I always knew my grandfather was a respectable man. Here’s how I knew he was a good one.
The following is the true story of my grandparents’ romance, though names have been changed to protect the anonymity of the characters.
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In the early 1960s, fathers did not discuss sexuality with their children, especially their daughters. In conservative Catholic families, daughters were expected to remain virgins until marriage, and when Betty suddenly found herself unwillingly no longer a virgin, she could not turn to her father or anyone in her family for support or guidance.
Forced by her abusive father to drop out of high school, Betty worked as a cosmetologist. She was stylish and quite beautiful, but she was also quite reserved. Her father was a difficult man to please, and she did all that she could to stay in his good graces. However, when she was just 18 years old, she was date raped by an acquaintance from her high school. This boy had taken a bet with some of his friends that he could take her virginity from her, willingly or unwillingly. He pinned her down in his car and roughly took what was not his. When he finally took her home, he shoved her out of the car, yelling to her father on the front porch as he drove away, “Your daughter is a whore.”
Betty’s father did not believe that she had been raped, and he beat her for being sexually promiscuous. She could not tell the rest of her family, even her sisters, for fear of being called a liar and being beaten once again. Betty kept this horrible secret and was made to feel guilty for unwittingly participating in an act of violence.
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Shortly after this horrifying experience, Betty began dating Bob, a boy from the local grocery store. He was very sweet, and they both enjoyed their time together. However, soon Betty began to fear that she was pregnant as a result of the rape. What was she supposed to do? If Bob found out that she was pregnant, he would no doubt leave her. Her father would disown her; he might even beat her to death for bringing such shame on the family. As time passed and her fears grew, Betty decided that she must tell Bob, regardless of the consequences.
Fearfully and timidly, Betty explained to Bob what had happened to her and about her fears regarding pregnancy. Expecting the worst, Betty was astonished at Bob’s response. Though they had been dating only a short time, Bob immediately volunteered to take the blame for the pregnancy. He knew how angry her father would be; he knew that Betty’s life was in real danger if this pregnancy were real. He offered to tell her father that he was the father of the child and then marry Betty. This would not only destroy Bob’s reputation, but he would suddenly have a wife and a child, who was not his, to care for. He was just a university student, working to bag groceries for a local grocer; this was not the time in his life to suddenly carry such a burden.
In the end, Betty was not pregnant, so she and Bob never had to confront her father. They continued dating and were married within a year. They had three children of their own, conceived in love, not violence.
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I did not learn this story about the beginning of my grandparents’ relationship until I was in my early 20s. I already respected my grandfather, but for the first time I saw him as an example of a truly good man. He loved my grandmother, and he did not see her simply as a rape victim, but as a woman who desperately needed someone on whom she could rely in a time of crisis. Her family was not a safe place for her, and my grandfather chose to be that safe place for her.
I could analyze the relationship dynamics that were born out of the complicated start to this relationship, but that is not the important part of the story. The message is simply this: my grandfather is and was a good man, and my grandmother has been blessed to know and be loved by him since the day they met.
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photo: AndrewEick on Flckr
I’m glad it wasn’t a rape story,I don’t think I could read another one of those here.
Wow, your grandfather has a heart, and a pair of brass ones. Blessings on him and on your family.
What a beautiful story and to have such a positive influence in your life.
Congratulations on having such an example of manhood in your life. What a gift.