A single mom has no male influences and is unsure if she should circumcise her unborn son, so she turns to ‘Dear Dad’ for advice.
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I am a single mother of a 2 year old girl, and am 8 months pregnant with my son. My boyfriend left when he found out I was pregnant and I grew up without a father, so there is no man in the picture.
My question is, should I circumcise my son? I have been reading things about it, but it seems there are as many people for it as there are against it. I don’t know what to do. Please help, I need a man’s input, and I feel like I’m cutting it too close to my due date!
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Dear ‘Cutting’,
When I first started this column and tackled a circumcision question, I had to literally walk away from my computer over the unbelievable debate the topic sparked (I actually sat under my kitchen table petting my dog and rocking back and forth, I admit – it was that bad). I used to run the column “live” on a Facebook page, so I watched in horror as the subject was debated on one of my first columns in front of an audience where I did not know what to expect. I contemplated throwing in the towel on ‘Dear Dad’ because the aftermath was that bad.
After the dust settled on the post, I decided not to answer any more questions on the subject, but carry on with my column. I have since become educated about and weighed in on this subject (and my experience of the first column) in many capacities. I am willing to make an exception here on The Good Men Project and in light of your situation, ‘Cutting’, and hope I can offer some helpful advice from a more seasoned perspective.
The truth is you are going to hear a lot of impassioned opinions on the subject and in my experience all of that is just noise, be it the pro or con position. You can’t believe half of what you read on the internet because (in my experience) many times when you click on a meme, a chart, or a fact-providing article they all lead back to somebody’s blog. I have a blog. I would not trust me for medical advice (and certainly hope no one else would). Please be wary of the sources you rely on as you come to this decision.
Whatever you decide is the best choice for your son is the best choice for YOUR son.
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My advice is to contact your pediatrician and your OB/GYN and advise them of your question and ask for their input on the subject. I would also research legitimate scientific publications (The New England Journal of Medicine is a great one – google it) and decide as his mother what you think the best option is for your son.
There are, in fact, pros and cons to this procedure. It is your job as his mother to decide what outweighs what and which situation you want for him now when he is incapable of making that choice for himself (and from what I’ve researched – now is the time to make that choice – it is much more difficult a procedure to take away or add later in life). As parents, we make decisions for our children’s health all the time because they are too young to make those decisions for themselves. Whatever you decide is the best choice for your son is the best choice for YOUR son.
I am glad fate brought me three daughters as my wife and I do not see eye to eye on this subject. I don’t know what would have happened had we had a son. I think in that regards, ‘Cutting’, you are in a better position because once you have made this choice for your son, you can rest easy that you made an educated, informed, and correct choice.
I wish you luck in making your decision and hope my advice helps you find the tools to make the right choice for your son. I realize you may have hoped I would say “do it” or “don’t do it,” but that is not my call to make – it is yours as his mother and you need to empower yourself and trust your instincts regardless of what anyone else says or thinks.
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As parents, we make choices for our children on a daily basis – be it their diets, their education, what they are exposed to, and so on. When our role as parents demands we make medical choices for our kids – to vaccinate, to circumcise, et cetera – how do you trust that you are making the right choice for your child?
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Photo: Flickr/Lisa Rosario Photography
Originally appeared on The Cook At Home Dad. Updated and reprinted with permission.
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You wasted an entire blog with the worlds most wishy washy answer. You had to hide under the table, you are such a coward. You didn’t cut your daughters so why couldn’t you say don’t cut your son. You should spend some quality time reading information on blogs and answers to the circumcision question on this website, it will give you some ethics.
I’d respond with…
What are your feelings regarding the following procedures, applied to infants or children:
– Female Genital Mutilation
– Foot Binding
– Extension / Elongation of the Neck
– Head Shaping / Cranial Deformation
– Full / Partial Castration
If these concepts make you uncomfortable, then so should male circumcision. All are variations of the same theme: the unnatural shaping of a human body by another, acting not in the interest of that person, but in the perceived interest of social, cultural, or religious beliefs.
I just like to remind you that United Sates is literally the only developed country in the world that still supports infant circumcision (outside Israel). Canada no longer supports, UK, Australia, Germany, Sweden, Finland, Spain, etc. This is unnecessary and in my opinion outdated. BTW, this is what the medical communities around the world say about infant male circumcision THE BRITISH MEDICAL ASSOCIATION “It is now widely accepted, including by the BMA, that this surgical procedure has medical and psychological risks. […] Parental preference alone is not sufficient justification for performing a surgical procedure on a child. […] The BMA… Read more »
We were in much the same situation when we were sitting in the hospital awaiting the final stages of labor and our son to be born. After he was born we were told in the hospital that they were unable to perform the procedure and we would need to wait another week or two to have it done. So we made an appointment with a urologist for later which only gave us more time to further contemplate what we wanted to do. Like others I’d made the mistake of posting the question to facebook: to circumcise or not circumcise? Boy… Read more »
http://www.kayladanelle.com/2011/10/why-im-choosing-not-to-circumcise.html Malaysia parents discuss the ‘pros’ of circumcising daughters. Horrifying to imagine? Then WHY don’t boys get the same protection????
Brian, I appreciate how controversial a topic circumcision is. Your words are full of diplomacy. A while ago, I found these three articles that could help anyone make a wise decision: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral-landscapes/201109/myths-about-circumcision-you-likely-believe http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/prevention/research/malecircumcision/ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gCSWbTv3hng#t=220 The CDC article shared above has one only statistic where circumcising helps with male health. All of the other information – including the funny video – share how unnecessary this procedure is in today’s world. I was raised Jewish; however, my husband and I did not circumcise our son, but my brother did so for his two boys. I have never believed in this outdated custom.… Read more »