Julie Gillis remembers a teacher who changed her son’s life.
I have an 11-year-old son who is in public school here in Austin, Texas. He’s had a variety of wonderful teachers throughout the years, but it wasn’t until his 5th grade year that he had a male teacher. Now, the PE and music teachers are male, but those classes are called “specials” and happen once a day, not as a full day experience.
My eldest has never really been a “natural” student. By that I mean, he’s brilliant, creative, and engaged but he’s not the sit in a chair and regurgitate information kind of kid. Heck, I don’t think most kids are truly that way, but he especially is the type to prefer to experience knowledge, run about, and most importantly engage in play as a way to learn.
If he could take class while up in a tree, I think he’d make all A’s. As it stood, he made C’s and often had issues sitting still.
I felt, for a long time, that most of his teachers didn’t know quite what to do with him. All of them were good teachers—that was clear—but I often felt his natural energy wasn’t being focused in a way that could help him learn, help him feel the most truly him.
Fifth grade rolled around and when we went to Back To School night, he was very nervous. He wanted Mr. Anderson* and he was truly worried he’d not get him. As luck would have it, he was in Anderson’s class, and he looked about as thrilled as I’d ever seen him. My husband and I drew great sighs of relief and looked forward to seeing how the year would go.
The months went by and his grades improved. Mr. Anderson was a great teacher, first of all, but he had a strong-yet-gentle nature that really influenced my son. Mr. Anderson focused on science, something my son was passionate about. Throughout the year, my young man was allowed and encouraged to explore science in all kinds of ways. His confidence grew, and he wound up being a leader in the class in ways I had not necessarily expected him to be.
I will happily admit (as a woman, as a mother, as a feminist/humanist/equalist) that not only was it because Mr. Anderson was a great teacher, but Mr. Anderson was a man. Having a man as a teacher was great for my son. Hell, I’ve shouted it to everyone I know! He was a role model in ways that a female teacher couldn’t be, and frankly I didn’t always understand why at first, but I can see it now. Energy. Point of view. Someone who looked like him (in a way, or I mean clumsily, he could see growing up into a man like Mr. Anderson). A mirror.
I think we all seek mirrors to help us see where we are, who we are, and who we want to become. A good teacher is a guide and instructor, but in certain cases, they can provide a mirror for us as we grow. I think children need a wide variety of mirrors—all ages, sexes, races and orientations—and we need that variety so that children can find the mirror that suits them best. I’d prefer to see students get more of a choice, more of that variety in school rather than see only one race or gender represented. Here’s why.
1) Personal: Chemistry is important. It’s important for young men and women to have role models that they can relate to.
2) Systemic equity: If a boy grows to see or have only women as teachers, is it likely that boy will want to become a teacher himself? Or will he assume it’s a profession “for women”? It’s a subtle influence, but it’s real. When I write about systemic or institutionalized sexism, that’s what I’m getting at. Not a conspiracy to make all teachers be one gender, but a pattern of choices and influence that becomes second nature and common place.
3) Global respect for the trustworthiness of men: I’ve gotten this pervasive sense that men aren’t safe to be in the classroom. I’ve seen very, very few male daycare workers or male elementary school teachers, and it bothers me. I think it’s due to what many of our commenters might call fear-based feminism, but I’m as likely to believe it’s due to increasing costs of litigation and liability insurance. People in institutions just aren’t as willing to place their trust in men around children, and I think it’s damn wrong. Anyone can be abusive, anyone can be cruel, and our children need all care providers scrutinized for safety’s sake.
(Heck, even female daycare workers are trained out of hugging kids or letting them sit on laps. I do believe that sexual abuse happens, but I don’t think we should eliminate healthy touch and affection from our kids’ educational experiences.)
Finally, men can offer children something women don’t have to offer: masculinity. And they can offer it in a wide variety of ways. From a bookish science teacher, to a tough coach, to a sensitive music teacher, all these types and models of masculinity are important for boys (and girls) to see. I am by no means a gender essentialist, but I do think that there are differences in how genders are expressed and that children can relate to those differences and benefit from them.
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Men should not be made to feel like they are on the outside of an educational system. There shouldn’t be suspicion connected to men who want to work with kids. Men’s energy and passion should be honored, and their service as a teacher should be considered a valuable gift.
I don’t want a world of only one gender. I want a world with a variety. I want a world in which children can grow up trusting men and women (and genders not so specific). I want my children to find role models that can give them the mirror in which to see greatness in themselves.
