Even though society is making progress, Justin Jordan shares how the stigmas of fatherhood still exist
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I’ve been reading a lot lately on dads – and it’s great to see stories in the news actually focusing on us. Ashton Kutcher’s leading the charge for changing stations in men’s restrooms and a there’s a grassroots movement to get AmazonMoms to recognize fatherhood and alter its name to AmazonFamily, to name a couple.
It’s all fantastic stuff. Truly it is. I’ll tell you why in a second. Stay with me because this topic is all too important to me and should be to every other dad out there.
But hey, I’m not a perfect dad. I’m far from it, actually. I’ve made so many mistakes I’m buying stock in “life white-out.”
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Since becoming a father, I’ve often noticed the negativity that flows when people refer to certain types of dads. The ones who aren’t active in our kids’ lives, the deadbeat who doesn’t pay child support or picks his kids up six hours late, the dad who thinks working 40 hours a week is sufficient.
Well, those are stigmas that dads like me would love to change. Those are the types of dads that give guys like me and so many others I know a bad name. We aren’t all that way. Some of us bust our asses at work and then coach Little League. There are dads who work multiple jobs. There are some dads who devote their efforts to different aspects of the parenting wheel like staying home and taking over the household duties. There are dads who serve our country overseas, spending too many nights away from home for a greater cause.
All of those dads? They earn their capes every day.
In my opinion, all us dads really want is to not be grouped with those negative types and earn our rightful seat at the parenting table.
I’m just a regular dad who wants what we all want. To give as much of my time and efforts to my family as possible and to not screw up my kids. But at the same time, I want to be part of the reason my kids aren’t completely messed up. Is that too much to ask?
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We want recognition, we want some acceptance of parenting, we want to be acknowledged as a vital part of our kids’ lives. We want the option of taking our kids to the doctor, doing the grocery shopping, diagnosing a boo-boo – and do it without any snarkiness or the “Holy shit! He’s actually doing something” comments.
With those wants though, comes a great responsibility. We actually have to be involved. We have to make ourselves accountable for more than just paying the bills, cutting the grass, or fixing the garbage disposal.
If we want to take our kids to the doctor, make up the grocery list or head up a school fundraiser that’s selling rainbow hair-ties and fluffy bows, Then speak the hell up. Until dads step up to the plate in regards to our seats at the table, then it’s just talk.
It’s like anything else in life: If you want it, bust your ass and go get it.
If you’re the type of dad who just goes to work, helps out here and there and it makes your kids happy? More power to you. Do your thing, pop. Happy kids make the world go ’round.
But that isn’t the dad I want to be. It’s just not my nature.
I have a favorite saying when it comes to being a dad, “Don’t be that dad.”
Well, that dad is the one who blabs and blabs about how much he does for his family, how he can’t go out with his buddies anymore, he hasn’t played golf in a month and acts as if being a parent is a burden, a liability, a broken bridge between his social life and home life, etc. I’m sure we all know one dad like that.
But hey, I’m not a perfect dad. I’m far from it, actually. I’ve made so many mistakes I’m buying stock in “life white-out.” I raise my voice when I shouldn’t, get frustrated instead of showing patience, and I react before fully understanding certain things.
I have a 3 year old who questions every move I make, a 5 year old who cries at most bedtimes, a 12 year old diabetic who deals with way too much responsibility for his age and a 15 year old daughter who suffers from PTSD. Trust me, I’m not perfect and neither are my kids.
I’m just a regular dad who wants what we all want. To give as much of my time and efforts to my family as possible and to not screw up my kids.
But at the same time, I want to be part of the reason my kids aren’t completely messed up. Is that too much to ask? For the media, for society, and for some of you maybe, to understand that I just want a little piece of the parenting pie when something goes right?
Please know that I’m not judging anyone or their situation. If you know me at all, you know that’s not my style.
Also, I would never downplay the role of mothers. Again, If you know anything about me, you know how important my own mother is to me and my feelings towards how rough a mom has it.
I’m simply pleading with dads out there, BE present, BE involved, and rise up and father the ever loving heck out of your kids.
P.S. Don’t do it because I’m saying you should, don’t do it because your buddy posted something about Amazon changing its name, and don’t do it because Ashton Kutcher is on the front lines of “ChangingStation-Gate.”
Do it because your children depend on it, need it, want it and will be better off because of it.
Yes, yes, yes, yes and YES! Preach it! You are not “Babysitters” – you are parents! Please continue to be the dad who shows “that dad” how not to be! There are plenty of great dads and you DO deserve to be equally recognized for your part in the parenting- if you are equally raising the children. Thank you for your post!
Thanks so much, Tracy! I agree 100%; There ARE so many dads who do any and everything for our kids, all day long. It’s not the personal recognition a lot of us want, it’s recognition as a WHOLE. That just like all you great moms out there, there are equally as many great dads.