F***ing and Making Love: What’s the Difference, Men?

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About Sherri Rosen

Sherri Rosen began her own publicity firm in NYC (Www.SherriRosen.Com) more than twelve years ago. She gives
a powerful voice to people that are doing great things in the world. Sherri also writes for Gatekeepers Post, Morning Coffee at Sherri Rosen Publicity, Examiner.Com, Mr. BellersNeighborhood.Com and Triiibes.Com. You can connect with her on Twitter and Facebook.


  1. Hank Vandenburgh says:

    If you can’t make love, don’t fuck.

    • Jerzy kaltenberg says:

      If you’re incapable of fucking, there’s no way you’ll ‘make love’. It is plain these are synonyms, a false dichotomy. Fucking is honest, making love is deceptive by design.

      • Hank Vandenburgh says:

        Anngh– I’m a romantic. Not that I haven’t gotten laid a fair amount.

      • Hank Vandenburgh says:

        Look, in fucking, you’re opening yourself way up, and they are to you, whether you believe this or not. If it’s good, there’s a psychic link, and a sense of obligation (which I think “prickish” men want to repress.) The sex isn’t that good if you don’t get to that level. Good sex should go on for hours, and not be a pathetic sneeze in a woman’s vagina.

  2. The word Fuck is often used in a violent way – ‘Fuck you” ‘Fuck off’, ‘Go Fuck yourself, MotherFucker’ and so on…. – that language appears to be a defensive and a way to attack/hurt the other person disguising our original hurt. In terms of sexual engagement it could be seen as an individualistic and selfish act – something I want to do to the other – ‘I want to fuck you’

    Making love appears to me to be much more consensual, something that two people do together, something that is creative, equal and loving.

  3. Fuck – It’s about me

    Making Love – It’s about us.

    The ideas and expression of it can be intertwined but I think that sums up the difference.

  4. Makeing love bring the two body together the way the bible say the two will become one flash.

  5. As a woman in my 40′s, I have to say that I’m not entirely sure that I agree with this. If there’s love involved, if there’s that kind of deep emotional bond, then to me there’s no difference at all between the two terms. I love my boyfriend. To me it doesn’t matter if the sex is slow and tender or intense and urgent – both terms still apply equally well. But our term of preference is fucking – I could probably count on one hand the number of times either of us has said “making love”. But just because we prefer to call it fucking, doesn’t mean the emotional connection isn’t there.

  6. What kind of real women won’t so man just ramroding are just hit it like a hard hammer but a trick,because if you love me you won’t want to hurt the cat and the body you love ,so making love can havehave a more intense passion to it,and hot and sweaty feel to it and the man is still showing you he respect your body and you,and I’m a 45year old woman too. love in respect is alway win out to me then ducking for fun never confuse the two.

  7. But kitty I believe you ask what’s the different not what you call the two,we know what we call fucking the word say it all and love makeing Love” say it all.

  8. Jerzy kaltenberg says:

    ‘making love’ is a sensitive and artful euphemism men use in order to get to fuck. Love is the excuse, the justification human primates have developed in order to fuck, shorthand for all of that pair-bond colateral we have to at least promise to bust a nut.

  9. I think gay men have an advantage in this discussion because both Fucking and Making Love are seen as acceptable and worth while. Primarily, fucking is for pleasure, for the rush, for the chance to clash against another human being and at the same time share something potentially profound with him. Most gay men will fuck because they can, and not feel it is anything of which they need to be ashamed. Making Love is what one does with one’s lover or husband. It might follow the exact acts and diaglogue as fucking, but the focus for both partners, the true fulfillment of making love, is seeing one’s partner climax and the shared gratitude that follows and leads to the truest kind of intimacy.

  10. sex and miracles, making love is a lot like this. when our bodies are hot and wet its as close as a soap bubble moving discretely up and down the length of his penis and her vagina
    sex is a miracle of two people talking, asking, touching, stimulating each other with and without orgasm
    sex is a miracle of two people holding each other because they adore the texture
    she feels his biceps, his forearms, his hands, softly with her fingertips because seeing his body and touching him is as hot and as exciting as being touched by him

  11. I enjoyed reading the questions and answers as well as the discussion taking place in the comments section.

    Loved the variety in which Sherrie Rosen selected the panel and to sum up my sentiments towards, I’ve co-signed Carlos’s answer: “Of course, fucking is for kids. Making love is for adults.”

  12. Your men are pretty old and pretty heteronormative. None spoke of being fucked. None spoke about one leading to the other (fucking and loving; loving and fucking). Though I’m glad the ages are diverse, I’d like to hear what a 22 year gay man says about this.

  13. LaCharmine (L.A.) Jefferson says:

    In my younger years (20′s) I knew there was a difference. And I thought that difference had to do with whether you were in a relationship or not. Now in my late 30′s I know there is a place for both in all relationships.


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  2. [...] This is a comment by James on the post “F***ing and Making Love: What’s the Difference, Men?“. [...]

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