Dork Daddy’s recommendations apply to sons, fathers, men
1) Learn to dance with a partner. Nothing is classier than a man who can walk his partner onto the dance floor with confidence.
2) The only time it is appropriate to use your fists is to defend yourself from someone else using theirs on you.
3) Liberal arts grow your mind. Science and business keep you fed. You will need both.
4) That woman in that picture, or in that movie, or on that stage is someone’s sister/daughter. Treat her the way you would hope someone else would treat your sister/daughter if she was in the same position.
5) Learn to filter. Before you say anything, think about how the words you plan to use will sound in the ears of the person you are speaking to.
6) Learn to disagree with someone without taking personal offense – if for no reason other than the fact that you can’t expect something from someone that you aren’t able to deliver yourself.
7) Never let anyone do your thinking for you. There are far too many people with far too much invested in you believing what they believe.
8) Peer pressure is all about insecurity. Be confident in who you are and you won’t have to “fit in.” People will come to you.
9) Never relax when your spouse is doing chores. Though she may say it’s “okay”, you never want to be “that guy.”
10) Hold open the door, pull out the chair and give her your coat. Chivalry is not sexism. Hold open the door for anyone. Respect is not sexism.
11) Respect the woman you are with. No matter how badly you want to, don’t make your move until she tells you that it’s OK.
12) A real man knows crying is okay, but doesn’t overdo it.
13) There is no football game more important than a Sunday date with your wife.
14) Never lose sight of the fact that no matter how much you believe, no matter how convinced you may be that you are right — you might just be completely wrong.
15) Learn early to tie a tie.
16) Know your way around power tools.
17) You don’t have to like their music, but be able to identify Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin when you hear them. Again, classy.
18) People will judge you by how you look. It isn’t fair, but that’s the way the world works. Keep that in mind when you’re picking out your clothes in the morning.
19) Learn empathy. In all situations be able to put yourself in the position of the person you’re interacting with.
20) When picking a wife, you can never do better than your mother.
If you liked this, check out its sister piece “20 Things The Same Father Tells His Daughter.“
—This post first appeared on dorkdaddy.com
—Photo andrijbulba/Flickr
About Dork Daddy
I believe #20 is slightly off. My mother’s mothering was a train wreck. I probably learned less from her than anybody else in my life. On the other hand, her mother was truly a saint among us. I wish I knew what happened between them.
#20 isn’t actually about how “good” your mother is. It’s about loving your wife, holding her above all others, and showing your kids what it means to love unconditionally.
I felt the same about #20. I’m sure that guy who wrote “A Child Called It” hoped for better than his mother. My own mother was terrible. Everything I learned about being a parent came from NOT doing what she did or doing the exact opposite. My MIL doesn’t impress me that much either. My point is, mothers are not always a standard to aim for.
I disagree with one and think the author missed a very important one. Regarding number 2… It is appropriate to use your fists in defense of others who need your help. Real men are protectors of the weak. Standing by idly when an injustice happens because YOU are not being attacked means you are a coward.
Number 21 – There are principles and causes that are larger than you. They are worth risking everything for. You need to think about it and decide what they are. If you can’t think of anything or anyone who you would not give your life for, that says something about you and it is NOT good.
#8 – Peer pressure is all about insecurity. Be confident in who you are and you won’t have to “fit in.”
#18 – People will judge you by how you look….Keep that in mind when you’re picking out your clothes in the morning.
Nice list, but not one thing about believing in God, or even in anything higher or more important than yourself. What do you live for? An important question that every man needs to answer for himself.
#7 is all about exactly those things you mentioned.
You live for your family and the people you love. Everything else is fluff.
@DaveM
So atheists are failures as men?
You live for yourself and your family. There’s a lot of folks (myself included) that don’t believe in any sort of “God” and do just fine.
#14 is about religion too… and politics.
Frankly, from where I sit, whether or not you have religion has absolutely no bearing on how successful you are in life. It’s a tool that some people use to navigate the sometimes choppy waters of life, but it is by no means critical, by no means necessary and by no means compulsory. Many, many people find truth, value, poetry and meaning in life without any traces of religion.
Great list, and I would emphasize #1. There is nothing I wish I had learned more than to be a confident dancer. Alas, my two left feet are all thumbs.
To those who question the absence of God or faith in the list: The entire book of Esther never mentions God. Just because you don’t see his name, doesn’t mean He isn’t there. I personally believe, that as men, one of the greatest ways we can honor our God or whatever higher power you believe in is to raise up our children to be solid men and women.
And I don’t believe that a belief in something beyond ourselves is necessary to make a difference in the world. Some of the most inspiring and caring people I’ve ever met had no faith at all beyond a belief in making the world a better place by helping others because it’s the right thing to do. On he opposite side of that token, I’ve known many “Christians” who have made me ashamed to wear that banner and have pretty much driven me from the church.
I like this a lot DD, but not even necessarily for the specific content of it (though, I do agree with most). I like it because it is about raising your son with thought and consideration. Aside from the individual ideas, the fact that they exist in your mind at all will show your son that such consideration is in itself a valuable way to live. That will be the lesson underneath the lessons.
Begins well enough, but it’s heteronormative and gender-stereotypical, as the list goes on. Meh.
Number 20 reminds me of a line I saw in a coffee table book once: “The greatest gift a man can give to his children is to love their mother.” Great list.
#10. I opened doors, pulled out chairs, would drive 50 miles for her favorite ice cream, and much much more, especially around our daughter so that one her first requirements for who she picked later on would be ” you have to treat me as good as daddy treated mommy.” At first… At the (our) beginning. Things have gotten real bad between us, lots of mutual abuse and mistreatment, our daughter is not blind nor stupid, she sees our mutual rejection of each other. Now what do I tell my daughter and for that matter my son ?
10.1: Learn the line between chivalry and (ab)use.
Regarding #3, science doesn’t expand your mind? Please.
10, 11, and 20 are all good ingredients for creating a frustrated and bitter nice guy who sits on the sidelines while other guys have many relationships with women.
Let me tell you something about my boyfriend regarding no. 10 and 11.He was what many would call a “Casanova” or a “Don Juan”. But he did everything while respecting those rules. I think that if he could have many relationships while respecting those rules then everybody can.
You may ask me how I know this. That’s because I was his friend for quite some time before being his girlfriend.
Regarding no.20 I will never be his mother. I am his friend, his girlfriend, I may be his wife someday and/or the mother of our children but I will never be his mother.
If you are asking yourself if he agrees with what I’m typing the answer is yes.