The Happy Hour Miscarriage in Paradise

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About Dave Sanfacon

Dave Sanfacon is a writer, actor, and part time banker living in Cambridge, MA with his exceptionally beautiful and hip wife Laura.

Comments

  1. Lisa Hickey says:

    This is amazing storytelling — Dave, honest, raw, powerful. And as gorgeous as it is poignant. Thank you for talking about something that many people find extremely difficult to talk about.

  2. Dave, I am stunned by the beauty of the writing and the conveyance of nuanced emotion related to a topic that is very hard to address. Your wife is so lucky to have your support. My one and only child was born after four years of infertility, multiple surgeries, so many failed IVF’s. In the end, many years later, my husband left me and told me, among many other “reasons,” that the infertility had “killed it for him.” I always felt that had he been able to express how he was feeling at the time–through writing, in therapy, in a support group, ANYTHING–things could have turned out differently. Now that I’m remarried, and much happier, I can say that everything worked out in the end, but I’d have given anything to have had a husband with your emotional engagement around the pain we suffered as a couple. I wish you all the best with this pregnancy. Twins! Wow! But I also know well what it’s like to wait and worry, and to cope with a high-risk pregnancy. I’m right here in Concord, MA, if you or your wife ever want to talk. I so love GMP–what a great community, and what amazing people I have met. Once again, this was an amazing article, and I connected with is so deeply. Bravo.

  3. Amazing. Raw. Honest. Brave.
    Kudos to you and Laura for sharing this story with the world.
    Wishing you and your family peace, love and happiness.

  4. @21cManhood says:

    Dave there is a difference between a writer and a guy who writes. You are a writer dude. Seriously, I laughed, I cried, and I related. Some of your imagery will stay with me for a long time. Thank you.

  5. Tom Matlack says:

    “She was smart and intuitive and beautiful in that regal way that shrunk those around her. ”

    Yes I found one of those too. We were married when we were both 38. I had two kids by a prior marriage but we set out to add to the clan. Suffice it to say that I have experienced the pain you describe, more than once. I think from a male perspective there is nothing more difficult, complex, mysterious, and ultimately vexing.

    The good news is that we now have an amazing 6 year old boy to go with my 17 year old daughter and 15 year old son.

    I loved every word of this piece. Please keep writing. And keep posting here.

  6. Such a beautiful piece. The love you have for your wife shines through every word, as does the appreciation you have for the mystery of procreation and pregnancy. My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage, and my ex-husband had no discernible response to it. I felt incredibly alone, and longed to have a partner who would share the loss with me.

  7. Superb.

  8. I read this piece without taking a breath, it feels like, falling headlong into your story. I live in Cambridge, too, and hope to see you and your twins running around a local playground soon. Your story is just as you describe your wife: strong, raw, vulnerable. Thank you for sharing it.

  9. Dorine Moore says:

    Today is my birthday. Reading your story is one of the pleasures I treated myself to this morning. I have not personally experienced what you and your wife have, but my daughter has. From the perspective of a mother whose heart is deeply entertained with the joys and sorrows of her strong, yet vulnerable daughter, I can relate to your many profound losses. Last night, at midnight, my only grandchild, now two years old, called me on FaceTime to sing Happy Birthday. Sweet little Ka’mya’s song was the best gift ever. And your story is a powerful reminder of the miracle that she is, in my daughter’s life, and in my own. Thank you for this gift. I know that it will be a treasure to many, most of all to your wife, your twins, and yourself.

  10. BRAVO to this writer/storyteller. I/We lost our child in the 1st 18 mths of our marriage & were never successful again. We also married kinda late me 36 her 32 We just celebrated 10 yrs in August & neither of us has a child. Not an wedding aniversary goes by in which I dont think what-if & feel the hurt of those days but then I realize that SHE is my blessing as am I hers & that our marriage is the gift GOD wants us to have. Have no idea how you both were able to deal with this over and over again. Good Luck with the twins. Many Blessings !!

