Karthik Rajan wants to be someone who helps lay the foundation for gender equality brick by brick.
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A friend of mine was having a friendly talk with a young executive outside work. The conversation veered towards finding life partners. The young executive casually mentioned to my friend, “If I had to choose between beauty and brains, I will choose brains any day.”
When she repeated the young executives statement to me over a coffee, I was dumbstruck, shocked and perplexed. Who said beauty and brains had to be mutually exclusive? It smacks of egotism and poor reference stereotypes.
If you step back and think about it, beauty and brains are independent variables. The very notion that they are inversely related in the populace is a symptom to root out.
The preposterous notion that brains and beauty are inversely related is like the graffiti in the trains – staring in our eyes and yet part of the background.
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A great well wisher of mine would always share, “get upset only with things that really matter and not innocuous ones.” Some of you may wonder, the example above may be an innocuous one. I beg to differ. Here is why.
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Why care for innocuous symptoms? Tipping Point example.
A father and son are seated at the baseball park. The father is yelling slurs at Jackie Robinson. The boy is initially jolted, perplexed and confused. Then the stress in his brows gives way and he joins his dad and mirrors his screaming. In those fleeting moments the graffiti was etched.
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An example from Malcolm Gladwell’s book, The Tipping Point stands out in my memory. The New York subway train system had a major problem in late 1980s. They were considered unsafe. Rather than trying to stop the carnage on the subways head-on, NY authorities focused on the environment: the walls were painted every night to remove graffiti and focus was on the fare beaters. The clean trains and holding commuters accountable for fare brought about a dramatic drop in the crime rates!
The parallels with gender parity for women are striking.
The preposterous notion that brains and beauty are inversely related is like the graffiti in the trains – staring in our eyes and yet part of the background.
The first obvious question is: Can we paint over the graffiti? Irony of learning is that unlearning is the hardest part. We can always course correct the societal edifice, but the scar marks are always there. So, the better question is: when do these graffiti get created and what can we do about it?
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Moments when the graffiti gets etched
A scene from the stirring movie 42, the jersey that was retired across major league football, comes to mind.
A father and son are seated at the baseball park. The father is yelling slurs at Jackie Robinson. The boy is initially jolted, perplexed and confused. Then the stress in his brows gives way and he joins his dad and mirrors his screaming. In those fleeting moments the graffiti was etched.
“His movies may be epitome of story telling with great messages. Yet, many of his movies use one man in relationship with two women in the background. That I do not approve.” That made an impression on my supple mind.
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By today’s prevailing wisdom, this is uncouth behavior. At that point in time, it was the prevailing thought among the majority. Similarly, by tomorrow’s standards, what the young executive said to my lady friend could be a moot point.
For that to happen, we need to be self aware when such graffiti’s get painted in the minds of generation next. The challenge – just like the situation for the dad at the park, these graffiti are socially common place today. It takes contrarian thought and astute observation powers to stem the symptoms. Here is an example from my younger days. Very proud of mom for doing that in my life.
Growing up in India, there was a movie director—a doyen of South Indian Cinema who weaved wonderful tales on human relationships with very inspiring and very laudable messages. The state populace loved his craftsmanship. She would share this contrarian thought:
“His movies may be epitome of storytelling with great messages. Yet, many of his movies use one man in relationship with two women in the background. That I do not approve.” That made an impression on my supple mind.
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Parting thoughts
“Where you stand depends on where you sit.” Great words by Nelson Mandela, very apt for me from where I sit. Seated between two delightful daughters, I wonder what their future beholds for them.
My hope is that when my daughters step out into this world to make it their own, they are looked at as bright, well-groomed human beings first. It takes generations to change first impressions and many of that take root in our own homes – what each one of us share with our kids.
That is my aspiration as a father of two daughters – seems tangential, but the power of progress lay in the foundation built on small, yet strong bricks in every home.
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This post originally appeared on LinkedIn. Reprinted with permission.
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While it’s a subtle point and perhaps in the mind of the gentleman a point not made he said between the two. He probably would prefer both if given a third choice. I certainly would but between the two I’d also take brains. So pehaps no need to get bent out of shape as this is a common error.
“The first obvious question is: Can we paint over the graffiti? Irony of learning is that unlearning is the hardest part. We can always course correct the societal edifice, but the scar marks are always there. So, the better question is: when do these graffiti get created and what can we do about it?”
I think in 2015, the graffiti is being painted over. With more then 50% women enrolled in higher education, it’s happening.
Your children are obviously blessed with having a dad that cares to the level you do.
But just because women are enrolled in higher education doesn’t mean men’s opinions and attitudes are changing about them. Stereotypes seem really hard to shake. Black people still deal with racism. Women still deal with stereotypes about their intelligence and beauty. Infact I just read and article about how men will use Linkedin – a professional site, to hit on attractive women. Instead of giving women the space and freedom to be treated as professionals like men would treat their fellow men. ONe woman, a 27 year old business professional, talked about how men 45+ where hitting on her and… Read more »
Agreed. How do you relate this to other dads, who maybe don’t have daughters, or to men, who have no children??? The answer lies in recognizing that every girl is somebody’s little girl. Every woman started out as somebody’s little girl, and in those parents’ minds, she’ll always be their little girl. We have to do better with thinking less of “other” and more of “us”. The only way we can engender the best for “us” is to consider all of “us”.
Agreed wholeheartedly. You make an excellent point.