Homo’s Odyssey

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About William Lucas Walker

William Lucas Walker is an Emmy Award-winning writer and producer whose television credits include Frasier, Will & Grace and Roseanne. He co-created the critically-acclaimed Showtime comedy The Chris Isaak Show. He and his husband Kelly are the parents of Elizabeth and James, born in 2001 and 2005. The children were gratified by the legal marriage of their parents in 2008, an event that rescued them from a life of ruinous bastardry.
Spilled Milk follows WLW's adventures in Daddyland. It is the first recurring humor column by an LGBT parent to appear in a mainstream national publication. Spilled Milk has been regularly promoted to Featured Blog status on HuffPo's front page, as well as in the Politics, Comedy, Parenting, Huff/Post50 and Gay Voices sections. New columns are published monthly.
Follow on Twitter: @WmLucasWalker, @SpilledMilkWLW or Facebook: "Spilled Milk" by William Lucas Walker.

Comments

  1. I absolutely love stories like this. :)

  2. Peter Houlihan says:

    That’s really sweet. I was a bit irked by how you were judging the guy at first but I guess it was all part of the story. Glad to hear it all turned out ok.

  3. It just goes to show how we all carry with us bias and fear, and the only way to move past it is to look for those windows. A beautiful story.

  4. Funny, Get the movie rights this has feel good written all over it.

  5. “…as it slowly tipped to meet our homosexual automobile…”

    So hilarious! You should write more…but in the passenger’s seat!

  6. There is something so brilliantly refreshing when one’s preconceived notions are obliterated into dust. What a great story — thank you for sharing — it made my whole day.

  7. Beautiful story. I just cried all over myself.

  8. This story should be made into a short film!

  9. I couldn’t get past the driving while using a laptop. Was that a joke? If not, why on earth would you endanger the lives of your partner and kids in such a way? That kinda killed the ‘feel good story’ mood for me

  10. Rick Nyrer says:

    Awesome! Linked from Facebook…

    “A home movie began unspooling in my mind, starring a toddler Moses and barefoot Bathsheba helping a preteen Goliath blow up frogs by sticking firecrackers up their butts.”

    Love it.

  11. What a fantastic story! I was engrossed till the very end. Thank you so much for sharing. It inspires me to not give up on people and definitely not judge books by covers.

  12. Once again it brought back to me that our acceptance is linked to our visibility……if he didn’t have a gay Mom he might not have had his eyes opened…and great tale, btw…..teared up of course!

  13. There are sometimes rays of hope. Thank you so much for sharing this. It made my day.

  14. Great Great Story.

    But I have to take you to task for one thing – my husband’s family is from South Carolina – most of them raised baptist but others are catholic. I come from Yankee central – Connecticut. When California’s Supreme Court announced in 2008 we could get married…the phone was ringing before we had decided if we were going to do it all.. and it wasn’t my family calling.. it was the family from Charleston – and as soon as we decided to get married.. they said.. we will “book our flights” that day.. when we hadn’t even set the date yet.. and all the ones that could afford to come ..came to our wedding.. and few that couldn’t afford it showed up too.. our wedding pictures are on everyone’s shelves in all their homes… my brother-in-law spoke at our rehearsal dinner – my family from Connecticut sat on their hands… I will never speak badly of South Carolina.. especially my family from Charleston .

    And by the way.. the delta terminal in Charleston has a breakfast place you can get a MEAN JALAPENO Breakfast BAGEL at….. :)

  15. I am NOT crying. The…uh… fan just blew some dust in my eye.

  16. William Lucas Walker says:

    The writer here. We usually have a welcoming response when we go to SC. But the state does have some of the most restrictive laws on gay people in the country. When Kelly and I first traveled there and my parents’ house was too crowded, my dad refused to let us stay in a motel. He asked one of my brother’s families to go instead, because he was afraid of what might happen in my small hometown to two men checking into a hotel together. That kind of thing. And I’ve always wondered what might happen if we got into an accident there and one of us was refused access to the rest of us because our marriage isn’t recognized there. It happened to friends of ours in Florida. One of the couple died with her wife and three kids 50 feet away, though a wall, and the hospital would not allow visitation. Unfortunately, It happens. Which leaves you with a feeling of always having to watch your back. But I’m glad you liked the story.

  17. Wow, preconceived notions about people are bad, huh? Oh, the irony!

  18. I can’t get passed that you were driving with your laptop on your lap with your kids in the car driving 70 miles an hour on the freeway. That is decidedly, not funny at all.

    • William Lucas Walker says:

      You honestly don’t think I was actually doing that. Or that any parent would do that. It was a joke.

  19. I loved the story….but this HAS to be fiction.

  20. Sophie Godley says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this — a great great story about the very real fears we encounter when we travel as gay/lesbian families. And the sometimes wonderful surprises! With love from Massachusetts.

    Sophie

    ps — my son would have LOVED the opportunity to a)wear the gloves and b) work the truck!

  21. This story moved me. It moved me to go into my garage for a heart-to-heart with our slate gray Odyssey.

    “Odyssey, why didn’t you tell me?”

    “I was afraid you’d judge me. The way you drive around in me with your hetero family and all, I just assumed it was best you not know.”

    “But Odyssey, why would you think we’d treat you any differently?”