Men can provide that, and it’s vital that they do. I have nothing but respect and love for Mr. Anderson (I’d clone him if I could!), and I’m so thankful that my son was able to be his student for a year. He’s grown immeasurably, and I think much of that was because of his teacher.
*Pseudonyms were used.
—Photo ajari/Flickr
About Julie Gillis
Also see http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/put-your-hands-up-and-step-away-from-the-child/comment-page-1/#comment-77064 by Eli. Great stuff.
He was a role model in ways that a female teacher couldn’t be, and frankly I didn’t always understand why at first, but I can see it now.
Great! I would love for you to explain this then.
Energy.
In what way did this male teacher project or use or otherwise influence others with his energy as a role model in a way that a female teacher couldn’t?
Point of view.
What about his point of view made him a role model in a way that a female teacher couldn’t?
Someone who looked like him (in a way, or I mean clumsily, he could see growing up into a man like Mr. Anderson). A mirror.
Do you likewise think that brunettes are role models to brown-haired children, redheads are role models to young carrot tops, and blondes are role models to blonde kids in a way that teachers of other hair colors can’t be because they don’t look like children with other hair colors?
Finally, men can offer children something women don’t have to offer: masculinity. And they can offer it in a wide variety of ways.
Specifically, what are some of these wide variety of ways that men can offer children something women can’t?
Well, men have the experience of being men. Women have the experience of being women.
We each can empathize, but I’m not sure I can know what it is like to be a man, either physically or mentally/emotionally. Women can teach boys about their own experiences (within limits in a school setting) and so forth. Men can express their experience.
Given that we are in a cultural state that encourages binary thinking? And is currently set in a male/female system, I’d say that men experience things in the world from a potentially different direction.
If my son had had a trans teacher I’d be happy to write an article about that as well. I wish that in Austin TX we could have more out LGBTQ faculty, something that is sorely missing and in fact I know a lot of teachers afraid of being out. In this case, it was a time that my son saw something in a teacher that he recognized.
Interestingly, he was paired with a female teacher (as the two 5th grade classes each had a homeroom but they swapped out science and liberal arts. Each gender represented and lots of back and forth.
My son asked, “Why aren’t there more male teachers?” He himself asked about it, noted it, said he liked having a male teacher. I suppose, Kristin, I should go and ask him more questions and get more answers.
I think children learn from diversity. I also believe children learn from seeing similarities. In this case, Mr. Anderson provided something (while my son was just on the cusp of pre-adolescence) that the female teachers previously had not provided. Perhaps intangible, but it was there.
Does that mean a future female teacher couldn’t provide that? Nope? But after 5 years of female only teachers, my child engaged with this man in a way I’d not seen him engage before. I found it valuable.
Also, I listed reasons I found him valuable not only on an individual basis but also on a global level. And given the current normative view of gender, I posited that his masculiinity was useful for my son as my son grew into his.
I also ended the piece by noting I was a fan of having a great deal of variety in the classroom so that kids could find all the mirrors possible so I find your comment confusing. I think having men in the classroom is as important as having women. Hair colors of all kinds.
Speaking of mirrors, one of my greatest role models happened when I was an adult. He was a man. I saw in him things I wanted for myself but it wasn’t precisely a mirror. Your mileage may vary with the metaphor.
Speaking of mirrors, one of my greatest role models happened when I was an adult. He was a man. I saw in him things I wanted for myself but it wasn’t precisely a mirror. Your mileage may vary with the metaphor.
Great article, great comments Julie. In understand what youre saying, in him you found and saw certain characteristics/traits you admired and wished to emulate.
I jolted a little at the ‘energy’ like Kirsten did, at first. However knowing you through your posts and comments(your acceptance of femininity through to masculinity, in both the male and female body), I knew you were not saying women could not have ‘energy’. That you were making a shorthand reference (nesting and nuancing every word would make for very long articles and comments) to masculine-male-energy.
Because women cannot replace a male role model any more than a male can replace a female role model. Like it or not, we have 2 genders in this society and we absolutely positively require good role models for each. How is a young boy going to identify with a female teacher? Sit there wondering why she has breasts and has female gender-role type behaviour (on average)? Without men who are the boys going to look up to? They might only see men as criminals if their area has a lot of crime and they don’t have a father at home, and of course girls without female role models will have the same issues.
Women can be role models for boys but you need BOTH genders to give the diversity needed. This isn’t about women can’t doing a man’s job, it’s about men and women being different in biology and the need for humans to have good influences to mold their own behaviour on. Some people want to make equality so powerful that there is no difference between gender, but even if we raise our children the same there will probably still always be slight differences due to biology. You’re not going to get men to start getting hormone changes in a monthly cycle like women get, and yes this does affect behaviour.
