To tell a gay kid they’re allowed to join, but that a gay adult is unfit to be a leader is a backhanded shove into the closet.
Being gay and a former Scout, I’ve followed the recent issues regarding the Boy Scouts of America and their stance on LGBT members very closely. I was excited by the initial prospect of the BSA opening their membership, and later, angrily duped by their back-pedaling.
Then near the end of last week’s round-the-clock coverage of the tragedies in Boston and West, TX, the Boy Scouts of America snuck in (almost) under the radar with a proposed amendment* regarding LGBT persons in their ranks. The verdict? Gay Scouts allowed. Gay leaders not.
Seriously?!? Of all the half-assed, blatantly insulting, meandering bullshit—
After regaining composure, I started to think about the execution of this: So while LGBT youth can no longer be banned or kicked out for being gay, the real menace (sex-having gay adults) is still kept safely outside the camp. Logistically, what does this mean? Would an openly gay Scout have to hand over his sash upon turning 18? Be rejected when applying for a leadership role? Forced to wear a pink triangle badge once he lost his virginity?
This proposed change in wording doesn’t offer acceptance to anyone. To tell a gay (or secretly questioning) kid they’re allowed to join/remain, but that a gay or lesbian adult is unfit to be a leader, a bad influence, unworthy — is in actuality a backhanded shove into the closet. A scare tactic.
Jennifer Tyrrell, the lesbian Scout leader forced out as leader of her 7 year-old son’s Cub Scout den in April 2012, released a statement in reply:
“One year after sending a letter ousting me as my son’s leader, the Boy Scouts are once again forcing me to look my children in the eyes and tell them that our family isn’t good enough. My heart goes out to the young adults in Scouting who would be able to continue as Scouts if this is passed, but then be thrown out when they reach the age to become leaders.”
Don’t like ads? Become a supporter and enjoy The Good Men Project ad free
While my reaction seems prevalent among the LGBT community, I was curious to hear from those “working from within” who felt this was genuinely a step in the right direction.
Kathy and Sharisse are both mothers of current Scouts and heavily involved in their local organizations in Kentucky and Tennessee, respectively. They are also both strong advocates for LGBT equality.
Sharisse serves as Committee Chair of her 10 year-old son’s Webelo pack. She speaks of her primary concerns — the Scouts themselves:
“I’m looking at the new policy as a positive move in the right direction. It immediately addresses and corrects my most pressing concern: Boys who have done all the work to attain their Eagle ranking will be able to receive the highest award in scouting. The path to Eagle takes a considerable amount of work and focus to complete. For this reason, I’m thrilled with the Board’s decision. If you do the work, you get the reward… a valuable life lesson.”
Kathy, whose son is an Eagle Scout, comes from a large family with a long history of involvement in Scouts. She shares Sharisse’s opinion — that the BSA, being a youth organization, has made a good first step in addressing this issue as it applies to the boys themselves.
Kathy revealed how this new policy has been received internally. She and her son took part in an official BSA survey regarding the LGBT policy. They later received an email with the results: In a summary of the findings, it said respondents overall supported the BSA’s current policy of excluding gays by a margin of 61 percent to 34 percent, while a majority of younger parents and teens opposed the policy.
“If you look at the stats from the survey — 61% were against lifting the ban — they went against the majority of their membership to at least make this much of a stance,” Kathy observes.
Sharisse gives additional insight into the current makeup of Scouting families, “All of us in scouting already know many active gay parents who are involved with their kids’ activities and volunteer to keep the organization going. Scouting relies 100% on parent volunteers to lead each Pack and Troop. Given the views of the new generation of parents enrolling their Cubs now, it is not a matter of IF but WHEN an official decision will allow for total inclusion. I will stand steadfast with the BSA and not abandon it to wither into an obsolete group with old ways of thinking.”
I hear and appreciate these perspectives. And I admire Kathy and Sharisse’s patience, as well as their admonishment to me (and many others who are frustrated) to be patient.
I realize we can’t go charging in half-cocked and expect people to listen. But patience has to be partnered with persistence. Patience alone leads nowhere. Without the impatience and indignation of those being rejected, there wouldn’t be a discussion in the first place. And absolutely NO change. Not even this half-step attempt to appease both sides.
