The realization that words or negative voices only last a short time is what makes an overly sensitive man into a confident man according to Sandeep Gourkanti.
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This morning, as I was getting my work clothes on and my breakfast ready, I had to stop and sit down because I knew pain was coming. I sank into the big leather recliner and rubbed my forehead as I waited for it to subside. The pain varies each day but it is due to negative voices that drown my own voice.
I’m alone in how I deal with these negative voices. It is something I can’t tell my friends or family because they are the roots to my problem. Each time I’ve been yelled at, it strikes a tremor from my stomach to my mouth. I’m forced to be silent and obedient to what my accuser says. I know most of time these words are untrue based on my character and integrity, but it’s hard to separate truth and lies as I cling my hand on the armrest of the leather chair.
To combat this problem, I have to sit in silence for fifteen minutes. I’m not sure if what I do is meditation, but I take a few breaths and focus on the air flowing in and out of me. While I can’t get rid of all the negative voices I’m able to, at least, let each of them pass without ruining my morning.
After the time is up, I take out a 3 x 5 index card and write down the goals I have for the day. Each time any negative thought comes to me, throughout the day, I quickly write down the thought on the left side and positive reclamation on the right side of the card. For example, the other day, my father’s voice said, “You don’t concentrate enough” as I was learning a new procedure that required my attention and focus. To get back at my task, I then wrote, “I can concentrate on important things.”
Each time I put pen to paper, it makes me smile. Each written line is a physical sign of me taking action against self-doubt, fears, and anxieties. It also reminds me that while I’m not in control of what thoughts I have, I’m taking effective steps to not let them hurt me in what matters most to me.
I also keep a journal. Writing down 1,000 words in the morning helps me record every day struggles and how to better the next day. Things that were said in the past about me doesn’t reflect the improvements and changes I made to learn how to be a better son, boyfriend, and colleague to my peers.
Past words or negative voices only last a short time, how we respond to them is what makes a over sensitive man into a confident man ready for the challenges ahead and the complex problems that need to be solved in his work, relationships, and inner self-development.
How do you deal with negative voices that try to ruin your morning or day? Please comment so we all can share insights. If you need advice on how to tackle negative voices, feel free to email me.
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This is a really brave post, thank you for sharing it. I hope other men who deal with this will find it and feel less alone and begin a discussion about it.
Thanks Veronica. I think everyone deals with negative voices and it is a everyday. The important thing is how you respond to it and to not let it affect the things you care about. I’m glad I can effectively deal with it through my writing and I encourage other men to think hard about what their interests are. It is through engaging and focusing on our interests that we can tune out negative voices.
I sympathise. Got some incredibly negative voices up in the noggin. I’m currently working through Krista Neff’s book on self-compassion, which was referred to in Brene Brown’s Daring Greatly. The former is helping my instinctive reactions be sympathetic rather than condemnatory, and the latter is encouraging me to speak out about what I’m going through. My other defence is challenging negative thoughts somewhat Socratically – given that I learned about this technique while playing through the Phoenix Wright series, I now have the tendency to firmly shout “OBJECTION!” at my negative side then troll it with facts. That doesn’t make… Read more »
Thanks OirishM. I’ve read Brene Brown’s books. I highly recommend Gifts of Imperfection because it deals with being vulnerable and how not to be afraid to talk about shame.
I feel like when you shout isn’t unmanly at all. It sounds like a effective method for you. Everyone has a different way of dealing with negative voices. The key is to not let it affect your work or things that you find important to you. Each time you shout you are becoming a better man.
I wasn’t clear, I didn’t mean the shouting part. I meant the feelings of inadequacy in general. It just seems that confidence is always rated highly in men, so what chance does someone in my position have? I feel like maybe it is overrated.