to the ground, slices off his robotic hand, and is ready to finish him off. But then, Luke looks at his own robotic hand—a hand he’d lost to his father in an earlier battle. If he were to finish him off, he would start to become everything he had hated about him.
Luke tosses away his light saber and refuses to fight. That decision nearly costs him his life as Darth Vader’s master, Emperor Palpatine, shoots bolts of electricity into Luke. Just as it seems as though Luke is finished, his father rises up and tosses his electrically charged master to his doom. The electric shock destroys Vader’s life-supporting robotic body, which he cannot live without. Luke tries to help his dying father and promises, “I must save you.” His father shakes his head and says, “You already have.”
I always get teary-eyed watching that scene, as I do with the forgiveness scenes in movies such as Field of Dreams where Kevin Costner’s character must forgive his dad for never being there for him. On TV, there has probably been no better example of a show focusing on the forgiveness theme than Lost, where nearly every character had to forgive a parent, a friend, or themselves for atrocities that they’d carried around with them like burdens that weighed down their souls.
Regardless of your perspective as to why life presents us with people and events that we can chose to forgive, the benefits of doing so definitely outweigh the benefits of not forgiving—of which, there really aren’t any. Holding onto anger gives us an excuse for being miserable instead of the power we need to do something about it. It affects our decisions, such as deciding not to have kids so there’s no chance of you becoming the kind of parent your father or mother was to you. In fact, holding in anger creates a filter through which we see all of life, and act accordingly. The forgiveness filter however, makes everything so much brighter.
Besides allowing us to psychologically lighten our burden, studies show that forgiving brings about physical health benefits as well such as lowering our levels of stress and blood pressure. Forgiving may even benefit those who we feel are responsible for our pain, even if we only forgive them in our mind (David Wilcock’s book The Source Field Investigations explores evidence that showering love and forgiveness in our minds to our perceived enemies may actually help them to reduce any guilt they may be holding on to.)
Even knowing and believing these benefits, forgiving can be quite a challenge, especially when it comes to something someone did that has devastated our life. Gary Weinstein is someone who has known such a travesty. His entire family—wife and two young boys—were killed when struck by a drunk driver. Even the biggest proponents of forgiveness could understand Gary not forgiving the man who committed such an atrocity. Yet after much anger, grieving, and soul-searching, Gary did.
His story inspired a friend of his, filmmaker Shawne Duperon who herself had found the strength to forgive the perpetrator of sexual abuse she’d undergone as a child. As fate would have it, Shawne was also a family friend of the driver who had killed Gary’s family, and knew firsthand how completely devastated and guilty he was for the pain he’d caused. Touched by both stories, Shawne has been working on a film about forgiveness that she hopes will help heal the world.
As an explanation for the pain and suffering that occurs in this world, some believe that there is no explanation for it while others feel we bring it upon ourselves in a karmic fashion or as a punishment from a vengeful God. Personally, I feel that the deeper the challenge, the more good that has the potential to come out of it. What possible reason could there be for a young girl to be sexually abused or a caring, good man to lose his entire family in a senseless, avoidable act? While Shawne and Gary have made tremendous sacrifices, the strength they developed from those experiences has enabled them to help many, many others. It is the Messiah myth: the strong soul who sacrifices itself in order to save us all.
In my heart, I believe that the concept of the Messiah isn’t actually a person, but an energy that comes when we tip the scale in favor of love, harmony, and acceptance. Taking the first step in that direction begins with forgiveness.
Before you click away from this article and push its message to the nether regions of your mind, take a moment to do a mental check of the people from your past that still evoke a reaction of pain or anger. Do you think that these people acted as they did to purposely anger you? Did they get joy out of the hurt they caused? Or, were they acting from their own pain and suffering and could be forgiven because they knew not what they were doing?
