A PEW Research Center study once revealed that 70% of the public feels it is more difficult to be a mother today than it was 20 or 30 years prior. The key challenges cited for raising a child were societal (i.e. substance abuse, peer pressure, TV/internet/movies, etc). The study also cited the immense importance of good parenting (i.e. teaching morals, discipline, and manners).
Because of these challenges, many agree that children are more unruly today than ever before.
Though raising a child today is tough, I strongly believe that all of us, parents and otherwise, must take responsibility for ensuring that children are not brought up to be unruly. I believe that children ages 4 to 8 are in particular danger of becoming such due to their impressionable age, and so I’ve written a picture book for children that teaches lessons about morals and manners. More on that later, because I would first like to identify the 10 signs that your child has become unruly…and by another name…a brat.
1) Your child cares more about getting the next version of Mortal Kombat than he does about your impending open heart surgery.
2) You tell her that you just lost your job and her immediate reaction is to ask if she can still buy that cool outfit at H&M.
3) Your child uses foul, four letter words more than you do.
4) You asked your child at least three times to do a chore yet it remains undone. When he finally starts it incorrectly (on purpose), you do it yourself, knowing deep inside that you are perpetuating his behavior.
5) Your child gets an “F” in math and he immediately blames everyone else, including his teacher for not teaching, his classmates for making too much noise, his dog for peeing on his homework, and you for not hiring an expensive tutor like the caring parents do.
6) Your child gets $25 from her Aunt Lilly for her birthday, and she looks at it with a smirk and says, “I can’t buy anything with this. Aunt Lilly needs to get a job.”
7) Your child gets $100 from his 100 year old Grandma and then you need to nag him for nine months to send a thank you card before the old lady dies.
8) You and your son get called to the principal’s office after school. On your way through the halls, you suddenly notice that frighten children part like the Red Sea to let your child pass.
9) You catch her in at least three lies per week and realize that she no longer looks you in the eye when she speaks…ever.
10) You have a sunken feeling right now because your child fits one or more of these descriptions. Or you are cheering because he or she fits none of these, though they do describe that little bugger down the street.
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You might be thinking that I am being harsh. No one wants to think of their child as a brat. I get that. It’s always someone else’s kid who is the brat. Right? And some of you might even think that it’s not nice for me to label a child a “brat”. It amounts to name calling. After all, in today’s society we strive to find nice words for not nice things, like when a salesman calls a “used car” a “pre-owned vehicle”. But according to Merriam-Webster, a brat is an ill-mannered, annoying child. By that standard, I think the term “brat” is more descriptive than it is derogatory. I think decades of brats being brats gave the name “brat” a bad reputation. We should bring it back.
But instead of using the term “brat”, many parents today prefer to think of their child as overly rambunctious, or a tad hyperactive, or slightly misunderstood, or a bit outspoken, or as a restless genius. Some will blame bad behavior on a medical ailment like the mysterious and suddenly widespread attention deficit disorder. I certainly understand that some children do, indeed, have a medical condition, but ADD/ADHD is used with such frequency as an explanation for misbehavior that it defies logic. Even the experts tell us that it can be difficult to distinguish between attention deficit disorder and normal kid behavior. I suspect that there are an abundance of parents who would prefer to medicate their children rather than admit that they raised brats.
I believe in tough parenting. Make rules and stick to them. Don’t waffle. Don’t let big things slide. Children should not be allowed to lie, cheat, steal and the like with impunity. Their inattention or laziness should not be so easily explained away with convenient medical jargon. I believe that misbehaviors should have consequences that matter. I don’t believe in being my kid’s best friend if it means he grows up ill-mannered, rude and manipulative. This simple belief has helped my kids grow into fine adults…so far.
I believe in tough parenting. Make rules and stick to them. Don’t waffle. Don’t let big things slide. Children should not be allowed to lie, cheat, steal and the like with impunity. |
To help other parents prevent their children from becoming brats in this challenging world, I recently introduced a new picture book for children ages 4 to 8 (illustrated by Roderick Fong). Titled BetterNot! and the Tale of Bratsville – Teaching Morals and Manners, it’s about a town filled with naughty children whose actions awaken a magical creature named BetterNot who rushes to teach children valuable lessons in ways that fit their misbehaviors. Think of him as a cross between the boogeyman and Willy Wonka, but one who actually reforms all the naughty children. If you can’t live without it, you can find it here.
