We know that our actions speak louder than your words, but how much louder?
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Our son and first child was born when I was nineteen years old. I thought I was ready for fatherhood, but I quickly found out that you can never fully prepare. I looked at this little person, sleeping in his crib, and started dreaming about the future he could have. I wanted him to have and do everything I didn’t and couldn’t experience in life.
I had an “interesting” upbringing. When I was 14 years old, my parents started attending a very conservative church. Our way of life changed. We weren’t allowed to watch TV, we couldn’t date, we couldn’t listen to secular music, and a lot of other legalistic rules.
I met the woman who would become my wife that year while working at Burger King.
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I lived that way until I was 17 and rebelled. I was a teenage boy who was in love with every girl he met. I was caught more times than I can count sneaking off to talk to girls–talk, not sex. My parents said if I didn’t follow the rules I had to leave. I moved out at 17.
I didn’t have anywhere else to go, so I started living on the streets. I was homeless for six months—I lived in shelters, in alleys, and on friend’s couches. I tried to keep a normal life during all of this but it wasn’t working. I got three jobs and had to drop out of high school to survive.
I met the woman who would become my wife that year while working at Burger King. We were married six months after we met. Her parents allowed me to move in with them.
We got our act together and rented our own place. She told me I had to finish my high school education–so I got my G.E.D. We learned how to get along as a young married couple, and had our son a year later.
Getting married young was hard, throwing a child into the mix made the situation seem unbearable at times. We fought like cat and dogs and separated a few times. We talked, learned, and finally understood. We survived the hard years. We ended up having two more children—another boy and a baby girl.
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In 2011, things came to a breaking point. We were $180,000 in debt to the I.R.S., I was 170 pounds overweight, and we hated life in Milwaukee, Wisconsin (No offense to Milwaukee, it just wasn’t for us).
That year we agreed to completely change our life and I knew it started with me. I was the dad; I was the one everyone looked to for leadership. I had to step up.
While my children were growing up I always told them their dreams were possible. I told them to “shoot for the stars” and chase every dream they had in their heart. When I thought about my life, I realized they weren’t seeing what I was telling them. I told them to shoot for the stars, and I wasn’t even shooting for the clouds.
I knew that actions spoke louder than words, and my action showed weren’t showing them what’s possible. I was a hypocrite and if things continued, my children could end up following my example.
I started a journey in 2011 to radically change my life. It took three years, but I lost 170 pounds, I quit a job I hated to write full-time. I wrote a book that became a Publishers Weekly best-selling book called, Are You Living or Existing? 9 Steps to Change Your Life. We grew our marriage stronger, and we fulfilled our biggest dream of moving from Milwaukee, Wisconsin to Maui, Hawaii.
We accomplished all of our big goals and showed our children by our example that their dreams ARE possible. We’ve been living our dream life for a few years now and our children are absorbing it.
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What example are you setting?
Whenever someone hears my story or a story like mine, they are automatically skeptical. They pick those stories apart to see if that person had some advantage or a lucky break. Maybe it’s how much the media focuses on negative news, but they’re skeptical of success and their dreams.
Change is hard, and it will take time, but it is possible.
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Success isn’t a mystery and there are no overnight successes. When you see that inspiring story, there’s probably a backstory of someone who busted their butt to make that dream their reality.
There are exceptions to the rule, but those aren’t what’s usually seen or experienced. Success leaves clues, and the biggest is that you have to work hard to change your life and live your dream.
Success will be different for each of us. For me, success meant hitting my three major goals. For you, it might mean something different. I can’t tell you what your success should look like, you have to get honest with yourself about what you want for your life. If I had to define success in one word, I would say success is freedom. Creating freedom to live on your own terms and spend your time doing the things that are important to you.
You can live your dreams. You can accomplish big goals that seem impossible. When you do, your children learn that their dreams are possible too. Don’t just tell your kids what’s possible with words. Your actions are going to speak louder.
Change is hard, and it will take time, but it is possible. You can teach your kids by your example. Life is short and we only get one chance to make this time count. Take action today.
What are you teach your kids?
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Flickr/ Alexander N
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What is a 21st century hero? Being an engaged and present dad. And we love to show how great dads are. Want more like this? Sign up for our daily or weekly newsletter here.
The prospect of a $180k debt to the IRS seems debilitating. How did you manage that because on the surface it seems that would be a major roadblock to moving on.
I figured out what I really wanted to do and how I could generate income from it. It took three years to pay it off: http://kimanziconstable.com/im-terrible-with-money-how-i-got-financial-freedom/
I always believe that actions speaks louder than words and putting your money where your mouth is. Well done to you sir.
Mahalo G!
Kimanzi, I always enjoy reading your articles. The only thing that I wished you’d expanded on is “what is success.”
Hope all is well with you. Take care.
Great point Tom. I went back and added this to the article:
“Success will be different for each of us. For me, success meant hitting my three major goals. For you, it might mean something different. I can’t tell you what your success should look like, you have to get honest with yourself about what you want for your life. If I had to define success in one word, I would say success is freedom. Creating freedom to live on your own terms and spend your time doing the things that are important to you.”