Even if they did enjoy causing you pain, can you find it in your heart to forgive them anyway? Can you let it go? Could you send them a letter of forgiveness? Even if you don’t send it, could you at least write it? Perhaps the person you need to forgive the most is yourself. Write that letter and mail it to yourself. Know that whatever you’re angry about, you, or the people who’ve angered you, were most likely doing the best they could, with the tools they had at the time. Yes, the tools were likely faulty, but maybe thinking about it that way makes forgiveness a little bit easier.
So purge yourself of your inner poison! Evict the pain that is living in your mind rent-free! More likely than not, you’ll find that the tenant that moves in to take its place is much more cheerful and inspiring. And by hearing that voice in your head, instead of the angry, bitter one, chances are, you’ll find yourself feeling more cheerful and inspiring too. I know I do.
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* The original name for this film was Revenge of the Jedi. Lucus decided to change it since the concept of revenge doesn’t fit into the enlightened code of the Jedi. The message for us is to not hold onto anger or fear since it leads to the Dark Side.
Photo by JD Hancock/Flickr
About Marc Oromaner
Drew, I agree with you.
Tom B, you do a better job of making clear that you don’t believe forgiveness of abusers is a requirement of healing than others have managed. The dogged repetition of a mantra ad nauseum on this thread left me feeling that no opposing view was valid here. However, my statements of being unwilling to hear forgiveness preached at me without evidence of a similar traumatic past does not assume anybody else is free of trauma. It is more in line with your “I know how you feel” example. If somebody who has been betrayed by a friend chooses to forgive and feels better for it, great. But that person is wrong to assume the effects of child sexual abuse could be dismissed as simply. As MediaHound mentioned, there are psychological and physiological aspects that are not just me “deciding” to still feel angry or depressed about past abuse. If I could wave a magic religious wand and make all trauma effects disappear, I’d be all for that. The fact is, wishing it away does not work. To me, this “forgive abusers” concept is no more scientifically valid for treatment of trauma than clapping our hands to save Tinkerbell would be. But thank you for at least stating that to forgive is a personal choice. That has not been made convincingly clear prior here.
MediaHound, your post is going to be printed out and reread often. Thank you. I agree with you completely. Your snake oil assessment of this pop psychology idea, to me, is spot on.
How many PTSD sufferers does it take to change a light bulb? NONE! They have flashbacks to light the way … some call it mood lighting!
W.R.R. – to what I have said before you can add Victim Blaming and Secondary Abuse – Re-victimisation.
Get your body blown to pieces and people are happy to push you around in a Wheelchair. Get your mind blown to pieces and they are still happy to push you around! No Wheelchair required! They just see it as acceptable, even when told it’s not – asked to stop – and even told to stop!
So many simply do not get just how triggering it can be to a person with PTSD – especially abuse related PTSD – to be told they have to let it go, ignore it, forgive and forget. Why not just throw then out of the back of a plane at 48,000 feet and tell them to stop being negative – develop and Positive Mental Attitude and flap a bit and learn how to fly!
Some can write very nice books about forgiveness and it’s power, and for some it’s very useful. BUT applying such pop psychology to people who find it triggering to even have to think about the abuser who has to be forgiven …. well they just miss the point. The very act of thinking about forgiveness places the PTSD sufferer back in the abuse – being abused – smelling, tasting, feeling the abuse – re-experiencing the abuse ….. It’s one hell of a trick getting past that level of damage… and it’s even damaging to tell people they should.
Some believe they grasp the meaning of words – and as such the mix up two in-particular – Empathy and Sympathy. Empathy comes from empatheia and itl;s modern usage actually comes from the German “Einfühlung” or “feeling into”. It’s an attempt to intellectualise the experience of another when there is no common experience. Sympathy has it’s roots in sympatheia which means “having a fellow feeling.” and relates to common experience.
It’s funny how so many claim to be sympathetic about PTSD when they in fact have no Common Experience, and in reality are simply groping and attempting to feel their way into a state of empathy. The difference is as great as a person claiming they know how someone else feels and all about their experience because their cat died – and they are expressing this to someone like Zvi Ernst Spiegel – who was held at Auschwitz and survived whilst watching so many other die …. by being the assistant to Josef Mengele – and still managed to save many. (And don’t dare to quote Godwin).
