After a week of harsh criticism, Huggies makes changes to its ad campaign, so are the voices of dads finally being heard?
Huggies found out the hard way that dads are quite good at changing diapers and no longer afraid to admit it.
In an ad campaign that was supposed to “celebrate fatherhood,” Huggies ran commercials saying “To prove Huggies diapers and wipes can stand up to anything, we put them to the toughest test imaginable: Dads, alone with their babies…”
This unleashed a firestorm of criticism on their Facebook wall from moms and dads. Blogs from the Good Men Project by me and Jim Higley blasted Huggies for treating dads as inept parents and were quoted extensively throughout the blogosphere. An online petition started by DaddyDoctrines blogger Chris Routly quickly gained over 1,200 signatures. CNN Headline News invited me on to explain how Huggies did not accurately portray fathers of today.
Then, last Thursday, Erik Seidel, VP of Huggies Brand, issued a statement on Huggies Facebook page that said in part, “I recognize that we need to do a better job of communicating the campaign’s message…we’re learning and listening, and, because of your response, are making changes to ensure that the true spirit of the campaign comes through in the strongest way possible.”
By Friday, Huggies had changed their campaign from “Put our diapers to the ultimate test: Dad” to say “Have a Dad put Huggies to the test.”
Diapers are now the test, not the dads.
It would seem this would be the end of the controversy. It isn’t. Many now have begun to criticize those of us who demanded Huggies change their ad campaign. Moms, such as one who commented on Huggies’s Facebook wall, wrote “it shows a majority of dads basically… so why pull it over some whiny men.” Dads, such as one who commented on my blog last week, wrote “Time to grow up fellas. Like you all I believe I’m good at being a stay at home (dad). Because of that belief why would I give a crap about a diaper ad?”
After all the commentary, it seems there are still a lot of people who don’t understand why it was so important for dads to stand up and so significant that Huggies finally listened.
For decades, dads have been ridiculed for their lack of parenting skills. It is something so ingrained in our culture that Huggies didn’t even consider it as being offensive.
Dads, however, have begun to change, and, I believe, are engaged in a “Fatherhood Revolution.”
From 2005 to 2010 the number of fathers who are primary caregivers jumped from 26% to 32%. A 2010 study by the Boston College Center for Work and Family found that fathers “were deeply committed to care-giving and sharing the work as evenly as possible with their spouses.”
Moms who claim the Huggies ad showed the “majority of dads” are wrong. And they are not “whiny men.” They are dads who are great parents and love being involved fathers but are tired of people assuming they are not capable of being good caregivers. In fact, because of these “whiny men,” most men’s restrooms now have baby changing stations in them. Maybe, if people stopped laughing at dads, they’d use these changing stations more often.
A lot of dads didn’t find the merit in speaking out against Huggies either. They say they are already great dads and don’t need a commercial to tell them.
It is true, I do not need validation from Huggies to feel like I am a great dad. I also don’t need Huggies, or anyone else, assuming I can’t diaper my own baby. It’s insulting. But, more importantly, perpetuating the stereotype of dads as inept, makes dads think they are supposed to be inept. It allows dads to hide behind their masculinity instead of become the fathers their children need them to be.
I don’t expect a diaper company to fix all of this. I do, however, expect a diaper company to stop assuming dads can’t diaper their own babies.
They can. They do. And they are no longer willing to be silent when others suggest they shouldn’t.
Photo–cheriejoyful/Flickr
“Reese, previously, American women weren’t only stereotyped, they weren’t provided with the skill sets or cultural experiences that would allow them to be successful in the work place. So if you put a 1950s housewife in a corporate mgmt position, no, she wouldn’t be able to do the job. Yes, there were individual women raised by progressive families that helped a woman succeed professionally, but this was the minority. Women were raised to be wives and mothers.” Women of the 50’s were raised by parents who endured WWI and WWII and the Great Depression. These women were true women who… Read more »
Tom, there are only seven days in a week and most of those days are filled with the work of childcare. Most of the time moms spend with their kids isn’t “fun time” and it isn’t necessarily even “with” their kids. They drop their kids at friends houses to play or oversee visiting friends, they get kids ready and drop them to music, gymnastic and sports, they give them time-outs, they send their child to their room to clean it up, they oversee chores, they send them to a quiet room to do homework, they send them outside to exercise… Read more »
Katie, I’ve tried emailing you but your email account doesn’t seem to be active. Would you please contact me at [email protected]?
An d how does that differ from a dad’s day? Difference is that I think you’re looking at the “Saint moms” in a light that isn’t realistic today, especially looking at how kids are doing in todays society. You may be close to depicting the ideal pre-school kids moms but that’s about as far as it goes. You stated that you are in an affluent area where there are play groups and cool things like that but most of the country don’t have such things. I’ve had clients as young as 7 use drugs for the first time. Lack of… Read more »
Great response Tom. Total take-down of Katie’s misrepresentations.