As a mother of a son I can completely relate and agree with Julie’s point of view. First female teachers who are equipped to understand the energy that boys possess are rare. My son is a great kid and female teachers regularly had issue with his inability to sit still for longs periods. I will add that my son was diagnosed with ADHD at about 7. His symptoms are very mild but none the less most teachers find children with his diagnosis burdensome. It’s documented boys are diagnosed with ADHD at a higher rate than girls. So my question is, is it really ADHD, or is it that boys need a different learning system? I believe firmly boys need a different learning environment.
ADHD is very real. The image most people have in their minds of this disorder is an over-caffeinated 7 y/o boy running around the classroom and yelling, but in reality, this is not what it looks like in most people. Many people with this disorder are Primarily Inattentive (PI) or Combined Type (hyperactive and inattentive mix). While the schools are busy punishing any behavior that doesn’t toe the line of “perfect model student,” they let the other students with ADHD slip through the cracks. Those with behavioral issues are labeled “disobedient,” and those with academic issues are labeled “slow.” I was academically gifted, so I was able to “fake it” when it came to certain classes, and because my grades were good, I got away with a wide range of defiant behavior, including talking back, defiance and disobedience, truancy, missing a good bit of each school year for inexcusable reasons, and straight up leaving school in the middle of the day because I was “bored.” In the end, I was just a “disappointment.”
But yes, on the whole I have a more masculine learning style. I have a strong sense of spatial rotation and the visual, and excel at logic puzzles. I am a bad listener, a visual learner, and I don’t like to read unless the material is very technical, scientific, or politically wonky. Hands-on classes like math, science, art, and shop have always been my favorites, and to this day, I read a tech or medical book for fun before I lay a finger on a fictional work. I found K-12 to be too heavy on close reading and critical analysis, as well as test-taking. I imagine, likewise, most young men who dislike school dislike it for a similar reason, and given the advent of No Child Left Behind, and the requirements to tailor curriculum to the test, I imagine school has gotten worse for the “stereotypically male” learning style.
One issue I take with gender-segregated schools for myself is that it fails people like me who don’t learn in gender-stereotypical fashions. As I disliked most of the girls in the AP Classes, with their emphasis on being model students with model behavior, I have no doubt I would loathe attending an all-girls’ school. They all wanted to get into Harvard. I had my eye on the clock, counting down until the class was over. (And yes, I even got into trouble for this once, too!) However, for your son, an all-boys school may be the answer.
Check out addforums.com. I post there. They have a whole section devoted to parents of children with ADHD. You can also hang out in the adult sections to discover what challenges and solutions adults with ADHD are discussing.
I feel you. I feel certain I had ADD (but was gifted and able to make the grades). I have an ADHD boy as well, with tics no less. He’s a genius, but needs particular supports.
@ Max my son is 16 now and it’s great because we can have conversations of (semi) reason now. He”s conscious of his ADHD now which means he can make and effort to control it if he chooses to. He wouldn’t cooperate with me if I tried to put him in an all boys school..lol He is very gifted in athletics, music, and very much liked by everyone. Very social kid.
@ Julie your son must be preteen. I was inexperienced with the meds they prescribe for ADHD and didn’t really like having my son on them in the first place. He was like a zombie. I hated it. I didn’t know you couldn’t just stop giving these types of meds to your kids cold turkey but I stopped giving them to my son when the summer came. He immediately got tics like nobodies business. My son grew out of them but I was so frightened. The neurologist said he would faze out of them and he did. They didn’t last but a few months but my goodness it was very upsetting to watch my son go through tics like he did. I never put my son on meds again after that!
“Someone who looked like him (in a way, or I mean clumsily, he could see growing up into a man like Mr. Anderson). A mirror.
Do you likewise think that brunettes are role models to brown-haired children, redheads are role models to young carrot tops, and blondes are role models to blonde kids in a way that teachers of other hair colors can’t be because they don’t look like children with other hair colors?”
Kirsten, do you really think that a person’s hair color is as vital to their identity as their gender or sex? This is such a poor argument.
I’m a male and I happen to be brunette, but you can probably guess which I’d list first if I needed to describe myself.
Furthermore, the discussion isn’t about whether a boy SHOULD connect more with a male teacher than a female teacher (although both sides of that issue could be argued), it’s about whether they do, in practice.
