Welcome to Portraits of Fatherhood: We’re telling the story of today’s dads.
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There is no better place to witness the changing roles of men and women in the larger culture than through the lens of parenthood. But rather than speculate on what and how contemporary fathers do what they do, we’d like to bring you portraits of the dads themselves. In their own words. Would you like to be interviewed for this feature? See the end of the post for details.
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NAME Ben Goldberg
AGE 35
HOMETOWN / WHERE DO YOU LIVE NOW? Toronto, Ontario, Canada
@TWITTER @MyNameIsDadBlog
ON THE WEB www.hellomynameisdad.com
NUMBER OF CHILDREN One
WORK Full-time
RELATIONSHIP STATUS Common Law/DOMESTIC PARTNERSHIP
HOW DO YOU COMBINE WORK AND FAMILY? How have you, or you and your partner (if you’re partnered), arranged your life/schedule to provide the daily care for your kid(s)?
In Canada, we are privileged to have paid parental leave, and on top of that, I am fortunate to be working for the provincial government, who offer a top-up on these benefits, so that I receive 93% of my wages. I was able to bank vacation days as well, so I am in the midst of a 5-month paid leave of absence from work so that I can help out at home caring for our newborn daughter, Charlee. My partner, Becca, is concurrently on maternity leave, where she too is receiving a portion of her income while on leave for a year.
Our plan for when I return to work (in or around February of 2016), is for Becca to continue to be at home with Charlee until she reaches 18 months. We will be putting Charlee in daycare at around that point in time, and due to the high cost of it, Becca will probably be going back to work.
The toss up that we discuss is whether Becca should stay off with Charlee so that we save on daycare costs. But after much discussion with friends and family, and after doing some research, we recognize the importance of Charlee socializing with other kids, so we are going down the daycare path.
In all honesty, the idea of me going back to work and missing out on the daily interactions with Charlee and the opportunity to witness her grow right before my eyes is disheartening. As the years go by and she settles into a schedule, I foresee coming home only to put her down to sleep and not engaging with her until the morning.
I know people do this every day, I just can’t fathom what it must be like – time will tell.
WHAT IS YOUR WORST PARENTING MOMENT?
My worst parenting moment was when Charlee first arrived. She was a breeched baby, and regardless of all the different techniques we tried (Moxibustion, chiropractor, inclines, etc.), she did not turn and Becca had to have a C-section. When Charlee came out, she was 7 lbs. 14 oz. – a great size. Soon it was determined that she was LGA (Large for Gestational Age), and her system wasn’t generating enough blood sugar to keep a proper body temperature.
This was followed by 4 days in the NICU with Charlee in an incubator getting an IV drip of glucose to help boost her levels.
Being without our newborn daughter for long stretches at a time was upsetting, but seeing her in this condition was heartbreaking. It will forever be engrained in my mind, but at the same time, her speedy recovery and her fantastic demeanor today remind me that it was just one of many speed bumps on the road of life.
WHAT IS YOUR BEST PARENTING MOMENT?
In the six week window since her birth, there are a million little milestones that Charlee has surpassed which make my soul smile.
She’s a tank and is the size of a 3 month old already, growing out of many of her clothes.
She feeds incredibly well, sleeps like a champ, and is an all around phenomenal addition to my life.
She holds her head up and loves “reading” her books and taking in her surroundings.
Though we haven’t had a heart to heart yet, it is evident that she knows me, and my voice, and loves when I sing her songs or babble on about whatever is on my mind.
With all this, my best parenting moment is something so simple.
As Charlee has strengthened and developed her neck muscles, she’s been able to hold her head up when I carry her and it is incredibly adorable. One of the first times I carried her this way, she slowly lowered her cheek to my shoulder and started to gradually drift off into sleep. As she did this, her hand grazed my cheek in a very endearing way and my heart skipped a beat. She was so comfortable in my arms listening to me breathe, and she fell asleep caressing my neck.
Purposeful or not, I felt like a dad, and I also felt for one of the first times, a connection with my daughter.
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We’re looking for a few good dads.
IF you’d like to be interviewed for this feature, please write to Lisa Duggan at: [email protected]
Please write “Portraits of Fatherhood” in the subject line.