If you tell people that their attitudes, conduct, language and behaviours cause bodily or mental suffering or pain, they are correctly called a Tormentor. If they keep it up and don’t alter “their” conduct they transform into another word – Torturer. It’s a strong word and has so many connotations – but when you are dealing with a person with PTSD and you keep pushing buttons even when told to stop, you are a Torturer and have normalised such behaviour in your own life and existence.
The number of times I have come across people told they need to do internal work – face their fear – Blah Blah Blah …. and the pedallers of such mythology exempt themselves from any responsibility for their own ignorance and the damage that they induce. Normalising such attitudes and conduct is what happened in Abu Ghraib – Shock Horror. But doing the exact same thing without the dog collars and leashes … and the photos is seen as acceptable and not questioned. It’s even seen as rude to draw the comparison to people’s attention.
“Sure, this robe of mine doth change my disposition.” — Shakespeare, The Winter’s Tale
It would be like giving a battered woman a marriage guidance manual and telling them to follow the supposed expertise it contains! If that was done there would be up roar! … but then again. It has taken some 40 years to get some to even accept that Domestic Abuse and Violence is even an issue! Ignorance may be bliss for some – it just makes the rest have to deal with both living hell and the burden of others ignorance and a distinct lack of bliss!
On the other hand – if it’s guys pointing out that when it comes to PTSD – especially abuse related PTSD – that what is being said is wrong, potentially damaging and at best misguided …. well the response is to dance about, serve fudge and ignore the experience and expertise of the people dealing with PTSD either as suffers or people who advocate for and support people battling with PTSD.
I love book titles – they can be so evocative. Take this as an example “Forgive And Make a Million $”. You can see it flying off the bookshelves.
It is hard to get other titles to compete, such as “Amygdala response in patients with acute PTSD to masked and unmasked emotional facial expressions” or that absolute ripper “Noradrenergic signaling in the amygdala contributes to the reconsolidation of fear memory: treatment implications for PTSD.”
My personal favourite is of course “Dysregulation of the Hypothalamic-Pituitary-Adrenal (HPA) axis is observed in survivors of sexual assault” … it’s such a snappy title, best seller and must read …… for experts!
It’s just fascinating how such Great Titles keep on confirming how PTSD alters Brain Structure, How Brains Work, How people think – and even how they produce facial expressions – how re-experiencing becomes hard wired and simply can’t be avoided … and it’s triggered with a physiological response that has had all safeties taken off and given a hair trigger ….. but The Pulp Fiction wins out due to the snappier titles and easy read format!
“Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder For Dummies” – believe it or not it has been written (Slaps Forehead … wondering if it’s possible to get one way ticket to a place called “Rational Sanity” – population unknown) …. if you go to Amazon there are so many others – and so few of value.
“You won’t know the facts until you’ve seen the fiction.”. – Pulp Fiction.
It’s easy and cheep to write Pulp – It takes time and one hell of a lot of money, coupled with scientific methodology and rigour to probe, in a none invasive and none damaging fashion, into a brain, or rather brains, so that the true nature of PTSD – it’s manifestations and effects can be revealed.
It’s possible to have a quarter million copies of a book printed and sold for less than the price of running a well designed, scientifically valid study probing just one aspect of PTSD. One can net you over a million bucks in profit on the first edition – the other only profits those who have an interest and even commitment to the subject!
If only functional MRI scanners were as cheep to buy and run as various printing presses. The Price differential is generally in excess 25000 to 1 …. and the turn around time is even worse! Printing Presses run on hot metal – Functional MRIs on Supper Cooled Magnets as near to Absolute Zero as is possible.
Write Pulp under a snappy title and get it on the bookshelves in as little as two weeks. It takes the same time period to write a funding proposal for a well designed and valid investigation – and then you can end up waiting years to get the rejection slip. It’s such an un-level playing field.
