JJ Vincent ponders the choices men have to make about what they do in public, and how much other people’s perceptions really matter.
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This is probably a little old-fashioned, what with the ubiquity of e-readers and smartphones, but there are still plenty of us who read paper books when we are waiting for something, or find ourselves stuck in a doctor’s waiting room looking for something to read. The question is, what do we read, and why?
There are plenty of books out there targeted to a male audience—action-adventure novels, male-protagonist mysteries, science fiction series, how-to-get-ahead-in-business, biographies of great (or at least celebrated) men, and even a growing amount of literary fiction, with a tendency towards male main characters that play into the stereotype of the wild, troubled, sex-drugs-and-rock-and-roll manchild or the man-on-the-wrong-path who-needs-a-woman-to-set-him-right guy. And books in all of these genres are all well and good. People reading and discussing what they read is good. But what about those of us who want to read something else, or find ourselves choosing between staring at a wall or flipping through April’s Cosmo or Modern Mom’s Monthly?
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When I’m looking for a book to travel with, I consider my selections carefully. First, where am I going? Am I going to a coffee house or a lunch-for-one where everyone else is occupied or I’ll be in a tiny booth? Am I getting oil-changed and sitting in an auto shop waiting room? Am I at a ball game waiting for the first pitch? Am I going to be with co-workers? Am I going to be in an airport? Am I on a long drive and stopping for food at a small town diner? In other words, what is the likelihood that I am going to be taunted-or worse-for my choice of reading material?
I know there are going to be plenty of you who say that I should just do what I want and not care what other people think, but let’s be real. Some of us have to care. Some of us, by virtue of our appearance and size, are bully magnets, even in middle age. Some of us don’t want confrontation. Some of us have spent our whole lives fighting to be left alone and are tired of fighting. Suck it up and deal with it, you say? Man up? Just ignore them, don’t be such a wuss? Thank you, you’ve just reinforced the reason why I’m not likely to ever take a kitchen-cozy mystery out in public.
As much as we’d like to pretend that we men today are more open and less judgmental, consider what you’d think if you saw a man reading a Ladies Home Journal in the dentist’s office or DIY for Moms in the tire shop holding pen, or “The Joy Luck Club” or anything with a group of women on the cover while in queue at the DMV. You might look twice and wonder why the heck he was reading that. Would you make an assumption about his sexuality? His manliness? His job? Would you elbow your buddy and nod your head at the guy? What if you knew he coached high school football or was the State Bar President? If you asked a guy who was laughing hysterically at his e-reader what he was reading and he said,”Tina Fey’s new book,” would you keep talking or move away? What if that same guy showed up at your house the next day to fix the toilet YOU broke while trying to fix it? Would you be nervous?
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Myself, I try to limit what assumptions people make. I never leave home without a few books. I have them stashed in my car and office. But they are, by and large, “man-approved” authors and titles (side note: I own all of these authors because I LOVE their work. If I strictly wanted to be socially acceptable, this would be a sci-fi/action/sports list and I’d be miserable). Dan Brown. Preston/Childs. Chuck Palahniuk. Anthony Bourdain. Hunter S. Thompson. I have a few other “women’s authors/books” mixed in. Fannie Flagg. Sarah Waters. Isabel Allende. Jane Austen. If I’m going to actively read in public, I choose carefully. Reading in public while eating a meal alone is an act of social rebellion in itself. No need to push my luck.
I was at Book Expo America (huge, HUGE book trade show) a few months ago, and at more than a few booths I noticed the segregation of “men’s” and “women’s” titles. If a publisher was promoting books targeting these audiences, the books were segregated within the booth. This was especially true in the religion and children’s area and with popular fiction titles. It was less true in the university press and novelty press booths. I guess academia and humor are gender-free? And generally speaking, men were pitching the “men’s” books and women were pitching the “women’s” books, and books about politics and history were usually displayed in the “men’s” area. It’s not hard to see where some of the core reinforcing of stereotypes is coming from.