To be clear, I’m not rooting for the demise of the Boy Scouts. If I didn’t value the lessons and experiences I gained during my time as both a Cub and Boy Scout, I wouldn’t bother debating the issue in the first place. As I stated at the start, I’m personally invested. In addition to being a former Scout and gay, I’m also the father of a 3 year-old boy whose current favorite activity is to pretend he’s camping. I hope my son — and his Dad — get the chance to be included, adding some much-needed diversity to its already rich legacy.
Talking to these true Scouting “insiders” has given me hope. I and other LGBT Americans don’t have the opportunity to change the organization from within, and Sharisse, Kathy and others like them won’t every fully understand what it’s like to be excluded. But through dialog, both sides — which are working towards the same goal, by the way — can benefit from each other’s perspective, combining a collective persistence and patience to bring about true and purposeful change for the Boy Scouts of America.
As I finished my conversation with Kathy, I told her to keep prodding from the inside, and I’ll keep poking on the outside. She said we had a deal, but that she wanted a picture of me in a uniform when the BSA fully embraces LGBT Scouts, leaders and parents.
I hope to deliver something even better — a picture of me, my son AND my husband, all wearing those god-awful red and green knee socks with pride…and a little extra flair.
*This proposal will be sent to the roughly 1,400 voting members of the BSA’s National Council at a meeting in Texas the week of May 20. The organization’s board must also ratify the resolution in May.
—Photo by FeeBeeDee/Flickr
While the individual LDS members didn’t participate in the initial survey, it looks like the Mormon church is speaking on their behalf, and supporting the proposed policy change: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/26/mormon-church-gay-boy-scouts_n_3162577.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000003
Not totally unexpected based on what the LDS church has been hinting at, but still nice to see in writing!
Historically, when the US military sneezes, the Boy Scouts catch a cold. (Sorry for the unfortunate disease metaphor.) In World Wars I and II, the Boy Scouts were practically a paramilitary youth arm of the Armed Forces. There’s greater distance now, but still some very close associations. As openly gay people in the military become more acceptable, one can expect the BSA would probably follow suit. Maybe not immediately, but it’s highly likely.
The link to the petition I provided in my previous comment is acting squirelly. Here’s the correct link: http://chn.ge/XUDxV5
I am a former Boy Scout, rank of Eagle, and I met their decision with mixture of “What took you so long?” and “You still are not making sense!”. While it is encouraging that the BSA recognizes that there should not be discrimination against LGBT persons (they officially no longer ban gay scouts from the ranks), it is also frustrating as hell that they are still discriminating. It won’t make sense to any scout (straight or gay) who attains the highest ranks within the den/troop that they would not be allowed to lead the same dens/troops if they are LGBT.… Read more »
Just to be clear, Kevin, the BSA still bans both gay youth and adults. The executive board has put forth a proposal to lift the ban on gay youth, but it still has to pass the national meeting in May; and if passed, would technically not go into effect until January 2014.
Ryan, thank you for making that clarification. I hadn’t realized it wasn’t official yet. I think that only increases my exasperation, although it is encouraging that they are moving in the right direction. Thank you!
No problem. The expectation being implied by the BSA top brass is that the resolution will pass, but there is no guarantee. So cross your fingers and, if you know how to get in touch with your local council, fire them an e-mail or a phone call to ask them to support the resolution. (Even better, ask them to support both the formal resolution *and* the Inclusive Scouting Network resolution that the ISN’s trying to get onto the floor for discussion; the link is in one of my comments above.)
Ooh, I forgot about the morally “straight” clause. One doesn’t have to interpret that as straight as in “heterosexual,” though.
The ONLY time that “morally straight” came to specifically denote “morally heterosexual” was when the whole challenge to the no-gays policy gained momentum. When “straight” was put into the boy scout oath, I doubt it even meant “heterosexual”. The BSA would also not cheapen an oath by using slang. So no, it does not mean heterosexual.
I just discovered these two brothers who live in my town of Kensington, MD. They’re both Scouts and are both gay. The elder received his Eagle award a couple of years ago, but the younger is being denied the same due to his homosexuality.
You can read more about them here: http://www.glaad.org/scoutbrothers
and
You can sign their Change.org petition here: http://chn.ge/gayscoutbrothers
Thanks for all the comments and conversation. Encouraging to see so many passionately supporting equality in the BSA, either from the outside or the inside.
