Building the foundation for a long, happy, sex-filled marriage, despite kids, requires a new mindset, according to Reservoir Dad
There was a time, men, when foreplay happened from dawn till dusk and involved killing game for food, making up cool animal dances around the fire, cave painting and fashioning pieces of wood into spears.
The women of the time loved it but, unfortunately, times have changed and we can no longer rely on our whittling skills to drive them into a lusty frenzy. We can’t even rely on ‘bringing home the bacon’ to titillate the love of our life because they are able and willing to source their own bacon. And even when you are the main breadwinner they’re often distracted by the things we don’t do; the number one complaint amongst wives these days is that husbands don’t do enough housework or participate in child-rearing.
If you’re feeling a tad disheartened I’d urge you to keep your chin up because this is an article about sex and I have stumbled upon a way to get more of it.
Our environment has changed but it’s nothing to get freaked out about. We just have to open our minds, dig deep, and adapt if we are going to continue to present an irresistible package to our spouses and provide the foundation for a long, happy, sex-filled marriage.
No surprise that several studies have found that the couples who report being the happiest are those that have sex more often. No surprise again that those couples who have sex most often are those that report being the happiest. This is a vicious and joyous cycle and we can get caught up in it, men, if we become aware of and accept a very simple rule—where sex is concerned women are the ones, in the majority of cases, who give the final nod of approval.
This can be viewed as unfortunate because many women have (what many men would call) the frustrating characteristic of allowing daily issues to overwhelm and dampen the sexual drive. Men, on the other hand, honour the sexual drive by keeping it entirely separate from such dampening issues as body image, housework, stress, illness, finances etc.
Yes, most men enjoy a good talk and some emotional bonding and a clean house and a semi-organized life and happy children and financial security but we do not allow the absence of those things to cross boundaries – to any large degree – with our desire for and love of sex.
At the end of the day we can be lying next to our partner without having really had time to talk or emotionally bond, aware of the fact that the house is a mess, that the children have spent more minutes in time-out than time-in while also battling a severe head cold and storing our very last dollar under our pillow and still engage – joyously, enthusiastically, passionately – in marital relations with our wife if the offer is on the table.
Our focus on sex stands like a lighthouse in the centre of our minds and reaches all corners of our outside world, allowing nothing around it to even cast a shadow.
That same illuminating potential does exist within the woman but daily occurrences and worries and concerns can stick to their lighthouse windows like flies to fly-paper and the end result can be a much weaker beam of light; and if left unattended for too long; a light that has no ability to shine into their life at all.
This is where we come in, men, and this is what all day foreplay is about. We must strive to remove as many obstacles as possible from the lives of our wives so that their lighthouse can illuminate their world and reveal us, again, in all our natural sexiness.
The days of killing a beast and lolling around the campfire are over and going to the butcher to buy some chops and sitting in front of the plasma just isn’t sexy, unfortunately. Life is also more complicated, busier and cluttered.
We need to embrace a new kind of sexy at the same time that we un-clutter our wives’ minds by adapting to our environment and doing manly things like dishes, changing nappies, listening (really, really listening) to the things they have to say, anticipating their needs… the list can go on indefinitely and is different for every couple but one thing is true for all husbands: we must remain forever vigilant.
We must treat our wives like a Knight treats a Queen. It’s cool to be a Knight. They are honourable and chivalrous and carry very big swords.
If you feel the urge to whisper Pussy-Whipped while contemplating these ideas I urge you to stop pretending that it’s a bad thing and turn that whisper into a prideful scream. Punch your fist in the air and scream PUSSY-WHIPPED with as much conviction as Mel Gibson yelled FREEDOOOOM while he was having his intestines torn out in the classic movie, “Braveheart.”
Follow this path, men, and the rewards will follow. The uncluttered mind of your wife will shine its light on you more often and bring many sexual rewards and the more sex you have the happier you will both become and the happier you both become the more sex you will have.
It really is quite lovely.
For more on more sex and avoiding vagina dentata, check out the video.
—photo by danbri/Flickr