F**k Yeah! Parenting Advice from A Foul-Mouthed Father

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About Doug Prochilo

Doug Prochilo is a screenwriter who pens great feature film scripts that never get made, and bad television that does. (See "Vampire Bats" on Neflix.) He resides in Los Angeles with his wife and three children.

Comments

  1. GOLD! Pure gold. Love this post. I am almost peeing my pants right now. I can’t wait to show it to my hubby to prove I am not the only one who swears too much in front of the kids.

  2. I swear so much when I’m driving that my son must have developed a pavlovian reaction…One day I slammed on the breaks and hooted the horn as the car in front of me stopped abruptly. My son who was about 2 years old muttered ‘fucking wanker’. I’ve failed to stop my kids swearing, but I have taught them that you don’t swear at school or at grandma’s house because it upsets people and that you never swear AT people. However, when you drop a heavy weight on your foot you are entitled to swear your fucking head off. They’re grown ups now and swear fluently. It hasn’t stopped them being extremely articulate young men.

  3. I don’t feel so alone anymore. Just the photo that accompanied the article had me in stitches. The article itself was a bonus!

  4. I always tell my kids, “you know how there are some things that only grown-ups can drink? There are some words that only grown-ups get to say.” As my boys got older, I explained that it’s a social custom that you only swear with your peers and not those who are older then you. The bigger the age difference, the less swearing should go on. Just to cut down on problems.
    I did give up swearing once for lent back in high school. But that summer I worked with a bunch of bitchy middle aged women who cursed like crazy and I’ve never put up much of an effort to stop since. What for? I think swearing well is a great fucking skill to have!

    • Sorry, I do have one story I meant to share. When my oldest was about 2 1/2 and learning to talk we were in the car and he started saying “fuck” over and over again. Each time I happily replied, ” that’s right sweety, truck!” Finally in confusion he said, “truck?” Yup, truck. LOL

  5. Rebecca says:

    HAHAHA! Conversation we just had with my 3yo today:

    What do you say when the tree starts falling? (Expecting “TIMBER!”)
    Her answer? “Oh, crap!” Noo… try again.
    “Oh Fuck?” (much laughter) Nooooo…. try again….
    “Oh, Shit?” (More laughter!) Nope… try “TIMBER!”
    “Awwww….. damn”

  6. This is hysterical! My karate sensei is exactly the same way..he can’t complete a sentence without inserting one of “The 7 Deadly Words”…and he’s Italian, too! I love it when he texts me (he also uses the funniest vocabulary!)…

  7. f yeah! says:

    I like you’re thinking. If they don’t let the f bomb slip a few times and get in trouble as kids, how will they learn to use it as adults? Better to drop it in kindergarten than a job interview. Let them fuck up when it doesn’t count!

  8. HappyGoLuckyBrightNSunny says:

    I have this convo with my nearly 6 yr old almost daily. He laughs when someone sings bad words in the car or hears them on TV when watching non PG shows. My mom, his gramma, NEVER uses foul words. However, she recently went to a Vietnamese restaurant. I told her that you use the name of the restaurant AFTER saying the word for soup, which of course in Viet is Pho (Pronounced Fuh). “So, Ma, for instance if the restaurant is ‘King’ how would you say the name?”

    “Pho-King. Oh my GOD!” Yep, I made her say it. After 40 yrs I FINALLY heard my mom use the *F* word. It was brilliant. This was, mind you, over the phone as she was sitting in the restaurant at the time. My 5 yr old, sitting next to me listening to the convo, also put the phrase together and said *fucking*. He immediately started to cry & buried his head in the cushions of the sofa in absolute horror. After my wife and I picked ourselves up off the floor, tears dripping from our chins from laughter, we consoled him and let him know that it was OK. We say bad words all the time. It’s no big deal. Sooner or later, you will too. And it’s OK. They’re just words. We laughed in hysterics for days.

  9. Merv Kaufman says:

    Reading this “confessional,” I was reminded of an incident that occurred when I was maybe eight. It was a Sunday morning and my parents were still in bed. I waltzed into their room and asked (innocently, actually), “What’s a God Damned Son of a Bitch”? My mother practically leaped out of bed—not to admonish me or wash out my mouth with soap but to say damning things about her hated older sister whom, she felt, had allowed her son to use such language. Mom demanded to know if it was my cousin who’d used such language. I confessed that, when we were out walking, he’d shouted it at one of our neighbors. “Uh-huh, uh-huh, you see!” my mother snorted at Dad, who frankly didn’t know what to say. Anyway, I never used those words again around my folks and was happy that it was Cousin Don who was called down about it and not me. Frankly, I think it OK to swear, but, truly, kids don’t really know what
    the language signifies, thus usually parrot what someone older has said or shouted. Until my daughter became a teen, I don’t remember any expletives being tossed around in my house.

  10. Fucking awesome article and writing! I think this guy should have his own reality show FATHER KNOWS BEST!

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