The National At-Home Dad Network apologizes for inappropriate comments made by a few members in one of its affiliated private Facebook groups.
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Brent Brookhouse wrote on GMP recently about a discussion on a private Facebook group affiliated with the National At-Home Dad Network that concerned him to the point that he left the group. He was right to be upset about the post and some of the comments made about it. The entire thread Brent described in his blog is grossly counter to the values of the National At-Home Dad Network.
The thread was deleted from that group of approximately 500 stay-at-home dads a few hours after it was originally posted. Many dads have since expressed to us disappointment in themselves for not speaking up when they saw the thread. It made them uncomfortable but they did not feel empowered to speak up against it. We can do better.
The mission of the National At-Home Dad Network is to support, educate and advocate for stay-at-home dads. We strongly believe that when men feel safe, when they feel they won’t be judged, they open up. By allowing confidential, men-only conversations at our annual at-home dads conventions, in local groups and on closed Facebook groups, we have found that stay-at-home dads are able to find better strategies for parenting, better negotiate their relationships complicated by roles being reversed and become better men.
Brent Brookhouse sought out such a group for himself. By not effectively encouraging our affiliate to moderate comments in a manner consistent with our values, we let him down. I regret that the most. A guy needed us and we failed him. Being a stay-at-home dad is a lonely role some times. I’ve been there. I’ve been that lonely dad, craving a community. I found it and I am eternally grateful to the men of the National At-Home Dad Network for making be a better dad, husband and man.
I am disheartened that the failure to moderate the crass behavior of a few dads kept Mr. Brookhouse from the opportunity to experience the same thing I have.
The National At-Home Dad Network has taken several steps to improve this affiliated Facebook group.
The first thing we did was get in touch with Mr. Brookhouse. We apologized by phone. We explained that the comments he endured were counter to our values and not what we are about. We expressed our disappointment that he chose a public forum to present his concerns instead of attempting to communicate directly with the administrators of that group or the leadership of the National At-Home Dad Network. We also discussed what actions we were considering and assured him we would address his concerns. His response to us was, in part:
“…I feel confident that the larger issues that were the center of the Good Men Project article are in the process of being addressed. I would hope that the SAHD community understand that my article was as much about values and parenting as any other post you may read about stay-at-home dads.
There are TONS of great stay-at-home dads, my article was not meant to suggest otherwise. But rather to try to stress that the need to ‘be a man,’ in the SAHD community should never overtake the need to respect women and foster an environment where they feel comfortable and safe. Our conversation was productive and I feel that the people in charge of the National At-Home Dad Network understand this, and have prioritized actions that will improve the community as a whole.”
The second thing we did was to talk to the administrators of the affiliated private Facebook group. We encouraged them to increase the number of administrators so any future offensive and irrelevant posts can be deleted more quickly and to update their policies to better reflect our values. They agreed to work with us toward that. They have also removed the members from the group who made the inappropriate comments on the thread Mr. Brookhouse wrote about.
The third thing we did was to offer a brief apology to the public through a statement on Good Men Project, a long-time partner and supporter of our organization, which they posted on Mr. Brookhouse’s article.
The behavior of a few dads on our affiliated Facebook group that day was appalling. The National At-Home Dad Network deeply regrets Brent Brookhouse’s experience. The comments he endured are grossly counter to our values.
To Brent and to the public at large, we express our sincerest apologies. We failed in our mission that day and we pledge to do better.
Photo courtesy of the author
I am truly sorry for Mr. Brookhouse and anyone else who felt alienated by the discussion in question. It was not a reflection of the values held by the National At-Home Dad Network. We strive to promote a safe environment for everyone. This has been a learning experience, and we are committed to preserving the integrity of fatherhood.
Joe Agro
Secretary of the National At-Home Dad Network
These groups are great and you can’t agree with every little thing that happens within these groups, just as you can’t agree with everything that happens outside of these groups. Recently in Sydney, Australia I was given some information about a secret mother’s group on Facebook that is based on my area of Sydney. The group is known as HDMFG. I was contacted by a mother within this group informing me of some unsavoury posts that were derogatory to dads. Yes, women do it too (yet I not that thousands of women, namely mothers jumped on the band wagon on… Read more »
It is so unfortunate that this situation happened as it did, but I appreciate the Good Men Project giving the NAHDN the opportunity to set the record straight about how contrary to our purpose and mission Brent’s experience was, and the steps taken to avoid it happening again. We are a small nonprofit, run by imperfect volunteers, who are working our hardest to help our fellow dads find the community and support that we have all needed at times. It’s my hope that moving forward we can all commit to doing better at holding ourselves and one another accountable to… Read more »
SO impressed with the National At-Home Network Dads I met during my short stay in New Orleans for Dad 2.0 Summit. Great group of dads who show the world the powers and delight of being a SAHD.
And hey… if something were stated poorly, it’s great to see them step up and own it, taking steps to correct it.
Rock on At-Home Network Dads. Love what I see.
Charlie Seymour Jr
Thank you to everyone for their efforts to resolve this unfortunate situation and to improve the way the NAHDN can better serve and support the at-home dad community. Keep On Daddying!
I’m glad this has been cleared up. The National At-Home Dad Network has been invaluable to me and my family. The support and love, and friends that I have gained as a result of being a part of it cannot be overstated. To everyne I’ve met, I’m so thankful for it and to those whom I have yet to meet, I can’t wait for the annual convention this year!
Ron
http://www.denverdads.net
Well done, Mr. Watts. Fortitude in the face of fire is commendable. Both you and the National At Home Dad Network deserve accolades. Instead of cutting and running you make lemonade out of a couple lousy lemons. Thank you for continuing to quench my ever – growing thirst for all things fathering!
I appreciate the way that the NAHDN, under Al’s leadership, has addressed this unfortunate incident. I hope that all parties involved can forgive and move on from this learning experience. I look forward to many more positive experiences as a member of the NAHDN.
It is our genuine desire be an organization with integrity, to accomplish our mission and adhere to our values. We failed to do that for Brent. I am thankful we were able to connect with Brent and address his concerns. We commit to do better.
Rev. Dr. Bill Ekhardt
Treasurer
The National At-Home Dad Network