I’m sure your child is an angel and doesn’t need the book, but you might be tempted to send a copy to your sister who is raising that little demon nephew of yours. My goal is not to sell a million books, though I would like to sell more books than I give away; if you are a writer you know what I mean. So my more achievable goal is to prevent at least one child from becoming a brat and tossing eggs at your house. That’s my little contribution to society…my way of helping parents raise children who are not my own.
More importantly, use the comment section below to add a sign/indicator that a child is being bratty, and list an appropriate consequence that you think should be employed for the bratty behavior. Don’t exaggerate. Just tell me what you think is reasonable. What works? They may provide fertile ground for the next book in the BetterNot series.
Today’s parents need help. A bratty four-year-old child today may become a bratty forty-year-old adult. That bratty adult may be responsible for deciding if you, the parent, live your final years in the delightful comfort of your own home or get shoved into a dilapidated home for the elderly.
Think about that the next time your child would rather go to a concert than stay at home to nurse you back to health after your heart transplant.
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Photo credit: iStock
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I’m sad this article was shared by the Good Men Project. I’ve found their articles helpful from time to time. I think it’s exceptionally rude to call other people’s kids brats. It’s generalizing and it separates parents from each other. Very poor manners to ask other parents to talk about others’ problems. Parents do need help. In the form of compassion.
Personally, I think parents receive waaay too much “compassion” these days. Liberals are the result of a generation of parents that looked away instead of actively disciplining their children to become successful members of society. Instead, because of all of the soft parenting, we have hardcore thugs who are roaming the streets because mama and daddy decided they wanted to be Little Johnny’s best friend (or worse, parents who are just self-serving brats themselves) instead of being a righteous authority figure. I’m thankful my parents didn’t let me get away with bad behavior. I’m tired of pretending to look the… Read more »
Liberalism has nothing to do with beating or not disciplinig/beating your kids, Victoria. Some of the most entitled, bratty a-holes — like the Stanford Rapist — are monuments to traditional gender roles and parenting.
BetterNot Tale of Brattsville is a great story with a good message for today’s children. How helpful it would be for teachers to be able to share this book with their students and engage in some meaningful discussions as to acceptable behavior both at school and at home. Additionally, parents would benefit as well. Challenge will be for them to follow through with the limit setting necessary to drive the message home.
A friend and her husband visited with their young son who was about 9 or 10 years old at the time. I had another friend and her teenage daughter visiting from abroad en-route to The States. While all the adults chatted away in the living room, we suggested that the young boy sit with my daughter and the American teenager in another room to chat, watch TV or listen to music. He refused to go, preferring to stay with his parents which would have been OK if he hadn’t then decided to continuously raise the volume of the TV after… Read more »
Hi Amma;
Wow. The parents you described created a monster. It’s always amazing to me that others can see the problem child and know how to fix the situation, but the parents either don’t see it or explain it away. Weak parenting. Weak discipline. I suspect that years and years of pop psychologists telling the world to be gentler with discipline got us into this mess. It’s the parents who play dearly.
Thanks for your comment.