Thanks John … She has no response to it though 🙁
The role of a dad in parenting is not to replace the role of the mother. It’s to be a positive male influence, and to nurture the child towards being a healthy member of the community. Things like domestic chores and care for a child are choices that each family makes, dividing the tasks according to life’s circumstances. It’s insulting to assuming that any task requires little more than a bit of practice and attention. The difference, of course, is the attitude. Men are just as nurturing and compassionate—though differently—as women, and some men are taking (or sharing) a leading… Read more »
Stephen, if a couple decide to have the father be the primary caretaker of children, he’s taking over the role of the mother and needs to fulfill those duties – from playing with dolls, to dancing, to playing dress-up. These just aren’t games and trivial matters, these things are how children learn. Children’s play is their work. You might be misinterpreting women’s “mockery” and suggestions. Mothers constantly joke with each other as a way of relieving the stress. As you know, there are so many things to remember simultaneously and kids are forgetful and (usually) mom constantly has to compensate.… Read more »
Katie writes: “Stephen, if a couple decide to have the father be the primary caretaker of children, he’s taking over the role of the mother and needs to fulfill those duties – from playing with dolls, to dancing, to playing dress-up. These just aren’t games and trivial matters, these things are how children learn. Children’s play is their work.” Katie: Again with the presumption that mothers parenting is better, and dads SHOULD copy the mothers way of parenting to “do it right”. You’re just a one string banjo of delight aren’t you? The studies show that dads are just as… Read more »
If dads had the exact same parenting style as mothers, then they truly would be redundant.
If you have two carbon copy parents that do everything in exactly the same way, then one is un-necessary.
The fact of the matter the fact that children have evolved to respond to dads different way of parenting factually proves inaccurate the idea that you need to be doing 50% of the direct care to be a real parent.
Providing for the material needs of children is just as much parenting as providing the emotional needs.
If the mother is working full time she will not have the ability to provide the same level of care and it is the responsibility of the full-time father childcare provider to assume that role.
When women undertake traditional male jobs, they do not selected the parts of that job that are in sync with their sexuality, they undertake and are responsible and accountable for the whole job.
And you have failed to prove that dads (on balance) aren’t also embracing what needs to be embraced. In essence you seem to think that father care = worse than mother care. You point to child development classes as necessary for both mothers and fathers. You do realize that you are painting mothers and fathers with the same brush that they aren’t suitable to parent their own children? Fathers who don’t take child development or parenting classes may be around 99%, but 90% of mothers also take no such classes. Also, this devoutly held belief that before fathers ARE SAFE… Read more »
Good points John …. I don’t think Katie is answering questions any more. I had a few and are still left unanswered.
Katie: If a couple decides to have the father be the primary caregiver, he is likely fulfilling duties and activities like the ones you suggested, plus countless others. However, he is not taking over the role of the mother. Those duties aren’t the “role of the mother”; that’s kind of the point of all this. I didn’t say that the mockery was only from women, yet you assumed that’s what I meant. Your insinuation that I can’t tell the difference between the supportive, playful banter and cultural teasing reveals a lot about your position on this subject. There are plenty… Read more »
Typo: should read “overburdened moms” only, not two.
Katie, something you said really stood out with me. Was “from playing with dolls, to dancing, to playing dress-up. These just aren’t games and trivial matters, these things are how children learn. Children’s play is their work.” …. You mentioned all the things that little girls generally want to do. And the boys? It appears you favor female children. One of the first toys I bought my son was a toy carpenters belt. Then there were the GI Joe’s, cars and trucks and later, he and I built a model train set. My daughter on the other hand worked with… Read more »
I will always have McD’s as my favorite fast food … why? First fast food chain to put changing tables in the men’s room.
Ya know what really sucks? Men in this forum are having to justify who they are as dad’s. All because a feminist has done what feminists do and that is to throw BS on the table. You appear to want to continue to co-sign the untruths about men and fathers … continue to push the feminist agenda and show men as bad. Note to “stay at home moms” who have issues with dad’s not doing enough … get a grip, enjoy that which you have and raise your kids and not worry about what he is or isn’t doing. There… Read more »
Tom, once again, for a man who claims to know so much about children, you don’t know much at all about the public school system. Contradictory.
Teachers are prohibited from sharing religious, political, educational or social opinions in school and it’s been like that for a long time. We hear a lot from students – kids love to talk and they share a lot about their families in school. Quite frequently, we have to ask them to be more discrete about what they share publicly.
Overtly share your beliefs, absolutely you can’t. But theycan and do share through opinion and guidance. Teacher says to the student “There are programs that can teach contraception and you do know the most affective contraception is abstinance, right? Duh, I wonder what this teachers beliefs are, can ya guess? I do know about children, in particular troubled children and more specific, male adolescents in a residential setting. All colors, shapes and sized. Intact families, disfunctional families and everything in between. I also know about differnt cultures and how things work within those cultures. I know what confidentiality is and… Read more »
Tom, American public schools are not To Sir With Love.
I’m not sure what you mean by that … I know I’m old enough to have seen that movie first run but I never did. So please explain … thanks.
Reese, John D, Eagle 34 and Tom, Reese, previously, American women weren’t only stereotyped, they weren’t provided with the skill sets or cultural experiences that would allow them to be successful in the work place. So if you put a 1950s housewife in a corporate mgmt position, no, she wouldn’t be able to do the job. Yes, there were individual women raised by progressive families that helped a woman succeed professionally, but this was the minority. Women were raised to be wives and mothers. Over decades, women took more challenging coursework and learned to compete through sports. They climbed the… Read more »
The problem is that you summarily judge fathers parenting (on balance) as inferior to mother parenting (on balance). You arrive at this conclusion from bizarro pet theories and (what I would claim is) you seeking only evidence that backs up your view and ignoring any evidence to the contrary so that your life examples match your attitude towards fathers. The studies factually prove you wrong. The absolute truth of the matter is that (on balance) dads are just as necessary and critical to child development (as is with no bettering necessary) as mothers are. The fact that children have evolved… Read more »
I don’t want to dampen the feeling that Huggies is starting to change its opinion of dads, but did they actually listen to the dads or the moms who had negative comments? Unless this is a typo “By Friday, Huggies had changed their campaign from “Put our diapers to the ultimate test: Dad” to say “Have a Dad put Huggies to the test.”, why would they put a in front of dad and not say have dad put Huggies to the test? Isn’t that kind of implying that dad isn’t around, but if you can find one, you can have… Read more »
I just looked at Huggies facebook page and it is a typo. The slogan is have dad put Huggies to the test.
