Welcome to Portraits of Fatherhood: We’re telling the story of today’s dads.
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There is no better place to witness the changing roles of men and women in the larger culture than through the lens of parenthood. But rather than speculate on what and how contemporary fathers do what they do, we’d like to bring you portraits of the dads themselves. In their own words. Would you like to be interviewed for this feature? See the end of the post for details.
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NAME Patrick Smith
AGE 34
HOMETOWN / WHERE DO YOU LIVE NOW? Roberts WI is my hometown, Big Lake MN is where we currently live
NUMBER OF CHILDREN Two
WORK Full-time
RELATIONSHIP STATUS Married
HOW DO YOU COMBINE WORK AND FAMILY? How have you, or you and your partner (if you’re partnered), arranged your life/schedule to provide the daily care for your kid(s)?
I don’t see it as a work/life balance, I more see it as a work/life integration. My wife and I both love what we do for a living and want to make sure that we show our sons that you have to put the work into your life in order to enjoy the fruits of your labor. We both share responsibilities with cooking, cleaning, care of our children, and we wouldn’t really want it any other way!
HOW HAS PARENTING CHANGED YOU AS AN INDIVIDUAL?
Parenting has really changed me as an individual as where I do not focus on myself. It might sound clichéd but it isn’t about me anymore, it is about my boys and showing them how to be a good man, a good friend, a good worker, good husband.
IF PARTNERED, HOW HAS PARENTING AFFECTED YOUR RELATIONSHIP? How often do you have sex? Is it enough? How do you communicate differently (if at all)?
It has definitely affected our relationship. Our relationship isn’t just about our needs anymore, we also take into consideration what our boys needs are going to be, and taking into consideration how they are going to be affected. Do we have sex enough? Does anyone? 🙂
WHAT ARE YOUR STRENGTHS AS A PARENT AND WHAT ARE YOUR WEAKNESSES?
My strengths is that I am very good at focusing on the here and now. I am very good at just being with my children, turning off the television, focusing on reading with them, playing with them, remaining somewhat active even when I am extremely tired.
My biggest weakness is that I am not good at planning things in advance. I definitely need to work on planning fun activities and not just flying by the seat of my pants with them.
IF PARTNERED, WHAT ARE YOUR PARTNER’S STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES?
My wife’s strength is that she is good at planning events and fun things to do in advance for them. She plans the trips to the zoo, play dates, overnight visits at grandparents, etc. She picks me up where I falter in that regard.
Weakness is that she sometimes only focuses on her phone, either returning a text message, checking facebook, etc. However, she has gotten much, much better about this.
WHO ELSE PROVIDES CHILDCARE FOR YOUR CHILDREN? Do you have unpaid family or friends providing help or do you have paid nannies/babysitters/au pairs?
We do send our boys to a daycare every week day during the school year. My wife is a teacher so she has the summers off but during the school year they are mostly at daycare.
If we do have a night out or anything it is usually aunt/uncles or grandparents that watch the boys for us for free.
WHAT IS YOUR WORST PARENTING MOMENT?
I wouldn’t say that I have a single worst moment as a parent. What I would say is that every day when I have to leave to go to work it breaks my heart a little bit because I am leaving my children and just wish that I could spend every single day with them. Now, after saying that, I am realistic and know that we haven’t won the lottery yet so we have to continue to work in order for us to survive.
WHAT IS YOUR BEST PARENTING MOMENT?
Again, I don’t think this is a single best moment but a culmination of moments. I love seeing my 3 and 1 (almost 2) year old play together. I love reading to them every night, cuddling to watch a football game, eating dinner as a family, going swimming together, etc. Those are the moments that I believe I will cherish forever!
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We’re looking for a few good dads.
IF you’d like to be interviewed for this feature, please write to Lisa Duggan at: [email protected]
Please write “Portraits of Fatherhood” in the subject line.