    “Well, my driver’s side mirror is held on by duct tape above the big dent in the door.”

    “You know that was just an accident when a concrete pillar jumped out from nowhere in a parking garage.”

    “I thought it was gay minivan bashing. So I stayed quiet.”

    “Oh, Odyssey. We don’t care how you roll. Only that you roll in relative comfort and safety. You don’t have to hide it from us. Just say it.”

    “I’m a homosexual automobile.”

    “We love you anyway. Sorry about the side mirror.”

    Thanks for helping me and our minivan clear the air.

  22. LOVELY story and very well told. And, if you are ever looking for a church in Hollywood that will love you and your family, go check out Christ Chapel of the Valley. Many of my wonderful glblt friends go there and they are truly God’s gifts and the worship is EXCELLENT. Pastor Jerrell.

  23. Chuck Muckle says:

    Whatever…

    I just can’t believe you were driving and trying to work a computer with two kids in the vehicle…

    • William Lucas Walker says:

      You are the third person who did not get that that was meant as a joke on parents who text and drive.Of course I don’t use a laptop while driving 70 mph on the freeway. I’ll have to make it more clear next time I do a rewrite.

      • The computing-while-driving bit may be misplaced in an otherwise-factual story, but I thought the intention was very clear.

        Awesome story.

      • You might also want to eliminate the glorification of Miley Cyrus, that little pole-dancing bong smoker who everyone knows is no role model for our kids, and the implied cooking advice that 1 hr., 40 minutes is long enough for most turkeys to cook. Think of all the Thanksgivings you’ll ruin.

        In defense of the 70mph laptop driving, the story already makes clear that it was your husband driving that fast by the time you were in the passenger seat and the transmission blew. I assumed all along that while you were driving and composing, you had the good sense to obey the speed limit.

        • William Lucas Walker says:

          I had hoped I wasn’t glorifying her, but satirizing her. But I think you knew that. And I cook VERY small turkeys!

          • I knew that, but the people who didn’t won’t know that I knew it, which makes it work.

            It sounds to me like you’re getting taken to the cleaners by someone charging turkey prices for cornish game hens. Ask for a photo of the bird’s parents next time.

    • I agree with Chuck…
      “babbling some nonsense about “safety”’????
      Are you kidding me?

  24. Great story. Got quite a few hearty laughs out of it. Thanks for sharing!

  25. Did this really happen? I choose to believe it did. What a sweet story about a constellation of important things like not judging books by covers, good Samaritans, and God bless us every one. Many thanks for posting. I’m an openly gay pastor in a progressive church, and I plan to use this as an Easter gift to the congregation.

    • William Lucas Walker says:

      Yes, the story happened exactly as described (except for the part about me being on the computer while driving, a joke that didn’t work for some). I’m pleased that you’d want to use it as part of your sermon. My husband and I met at church, you know. This particular article really seems to have hit a nerve with people. There’s been lots of response to it.

      • Thanks for sharing this. It’s making the rounds on social media again. I did not know you met at church. My husband & I also met at church – 17 years ago. His priest and my bishop introduced us. No, I’m not kidding. Catholics aren’t all bad!

  26. I live in the South (Tennessee to be exact), and can honestly say I’ve met local guys who were exactly like Jesse in both look and outlook. Guys, in other words, who smashed all my assumptions not only about how people who look a certain way think but how every Southerner, aside from myself and a handful of people I know, thinks. It’s as easy to assume that every Southerner is against same-sex marriage (to put it mildly) as it was just a few years ago to assume that most Californians would vote for it.

    And that’s what I liked best about this story. I was about to say, Mr. Walker, that you really strung me along, that I was genuinely expecting Jesse to be as bad as you feared. But you had subtle clues almost from the very beginning that this story would have a happy ending, and I realize I was, in spite of those clues, giving in to the temptation of easy assumptions. Thank you for reminding me of a lesson that even some of my own personal experiences haven’t gotten through my thick skull: sometimes we can rely on the kindness of strangers.

  27. What a great story…

  28. Mervyn Kaufman says:

    I loved this piece, living as I do in the lead-up time to my daughter’s marriage to her female partner, next fall. Living in New York, where gay marriage is (at least for now) legal and where people tend to be at least somewhat open-minded, their status has been widely accepted. But I’m often concerned when they travel, aware that there are pockets of hate in various parts of the country and people who view gays as freaks and Jews as people with horns. This story’s dual message—for me, at least—is, “Don’t be too quick to judge,” and, “Appearances can be deceiving.” I am delighted to note that this story has found a wide audience. It deserves to be read.

  29. WILLIAM LUCAS WALKER :

    I enjoyed your story very much. I must admit I got a bit choked near the end. There is human kindness everywhere, some of us are lucky to receive it but the real lucky ones are those that give it. If only more of us could look in a mirror and see what we should be rather then what we are.
    Thank you for the story.

    • William Lucas Walker says:

      Thanks so much, Henry. I’m really glad you liked it. It seems to have touched a nerve with lots of people here.

  30. wellokaythen says:

    See what the foul homosexual agenda has done? Now it’s turning grandmothers into lesbians! : – )

    Gay people are undermining the very fabric of American society by…by…driving minivans…and…um…raising kind, considerate children and….oh. Never mind.

    Great story about prejudice and jumping to conclusions. : -)

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