In the mean time, I’m happy to call people who dismiss the reality of PTSD and the effects upon people with PTSD as victim blamers and abusers. If it was female rape victims being dissed – told to forgive and get over it, there would be so much uproar and cries of victim blaming .. and yet if it’s male abuse survivors or men dealing with the complexity of PTSD it’s fine to dis – disregard, dismiss and dissemble.
If they abused a person who had a leg amputated it would be called Disability Abuse and even Hate Crime. Just because the damage is not immediately visible is no excuse!
As a consideration – if a person was blind, would it be acceptable for them to make racially abusive comments and claim an exemption because they could not see that a N##### was present?
Of course not – but peddle Snake Oil as a Universal Panacea and Dis people battling with PTSD and it’s open season. I often have to wonder why I bite my tongue so hard?
I found this interesting;
“As for the man who demanded the right to the messed up life, I would say, good for him. He has begun to take back his power, see that his life may never be perfect but he can control it with faults and all, and that means he has begun the most important forgiveness of all–himself.”
That is beyond patronising – to just assume that someone had only started to take back their power! Worse still – they had taken the steps to forgiving themselves.
The guy had spent years standing his own ground with great power and authority, refusing to comply with other people’s faulty views of his reality and experience – he was weepy due to the relief of finally being recognised for the super human he was. His cry of “I demand a Fucked Up Life” was a valediction!
Of course – if people see others as broken they will miss the valediction – an act of bidding farewell or taking leave – departing from the abuse and dissing and saying goodbye to all the idiocy and post abuse abuse that had gone before.
As for him forgiving himself? What for? For being a super man, super human, refusing to be made to collude with his own abuse by people who did not get his reality, people who had re-traumatised due to their supposed certainty that they understood reality and how he experienced it … and he was wrong wrong wrong – for surviving and dealing with the isolation of people moving away because they failed to grasp matters and then blamed him for their failures, always shifting blame onto him for their ignorance, inadequacies and inhumanity?
It’s interesting that people with PTSD actually have altered perception of facial expressions and reactions – they are subtle but enough for people to grasp even subliminally and treat people differently …. and even isolate them because the subtle signals of human interaction are not working. Odd that the part of the brain that is most substantially altered by PTSD is the Amygdala – and it also is the part of the brain most involved in the recognition and processing of facial expressions. A Double Whammy – The Amygdala is where the hair trigger is ……. PTSD affects both input and output!
It has a few odd intersections – how people with PTSD can often be more tolerant than others, and possibly because input form others is perceived as lower in strength and force. Then of course that input reaches a critical point and the trigger goes ….. and it all explodes. The volume control has no mid range – it’s from Pianissimo to BLAST. It’s so odd that when the blast comes, the pianissimo is over looked. It’s interesting too how many abuse survivors show that altered volume control early on …. but it’s always the blasts that get looked at and not the loss of other human abilities that are even more significant. Abusers love the Pianissimo … and always make sure they are out of the blast radius and not seen to be connected to it.
There you are – dealing with 40 years of trauma and re-traumatisation caused by sexual abuse, and you have been told by the abuser that no-one will believe you – you have had reality denied by the abuser and the people who colluded in dissing so much for so long and long after the abuse had stopped – and the attitudes of so many have simply proved the claims by the abuser that you would not be believed or supported were correct …. and you have kept on going against all those Re Traumartisation events …. and you need to forgive yourself?
Does Not Compute!
I was not joking when I wrote a few weeks ago and said the following:
Some could do with writing less and reading more – another ripper from the archives “Social Acknowledgment as a Victim or Survivor: A Scale to Measure a Recovery Factor of PTSD”.
Odd how it had to be scientifically researched to prove that Dissing people has a negative impact – especially when people Have PTSD! Odd how those findings form 1992 have still to catch on! Maybe in another 20 years …….?