“It is true, I do not need validation from Huggies to feel like I am a great dad. I also don’t need Huggies, or anyone else, assuming I can’t diaper my own baby. It’s insulting. But, more importantly, perpetuating the stereotype of dads as inept, makes dads think they are supposed to be inept. It allows dads to hide behind their masculinity instead of become the fathers their children need them to be.” Al, that part is true of course, but there are even more important reasons to oppose this kind of stereotyping. The big reason is that these stereotypes… Read more »
Eagle 34, and this is one of the big reasons why the majority of women under 30 aren’t getting married. Women have grown up seeing the exhaustion of mothers doing the child raising, working for a living and taking care of their husbands who don’t contribute to the labor but want praise and recognition when they do a tiny, tiny chore, a pebble in an ocean of work. A lot of men feel that after coming home from work they’re entitled to a cooked dinner and the sofa and TV/video games for the rest of the night while when the… Read more »
Not wanting to be stereotyped as inept failures is not the same as wanting a pat on the head. I am sure the men protesting this would agree that changing diapers is routine and a small part of raising children. What you do not seem to get is that the people protesting, women and men, were not asking for medals to be given to dads who change diapers, they were asking for fathers not to be treated like second-class parents, as they routinely are.
Reese, I don’t want to offend you if you are one of those dads who equally share in the work, but the majority don’t. I don’t want to use the term “second class” or “third class” because they’re not appropriate and inflammatory, but the work most dads do is marginal compared to the moms, not equal or of the same stature.
You are still missing the point. Regardless of your opinion regarding the work fathers do in raising children, it is a damaging stereotype. Portraying men as incompetent parents simply because of their gender is inappropriate. I personally have never seen a woman cleaning gutters, but that doesn’t mean I would find it appropriate for there to be commercials for extension ladders that are “so safe even a woman can use them.” Even if women are statistically less likely to clean gutters that doesn’t justify perpetuating a stereotype of them being incompetent at it.
Reese, more women home owners are doing work like gutter cleaning although more men were trained to do work like this. But now aside of nature, let’s look at how women are trained to be mothers from a young age. 1) Dolls. From babyhood to age 10, most girls spend often hours a day playing with and taking care of babydolls and American Girl-type dolls. They diaper, dress, take them on trips, and look after them like mothers, all the while learning how to express their feelings and empathize with others. In times of stress, girls often take care of… Read more »
“more women home owners are doing work like gutter cleaning although more men were trained to do work like this.” And more men are involved in child care. Despite the things you bring up, we know there are men taking over the primary responsibility of raising their kids and taking care of the home. We can argue about the number, but you cannot argue that it isn’t happening. So we know men can overcome these disadvantages. But this is another reason why the Huggies commercial is important. A lot of men are already at a disadvantage on the learning curve.… Read more »
Yes Chad, after diapering for a little while I’m sure 99% of men quickly become competent. But in the very beginning dads can be very worried because they haven’t done it or thought about it before. It’s also fun for women to watch their husbands trying to express compassion and tender care because a lot of guys work really hard at being tough guys. So their wives see them in a new light and often dads see something new in themselves, and altogether it usually seems to be a nice experience for everyone. My thoughts, now that dads need to… Read more »
Katie writes: “My thoughts, now that dads need to take on more responsibility in child raising, is that boys need to have more and richer experiences that better prepare them for this role when they become fathers.” Apparently, you’ve never heard of maternal gatekeeping. Or the fact that mothers PREFER dad to be the income earner. h ttp://www.adelaidenow.com.au/ipad/mothers-hanker-for-husbands-of-wealth/story-fn6t2xlc-1225985339082 This article on twin studies of mothers in UK and Australia state that “if finances permitted, most would choose to be full-time mothers”. Jeremy Adam Smith states in his book “Daddy Shift”””Studies consistently show that 80 percent to 90 percent of mothers… Read more »
In other words a parent (of either gender) who does only 10% of the direct care work, but the majority of paid work does not = an absentee parent as you try to convince everybody.
John, you miss my point. In the US. men and boys have been pigeonholed into stereotypical roles that do not develop the whole person or the fatherhood role as other cultures do. What I and other educators endorse, is to develop boys as complete people so tht when they become fathers they are better prepared.
We’re with you, not against you.
Katie,
You have been summarily trying to depict fathers way of parenting as lesser than mothers. How that is with fathers is beyond comprehension.
You have also been unjustly depicting fathers (on the whole) as “needing a lot of work” in parenting, or trying to paint fathers as absentee parents simply because they do more of the outside work and less of the direct care of work.
I’m sorry, that’s not “with us”. It sounds like somebody who has been called out on their bs trying to backpedal.
