Julie Gillis remembers a teacher who changed her son’s life.
I have an 11-year-old son who is in public school here in Austin, Texas. He’s had a variety of wonderful teachers throughout the years, but it wasn’t until his 5th grade year that he had a male teacher. Now, the PE and music teachers are male, but those classes are called “specials” and happen once a day, not as a full day experience.
My eldest has never really been a “natural” student. By that I mean, he’s brilliant, creative, and engaged but he’s not the sit in a chair and regurgitate information kind of kid. Heck, I don’t think most kids are truly that way, but he especially is the type to prefer to experience knowledge, run about, and most importantly engage in play as a way to learn.
If he could take class while up in a tree, I think he’d make all A’s. As it stood, he made C’s and often had issues sitting still.
I felt, for a long time, that most of his teachers didn’t know quite what to do with him. All of them were good teachers—that was clear—but I often felt his natural energy wasn’t being focused in a way that could help him learn, help him feel the most truly him.
Fifth grade rolled around and when we went to Back To School night, he was very nervous. He wanted Mr. Anderson* and he was truly worried he’d not get him. As luck would have it, he was in Anderson’s class, and he looked about as thrilled as I’d ever seen him. My husband and I drew great sighs of relief and looked forward to seeing how the year would go.
The months went by and his grades improved. Mr. Anderson was a great teacher, first of all, but he had a strong-yet-gentle nature that really influenced my son. Mr. Anderson focused on science, something my son was passionate about. Throughout the year, my young man was allowed and encouraged to explore science in all kinds of ways. His confidence grew, and he wound up being a leader in the class in ways I had not necessarily expected him to be.
I will happily admit (as a woman, as a mother, as a feminist/humanist/equalist) that not only was it because Mr. Anderson was a great teacher, but Mr. Anderson was a man. Having a man as a teacher was great for my son. Hell, I’ve shouted it to everyone I know! He was a role model in ways that a female teacher couldn’t be, and frankly I didn’t always understand why at first, but I can see it now. Energy. Point of view. Someone who looked like him (in a way, or I mean clumsily, he could see growing up into a man like Mr. Anderson). A mirror.
I think we all seek mirrors to help us see where we are, who we are, and who we want to become. A good teacher is a guide and instructor, but in certain cases, they can provide a mirror for us as we grow. I think children need a wide variety of mirrors—all ages, sexes, races and orientations—and we need that variety so that children can find the mirror that suits them best. I’d prefer to see students get more of a choice, more of that variety in school rather than see only one race or gender represented. Here’s why.
1) Personal: Chemistry is important. It’s important for young men and women to have role models that they can relate to.
2) Systemic equity: If a boy grows to see or have only women as teachers, is it likely that boy will want to become a teacher himself? Or will he assume it’s a profession “for women”? It’s a subtle influence, but it’s real. When I write about systemic or institutionalized sexism, that’s what I’m getting at. Not a conspiracy to make all teachers be one gender, but a pattern of choices and influence that becomes second nature and common place.
3) Global respect for the trustworthiness of men: I’ve gotten this pervasive sense that men aren’t safe to be in the classroom. I’ve seen very, very few male daycare workers or male elementary school teachers, and it bothers me. I think it’s due to what many of our commenters might call fear-based feminism, but I’m as likely to believe it’s due to increasing costs of litigation and liability insurance. People in institutions just aren’t as willing to place their trust in men around children, and I think it’s damn wrong. Anyone can be abusive, anyone can be cruel, and our children need all care providers scrutinized for safety’s sake.
(Heck, even female daycare workers are trained out of hugging kids or letting them sit on laps. I do believe that sexual abuse happens, but I don’t think we should eliminate healthy touch and affection from our kids’ educational experiences.)
Finally, men can offer children something women don’t have to offer: masculinity. And they can offer it in a wide variety of ways. From a bookish science teacher, to a tough coach, to a sensitive music teacher, all these types and models of masculinity are important for boys (and girls) to see. I am by no means a gender essentialist, but I do think that there are differences in how genders are expressed and that children can relate to those differences and benefit from them.
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Men should not be made to feel like they are on the outside of an educational system. There shouldn’t be suspicion connected to men who want to work with kids. Men’s energy and passion should be honored, and their service as a teacher should be considered a valuable gift.
I don’t want a world of only one gender. I want a world with a variety. I want a world in which children can grow up trusting men and women (and genders not so specific). I want my children to find role models that can give them the mirror in which to see greatness in themselves.
Men can provide that, and it’s vital that they do. I have nothing but respect and love for Mr. Anderson (I’d clone him if I could!), and I’m so thankful that my son was able to be his student for a year. He’s grown immeasurably, and I think much of that was because of his teacher.
