Billy Moyer is following his dad, author and speaker Bill Moyer, in making a mark on the world. Here are his thoughts on lessons learned. —
When I was four-years-old I went through my first goal setting program. The first goal that I set while going through that program is one I’m still working on today.
My goal was to become just like my dad, Bill Moyer.
Over the years I’ve worked on this goal and had some success. In a lot of ways I have become just like my dad. Along the way one of the things I’ve realized is that even if I hadn’t set that goal 25 years ago, I would still have become just like him. The reason why?
People become like their leader.
My dad was actually the first one who taught me that we become like those who lead us. The whole idea of “followers becoming like leaders” has been one of the most important and valuable things I’ve ever learned from my dad.
But what does this mean for people who consider themselves leaders– leaders in a business, family, marriage, or community?
It means that inevitably it becomes our responsibility to influence by action, not just by words. Growing up I constantly looked at the things my dad did in his business and at our home. It influenced so many aspects of who I am today as a husband, friend, and business owner.
But not all of the lessons were so good…
Here are four more positive lessons I learned from watching my dad (and one I wished I wouldn’t have learned):
- Love my wife. I have never questioned my parents love for each other. I learned this at a young age and have continued to witness their great love throughout my life. From my dad, I learned how to properly love my wife. I learned how to be a good husband. It’s pretty simple really. I must make my wife a priority. Treat her how she wants to be treated. Be willing to die for her. I learned this from my dad, but also from this great book called The Bible. I highly recommend it.
- It’s possible to be present as a leader even if you are not physically there. Recently I was going through my parent’s garage and I found at least 50 notes to me from my dad. When I was a kid, my dad traveled a lot for work. Every time he would go away he’d leave me a note under my pillow. It was always so much fun reading those notes before I went to bed. It was like he was still there with me, even though he was out of town. The notes were simple, but they were just what I needed. They always encouraged me. And they ended with “I love you” and “I am proud of you”, which is something not enough fathers say to their kids. He found a way to be present even when he was gone. It wasn’t about how much time he spent with me, it was about always showing me how much he cared for me. I have tried to do this with my wife and also with others around me. I may not always be around, but I can always show that I care.
- Work was always a priority, but it was never his number one priority.One interesting thought came to me when re-discovering all of those old notes. I realized the amount of time my dad traveled for work. Anyone that has spoken in 36 countries and 49 states obviously would have been gone a lot, but as a kid I never felt like he was gone that much. Seeing all the notes made me realize just how much he had traveled, but even with his trips he never missed any major event in my life. This is something I will be sure to remember when I start a family. It’s possible to be successful and to be present as a father. It’s all about about prioritizing, goal-setting and planning and making sure that you say yes to the right people.
- I learned about the importance of having heroes. I am huge sports fan and I have always looked up to athletes. I also have at times looked up to heroes that aren’t real (I finally admit it), like Rocky Balboa. But my dad is the most important hero I’ve ever had. That’s why I set that goal as a kid. Having heroes is so important. He taught me this.
One thing I wish I wouldn’t have learned from my dad:
- Trying to fix everything. I have a tendency to always believe I can fix things or that I have to fix things for people. My dad has always been this way too. He was the youth minister at our church and I can remember how many young people would come to him with issues. He was a great listener most of the time and he truly wanted to help to fix the situation. But I think sometimes it has been seen as a negative. He did this with my mom, my brothers and sister too, and still does it today. Maybe it wasn’t that everything had to be done his way, but it was that he cared so much and wanted to help.
I am this way as well. My wife would agree. My coach hat is always on and I really struggle taking it off. I want people to be happy. I want to make things better. I think at times this has a negative effect on my relationships. Not everything and everyone needs or wants to be fixed. I think my dad and I are learning this together. Watching him struggle has helped me work through this problem.
Although it’s something I wish I wouldn’t have learned from my dad, I know what his intentions have always been and I know what mine are now. We just want to help people become the best versions of themselves. We want people to be happy. But sometimes we just have to shut up, listen and show compassion.
Our parents should be the most important leaders in our lives. My parents understood that and really stepped up. My dad understood his responsibilities as a leader and even as he climbed the ladder in the business world, he always was present as a father, even when he was not actually around. I am so thankful for him and his leadership.
The notes, the encouragement– all of this taught me the power of being present in your relationships. I’m terrible at maintaining relationships, but I believe this is something that can be learned in time. I’m grateful for these lessons my dad taught me, both the good and bad.
Photo: Flickr/Neils Heidenreich
I really enjoyed reading his post this morning. My dad was the most important leader in my life so I can relate with a lot of what Billy shared. He passed a way a couple years ago, but he lives on through me. I am so thankful I had the time I had with him and that he knew I loved him. Things weren’t always perfect, but I couldn’t have asked for a better dad.