John D, if American men’s roles are changing so that they are required to provide capable care and nurturing for young children, then preparation for that role must change also. As I explained earlier, American society provides various experiences for girls over many years to prepare them for motherhood (dolls, babysitting, college coursework, etc.), so our educational system and culture must provide comparable experiences for boys to enable them to properly care and nurture children when they are fathers. As I have suggested on this website, college boys should be advised to take early childhood learning development courses. These are… Read more »
Katie: Again, you have no basis for the presumption that fathers need work, but mothers are just fine. Again, this is all based on your incredibly biased pet theories of fathers. That’s not “with us”, that’s an incredibly arrogant and condescending and supremacist attitude. Why is the idea that dads need more training to parent their own children, but not mothers when mothers commit 70% of the parental child abuse and 70% of parental child slayings? Again, the more you write the more I see your views as totally divorced from reality and growing out of some really bad experiences… Read more »
You aren’t replying to anything I have written, you just listed a bunch of stereotypical activities for girls and young women. There are women who don’t relish the stereotype that they are authorities on childcare simply because they are women. There are many women who didn’t play with dolls, didn’t babysit, and never went to college at all. There are women who aren’t involved with their children or want anything to do with children at all. The unfortunate part of what you’re doing is reinforcing the same stereotype for women that it seemed like you were just railing against. Again,… Read more »
Chad, you said: “Your experience is that men don’t do enough work in raising children, but instead of fighting against stereotypes that are going to make that worse, you would rather perpetuate them.” Just saying men are equal partners in child raising doesn’t make it so or reduce women’s disproportionate share of the work, which would likely keep more marriages together. I’m saying a lot of men really are not mentally or emotionally prepared or have the skill sets to raise children, because our society is not preparing them for that role and that is why they are not doing… Read more »
It wasn’t me that said that.
Sorry Chad, it was Reese.
Again, you’re not adding anything here and still not responding to anything I have said. I never said “all men are equal partners in raising kids.” Neither did the people who protested the advertising. There is an increasing number of men changing diapers and doing other childcare related activities. Women fought for a long time to eliminate promotion of negative stereotypes regarding their abilities. You want to deny this to men, even though it will lead to exactly what you are talking about: more men doing childcare activities that are more commonly performed by women currently. When you have media… Read more »
I see your point and I might be miffed. However, I’m one of those women with limited ladder skills now cleaning out the gutters every year. I don’t mind the job but if they marketed extra-safe ladders I’d probably buy it.
You mean as an educated, well rounded women of the world, you haven’t seen household ladders that convert into a scaffold or thr high pressure gutter sprayers with extentions? It’s not the ladders, it’s people not securing them properly. I have an old victorian home. As good as I am on a ladder, I have the gutters on the second floor done for me.
@Katie. Let’s get things straight here. “equal? doesn’t mean the same. That’s what feminists have drilled into you women for years and it’s not true. A dollar bill is equal to four quarters, have equal value but are different. Quit trying to make men women and women men. What children need are active dads in their lives to teach them. My daughter knows how to do quite a few things but ya know what? She has a husband do a lot of things that her dad did when she was growing up. My son and I have changed tires, changed… Read more »
Katie: 1) Dolls. 2. Babysitting. 3. Early Childhood Development coursework in college. ========== I think you are mistaken that these translate into practical parenting experience. Baby-sitting might, but not if the baby-sitter was sitting nine-year olds and we’re talking about parenting a newborn. You keep trying to make the point that mothers = better than fathers. That is simply not the case. Many many studies prove conclusively that fathers are JUST AS ESSENTIAL to parenting as mothers. Fathers are essential specifically BECAUSE they parent in a different way. You are also mistaken that the duties of a parent end with… Read more »
John D, many of the debates and anxieties on this forum could be settled if more men were educated in early childhood development. Why aren’t more college men and prospective fathers taking these courses? They should be and that is easily corrected.
Screw that early childhood development garbage. Get your head out of your books and start treating kids like individual human beings. I didn’t need a book to tell me when my daughter was sad, what to do. I learned from my PARENTS. Again I ask Katie, do you have kids? I have an intervention specialist in our residential school. A well educated 25 year old female that has no clue how to deal with adolescent males, much less troubled males. She causes more trouble on my unit then help. Long and short of it, ya don’t need a freaking book… Read more »
Katie writes:
“John D, many of the debates and anxieties on this forum could be settled if more men were educated in early childhood development.”
Again you come from a supremacist mentality and paint mothers as intrinsically better than fathers. You have no basis for this except your own pet theories.
Again: all the evidence points to fathers being equally necessary (without improvement) as mothers.
Again: supremacist arguments like yours are the same that were used to hold women back. Did you just pop in from 1940?
Katie writes: “on this forum could be settled if more men were educated in early childhood development. Why aren’t more college men and prospective fathers taking these courses?” In other words parents who never took childhood development courses are deficient parents? You do realize this is a group that includes 98% of all mothers and 99.9% of all fathers? This is the shakiest leg of your argument yet. I wonder if you realize that you may actually be winning converts to OUR point of view don’t you? Your arguments are so dripping with bias and horribly shaky and supremacist that… Read more »
Katie please email me at [email protected]. I emailed you but got a bounce back
Ya know, people have been making babies and raising them for a long time. Pre-feminist times, people seemed to know what to do and how to do it. Mom’s would stay for a couple weeks with daughters after mom and dad brought the baby home. My mom did that with my wife. Dad’s would do their share but for the most part, he’d be busting his ass at work making a living so that the family had a roof over their heads and meals on the table. OMG, did I just say that? Hell yeah and you won’t ever find… Read more »
Tom, oddly, we agree here in that daycare is not a good environment for a child to grow up in. Unfortunately in the US, it usually takes two parents to pay the bills so parents just have to believe that daycare is okay and the providers really care for their children. But the more the government gets involved, the more regulations there are, more degrees and requirements are expected from private and public facilities, and the price goes up but not the compensation for the providers. Child care has become institutionalized. Parents like to think that they are their child’s… Read more »
Katie writes: “Parents like to think that they are their child’s role models, but the truth is that their children’s role models are whoever is putting on their jacket or diaper, handing them juice or giving them instructions.” Katie, this hand that rocks the cradle thing really doesn’t seem to have any validity. The #1 indicator of girls self-esteem entering into her teen years is a loving fit father being in her life. The proof is conclusive that even dads (or either parent) who only do 10% of the direct care (but the vast majority of the paid work) do… Read more »
That’s some non-disclaimer there:
‘I don’t want to call dads second or third class parents, not because I don’t think they are, but because it would make me look bad if I did’.