I wonder what would happen if all books were printed with black covers with shiny black writing, so that no picture or gender-specific color could give away the contents. Would men be more open to reading, say, the history of women in cinema, or a novel by Oprah Winfrey, or a biography of Celine Dion, if no one could see it?
Maybe that’s one of the reasons FOR the growing popularity of e-readers…no one has to know what you are reading. A guy could even get away with a Harlequin romance…provided he could manage not to blush.
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photo: zamanbabu / flickr
I just (yesterday) had someone ask me if I was embarrassed to be reading Tina Fey’s book in public. As an avid reader there are plenty of books that I wouldn’t want people seeing me read. That’s not one of them. There are some comedians definitely geared towards women and some geared towards me and some people that are just hands down funny people. Tina Fey is one of those people.
I love Tina Fey. Not sure I would read her in public down here (e yes, print no), but she is amazing! Who could not love her?
JJ – I am glad you started a conversation about this. I completely agree with you about carefully choosing books to read while in public. I, as a woman, have an issue with this when it comes to romance novels. Before your article, I had not considered that men would have a hard time trying to decipher a “socially” acceptable book from one that you just want to read. Majority of the Fannie Flagg books have covers that say “middle-aged woman.” This would definitely cause an unfair judgement call if someone saw a grown man reading it in public. I… Read more »
I totally agree on the romance cover art. I think that is one of the reasons why the “Fifty Shades” books have flourished. I read an article on the use of the cover art, and how it is so innocuous compared to much, much tamer material that people weren’t ashamed to pick it up in a bookstore or take it to the beach – or wherever. My partner reads the NASCAR romance novels (yes, they exist!), and those do not have the bodice-ripper covers, but so many do, and yeah, I can see why you’d be hesitant to take them… Read more »
I just discovered Preston/Childs books and never even considered they could be ‘for men’, but I do get they are ‘man friendly’. Marketing for women or books by female authors annoys me massively. Just read a fantastic book called Under a Blood Red Sky that has a ‘female friendly’ cover, probably because the main character is a woman and the author is a woman, but has nothing to do with the story! You could get hard-backs without the picture on the hard cover and take the sleeve off for some of them?
Aren’t the P/C books amazing? They are for everyone, but they are definitely in the category of “visually and socially acceptable for men to read and discuss.”
One of the most egregious covers in recent memory is one for Anne of Green Gables. You can find it on the Big Online Booksellers. It has her as a blond in sexy “country” clothes. Yeah.
consider what you’d think if you saw a man reading a Ladies Home Journal in the dentist’s office or DIY for Moms in the tire shop holding pen, or “The Joy Luck Club” or anything with a group of women on the cover while in queue at the DMV. You might look twice and wonder why the heck he was reading that. Would you make an assumption about his sexuality? His manliness? His job? Would you elbow your buddy and nod your head at the guy? What if you knew he coached high school football or was the State Bar… Read more »
In my perception, Scandanavian countries are much closer to gender equality than we are, with less of an emphasis on how men and women are “supposed” to behave. Oh, men do care. I have openly read “chick-lit” books here and the clearest situation I remember was on a trolley – the guy sitting next to me looked at me, looked at the book, looked at me, and moved. That was in California on vacation. I am much more circumspect now, given where I live. On the gendering of books, I know a lot of women who would never pick up… Read more »
Hehe
Don’t ever read Songmaster by Orson Scott Card in public. It makes me cry like a baby everytime I read it. It is such a damn good book though I can’t put it down, even if it means I cry like a baby on a train or a bus.
I would suggest e-books on your smartphone if you have issues with other people making judgements about what you read. That way they can’t see what your reading.
I love my e-reader, which is getting me through Pride and Prejudice, but when I can’t be sure of usage (planes, lack of charging outlet), I keep paper on me. So on any given trip I might be reading Hemingway (paper) and Austen (e) or Tom Waits (paper) and WIlder (e).