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I am a young man, still in my twenties. I look forward to being a husband and a father before I turn thirty. But I don’t just want to be a father; I want to be a great dad.
I know that both words have the same meaning, but my father doesn’t think so. He asserts that being a dad is different from being a father.
The last time we spoke on the topic, he had this to say, “Being a father is easy. Any man can be a father. The hard one is being a dad; it comes with unlimited responsibilities…”
I had tried to argue with him, but he made his points so well that I had no option but to agree.
Below is my best not-so-accurate attempt at reproducing the lessons he taught me on being a great dad:
Spend time with your kids.
Even though your job is very demanding, you must always make out time for your children. They are the reason you are called ‘dad’ in the first place.
Depending on their age, temperaments and environment, they would need you to spend time with them in different ways.
Some of your kids may need you to tuck them in bed and read them a story before they sleep. Other ones may want you to accompany them to watch their favourite team play a game.
Choose to be a great dad by spending time with them.
Protect your family
Protecting your family as a father doesn’t mean you need to become Bruce Lee. Nobody is asking you to learn knife fights or to become a taekwondo expert.
But one of your primary responsibilities as a dad is to protect your family at all costs. Show them that you’re capable of providing security, not just physically but emotionally.
Don’t just keep them safe, make them feel safe.
Show affection.
Your kids need to know that you are fond of them. Make them know that they are more important to you than your job.
It is not enough to provide for them and take care of their basic needs. They need to know that you are not just trying to keep up with your fatherhood ‘job description’.
Get interested in their life, not to judge but to guide them. Listen to their challenges and show concern.
Be their friend. Make them trust you, and they will.
Secure your family’s financial future.
The rate of global inflation is skyrocketing. But no matter how expensive things are, your children deserve to be taken care of.
There are so many financial plans and policies available today. Pick one up and safeguard the financial future of your kids.
They need your support until they can stand on their own.
Eat together
One of the things that make many grownups miss home when they move out is the time they spend on the dining table eating together as a family.
Eating together encourages conversations that helps family relationships bond stronger.
Discipline with a gentle spirit
In most families, discipline occurs in either of two extremes.
The first type involves a setting where the father leaves his children to do as they please without any form of correction whatsoever.
The other extreme involves fathers who abuse their children both physically and psychologically.
However there is supposed to be a third setting where both extremes are balanced.
To be a great dad, you should provide boundaries and guidance on your children’s way of life. The secret is to be gentle but firm.
Don’t allow yourself to be manipulated by your kids. Let them know that when you say No, you mean No. And most importantly, there are consequences for every action.
Talk together about all things
Don’t underestimate your children. They can often have conversations way beyond your expectations. Talk to them about difficult things. Have conversations about feelings. Talk about friendship, love, empathy and what is going on in the world.
Don’t stop because you are afraid they won’t understand. Find a way to connect at a deep level.
Involve your family in your decisions
So many fathers make the decisions that involve their children without bothering to consult or talk with them about them.
Before you give the order that “Nobody should be outside this house after 10 pm”, talk with them about why you want to make that decision.
Let them know that it is in their best interest. This will reduce the friction that would have occurred otherwise.
Be your children’s role model
“Be the dad that your children can look up to Toby”, he had said finally, “be their role model.”
I can concur to this point totally. I remember being faced with peer pressure as a young teenager in high school. I had classmates who performed drunken binges, fought like thugs, and did drugs. I didn’t like that type of life.
At a time however, my curiosity started pushing to have a taste of what they were having.
Fortunately I never did. I found it impossible to live like those chaps because I had my father’s example to follow.
For instance, the main reason I will never hit or cheat on my wife is not just because it is wrong, but because my dad never did it.
In conclusion, my father showed me that being a dad is a full time job. In his words, “it is the true measure of manliness.”
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This post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: iStock