….. but I aint holding me breath or taking bets – 40 years on from the PTSD Disaster that was the homecoming from Vietnam, and the 40 years of experience from that mess has still to be fully acknowledged or addressed.
If the heroes get treated like that – god help the victims who have been fighting very different wars on the home front!
MediaHound, thank you. This actually helps me so much. I especially like the quote about earthquakes. PTSD from my abuse and phobias and triggers coupled with physical handicaps from abuse have joined hands with my rapid cycle bipolar to make life almost unbearable at times. Yet I want to fight and live, and help other victims and survivors to know that surviving is possible. Then the “forgive gurus” sidle up and make me so angry and upset that I have to calm myself to respond civilly at all. To me, “forgive abusers” is revictimizing and victim-blaming. Especially when a survivor was abused in a pedophile sex ring that made pornography. Boys are made to do things that they feel crushing shame and guilt for, but that boy, as young as twelve, is a child, forced, and not to blame for what he is made to do and threatened with death or torture if he doesn’t do it. The fight to grasp the child we were wasn’t to blame is horrific; so many choose suicide because they can’t get past the guilt. But that boy was just a child, abused and terrorized. To survive to adulthood and escape and then be told to “forgive yourself” can devastate him. Far better to help him grasp that none of it was his fault, to let go of guilt because he was a victim too, no forgiveness necessary. As for “forgive your abusers”, that is just sickening. Nobody who delights to do evil and sees no evil in what they do, can ever deserve forgiveness. Even if they beg and cry and say sorry – all I see are crocodile tears. They are only sorry their predations were stopped. If they can dissemble and pretend to reform to get out of prison sooner, their goal is only to harm more children. How can such creatures be “forgiven” while more abuse is heaped on their victims by those who claim they intend to help? It’s utter madness. And even when utterly rejected, these people try to twist the situation so that they can tell themselves they helped you. I reject that. I’m doing as well as I can with the damage and challenges I face, and I don’t accept victim-blaming in the guise of “help”. Your words made coming to this article worthwhile.
To survive to adulthood and escape and then be told to “forgive yourself” can devastate him. Far better to help him grasp that none of it was his fault, to let go of guilt because he was a victim too, no forgiveness necessary. As for “forgive your abusers”, that is just sickening.
Hmmmm – would it be seen as socially acceptable to have people telling someone blown up in an accident and damaged being told they had to forgive themselves for being in the wrong place at the wrong time?
It’s odd – but when it comes to humans being the agents of equal levels of destruction, it’s seen as socially acceptable for the “You Have To Forgive Them” and even the “You Have To Forgive Yourself” tropes to be trotted out and spread about willy nilly.
Why is it that accident is seen as fatalistic – and yet abuse at the hands of another is seen as somehow the responsibility of the victim and invited in some way?
It’s the same as Rape – and telling the victim they should have been dressed differently! I know it’s taking some time to get that Idiocy addressed and have some people’s brains reprogrammed, behaviour altered and not just in the individual but across whole swathes of society!
For some there seems to be a requirement for The Numinous – and yet they always hold the individual to a higher standard than the Numen. It’s bizzare, and just shows how out of balance the thought processes of some are – and they are not even the one’s with PTSD! Go figure!
You either get what this article is about or you don’t. In fact, Oprah has done a Life Class on the very subject. I think what he’s trying to convey here is that forgiveness doesn’t mean that what happened to you was ok or you’re condoning it. It doesn’t mean you have to have any contact at all with the abuser. Forgiveness is about not continuing to be victimized by the past. I LOVE what Tyler Perry said. He said that the same strength it took to endure the abuse, is the same amount of strength it takes to forgive. He said anger is good, bitterness is not. That happened to me, it is not me.
That really impacted me, because bitterness eats away at me. It’s an internal thing.
Some people have endured horrors. Trauma creates neural pathways in the brain. But guess what? So does proper treatment. To imply that someone can’t get better, to me, is re-victimizing them.
Some people have endured horrors. Trauma creates neural pathways in the brain. But guess what? So does proper treatment. To imply that someone can’t get better, to me, is re-victimizing them.