You’re not entirely wrong, but if you’re going to say something, then say it. Don’t put it out there and then take a step back and thrust your hands into the air like you want no part of it. When you say that people aren’t ‘equal’ or ‘the same stature’, you are in fact saying that they are ‘second class’. That’s what second class means.
Soullite, you stand corrected. Reese used the term “second class parents” and I refuted it. However, the work everyone does is not equal, either or both in quantity or skill.
Katie: “You stand corrected”
You didn’t correct him on anything, Katie. All you did was present the same tired arguments while labeling his as inadmissable.
Seriously, would you please stop with the “You stand corrected” nonsense? You’re coming off as a snob everytime you do this. Not to mention presenting yourself further as a misandric bigot who’s only here to ruffle feathers.
All right, all right. I went a little over-the-top in the second paragraph. Still, Katie, you’re not helping matters with your dismissal of people’s experiences here.
Eagle34, you misread the comments. Soullite thought I introduced the phrase “second class parents” but I actually refuted it as inaccurate and inflammatory. Reese introduced that phrase.
How is it inaccurate and inflammatory? Your conclusory statement that you “refuted it” is backed up by…what?
Reese, Soulite misquoted me. I did not say this, he did: ‘I don’t want to call dads second or third class parents, not because I don’t think they are, but because it would make me look bad if I did’. <– I did not say that.
I said, "I don’t want to use the term “second class” or “third class” because they’re not appropriate and inflammatory"
You originally started this by saying, "they were asking for fathers not to be treated like second-class parents, as they routinely are."
Katie:
“Soullite, you stand corrected. Reese used the term “second class parents” and I refuted it. However, the work everyone does is not equal, either or both in quantity or skill.”
No, they are not equal. Neither can one definitely say that either role is inferior. They can’t be judged inferior or superior for the simple fact that they are both so essential.
Providing for the material needs, or the emotional needs of children are both parenting.
John, quality of care absolutely can be judged as inferior or superior, but it’s usually somewhere in between. Even parents who are really, really bad at parenting love their children. No one is judging or denying love, but quality of care is measurable.
Katie, Individual parenting can be judged, but that’s not what we’re discussing or what you are trying to do. You are trying to paint fathers on balance as inferior to mothers. This is demonstrably proven to not be the case when you look at statistics nationally. Mothers commit 70% of all child parental abuse and 70% of all parental child slayings. What’s worse, this prevailing mentality that fathers are inferior and mothers can do no harm white-washes a lot of harm and abuse to children. Look at this story in which a mother seems to be another party girl like… Read more »
Katie: “Eagle 34, and this is one of the big reasons why the majority of women under 30 aren’t getting married. Women have grown up seeing the exhaustion of mothers doing the child raising, working for a living and taking care of their husbands who don’t contribute to the labor but want praise and recognition when they do a tiny, tiny chore, a pebble in an ocean of work. ” Well then it sucks to be them. They refuse to bother looking at what fathers do, make assumptions on them, then that’s their problem. And being recognized as a good… Read more »
Problem solved … a stay at home parent! Wow, what an amazing concept? That would mean that maybe they would have to give some things up like the more expensive car, vacations, the boat and mega screen TV’s. But aren’t the kids worth it? I made a great income but not as much as my neighbors who had two incomes. But then again their kids hung out at our house … you know, the “latch key” kids that both parents worked so they could have all the cool things? It’s one thing when both parents have to work due to… Read more »
@ Katie “why the majority of women under 30 aren’t getting married. Women have grown up seeing the exhaustion of mothers doing the child raising, working for a living and taking care of their husbands who don’t contribute to the labor” Yet amazingly men still survive. I never had a problem with pizza and you can make one while doing laundry and playing a video games. That pause button is great. There are other reasons why women aren’t married. They agree to premarital sex. Masturbation has lost its taboo and porn is easier to come by. Guys have other diversions… Read more »
And don’t forget, even with continued feminist influences, the many men who have survived marriage. Wanna make your wife nervous? Show her that you’re self sufficient! I love my wife with all my heart but the truth is, logistically, I could easily survive without her.
Guys? When was the last time your female counterpart changed the breaks on the car or routed out the sewer. Let’s see … a soiled diaper or routing out the sewer? Give me the diaper any time.
Katie: “Just because a father doesn’t keep his baby sitting in poop until his wife returns doesn’t mean there’s a revolution going on. It’s really hard to ignore a baby with a dirty diaper – baby usually cries and there’s a bad smell. If you ask grandfathers, old men if they changed diapers I bet they’re going to say yes. It’s like if the dog poops in the house you clean it up. Big deal. You guys want stickers on your foreheads or something?” No just recognition, that’s all they want. Except you’re too blind by your own prejeduices to… Read more »
Eric, I’d also like to point out anecdotal experience that many other women also experience. Socially, some men now claim to do a lot of housework and child care, when – for a fact – they’re not doing any of it. They also say “we make dinner,” “we do toilet training,” “we change the sheets,” “we’re dealing with his teacher” when it is in fact, entirely and always done by the mother. I don’t know if the new emphasis on involved fathers is pressuring these men to lie, but a lot of men do and it creates a lot of… Read more »
Katie: Hopefully you don’t teach statistics because you give way too much weight to anecdotal evidence.