Gene
… would sure like to know how to undo the brat we made … Love her, but we really screwed up! I can’t emphasize strongly enough the need for parents and caregivers of children to make joint decisions and rules, and stand united. The shortest road to Bratdom appears when caregivers disagree about general policies in front of a child. Or even worse, the slap of silence. Parent 1 says, “it’s time to help with the dishes.” Child says, “I don’t feel like it – I’ll do it later.” Parent 2 is in the room and says nothing. Kid 1… Read more »
Hi Karen. Thank you for your response. I agree with you. Sometimes, one parent wants to be the “good guy” and does so by giving in to child requests. I suspect it’s a way to gain more love and appreciation from the child. It’s important to stand united because children will increasingly try to bend rules by going to the more liberal parent. It only gets worse as they grow up. I’m sure you’ll be fine. Just need to sort it out. Best, Gene
Gene – Thank you for writing a great book to start conversations about manners and respect between parents and their children. As you know, my current job involves teaching K-5 students about social skills – disrespect is a huge problem for teachers and administrators, and a major problem for society as a whole. Teachers requested this curriculum to be taught at our district because of the general lack of training in manners at home, and the lack of reinforcement by society as a whole. As part of my last job, I taught social skills to college students because employers of… Read more »
My children are all grown, and now I am learning to be Granny! This is made difficult because I live 2000 miles from my oldest daughter. She is visiting us with our grandchildren right now. I am also on the verge of getting a new grandson in a few weeks. My new grandson comes with an older brother and sister and, yes, they can be brats. I have not been an active part of their lives, until now, so I am trying to learn how I might be able to help them. Books have always been high on my priority… Read more »
Vicki; Sounds like you are a caring Granny. It’s harder to raise kids…and grand kids…in today’s world. I suspect you will do just fine. Thank you for your comments. Gene
Gene,
As a well seasoned parent, grandparent, and great-grandparent, I admire your thoughts on the raising of children. Your examples brought back memories ranging from my own childhood, when being a brat was not tolerated , to todays world where discipline is allowed in doses too small to be effective.
Bless you for your effort, and be assured that you have made a positive impact. We can’t save them all, but some is a good start.
Highest regards,
Bob
Gene,
EXCELLENT!
One “bratism” is the kid who is mesmerized by their phone during dinner and won’t talk with anyone. The parents tell them ‘Now don’t do that” which lasts for a nano second… then it’s back to the phone again and the parents do nothing further. VERY disrespectful of both the “brat” and parents to everyone at the table.
Great topic! You nailed it. Don’t have to look very far outside the family circle to find examples of the behaviors you describe. Hopefully your book will make a difference one brat at a time!
Thank you, Dodie. And you are right; the battle is one brat at a time. Cheers! Gene
Thank you all for your comments!
A child with ADD/ADHD will struggle with things they enjoy as much as things they don’t. They will want to be better; they will try. The difference isn’t hard to spot if you spend time with and talk to the child. Medication will also not work in the same way if the child does not have the disorder.
A child with ADHD could ALSO be a brat, in any case, consistent, fair, firm, loving parenting is beneficial.
Amber; Thank you for your comment and insights. I agree completely. Gene
Thank you for acknowledging this. I thought your article was great, and I’ll keep these warning signs in mind as my son grows up, but I was a bit put off by your anti-ADD tirade. I realize that it’s overdiagnosed, but it also goes undiagnosed in a lot of children (AND adults), often because of the very stigma of being overly sensitive, when it is in fact a very real condition which can cause a lot of suffering for some very well-meaning children. The frustrations and rejections that an unsupported ADD sufferer often experiences, can lead to them giving up… Read more »
Gene – you are right on when you say that parenting is harder now than when we were growing up. Society in general has become lax about normal good behavior. Young parents today are often too tired to parent and expect the teaching of good manners to come from the classroom, then they can blame their child’s behavior on the teacher and school system. I bought your book and have enjoyed both the story and illustrations, a must read for any young family and a vehicle for talking about behavior. Kids know what good behavior looks like but also want… Read more »
The book is great. Reminds me of “Mrs Piggle Wiggle”, when I was a child. This book is good to help young children, in a fun way, learn manners and obedience. Would be great in pre-school and kindergarten, for teacher to read to her children. An Idea for your next book, would be to help adults learn how to parent. I love your writing and illustrations.
My story of a bratty kid: A neighbor’s daughter who keeps spending beyond her means and racking up credit card debt (at high interest). Her parents admonisher her, but the behavior doesn’t change…so I say, cut up the credit card! Go back to the basics: you can’t spend what you don’t have. If it’s something you want instead of something you need, learn to save for it. A lot more kids these days could do with experiencing some delayed gratification.
January…you are absolutely RIGHT! I have come across a number of people who spend beyond their means, and it is often rooted in bad parenting as a child. We even have countries that do the same.
Every parent and teacher should read this to their students.Great moral lessons here!
BetterNot Tale of Bratsville is a well written book on manners and morals that all parents of children should embrace and read to them. Morals and manners are so important to have to be a positive productive individual in today’s society. Love the pictures too!