It’s an interesting comment which on the face of it is 100% correct. However, research keeps pointing out that when it comes to neuro-plasticity trauma causes rewiring and restructuring of certain parts of the brain, and, as it were, proper treatment causes changes in other parts of the brain.
So yes it’s a correct statement, but actually highly misleading, as the brain structures and functions altered by Trauma are far more deep seated and primal – and once the damage has occurred it is being found that reversal is quite hard – if not impossible. The higher the levels and frequency of Trauma the gigger the issue.
Also – when it comes to dealing with Multifactorial/Complex PTSD (where that have been repeated, distinct and different trauma over extended periods of time) the multiple traumas leave changes which may not lead to PTSD, until a certain level of Trauma is reached – and then it’s no holds barred and the person is left dealing with not one trauma but all traumas simultaneously. At that point you can think all the nice thoughts you like – engage in all the proper treatment you like – but it is the same as telling a double amputee that it will make their legs grow back.
The idea that proper treatment causes one set of brain structures to develop is valid – but if you take that as a full concept concerning PTSD it’s the same as saying that learning to Juggling with you hands replaces two missing legs and will allow you to not be in a wheel chair. Juggling may improve hand eye co-ordination – but It won’t make you a ballerina.
I was having an interesting chat with one guy about the Olympics, and in particular the Para Olympics. He wants to take the International Olympic Commission to Court for Discrimination.
As he has pointed out, the para Olympics is based upon the concept of physical loss and disability, and misses out all those disabilities such as PTSD which are not readily seen. For him the Para Olympics promotes the ongoing negative views of certain forms of disability. If you are disabled the right way you get to take part and are even treated as heroic – have the wrong disability and you are judged against these other disabled athletes and treated negatively.
It’s fascinating to sit down and speak to someone who is both physically and mentally disabled due to PTSD. I have yet to find anyone who does not say that the PTSD is worse than loosing limbs, having a body that is smashed or ripped to pieces. Of course – why would that matter ….. such experience and understanding is so readily dismissed because people are told to just think other things and supposed experts who have no real world experience say they are right.
It’s like the emperors new clothes – the only person who saw matters clearly was a child, because all the supposed adults were afraid to change their thinking and the social programming they had bought into!
MediaHound, do you have a book or blog dealing with your studies on PTSD and brains required by trauma? I’d love to read more about this. Thanks for all of these comments.
That was “rewired” by trauma… Sigh. I need coffee.
W,R.R. – when it comes to basic texts on PTSD – and all of it’s implications, there are two which often prove useful to those who wish to skip the easy read and jump in the deep end – but it’s a Very Deep End!
1) PTSD: Brain Mechanisms and Clinical Implications – edited by N. Kato, M. Kawata, R.K. Pitman – 2006
Link to google books
2) Handbook of PTSD: Science and Practice – edited by Matthew J. Friedman, Terence M. Keane, Patricia A. Resick – 2007 Link to google books
There is no “Easy Read” which covers the subject in depth – which it is why so many find it so easy to dismiss matters. Some do have a real issue with reality.
Also there is literally daily advancement in the understanding of the subject on multiple fronts – so as soon as a quality resource is written it’s out of date before it’s left the printing presses. Again – that makes it very easy for matters to be dismissed by those who judge easy read and basic as a Power Point Presentation – and see a book at over 300 pages, cross references and drawing together thousands of other pages of published research and even millions of hours or work with tens of thousands of subjects as too much to read and of no value!
As one associate says “It’s easy to create a church and hard to deal with reality!”.
It’s worth keeping an eye on PTSD Research via Google Scholar as most research is published on line – even if it is ultimately hidden behind pay walls – which again allows matters to be dismissed because so many won’t pay to find material that contradicts their views!
On top of that, keeping up with the research and it’s implications is in many ways a full time job – and that is not joke!