Chad, the reason I’m not going the survey or study route because as a teacher we analyze them on professional days and in summer classes we take and these studies are myriad, flawed, and perpetually contradictory depending on methodology or who sponsored or is promoting these studies. (Yes, there are organizations and companies actively funding and promoting certain studies as a matter of self-interest and that information is not always obvious.)
Then you can go to the source material and break down why they are flawed.
But you cannot just assign anecdotal evidence the same weight. You should know that anecdotal evidence is in and of itself flawed because of it’s small sample size and non-representative samples. Plus, they are all filtered by you.
Fine, show the studies are flawed but do not pretend that what you “believe” is somehow gospel truth.
Chad, because I am a professional who works with children and privy to the latest studies and all kinds of confidential information, I try to distinguish between my professional and personal experiences. Personal experiences are credible and lend value to most discussions as long as you identify them as that. If the minority of men who are involved in child care were not sharing their personal, anecdotal experiences, we would not be having this conversation at all. There is value in the personal experience and reflection.
Yes, there is value in personal experience. But here is what you cannot do based on personal experience, say “most men” or “most women.” You sample size is way too small to make those assertions.
You have said how studies can be flawed on all sorts of levels. So you cannot just come here and say my opinion is based on secret studies that you can examine the process, funding, etc. for the study and expect that to be accepted.
Are you this bigoted towards half your parents all the time?
Do you, or anyone else here, really think you are qualified to work with children, given the bigotry you have displayed here?
Just because a father doesn’t keep his baby sitting in poop until his wife returns doesn’t mean there’s a revolution going on. It’s really hard to ignore a baby with a dirty diaper – baby usually cries and there’s a bad smell.
If you ask grandfathers, old men if they changed diapers I bet they’re going to say yes. It’s like if the dog poops in the house you clean it up. Big deal.
You guys want stickers on your foreheads or something?
Katie, the Revolution is dads being more involved in their kids life. In the day to day childcare or their own children. 1 in 3 at home parents are dads. Not a majority, but that is a major shift. And even dads who work, a lot more of them are a lot more involved in the caring of their kids (including but not limited to changing diapers.)
No one is after a special reward or “stickers.” What we are after is recognition as equal parents. The same way women afre after equal pay in the workplace.
Chad, I’m a teacher, coach and parent and I don’t buy those 1 in 3 numbers one bit or even 1 in 10. We can all agree that there are a lot of unemployed people out there and fathers may be at home when they’re unemployed but that doesn’t equal the commitment and skill of stay at home moms and dads by choice who have committed 100% to the job. In fact, among non-immigrant parents, I see American fathers less and less involved with their children, torn between two cultures and neither financially or emotionally fit for one role or… Read more »
No matter what your profession, your anecdotal evidence does not make an adequate sample size on which to make broad statements.
When you deal with thousands of kids and their parents and regularly consult with colleagues and leadership, you get a pretty clear picture of who is doing what.
Recently it was established that the majority of mothers under 30 aren’t even married. There are reasons for that. How do those numbers fit into your 1 in 3 nonsense? They don’t. Women are raising the majority of children in this country without men. It’s a huge problem. Ignoring the facts and parading the minority of really good dads around or “celebrating” mediocre dads doesn’t change that.
You deal with thousands of kids and you know in each family who is cooking dinner and who is doing the laundry? I have kids in school and I don’t think their teachers have that information.
It is 1 in 3 AT HOME PARENTS are dads. If moms are single it is doubtful they are at home moms. Maybe they are, then they would be included in that number.
http://www.census.gov/hhes/childcare/data/sipp/2010/tables.html
Once again, even if you do know that information about 1000 families that is a small sample size.
Please don’t be personally offended if you are one of the dads doing the work of childcare (8 hrs per day) over a period of years. But the majority of men aren’t doing it. Diapering is such a tiny, tiny, tiny, amount of time, labor and responsibility that men making a big deal out of it is embarrassing.
I totally agree that a majority of men are not doing that. And I am not personally offended. But I am amazed that you can take your experience and try to use that as the gage for what is happening across the country. I put out a specific stat and linked to the specific information that you are free to go through and pick apart. You just out of hand reject that and then from your experience glean what is happening across the entire country. Yes, that is frustrating. Not personally, but you are still working on anecdotal evidence. If… Read more »
Chad, it may be a genuine sea change for individual men who have children and relationships with women for the entirety of the children’s 18 years, but when you consider the urban, rural, suburban, ethnic, educational, and financial diversity of this vast country for the entire male 16-55 population, we’re not talking about a hell of a lot of people in that particular demographic. How about the committed dad till age 3, who then finds a new job, interest or woman and disappears. Did he ever belong in the 1-3 stats? I think not. That’s a diversion, a romance, unemployment.… Read more »
Once again, if you have any actual statistics or facts we can talk. But if this is all based on your experience and your feelings, well then there really isn’t much we can discuss.
@ Katie
“For the first time, families do not have to depend solely on the earning potential of a man.”
“– This is inaccurate. For many years, both parents have been contributing to income.”
To paraphrase
“Diapering is such a tiny, tiny, tiny, amount of time, labor and responsibility that men making a big deal out of it is embarrassing.”
