Welcome to Portraits of Fatherhood: We’re telling the story of today’s dads.
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There is no better place to witness the changing roles of men and women in the larger culture than through the lens of parenthood. But rather than speculate on what and how contemporary fathers do what they do, we’d like to bring you portraits of the dads themselves. In their own words. Would you like to be interviewed for this feature? See the end of the post for details.
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NAME Kevin Zelenka
AGE 44
HOMETOWN / WHERE DO YOU LIVE NOW? I was born in Minnesota, and grew up in rural Wisconsin. I currently live in Henderson, Nevada (a suburb of Las Vegas.)
@TWITTER @doubletrbldaddy
ON THE WEB doubletroubledaddy.com
NUMBER OF CHILDREN Twin boys
WORK I am a stay at home father, and freelance writer
RELATIONSHIP STATUS Happily married for 5 years
HOW DO YOU COMBINE WORK AND FAMILY?
Two words: Compromise and Inclusion. The only way for me to get the majority of the work around the house finished is to introduce give and take to my sons. “If daddy can get the dishes done, then he can play trucks with you.” “OK, let’s read a book now, and then Dad will go upstairs and put the laundry in the dryer.” It’s amazing at 2 years old what they pick-up on, and understand. The twins are included in any small shopping trips and weekly errands that need to be run. Other than my big weekly grocery trips, they are with me all the time, and are more popular than I am. If I happen to stop somewhere without them, the first question I get is, “Where are the boys?”
HOW HAS PARENTING CHANGED YOU AS AN INDIVIDUAL?
I am a lot more cognizant of what’s going on in the world around me, and how these things are going to impact my children as they get older. I really thought that after having children of my own that I would be less judgmental of parents I encountered in public, but sadly I think it’s actually made me more so.
IF PARTNERED, HOW HAS PARENTING AFFECTED YOUR RELATIONSHIP?
Other than lack of sleep? Lol. I think parenting has strengthened our relationship in a couple of ways. We are both forging through this parenting thing together for the first time, and I find that we really rely on each other more for advice and as a sounding board for ideas about their development. Although I never thought it possible, watching my wife interact with my sons has made me love her even more than I did before.
WHAT ARE YOUR STRENGTHS AS A PARENT AND WHAT ARE YOUR WEAKNESSES?
I think I’ve been very good at being a firm disciplinarian while still nurturing and showing affection. That being said, my biggest weakness that I work on weekly is having the patience to assess a situation and communicate my feelings to my children in a calm manner. Like a lot of people of my generation, I grew up in a “punish first, ask questions later” household, and I’m doing my best to change that mentality in our own home.
WHO ELSE PROVIDES CHILDCARE FOR YOUR CHILDREN?
My in-laws moved here from Colorado right before my sons were born to be close to their grandchildren, and they have been a godsend. Not only do they watch them on occasion during the day while my wife works, so I can accomplish tasks that would be more difficult with two toddlers in tow, but they have also taken them overnight which gives my wife and I a chance to take a break and enjoy some quality time together. Raising children is not an easy endeavor and sometimes a relationship can get lost in the shuffle. I think getting that opportunity to have some one on one time and “go out on a date” is one of the things that has enabled our marriage to stay as strong as it is.
WHAT IS YOUR WORST PARENTING MOMENT?
I don’t know I can really define an exact moment. I have found that the hardest part of being a father is the vulnerability. I never realized before having children just how susceptible to pain and heartache I really was. You know, big strong man…no one can hurt me…nothing can phase me? And then my sons were born…and they arrived 5 weeks premature. Watching them in their incubators….the cpap machines assisting their breathing, the tiny blood pressure cuff around their skinny little ankles. How can you feel that much love for someone you’ve never met before? One of my sons had some heart and lung issues and the first 48 hours seemed like a lifetime. This big strong man found himself crying his eyes out on more than one occasion. They are both doing awesome now, but I still find myself getting choked up thinking back.
WHAT IS YOUR BEST PARENTING MOMENT?
I think that my “Best Parenting Moment” changes daily. Every time they say a new word or learn a new skill, that feeling of pride wells up inside of me, and I think to myself, “THIS is the best parenting moment ever!” and then the following week they hit me with something else. It’s the greatest feeling in the world.
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We’re looking for a few good dads.
IF you’d like to be interviewed for this feature, please write to Lisa Duggan at: [email protected]
Please write “Portraits of Fatherhood” in the subject line.