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We must have looked really uncaring, the midwife and I. While my wife lay on her side in the delivery room, her grip tightening on the pillow with each contraction, we sat, chins on palms, waiting for the waters to finally burst.
“A bulge the size of a cricket ball” is how the midwife had vividly described the size of the waters straining against the sac, quivering like a pubescent spot. This was following an internal exam that had—for the first time—made my wife cry out in pain and leave three stinging fingernail marks on the back of my hand. An hour later, we were still waiting for those darn waters to go. All three of us in that room knew that shortly after the waters broke, my son would be pushed into the world in a blaze of mucous and fury. Until then, it was just a waiting game.
I should clarify something, for those of you who think I was being heartless by just sitting there as my wife writhed in agony (she would later tell me that she counted the pulses of the TENS machine to pass the time). She doesn’t like me touching her when she is in pain; she likes her own space, to make her way through the stress on her own, without interruption. If I had attempted to rub her back, or wipe the sweat from her brow, I would have been thanked with a clawed face and a banshee scream. Why the midwife wasn’t helping out, I can’t tell you. Mind you: it was five in the morning, and she was nearing the end of a shift that had seen an unprecedented eight babies born in nine hours. For all I knew, she was taking a nap.
The thing is, you only need turn back the clock a few decades to find yourself in an age where fathers would have little to no involvement in their partner’s pregnancy and subsequent childbirth. In 1965, just 5%. By 1989, the number had rocketed to 95%. There is no denying that, in these modern times, fathers are becoming more involved in pregnancy and birth.
But is this a good thing? GLOWM—the Global Library of Womens’ Medicine—reports that this increased involvement can put many fathers under pressure to participate in pregnancy, and attend childbirth when they may not want to. This involvement has transformed from an option to an expectation, and those who do not conform can be regarded with “suspicion or malice” by their peers and healthcare providers. This—hostility, for want of a better word—is an unfortunate reality, one that must be quashed sooner rather than later.
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The fact remains, however, that a father’s involvement from the early stages has its benefits. According to a 2007 report by the Father Involvement Research Alliance, infants and children experience numerous benefits as a result of increased involvement by the father: they demonstrate cognitive, emotional and social development that is superior to those traits displayed by infants who are lacking a father figure in their lives. Infants of highly involved fathers are more cognitively competent at six months, and have higher IQ’s at the tender age of three. A 2001 study referenced in the report found that a higher level of fatherly involvement is “positively correlated with the child’s overall life satisfaction and their experience of less depression.”
And there are benefits for fathers, as well. Men who are involved fathers feel more self-confident and better understand their children. Further studies have shown that involved fathers exhibit “greater psychological maturity,” are more likely to participate in the community, and “turn out to be good spouses, workers and citizens at midlife.”
Of course, this wasn’t going through my mind as I sat watching my wife, fingernail marks on the back of my left hand throbbing away. I was still waiting for those darn waters to gush forth—patient on the outside, anxious beneath. Finally, my wife’s waters broke, and after a few short seconds my son followed; imagine a baby on a water slide, and you get the picture. I choked back tears whilst coochy-cooing my newborn’s forehead with an index finger from an arm’s length—he was still quite slimy, you see. I was a father again; and, if the various studies carried out by numerous boffins** are correct, this would result in my becoming a better citizen while inflating my ego at the same time.
However, the effects may be more far-reaching than that. A 1997 study entitled, “Fatherhood ideals in the United States” found that involved fathers report fewer accidental and premature deaths, have fewer unwanted involvements with the law, and have fewer hospital admissions. So, if you find yourself in the delivery room feeling slightly light-headed and overwhelmed with the emotion of it all, hang in there. It might just save your life.
[*Theoretically.]
[**You may have noticed, what with the cricket ball reference, that the author, Mr. Wakeling, is English. “Boffin” is British slang for a research scientist. —ed.]
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Photo: miss_pupik / flickr / creative commons license