*Pseudonyms were used.
—Photo ajari/Flickr
I’m a male teacher. I agree with most of what you say here. I think there’s harm done to a lot of people in the suspicion of men as predators around children. I agree with encouraging diversity and creating a wide diversity as a goal, up to certain point. It’s not a point we have reached yet in most cases, but it can be counterproductive to make diversity a primary goal. For example, there still needs to be some minimum qualifications, I would argue. Just putting someone with a particular appearance, gender, or orientation in front of a class just… Read more »
I briefly taught at a Montessori preschool in the summers of 2006 and 2007. I still wince a little bit when I remember how I had to protect my image around the parents. Men truly are guilty until proven innocent in the classroom in the eyes of many. My current (female) boss doesn’t get why I hate changing the towels in the women’s restroom. The chances are remote that someone (most likely a parent) will freak out on me if a woman is in there when I enter, but all it takes is one incident to get me fired. The… Read more »
To add: unlike many men on here, I found the infamous Schrodinger’s Rapist post to be insightful and informative. After reflecting on my experiences at work, though, I understand why many men winced at it. For some of us, it hit a bit too close to home.
Fantastic article, and takes me back to my favorite class in high school! Though I am a woman, I have ADHD that wasn’t diagnosed until adulthood. My greatest teacher and inspiration was a male as well. He was my art teacher, and in his class, I was able to tap into my natural talent in drawing, painting, and design. He believed in me, and he deserves the credit for my choosing a career in interactive design today. His teaching style was perfect for me. (My calculus teacher, also male, ranks a close second, and yes, I do use math frequently… Read more »
Thanks for this comment, Max. I feel sure we’d have a great deal to talk about!
Great post, Julie. I agree that male teachers are important for all the kids, because we all need a wide variety of healthy models for how adults can be in the world. It helps us not only figure out who we are among that sea of diversity, but who else is out there to someday grow up and meet, work with, fall in love. None of us will grow up into a world of only adult women; kids need men for socialization, too. I’m disturbed by the implication that insurance companies charge day cares and the like more money when… Read more »
It’s interesting to me how defensive some women commenters are getting at the idea that men might have something unique to offer, as men, in teaching.
After all, isn’t that what feminists have been saying about women for decades now? That we need more women in positions of power because they’ll offer different perspectives?
Julie, this topic is often polarizing when it needn’t be. You did a fabulous job writing about your son’s experience. I love what you wrote. I’m also a former teacher, administrator, and school head, so believe me, I hear you! “Finally, men can offer children something women don’t have to offer: masculinity. And they can offer it in a wide variety of ways. From a bookish science teacher, to a tough coach, to a sensitive music teacher, all these types and models of masculinity are important for boys (and girls) to see.” I could not agree more…for boys (I never… Read more »
This is why I would never get into teaching. How could I got to my job everyday with half the class room dismissing me because I’m female. I get that at my job now except I get paid a lot more than teachers.
How in the world are you getting half a class dismissing teachers. Just because a boy gets a little more from one teacher doesn’t mean he is rude or dismisses another. I could easily write about his 2nd grade teacher too, who helped him immeasurably, for very different reasons, but is a woman. I chose a male teacher to highlight because there are so few of them in the school system here. Sidenote-both my husband and I got to spend more than the ordinary time at home with both our kids when they were very little. They used to call… Read more »
Valerie,
Believe me, students dismiss teachers for a hundred different reasons. I know I did when I was a kid. The teacher’s gender may be pretty far down the list of reasons. How about because you’re an adult, or because you’re trying to make them work, or simply because it’s Friday?
Finally Kristin, I’d say they are vital because they are human. They are about half the human race. They show boys and girls that men can be elementary school teachers. Just like male nurses show folks that nursing isn’t a “girl” profession. Just like female engineers show folks that engineering isn’t a “boy” profession. Just like there aren’t “white” or “black” or “rich” or “poor” professions (or shouldn’t be). It’s vital because I think kids need to see mirrors and candles. Mirrors for who they are, candles to lead the way. And that’s really all I have to say about… Read more »
It’s nice to see an appreciation for maleness in this article. A male perspective on the world has value.
Exactly. It’s like a boy being raised without a father… it’s still POSSIBLE for him to have a good life and a sound psyche, but the odds go down because of the absence of a male role model. And it’s not the single mom’s fault, either (not necessarily); some things just work better with a father than with a mother, especially for a boy.
Hi Julie, I am a 24, and a male teacher for children with Autism and Aspergers. Even though I work at a private school, have amazing parent support, amazing kids, and a great program, I still feel like I have to be very careful sometimes. A lot of my kids love deep pressure and hugs etc. and our staff and parents KNOW that. It saddens me that there are people in this world that would harm children, thus preventing GOOD teachers from giving appropriate physical contact when necessary.