When I finished WEBELO (c. 1968) I did not continue as a Boy Scout. I knew without asking, without being told, that I wouldn’t be welcome, that I didn’t belong in the BSA. The knowledge was as certain as it was unexpressed. I didn’t quite have the words for the reason for my exclusion (even if self-imposed) but it never occurred to me question it. I’d already been under scrutiny for pointing out (what I would now call) the class and cultural biases apparent in the Cub Scout handbooks of the time, and expected to that my continued questioning of… Read more »
David, thanks for sharing your story. My Dad is a retired Air Force Chaplain (and currently pastoring a Southern Baptist church) — and while I never felt any overt condemnation from him, I certainly did from both of the institutions that made up the bulk of his career. I sometimes wonder what life would have been like had I been able to be out and proud my whole life, and not just for the last 17. However I’m excited for my son and the many more opportunities he’ll have to witness and experience acceptance of LGBT persons. It gives me… Read more »
Someone explain the reasoning for not allowing a lesbian to be in charge of a group of boys. This makes no sense to me whatsoever. Is the organization afraid that she’s going to convert them into…liking girls? You can’t trust lesbians because they’re sexual predators…of boys?
So, you can only be a den mother in charge of males if you are attracted to males. If that’s the case, then why can’t a gay man be in charge of males?
Bigotry is illogical.
They know they have no evidence that self-identified gay men are more likely to sexually abuse boys than self-identified straight men, so it has to be universal in a way that makes zero sense. None of it makes any sense.
Joanna WRT the possibility of abuse by self-identified gay men: Something empirical? What about the non-self-identified? Is it going to be a requirement to self-identify? What if a gay man does not self-identify? If he’s discovered later on, can he be dismissed? No, of course not. That would be bigotry. But, since you specified “self-identified”, there must be something about the non-self-identified. What would that be? Keep in mind–keep in mind that everybody knows–that pedophilia is committed by both gay and straight. But that’s on little kids. But the Catholics were doing pederasty and ephebephilia which is exclusively gay, and… Read more »
“self-identified” meaning “out”.
You can be a closeted gay person and be involved. But you cannot be out. If you are found to be gay, I assume that they will boot you. They refused to give an Eagle Badge to a teenager who worked his whole school-years life to achieve it, once he came out.
That’s what I mean. And YES it is bigotry and it is discrimination.
And, if the organization continues that silly distinction between closeted and out, it will find itself in some very peculiar circumstances. What if one person accuses another of being gay? What if your self-identified hetero den mother did a little experimentation in college twenty years ago – does that count as being a lesbian? Is there a statute of limitations?
The BSA will then be placed in the comical position of defining what homosexuality really is. “Yes, I tried it, but I didn’t really like it, so can I keep my job?”
I remember:
Trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent.
Don’t remember “heterosexual” in the list. Did I miss it?
I also remember “Be prepared.” It seems like a Scout ought to be prepared for a world that includes gay people, who may be people in his family, people he will work with, people he will go to school with, or who may include himself.
I don’t believe the current policy is based (anymore) on the potential for, to use your example, a lesbian to sexually molest one or more elementary school kids. The BSA flat-out recognizes that homosexuality does not equal pedophilia. The policy is there because the BSA policy, as it stands today, states that it’s inappropriate to teach boys–through word or example–that gay/lesbian relationships are acceptable or “normal”.
Please note that I do not agree with this policy.
Thank you for the thoughtful, insightful response Ryan. Based om the points you made, it does give reason for hope. Thanks again for illuminating key points of the discussion.
My pleasure. As an additional development, the Inclusive Scouting Network released a resolution this morning that they are pushing to get onto the floor in May for a vote. It goes one step further and includes (1) universal participation by youth regardless of orientation; (2) participation of gay adults at the discretion of the individual charter organizations (unit sponsor). The link is here: http://www.inclusivescouting.net/2013/04/22/bsa-coalition-offers-alternate-resolution-on-adult-members-leaders-and-parents/
Chances of this making it to the floor are fairly small, and passage even smaller, but it will at least receive consideration by the meeting.