Working a part time, temporary or seasonal work is a tiny, tiny, tiny, amount of time, labor and responsibility that women making a big deal out of it is embarrassing.
John, seriously, you’re comparing diapering alone to a part-time job? This what happens when men start doing traditional women’s work and discovering the labor involved. John, you’re just scratching the surface of what a mom has to do.
John, seriously, you’re comparing diapering alone to a part-time job? This what happens when men start doing traditional women’s work and discovering the labor involved. John, you’re just scratching the surface of what a mom has to do.
“Recently it was established that the majority of mothers under 30 aren’t even married.” I think this may be part of your problem. Not only are people waiting longer to get married, but educated women are more likely to be married (see CNN “College-educated more likely to marry, study says”.). And it makes sense that highly educated women are more likely to have husbands that stay home because they are more likely to have a career that can support a family on a single income. So perhaps the population from which you are drawing your conclusions. It would be great… Read more »
Sorry, hit the post button too soon.
The 4th line should read: “So perhaps the population from which you are drawing your conclusions is less educated and thus you are seeing that reflected in your experience which doesn’t take into account the spectrum of society..”
Chad, I live in an affluent town where many mothers often are stay at home mothers and many dad do very little, including when mom goes back to work. I’ve taught in affluent and lower middle income towns. In the lower income towns, that represent the majority of America today, it’s common to see my recently former students, still teenagers, pushing strollers. These teenage mothers are often living with their parents or sisters or on their own and often there’s no father at all. Boys and girls have a lot of casual sex from a very young age these days… Read more »
So you are basing this primarily on teen mothers. That explains a lot.
No, I am not. I live and have worked mostly in affluent towns, and the women are exhausted by the work and the men largely wash their hands of it, or consider picking up kid at soccer child care – it’s actually “driving.” There a world of difference between getting three children ready for and at their after school activities than stopping by a park and having a waiting kid hop in the car. The majority of families in this country are now lower middle class and the urban and rural poor are even a worse situation for women. So,… Read more »
@ Katie “The majority of families in this country are now lower middle class and the urban and rural poor are even a worse situation for women. So, you stand corrected.” A know a family where the two older boys were raised by their grandfather then raised their younger brother while their parents were both working. I know of another family where the single mom works two jobs and the children are being raised by their grandmother. I know of about a dozen families where the primary caregiver is the grandparent. I know what happens when people are poor or… Read more »
John, if you’re trying to say that full time work and full time child care is too much work for one person to bear, we agree.
@ Katie “Recently it was established that the majority of mothers under 30 aren’t even married.” It doesn’t mean that the moms are the primary caregivers or are even around. I remember reading about a growing number of “latchkey kids”, children who are essentially raising themselves because their moms aren’t. I had a 4 or 5 year old boy ring my doorbell because his mother kicked him out of the house. She was watching an R rated movie with friends and didn’t think it was good for him to watch. Another woman in our development let her son stay outside… Read more »
Let me clarify. One in three married fathers are the primary caregivers of their children according to the U.S. Census (click the link on my blog above for the source URL). This would mean roughly 7 million of 22 million married fathers. The specific reason these millions of dads are the primary caregivers are not tracked, but from my experience, most of these dads are not forced into this by unemployment or underemployment; they choose to do it. And this is something radically different in our culture. For the first time in the U.S., women can be breadwinners (35% earned… Read more »
“For the first time, families do not have to depend solely on the earning potential of a man.”
– This is inaccurate. For many years, both parents have been contributing to income.
I don’t know how they define “primary caregiver” but there is no question that still far more women than men (definitely more than 1 in 3) stay at home to care for children. On the other hand, more men than women are among the long term unemployed, and probably do more childcare since they’re at home anyway.
Actually Katie, not that I want a sticker on my forehead, but I have asked grandfathers and old men if they changed diapers, and many of them did not. They also did not take much of a role in childcare, except for maybe throw a baseball around in the backyard every now and again. The issue is not that involved dads need medals or stickers, but that there has been a pretty fundamental shift in men’s thinking about father involvement over the last 10-20 years. This shift has, I think, led to some real changes in men’s behaviours. The assumption… Read more »
Wayne, diapering a baby is like .000001 responsibility in a ten year-span of parenting. Maybe not even that.
@ Katie
So they should have had a ten year old child in the commercial. What exactly is your issue with Huggies changing their commercial? If it’s not a big deal then why fuss?
John, the author of the post was objecting to the commercial and although I disagree with his rationale I don’t consider him “fussing.” Women are always portrayed in household cleaning product commercials obsessing about cleanliness and these commercials are not flattering or realistic. I’ve never discussed cleaning products with anybody and I don’t think women do. But that’s not the point of advertising. Almost all advertising is fear-based, trying to make the target market feel less-than, so they’ll think about their deficiencies and hopefully remember the brand name that’s supposed to fix their inferiority. That’s what the Huggies commercial was… Read more »
I didn’t mean that he was fussing. I was wondering why you were fussing. You say that changing diapers is no big deal and to make it one is embarrassing, but then say that most men don’t so you’re making the change in the advertisement a big deal. In my mind, if it’s not a big deal then why get offended that Huggies is showing a dad changing diapers instead of a mom. I seems to me that you think it’s a major thing when women do it, but not when men do it.
Yeah, it doesn’t matter if a father changes diapers or not. There’s far, far more important things that kids need from their father.
Are you really this stupid or are you just being obtuse with that “stickers on the forehead” remark.
You ignorance is offensive.
No, dads just want people to stop assuming they don’t. Is that too much to hope for?
