Welcome to Portraits of Fatherhood: We’re telling the story of today’s dads.
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There is no better place to witness the changing roles of men and women in the larger culture than through the lens of parenthood. But rather than speculate on what and how contemporary fathers do what they do, we’d like to bring you portraits of the dads themselves. In their own words. Would you like to be interviewed for this feature? See the end of the post for details.
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NAME Adam Chandler Crawford
AGE 26
HOMETOWN / WHERE DO YOU LIVE NOW? Murray, Kentucky / Clarksville, Tennessee
@TWITTER @chandlercraw4d
ON THE WEB www.chandlercrawford.com
NUMBER OF CHILDREN 2
WORK Full time work: Active Duty Army
RELATIONSHIP STATUS Married, happily!
HOW DO YOU COMBINE WORK AND FAMILY?
I think to properly provide the insight asked for I have to rephrase the question. I separate my full-time work and family. I’m an active duty military member and I do my best to keep it and my family separate. But if we’re talking about my “life’s work” then I combine it and my family in the following ways:
- I write stories about my children, parents, and spouse, of which my wife critiques heavily.
- I spend too much time on the computer and my son usually drops a Lego car in my lap when it’s time for me to quit being a hermit.
- I write about them because they are what matter to me more than anything, and having a family is what it means to be human – at least to me.
HOW HAS PARENTING CHANGED YOU AS AN INDIVIDUAL?
It’s made me realize there are consequences for being selfish. Before you have kids you don’t really understand, or there aren’t as many, consequences when you act in a self-serving manner. But the day you have a child who is solely dependent on you, everything changes. They can’t eat, sleep, play, talk, or even go to the bathroom without your aide. That’s both terrifying and exhilarating because along with that dependency comes a love that cannot be obtained anywhere else.
IF PARTNERED, HOW HAS PARENTING AFFECTED YOUR RELATIONSHIP?
Well this question is different for me because my wife had a son when we got together, so we’ve always had child in our lives. But our relationship is awesome on all fronts. I have the best wife on the planet, no joke.
WHAT ARE YOUR STRENGTHS AS A PARENT AND WHAT ARE YOUR WEAKNESSES?
I think my strengths as a parent are seeing through the B.S. when my son tries to play his Mommy. Like all kids he knows which strings to pull in order to tip the odds in his favor, I’m really good at seeing his game and calling his bluff. His mom is a bit softer in this department. However, the opposite of that is, at times, I’m a little harder on him than I should be. I think my weakness is consistent discipline. I have a tendency to make threats about taking toys away or time-out stretches and then I lift the punishment. It’s so hard to be consistent across different situations.
IF PARTNERED, WHAT ARE YOUR PARTNER’S STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES?
I think I’ll skip this one because I love having intimate relations with my wife.
WHO ELSE PROVIDES CHILDCARE FOR YOUR CHILDREN?
We live about 90 minutes away from any family, but at times my parents will come over and help us with our son. My wife’s parents are retired so a lot of times when our boy is not in school they will ask him to come visit them for about a week or so. But for the most part we all just hang out together. I do think we need to have more date nights, in which case we need to find a baby sitter for hire in our town.
DO ANY OF YOUR CHILDREN HAVE SPECIAL NEEDS? AND IF SO, HOW HAS THIS SHAPED YOUR PARENTING?
No, but my wife and I lost our first child together. It was last year and she passed away from a combination of the flu and RSV. It’s hard to say how it’s changed our parenting because each day it seems to effect us in a different way. But it’s definitely made us more paranoid with our son. (Read Adam’s heartfelt story of the loss of his daughter here.)
IS YOURS AN ADOPTIVE FAMILY? AND IF SO, HOW HAS THIS SHAPED YOUR PARENTING?
My son is adopted, but I was his step-dad originally. He is my wife’s son from a previous marriage, but his bio-dad is non-existent and we finalized my adoption of him in November of this past year. We’re really excited. I don’t think it’s shaped my parenting that he’s officially adopted now because that’s all I’ve known as a parent. I’ve been in his life since he was two and he’s been in mine since I was 22. 🙂 Life is pretty good.
WHAT IS YOUR WORST PARENTING MOMENT?
Wow…I can’t believe I’m telling this to the world, my worst parenting moment probably just happened a couple of weeks ago. My son is obsessed with Ninja Turtles so he often forces me and my wife to “learn the art of Ninja” in the basement with him as the sensei. So he and I were downstairs and he’s “teaching” me how to use nunchucks. I take the nunchucks from him and begin going through my “lesson”. The next thing I know my son is on the ground crying because I hit him in the mouth with a loose nunchuck…Yup, I know, worst parent ever.
WHAT IS YOUR BEST PARENTING MOMENT?
This is also hard to say. Because it’s hard as a newer parent to think anything you do is right. But honestly I think my best parenting moment is the day my first daughter was born. It doesn’t get any more pure than that. In that moment you’re an infallible parent and everything is just pure joy. That’s not to say there aren’t great moments every day, but the day your child is born is just irreplaceable.
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We’re looking for a few good dads.
IF you’d like to be interviewed for this feature, please write to Lisa Duggan at: [email protected]
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