Beautifully written and thoughtful as always. I would like to clarify one point: My refusal to leave scouts SHOULD be coupled with active push back from the outside. I think it will require both sides pushing and pulling to get full movement to end the policy. I agree with Ryan – 5 years tops and everything changes. Another sign for optimism: Even the adults I’ve talked to who say they want the ban on gays to remain actively encourage gay parents to enroll their sons and for parents to take part. So when even the most vocal don’t have their… Read more »
Ryan, what I am hearing from this is that the people who would leave the BSA if gay leadership were allowed is a greater number than those of us who have actively left, or will leave, if they don’t include gay leadership. Wouldn’t the better motivation to get the BSA to lift the ban on gay leadership would be the threat of MORE of us leaving if they don’t lift it? What am I missing? How does getting more people to join while there is still discrimination help? I’ve taken both my children out of cub scouts and will keep… Read more »
Joanna, My personal experience is different. Even living in the heart of the Bible Belt, I know several families that are out and have been asked by their Packs to be in leadership positions. I suppose it is based solely on those in charge of each group. I would never exclude a child or parent who wanted to join where I was. I respect people who make the decision to protest in whatever way they choose. Personally, I wish more would join and just speak their mind. Volume is more powerful than bigotry. It WILL change and very soon. If… Read more »
So how does that teach my children not to be bystanders to injustice? What do you do when you see someone hurting someone else? You step in, you make your voice heard, and you do whatever you can to make a difference. Do you send the people doing the hurting your money? Do you put your name on their rosters? The financial motivation is powerful enough to keep systematic bigotry in place – the BSA is being bullied by the bigots. Those people are willing to leave the BSA based upon what they believe in. But you are not. And… Read more »
Like I said – I respect your choice to protest in the way you choose. My choosing to stay is not saying I agree with the policy. I am quite vocal and have told the CEO of Scouting for our state that I am unbending in my views. Other prominent leaders have done the same. There are many ways to attack the problem and I can see that you are happy with yours. I am choosing to work from within. I love scouting and I feel that walking away wouldn’t affect it one bit. Staying and representing equality is the… Read more »
Your leaving is what they want. They would be happy if the BSA was little more than a Outdoor oriented Sunday School for a handful of Fundamentalist Christian churches. Even if that means that membership withers away to a fraction of what it is today. What we need to make changes is parents and Scouts (esp. Eagle Scouts) within the program demanding change. By the way I’m an Eagle Scout, I have an Eagle Scout son & the little boy in my picture is a 1st Class Scout now and to deny him a chance to be a Scout is… Read more »
Sharisse: Let me first say I’m so grateful for your voice and your place in Scouts. And you’re obviously very lucky to be in the Pack you’re in, as it is choosing not to enforce the ban. But have you thought about what you would do if they ever DID enforce it? If all of the LGBT parents and Scouts were summarily removed from membership/leadership? I’m sure you would raise all sorts of holy hell, but would you still let you son be involved, either in his current Pack or the Troop he’s soon to move in to? I’m not… Read more »
I guess its hard to answer that without knowing the exact situation. It would take an awful lot for me to leave for one simple reason: I am PASSIONATE about what scouting is and does for young men (and Venturing for girls). I want it to be inclusive for anyone who wants to join. If scouting was just one of a string of activities we did that didn’t matter much, I’d probably quit in protest, feel good about myself for a week and move on. But because I love it so much and see the good that it does, I… Read more »
I am in love with this comment.
Dangit, I just had a really long, well-thought out answer to your post and it was swept away when the page somehow auto-refreshed. I will re-type up what I can and get right back to you.
Joanna, I hear and understand your frustration. I think the BSA did its due diligence in making the decision they’ve made. I believe they looked at this as a business decision and not a moral one. Based on the study summary (http://scoutingmagazine.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/executive-summary-of-study-findings.pdf), the number of people estimated to leave if the BSA fully lifts the ban is an order of magnitude larger than those who would sign up as a result (and that doesn’t even include the LDS membership.) The study results didn’t mention how many additional people were estimated to leave if the ban is not fully rescinded, but… Read more »
I am an Eagle Scout and current Cubmaster, going on my 4th year of leadership. I have strongly supported a full lift of the ban on gay youth and leaders, so when this “compromise” resolution came out I was torn between disappointment and hope. Let me be clear in stating: the proposed resolution does not go far enough. However, I think there is reason for optimism. One, this is a universal lifting of the ban on gay youth. That is better than the original “let the charter org decide” idea. Two, based on the Study results released by the BSA,… Read more »