Katie writes:
“Just because a father doesn’t keep his baby sitting in poop until his wife returns doesn’t mean there’s a revolution going on. It’s really hard to ignore a baby with a dirty diaper – baby usually cries and there’s a bad smell.
You guys want stickers on your foreheads or something?”
If I thought about women the way you think about men, I would probably be lining up myself for several years on a therapists couch.
It could be a “majority of dads” are inept at changing diapers, but I doubt it. Where would one get statistics on that, anyway?
To those mothers who thought the men were “whining,” I wonder how you would feel about a laptop ad campaign that said a computer was so easy to use that even a woman could use it. By their logic, if any women complained we could just say they were just a whining minority.
P.S. If there were not a large number of men buying and/or using diapers, then Huggies would have had nothing to worry about. I bet Huggies has some customer gender demographic data that made them rethink their campaign really quickly after the protest.
The “majority of dads” comment comes directly from the stereotype of fathers as inept. Not only is this simply not true, as I explained in my blog, believing it keeps dads from wanting to change diapers. I mean, if your wife is going to giggle at you while you change a diaper, you aren’t going to want to do it very often. I saw somewhere that 80% of diapers are purchased by women. I don’t know if that is accurate but, if is, that percentage is probably less than it used to be. Market trends suggest dads will be making… Read more »
Nothing against fathers changing diapers. I changed hundred of them myself but this Huggeis diaper thing is way, way overblown. Nobody should expect a medal for changing a diaper. A 10 year old can do it as well as a stay at home parent. It’s not a big deal. The reason this is truly unimportant is because kids don’t remember who changed their diaper anyway. They DO remember who read to them, played with them, taught them to ride a bike and to swim, helped with their homework, disciplined them, hugged them, watched silly shows with them, made sure that… Read more »
My impression as an outsider (no kids myself) is that the vast majority of mothers would not make fun of a man or belittle him for changing diapers but would be very appreciative of him for doing so. Okay, maybe a little giggle before you get the hang of it, but in most cases the gratitude would far outweigh the teasing.
But, please, people, men, women, and other: Don’t change a diaper on a restaurant table! I saw that a few weeks ago. That is over the line.
Buying and using are two different things. My wife likes shopping, I don’t …. But I sure as heck used enough of them. By the way … thank you for your efforts and getting Huggies to change things.
In what era were fathers “afraid to admit” that they could change a diaper?
“From 2005 to 2010 the number of fathers who are primary caregivers jumped from 26% to 32%.”
That makes sense since so many more men than women became long term unemployed during that time. Let’s face it: they were at home while the wife was working anyway.
LOL, I’m from an older era and there was nothing to admit to other then my ability to be an active dad that could do the same things my wife (kids mom) could do. We didn’t admit anything, we were simply stereotyped.
My dad was my and my brother’s primary caregiver when I was a child, and he also worked full time. Dad is the one who read me a bedtime story, dad is the one who made my lunches, dad is the one who picked me up from school if I was sick, and dad is the one who did a million other things parents do for their kids. It was always annoying and offensive when people assumed my mother was the one doing all that work! It was Dad.
Portraying fathers as inept parents is probably overcompensating for women being portrayed as inept in virtually every other sector for so long–doesn’t excuse it, but does provide an explanation.
Shaughnessy Speirs: “Portraying fathers as inept parents is probably overcompensating for women being portrayed as inept in virtually every other sector for so long–doesn’t excuse it, but does provide an explanation.”
And it’s a load of crap, frankly. Same as when a girl hurts a boy, or a woman abuses a man, it’s the old “Eye for eye” for decades of women’s oppression.
Yeah, doesn’t excuse it. And this line of reasoning should be eradicated.
It’s not “an eye for an eye.” “Decades” of women’s oppression? Are you serious? I was trying to be rational about this, explaining that in my opinion, the sexism is the result of a very old (more than decades) patriarchal structure that says women are good in domestic and child-rearing matters and men are good at everyone else–and that patriarchy hurts everyone, as is clearly seen in this offensive ad. And abuse is abuse–there is, most definitely, an insidious, pervasive idea that only women receive abuse and only men abuse, and I would never deny that or deny the wrong… Read more »
Except that theory makes no sense. “Women are bad at everything, so men are bad at being dads” appears to be what you’re saying. I certainly don’t see how one follows from the other.
I am not saying that is true, not even remotely. What I’m saying is that there has been, historically, a pervasive idea that women were incompetent to handle business, politics, sciences, anything outside the domestic sphere (in ‘domestic sphere’ here, I’m including parenting). The few exceptions over time–women who have succeeded in becoming scientists, or doctors, or lawyers, or whatever, before such a time as that was widely accepted (like, uh, the 1980s)–had to deal with strong resistance before people would even entertain the idea that they could be successful in those fields. After being relegated to the domestic sphere… Read more »
For decades, dads have been ridiculed for their lack of parenting skills. It is something so ingrained in our culture that Huggies didn’t even consider it as being offensive.
[snip]
I do, however, expect a diaper company to stop assuming dads can’t diaper their own babies.
just a couple of the great points in this article
multiple likes al
I actually think that the bigger story is the “daddy revolution” that you mention. The fact that dads are organized enough through blogs, social media and dads groups to get 1) Huggies attention and 2) Get them to reverse course is the real story here.
You are absolutely correct JP. In fact, I am co-editing a book of stories that chronicles the “fatherhood revolution.” It is titled “Dads Behaving Dadly” and you can get info on the project at http://www.dadsbehavingdadly.com.