So often these arguments turn into an idealistic denial of current paradigms. People don’t like generalizations being made, so they call “offensive” and the conversation halts.
I’m a male, but I’ve always connected better with female teachers. That’s just the way I’m wired. Would anyone jump down my throat for voicing that tendency? I think not. Try not to make this a tug-o-war. There are so many other places for conversations like that–try Jezebel.
This is a place to discuss males and masculinity objectively, analyzing their many flaws and celebrating their many benefits.
The piece isn’t called “Male Teachers Are MORE Vital,” is it?
Teaching is an arena in which males are underrepresented (if somebody argues it’s because males don’t apply for teaching jobs, they can never use statistics about females in high positions again)–these arenas are rare, but they afford us the opportunity to examine our motivations.
When people say “we need more female writers on TV and in Film,” it’s assumed they don’t mean more than males, but simply more than the drastically small amount that currently exist.
Can’t you carry that implicit assumption into conversations about men?
Very well said Ben
Hi Julie, I am a 24, and a male teacher for children with Autism and Aspergers. Even though I work at a private school, have amazing parent support, amazing kids, and a great program, I still feel like I have to be very careful sometimes. A lot of my kids love deep pressure and hugs etc. and our staff and parents KNOW that. It saddens me that there are people in this world that would harm children, thus preventing GOOD teachers from giving appropriate physical contact when necessary.
It’s nice to see an appreciation for maleness in this article. A male perspective on the world has value.
Exactly. It’s like a boy being raised without a father… it’s still POSSIBLE for him to have a good life and a sound psyche, but the odds go down because of the absence of a male role model. And it’s not the single mom’s fault, either (not necessarily); some things just work better with a father than with a mother, especially for a boy.
Finally Kristin, I’d say they are vital because they are human. They are about half the human race. They show boys and girls that men can be elementary school teachers. Just like male nurses show folks that nursing isn’t a “girl” profession. Just like female engineers show folks that engineering isn’t a “boy” profession. Just like there aren’t “white” or “black” or “rich” or “poor” professions (or shouldn’t be).
It’s vital because I think kids need to see mirrors and candles. Mirrors for who they are, candles to lead the way.
And that’s really all I have to say about that tonight.
This is why I would never get into teaching. How could I got to my job everyday with half the class room dismissing me because I’m female. I get that at my job now except I get paid a lot more than teachers.
How in the world are you getting half a class dismissing teachers. Just because a boy gets a little more from one teacher doesn’t mean he is rude or dismisses another. I could easily write about his 2nd grade teacher too, who helped him immeasurably, for very different reasons, but is a woman. I chose a male teacher to highlight because there are so few of them in the school system here.
Sidenote-both my husband and I got to spend more than the ordinary time at home with both our kids when they were very little. They used to call use each “Mommydaddy” or “Daddymommy” as if “parent” was one word. I think that shows a sign of true respect for each of our roles as equal.
I have no use for fighting and online punching. The goal is empathy and understanding. Teachers don’t get the respect they deserve but I daresay it isn’t because of gender. It’s a sign more of our corporate culture valuing consumerism rather than connection.
That’s another post for another day.
Valerie,
Believe me, students dismiss teachers for a hundred different reasons. I know I did when I was a kid. The teacher’s gender may be pretty far down the list of reasons. How about because you’re an adult, or because you’re trying to make them work, or simply because it’s Friday?
Julie, this topic is often polarizing when it needn’t be. You did a fabulous job writing about your son’s experience. I love what you wrote. I’m also a former teacher, administrator, and school head, so believe me, I hear you!
“Finally, men can offer children something women don’t have to offer: masculinity. And they can offer it in a wide variety of ways. From a bookish science teacher, to a tough coach, to a sensitive music teacher, all these types and models of masculinity are important for boys (and girls) to see.” I could not agree more…for boys (I never had a son) and girls (I had one of those). Children should get to experience both male and female teachers, and that is not disparaging to anyone!
It’s interesting to me how defensive some women commenters are getting at the idea that men might have something unique to offer, as men, in teaching.
After all, isn’t that what feminists have been saying about women for decades now? That we need more women in positions of power because they’ll offer different perspectives?
Great post, Julie. I agree that male teachers are important for all the kids, because we all need a wide variety of healthy models for how adults can be in the world. It helps us not only figure out who we are among that sea of diversity, but who else is out there to someday grow up and meet, work with, fall in love. None of us will grow up into a world of only adult women; kids need men for socialization, too.