  11. I too remember how I felt each & every moment of the process. From the inner anger of knowing it was a strong possibility (directed towards a young teen single mom showing off her newborn in the stroller) to what was on TV the weekend before the doctors apptmt (Tyson vs Lewis) all the way up to how we sought to comfort each other in the empty silence of grief the day of (Chris Rock Marathon on HBO on Demand). Reading this is kinda therapy for me & I’m almost in tears here at work reading it and recollecting it.

  12. Very beautifully written. I have had the heartache of loosing a baby and speak daily with women who also have, we sometimes forget how our partners may be feeling ….

  13. Well done. I wish you the best. We experienced the death of a child in an avoidable accident. I can’t list too many things harder to deal with. You can get used to it but never truly get over it.

    A family can and should learn how to balance cherishing his/her memories, keeping him/her alive in their hearts while making the best of the blessings they do have, especially each other. That is our approach, and what we feel certain she would tell us to do if she could.

  14. Paul McKeon says:

    Love it Dave. Congrats all around and love to that princess Laura. Xo, Paul

  15. Beautiful post Dave! Thank you for sharing your incredible journey. My husband and I had a loss in each trimester – a live delivery at 20 weeks; a stillborn at 28 weeks; and a miscarriage at 13 weeks. Each loss unrelated to the other – except in the enormous pain and sorrow. We decided to try one more time and had a successful 38 week term baby boy – yay! He’s 16 now – fills us with joy and many hair-pulling moments. We had another ‘successful outcome.’ He’s 14 and a sweet, happy, easy going guy… unless he’s hormonal… then look out! You and Laura have such courage and grace. Blessings to both of you for supporting each other so deeply. It’s not easy and many people don’t understand how difficult your road has been. Hold onto each other, remember to stay connected physically as well as spiritually and emotionally. We’re here in Andover if you ever want support or encouragement. Wishing you both joy, love and laughter with ALL your adventures. Cheers! Ande

  16. Thank you for sharing your side of this painful experience, Dave, and for sharing it so eloquently. When we went through it, I felt the need to read as many personal accounts of miscarriage as I could, but I don’t think I saw a single one written from the father’s perspective. I wish I could have read this then–it would have helped me tune into my husband’s feelings. Perhaps it will one day be reprinted in a collection of stories about miscarriage…it would make an excellent addition.

    You and Laura make a good team. Keep feeding her ice cream. And write as much as you possibly can before the long-awaited little ones arrive and turn your brain to mush. ;-)

    Congratulations all around.

    Hugs,

    Tovis

  17. CajunMick says:

    Beautiful. Thank you.

  18. Chris Lee says:

    Devastating. Poignant emotional truths delivered with such simple elegance it blindsided me. Many thanks for sharing this.

  19. We too had a miscarriage in paradise! We were on the island of St. John celebrating our 10th anniversary. I was 12 weeks pregnant. My water broke hours after we arrived. We ended up spending the next 2 days in the hospital, complete with emergency D&C. That was Aug 08. In Dec 2010 we had a son! What an amazing blessing he is, but even more is the journey and growth my husband and I experienced through our loss, mourning, and now rejoicing.
    So sorry for your loss…I KNOW how painful it was! And congrats on your sweet little ones!

  20. What an impressive story, Dave, of your journey from the Hell of Paradise, to the Heaven of Nantucket!
    You have touched me by describing how, what looked like heaven from the outside, was in fact hell for you. And even more by showing that you and your wife by your deep connection and love found heaven despite the hell you were thrown into during your terrible ordeal.
    Thanks for sharing,
    Michael.

    ps You describe your wife so lovingly as smart and intuitive. I’d say the same applies to you.Good Man!!

  21. Dina Strange says:

    I am going to say something and i expect lots of stones thrown at me but…first of all, it’s a beautifully written story, very sensual and just plainly very well put.

    Second…all that drama of having children in a world of 7 billion people. There is something weird in our society that glamorizes child birth, that puts babies on pedestal.

Trackbacks

  1. [...] This is the second essay of a series. Dave’s first essay: “The Happy Hour Miscarriage in Paradise.” [...]

  2. [...] The Happy Hour Miscarriage in Paradise [...]

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