Chrisitan Toto reviews Dr. Deborah Gilboa’s newest book.
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Do we really need another parenting book, what with a flooded market and advice available to anyone with a Facebook account? Dr. Deborah Gilboa, or Dr. G as she’s known in media circles, thinks we do. She’s crafted a guide that parents of toddlers to teens can embrace, one designed to help you raise kind, considerate kids.
“Get the Behavior You Want… Without Being the Parent You Hate!: Dr. G’s Guide to Effective Parenting” is an exhaustive tome with so many tips you’ll grow tired of dog-earing pages.
Dr. Gilboa is a mother of four sons, and she fuses personal experience with medical savvy in prose that’s never stuffy. It’s like sitting down for coffee with a friend you trust.
The book threads the needle between old-school advice and progressive ideals. She wants your sons and daughters to address adults by their proper titles, do their chores and adopt character-building traits that often get lost in our feel-good society.
Failure, she says, is a good thing, a moment packed with the potential for progress.
“Our job is to let them fail and then help them learn from that experience,” she writes without sounding like a talk radio scold.
Yet the wisdom comes pre-packaged with a progressive streak straight out of 2014. Learn how to give. Treat different cultures with respect. Don’t allow your children to bully each other even if most siblings do so naturally.
Just be prepared to take copious notes. Dr. Gilboa has some homework for you, but your children will be better off because of it.
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The book challenges parents to train their children in a number of key areas: Daily dressing, Cleaning up after themselves. Eating their vegetables. The key is to start when they’re young, before bad habits develop that could last a lifetime.
“Get the Behavior You Want” covers considerable ground without feeling as if a particular topic gets short shrift. The author explores the need for parental consistency, how to embrace boredom and sleepover guidelines for first-timers. Parents will applaud advice on navigating the world of teen sports leagues, when to allow your child to quit an after-school program and the rigors of raising a teen embarking on his or her first few dates.
One of countless valuable tips: wait three days before reacting to a sour playdate incident (one that doesn’t fall under a regular pattern of bullying). By then you and your child will have calmed down and can assess the situation in a fair manner, rather than letting emotions rule the moment.
Most of Dr. Gilboa’s lessons feature age-appropriate tactics, making the book one that can be referred to throughout a child’s life. Each chapter also includes “Ask Dr. G” pull quotes, highlighting real questions from worried moms and dads. It’s fine for a parenting expert to dole out general advice, but seeing it applied to real scenarios reinforces the lessons. She also uses anecdotes from her doctor’s office in ways readers should instantly appreciate or acknowledge.
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The book isn’t a feel-good exercise, nor does it suggest following these suggestions will lead to instant change. Following some of her tips, and then abandoning them, does no one good.
“Consistency is the hardest part of being a parent. Once we’ve set a boundary, we need to enforce it 99.9 percent of the time,” she cautions.
Parents may feel overwhelmed, frankly, by the crush of tips and tricks. The book should be read in small, digestible sessions or even over weeks so parents can slowly acclimate to the rules she suggests.
“Get the Behavior You Want… Without Being the Parent You Hate!: Dr. G’s Guide to Effective Parenting” is a roll-up-your-sleeves manifesto from a parent who has been in the trenches and lived to tell the tale.
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