Being a Backbone for My Kids

Our kids mirror our moods. Jayson Gaddis looks inward when his kids are struggling.

I love being a backbone to my kids.

The more I am “in myself” the stronger the vibration of love and safety my kid’s experience. I am their tuning fork. When I get that I am their true bedrock, I see and feel the massive responsibility I have to own that, be that, and live that. To whatever degree I live that, is the degree to which they can rest into it.

When I am shut down, disconnected, dissociated, triggered, and emotionally unavailable, I’m an unstable homebase. The impact on them? They act like me! They get whiney, needy, helpless, emotionally distraught, angry, tantrumy, and messy. Or they get quiet, pull away, and become distant.

If I don’t get my shit sorted out, the long term impact is that they come to me less and less. There’s less to anchor into. And, they have a less stable reference point and over time they begin to doubt themselves thus stabilizing in their strategies to cope with my instability.

However, when they plug into my circuitry of connectedness, self-love and self-respect, and relax into that, they have very little reason to shut themselves down or disconnect, even in an adverse world. And, when they do disconnect, because I know they will, they have a homebase to return to that reflects their fundamental nature—love. They can find themselves again simply by being with me.

So, when my kids are struggling, my first question is ALWAYS, “what is going on with me?”

—first appeared on Jayson Gaddis: Awakening Through Life, Relationships, and Parenting

—photo by foqus/Flickr

About Jayson Gaddis

Jayson Gaddis, host of The Smart Couple Podcast, is THE breakthrough marriage and relationship coach for smart, successful, people. He’s on the planet to help people learn and master intimacy and relationship. He’s a husband and part-time stay-at-home Dad getting schooled by his two cosmic kids. Jayson writes his own highly personal blog, and has also written for Integral Life, Digital Romance, The Jungle of Life, Primer Magazine, Recovering Yogi, & Elephant Journal. You can find him here: Jayson Gaddis or sign up for this month's free training If Your Man Unavailable or Shut Down. You can also become a fan on Facebook here: Jayson Gaddis Fan Page.

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