He was a role model in ways that a female teacher couldn’t be, and frankly I didn’t always understand why at first, but I can see it now. Great! I would love for you to explain this then. Energy. In what way did this male teacher project or use or otherwise influence others with his energy as a role model in a way that a female teacher couldn’t? Point of view. What about his point of view made him a role model in a way that a female teacher couldn’t? Someone who looked like him (in a way, or I… Read more »
Finally, men can offer children something women don’t have to offer: masculinity. And they can offer it in a wide variety of ways.
Specifically, what are some of these wide variety of ways that men can offer children something women can’t?
Well, men have the experience of being men. Women have the experience of being women. We each can empathize, but I’m not sure I can know what it is like to be a man, either physically or mentally/emotionally. Women can teach boys about their own experiences (within limits in a school setting) and so forth. Men can express their experience. Given that we are in a cultural state that encourages binary thinking? And is currently set in a male/female system, I’d say that men experience things in the world from a potentially different direction. If my son had had a… Read more »
I think children learn from diversity. I also believe children learn from seeing similarities. In this case, Mr. Anderson provided something (while my son was just on the cusp of pre-adolescence) that the female teachers previously had not provided. Perhaps intangible, but it was there. Does that mean a future female teacher couldn’t provide that? Nope? But after 5 years of female only teachers, my child engaged with this man in a way I’d not seen him engage before. I found it valuable. Also, I listed reasons I found him valuable not only on an individual basis but also on… Read more »
Speaking of mirrors, one of my greatest role models happened when I was an adult. He was a man. I saw in him things I wanted for myself but it wasn’t precisely a mirror. Your mileage may vary with the metaphor. Great article, great comments Julie. In understand what youre saying, in him you found and saw certain characteristics/traits you admired and wished to emulate. I jolted a little at the ‘energy’ like Kirsten did, at first. However knowing you through your posts and comments(your acceptance of femininity through to masculinity, in both the male and female body), I knew… Read more »
Because women cannot replace a male role model any more than a male can replace a female role model. Like it or not, we have 2 genders in this society and we absolutely positively require good role models for each. How is a young boy going to identify with a female teacher? Sit there wondering why she has breasts and has female gender-role type behaviour (on average)? Without men who are the boys going to look up to? They might only see men as criminals if their area has a lot of crime and they don’t have a father at… Read more »
As a mother of a son I can completely relate and agree with Julie’s point of view. First female teachers who are equipped to understand the energy that boys possess are rare. My son is a great kid and female teachers regularly had issue with his inability to sit still for longs periods. I will add that my son was diagnosed with ADHD at about 7. His symptoms are very mild but none the less most teachers find children with his diagnosis burdensome. It’s documented boys are diagnosed with ADHD at a higher rate than girls. So my question is,… Read more »
ADHD is very real. The image most people have in their minds of this disorder is an over-caffeinated 7 y/o boy running around the classroom and yelling, but in reality, this is not what it looks like in most people. Many people with this disorder are Primarily Inattentive (PI) or Combined Type (hyperactive and inattentive mix). While the schools are busy punishing any behavior that doesn’t toe the line of “perfect model student,” they let the other students with ADHD slip through the cracks. Those with behavioral issues are labeled “disobedient,” and those with academic issues are labeled “slow.” I… Read more »
I feel you. I feel certain I had ADD (but was gifted and able to make the grades). I have an ADHD boy as well, with tics no less. He’s a genius, but needs particular supports.
@ Max my son is 16 now and it’s great because we can have conversations of (semi) reason now. He”s conscious of his ADHD now which means he can make and effort to control it if he chooses to. He wouldn’t cooperate with me if I tried to put him in an all boys school..lol He is very gifted in athletics, music, and very much liked by everyone. Very social kid. @ Julie your son must be preteen. I was inexperienced with the meds they prescribe for ADHD and didn’t really like having my son on them in the first… Read more »
“Someone who looked like him (in a way, or I mean clumsily, he could see growing up into a man like Mr. Anderson). A mirror. Do you likewise think that brunettes are role models to brown-haired children, redheads are role models to young carrot tops, and blondes are role models to blonde kids in a way that teachers of other hair colors can’t be because they don’t look like children with other hair colors?” Kirsten, do you really think that a person’s hair color is as vital to their identity as their gender or sex? This is such a poor… Read more »
Very well said Ben
Also see https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/put-your-hands-up-and-step-away-from-the-child/comment-page-1/#comment-77064 by Eli. Great stuff.