I’m disturbed by the implication that insurance companies charge day cares and the like more money when they hire male staff. Is this really true?
Fantastic article, and takes me back to my favorite class in high school! Though I am a woman, I have ADHD that wasn’t diagnosed until adulthood. My greatest teacher and inspiration was a male as well. He was my art teacher, and in his class, I was able to tap into my natural talent in drawing, painting, and design. He believed in me, and he deserves the credit for my choosing a career in interactive design today. His teaching style was perfect for me. (My calculus teacher, also male, ranks a close second, and yes, I do use math frequently on the job.)
While the technology wasn’t there yet when I was in high school, learning how to draw, paint, and do basic design fundamentals (on an early model Macintosh!) provided me with a strong foundation to become a Web and software interface designer and creative manager today. I would hate to think that schools nowadays are depriving children of their natural love of the arts due to budget cuts and due to the idea that male teachers are inherently suspected as child abusers. My mother had just left the man who was going to become my stepdad, and both of my (divorced) parents worked, so having a strong male role model in the classroom was great for me as a teenager. It taught me to respect everyone and to seek strong men as mentors. Now, I try to give back by mentoring younger men (a few woman as well, but men seem to seek building those business relationships more often with me on the whole) who are seeking creative careers.
My school had a pedophile as well. He coached one of the pony league sports teams and taught elementary school science. He targeted and seduced young men who were having trouble with school and trouble at home, and when the principal caught him, he moved down South and hid his background, traveling from school to school to target more boys. Finally, he was caught and jailed. The saddest part of this story was the way his victims were treated when they came forward – called gay slurs and the like. My hometown exhibited the same sort of mentality toward his case as die-hard Penn State fans do toward the firing of JoePa. It is not about the glory of sports teams, folks – it’s about the safety and well-being of the children.
And let’s keep in mind that when we dismiss and discourage male teachers wholesale, we take our eyes off the true troublemakers – the pedophiles (of both genders) targeting our children, and more likely, the subject-matter illiterate, impatient, angry teachers who fail our students seeking to develop basic literacy and math proficiencies. Some of them even verbally abuse (or even hit) students who they feel they cannot control. I had a few of those – the illiterate, angry, barely qualified teachers – and a few is a few too many. Most were women. They were not removed due to tenure, except for one, whose illiteracy in English class was so egregious that she was demoted to teach basic skills classes. (Mistake, in my book. That still fails the students.) When we fail to use logic and we make assumptions based on gender rather than assessing each teacher as an individual, the children lose.
Thanks for this comment, Max. I feel sure we’d have a great deal to talk about!
I briefly taught at a Montessori preschool in the summers of 2006 and 2007. I still wince a little bit when I remember how I had to protect my image around the parents. Men truly are guilty until proven innocent in the classroom in the eyes of many. My current (female) boss doesn’t get why I hate changing the towels in the women’s restroom. The chances are remote that someone (most likely a parent) will freak out on me if a woman is in there when I enter, but all it takes is one incident to get me fired.
The problem is especially compounded by the fact that I work in a medical facility where we get up close and personal with patients. During the 6 months I’ve worked there, I’ve brushed patients and employees’ breasts a few times, and had a co-worker run his hand up my leg and over my penis once. I love my job, but the thought of what can happen if an accidental touch is misinterpreted is ALWAYS in the back of my mind.
To add: unlike many men on here, I found the infamous Schrodinger’s Rapist post to be insightful and informative. After reflecting on my experiences at work, though, I understand why many men winced at it. For some of us, it hit a bit too close to home.
I’m a male teacher. I agree with most of what you say here. I think there’s harm done to a lot of people in the suspicion of men as predators around children.
I agree with encouraging diversity and creating a wide diversity as a goal, up to certain point. It’s not a point we have reached yet in most cases, but it can be counterproductive to make diversity a primary goal. For example, there still needs to be some minimum qualifications, I would argue. Just putting someone with a particular appearance, gender, or orientation in front of a class just because of their identity is a recipe for disaster.
I say we should recognize and allow diversity, and the representation will largely take care of itself. Don’t prevent transgender people from teaching, and they’ll appear in the classroom. Don’t prevent males from teaching, and they’ll show up more often. It would be great if every suburban elementary school had “one of each,” but it may be unrealistic to try to staff it with the widest assortment. I would hate to see a very good female teacher turned away because the school already has too many.
My way to put it: don’t assume any one particular gender or orientation is better at teaching than any other one is. Let the good ones teach, male or female or other. If one seems to be better at it, let the others catch up.