Scientific study bolsters writer’s claims despite his wife’s doubts
Do women find men with children—especially babies—more attractive? This was a perception posed October 26 by writer Gint Aras in the Dads & Families section of the GMP, “Baby Brings Dad Unusual Attention from Beautiful Women.” Aras laments the small talk parenting clichés from strangers, “She’ll grow up so fast,” “Enjoy her now,” etc., but is surprised by the attention he and his baby girl are getting from women. Hot women.
Then, only days later, another striking beauty presented herself, this one younger, brunette, a stack of medical textbooks on her table. She made small talk about Kira’s cute hat and her snug sleeping bag. Then she flashed a smile and asked, “So…where’s mom?”
I made a point now to observe her smile, to memorize it, and I can say with confidence that a jury of homosexual Greeks would have skipped deliberation. Coquette! Frigid nuns would have pointed arthritic fingers: “That one’s making eyes.” Nabokov would have patted me on the back: Tell her your daughter’s mother died of typhus in Corfu.
The piece was funny and provocative. The comments ranged from the funny and provocative to the defensive and antagonistic. The most even-headed responses waxed impotently on the subjectivity of all things, from the male perspective to the affect of language choice.
Here’s a sampling:
…but it also could be that a lot of women don’t expect to see a father with a baby without the mother around, and they are genuinely curious as to why it’s only you.—Dave
That what always bothered me – you smile at any male…and almost without exception you see this annoying curiosity in their eyes.—Monika
I found my baby attracts a lot of old ladies.—Tim Chan
There is just something heart warming about a man taking care of a baby. And I think a lot of men can interpret the friendly attitude for flirting.—Erin
Don’t like ads? Become a supporter and enjoy The Good Men Project ad free
Serendipitously, one might say, this robust discussion was bolstered in a Psychology Today article that came out five days later, with this opening line: “Mate poaching is a robust phenomenon…”
Dr. Valerie Gordon goes on to report that “one sizable study found 90 percent of single women were interested in a man who they believed was taken, while a mere 59 percent wanted him when told he was single.”
Equally serendipitous, (or coincidental, depending on your opinion on it), Gint Aras is the new editor of the Marriage section of the GMP, and for his first post, he sought permission from Psychology Today and posted it in full. The comments on PT are equally contentious.
Could this be the rise of the DILF?
—Photo allistair/Flickr
I’d like to chime in here, as a new father. My wife works 2nd shift, so I spend a lot if time out and about with my 9 month old. I’ve definitely noticed much more attention. I found this article looking to see if it’s a universal phenomenon. Turns out it is. I think there’s a variety of things going on. Firstly, there’s much more attention in general, not just from attractive women. As a man, attractive women approaching me sticks out in my memory better, but really it’s attention in general. Mostly from grandparents and hopeful grandparents. But it’s… Read more »
Somehow related is the statistics on parenthood where I live (a nordic country). They show that there are a number of both men and women who doesn’t become parents. The rate of men and women who become parents are decreasing although the rate of men who become parents is decreasing at a much higher rate than for women. The researchers pointed out that this seem to be an effect of the fact that the number of men who fathers children with more than one women are increasing. Some men are fathering children with several women at the expense of other… Read more »
I don’t mean this as any insult to any recent mothers out there, but I do wonder if the man with baby may have an altered perception of “hot women” at that point in his life. The hot women who approach your baby, are they women you would have considered hot before this, or has your perception changed? Are you a little more sensitive to women’s attention, a little starved for female attention at the moment, even a touch desperate? For much of my life, any woman who gave me the time of day or initiated a conversation in any… Read more »
Which brings us back to the question – why didn’t they approach him before?
Now I’m thinking about it from the opposite point of view. Maybe the baby doesn’t make the man more attractive per se, just that he gets secondary benefit from the fact that some women love babies. It’s may be a little self-centered to think the baby is his accessory. Maybe he’s the baby’s accessory. Maybe women don’t especially like men with babies, but just really like babies. I like pizza, so any woman who puts a pizza on my table will generate warm feelings in me. It’s not loving “women with pizza,” it’s more like spillover love for the pizza… Read more »
In pre-emptive answer to your question, let me take a guess. Because women are hypergamous, lying opportunists. Before the baby he was of low status, too lacking in sexual capital in the evolutionarily hardwired marketplace of selfish-gene mate selection. Or perhaps he was lacking the appropriate “game” in the contest to score with women. He is merely living the law of biology going all the way back to the cavemen days.
Is this where you wanted to go with this? Am I guessing correctly?
wellokaythen:
” Because women are hypergamous, lying opportunists.”
Aren’t they? I am not sure about hypergamous (is there a scientific verdict concerning this claim?), but most women are lying opportunist, as are most men.
” He is merely living the law of biology going all the way back to the cavemen days.”
Well, if people are honest about what they find attractive, they usually show their shallowness.
Long live misanthropy!
I think you’re pretty much on the right track. A lot of women like babies. I don’t want kids of my own and am sort of useless at handling babies, but I still love seeing a cute baby at the supermarket. ( I have been known to make silly faces to get them to laugh – and admit this is my privilege as a female, because a man doing the same might be regarded suspiciously). And yes, I’ll notice if it’s Dad pushing the stroller/cart or wearing the baby harness. And I will generally smile and maybe say something nice… Read more »
On the right track with this, I mean = “Maybe women don’t especially like men with babies, but just really like babies.” Not the satirical answer to DFL’s question. (I’m hoping it was satirical.)
“But really, a lot of women like cute things. I also notice men out with their dogs – because I love dogs. A man, of any level of attractiveness, with a super-cute dog? Yeah, he’s gonna get more attention from me.” I had soooo many women give me attention when I had my puppy, black lab, out n about. “(Same goes for dogs. The other night I was out walking mine, and passed a man on the other side of the parking lot whose dogs started barking at mine. He was fighting to hold them back, grabbed one of them… Read more »
In my opinion, he did go overboard. He obviously wanted to stop his dog from barking at us, because whatever he was doing, the dog was barking and yelping at the same time. (Ruff rufff ayayayay ruff ruff ayayay etc.) And he didn’t just do it once, he kept doing it – kept hurting the dog – until we were out of sight and the dog was no longer barking. So clearly the correction the man was giving was not creating the response he wanted out of the dog, and was in fact hurting the dog, and he kept doing… Read more »
I’ve made him yelp, purposely inflicted pain a few times when he’s done something dangerous, first time as a puppy when he bit me, but it’s saved for danger situations. He’s never bitten since so he has remembered but the pain is like 1 second, not continuous as that guy did which is bad. You only need to let them know that something is wrong and that’s achieved in the first yelp anyway. It’s like a smack for kids, smacking em over n over is pointless n abusive, a single smack will shock their body into realizing you aren’t messing… Read more »
Not 15 minutes ago I was being playful with a baby in the coffeehouse lineup. People like babies, women like babies! They’re adorable and have relatively low entertainment needs. If a baby looked at me and asked me to recite Chaucer, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t play with babies anymore! Back to JavaBaby, she was being cared for by mom today. I interacted with mom a bit (who was friendly) and left. If said caretaker was a father instead, my interaction would have been the same. Why I mention mom was friendly though, is the key to what might be… Read more »
There are a lot of people out there that want what they can’t have. The fact that a guy is taken is a sign that he is (most likely) worth taking which makes him desireable. Well he’s already taken so that leaves those women will a desire to have that which they cannot have. At the same time if he is available they take it as a sign that he (most likely) not worth taking. They don’t want to go through the discovery of finding out if he is worth taking. People want what they can’t have in situations where… Read more »
The apple in the garden of eden, Danny.