On glimmer of hope for people in the USA is the U.S. Department of Veterans Affair who have linked Veterans PTSD to other people with PTSD – including abuse survivors. In fact they have a whole section aimed at educating the public on PTSD and Abuse where the person is NOT a Veteran.
They have whole sections of their website which cover Veterans – Terrorism – Abuse – Disaster – you can read more here.
On the other hand – they are wedded to the view that gender is significant, so they have a whole section which indicates that females have specific responses to Trauma and even different forms of PTSD, whilst males are simply lumped into a the generic pool of people with PTSD. Oddly the research that is used to back up such views (2002) does fail to address one significant area – Child Birth – a bit of a distinct gender issue! It’s even odder, given that the seminal works on the issues of PTSD and child birth were done over a decade earlier – and who said that PTSD wasn’t being treated as a political football?
There is a massive learning curve – and some are still at the bottom …. of the Shallow End! P^)
OH! – and “Clinical Manual for Management of PTSD – David M. Benedek, Gary H. Wynn – 2010 (Link To Google Books) is also of value.
It does point out that research is ongoing – that the full extent of the “”"Professional”"” understanding of the subject is also growing, but also limited by the time that it takes to undertake valid scientific research – and how known treatment regimes are limited in many cases, especially in complex and multi-factorial PTSD – and some 25 years of research back that up. But again, I fear that the 468 pages are a disincentive to many who prefer their own reality, and find it hard to deal with scientific literature, rather than their own easy read concepts which require minimal validity or peer review. P^)
Some still wish to see PTSD as similar to Appendicitis! I prefer to call it Soul and Mind Cancer – and when you look at Cancer Research and treatment they have been at if since Nixon declared War On Cancer back in 1971 – and it’s so odd how long that war was been raging and how long it has taken to get social attitudes changes around the Big C.
Maybe Obama should declare war on PTSD – and there many be an improvement in attitudes sometime around 2050+?
In the mean time – I’m sorry but the daily earthquakes, landslides, hurricanes and tsunamis is what you are left with. Those daily avalanches you deal with, snow shovel in hand! If you need an industrial snow blower any time, let me know! I always look on the bright side, and some defiantly benefit from the blasts that come from formation industrial snow blowing….. and it is funny to see them ask what the “F” do I do with the snow shovel? P^)
The idea that proper treatment causes one set of brain structures to develop is valid – but if you take that as a full concept concerning PTSD it’s the same as saying that learning to Juggling with you hands replaces two missing legs and will allow you to not be in a wheel chair. Juggling may improve hand eye co-ordination – but It won’t make you a ballerina.
I wasn’t implying that a person with deep trauma can be completely restored. Of course not, because their brain has been altered. I was just saying that to think they can’t get better is like treating them as damaged goods. It’s not saying that proper treatment will make your legs grow back. It’s saying your legs are gone and we can’t fix that BUT here are some prosthetic devices that can perhaps improve your quality of life.
Thanks for sharing all of that information.
Thank you, MediaHound, for this response and for all the excellent information and links. This can be a real help to myself and others. It is very good of you to give so much of your time to help others in this discussion and elsewhere. My PTSD issues are a serious challenge in my life, and I deeply appreciate this information and your perspective. My snow shovel is ready. If I may, I’d like to borrow your snake oil analogy. That helps me a lot.
The link that brought me here on Twitter had the question, “Are the strongest men those who have the strength to forgive someone who did them wrong?” made me pause a bit.
I think there might be a bit of a problem with the implication that forgiving someone that did them wrong is some sort of strength. To do so seems to say that a person that does not forgive the one that did them wrong is weak and wrong.
Thanks for sharing your concern Danny. There has actually been quite a lot of comments discussing this post that you might find of interest. (They start on the previous page.) The message of this article is to say that holding onto anger often harms us in more ways than we may recognize. I have offered people the chance to consider forgiveness as an option for letting go of that pain, which I feel is empowering to the forgiver. Some have disagreed. The comments may offer more insight if you are open to more details and clarification.