Aaron Gouveia is locked in a debate for the ages with his wife, all about the appropriateness of wearing pajama pants outside of the house
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Marriage ain’t easy, and my wife and I have been through more than our fair share of rough spots.
Pregnancy, not being able to get pregnant, multiple miscarriages, dealing with abortion protesters, financial hardships, mental health issues, and the Great Hershey Bar War of 2009 are just some of the bullcrap my wife MJ and I have endured in our eight years of marriage.
But now we face a much bigger—and completely unexpected—problem which is currently threatening to tear us apart.
Pajamas at the bus stop.
Now that I work from home three days a week, I get to take care of the kids in the morning before work. Part of that is getting to put my son Will on the bus to school. One of the best perks of working from home is not having to get dressed up for the office, which is really just a way of saying I get to stay in my pajamas on my couch while I’m at work. Yes, it’s as glorious as it sounds.
But, about a month ago, MJ finally had enough.
She told me she is HORRIFIED that I go out to the bus stop in my pajama pants. Because it’s trashy. And because I do it, I’m trashy. Also, apparently I’m embarrassing myself, her, and my family by extension.
Needless to say I was floored. I mean, I know my wife is a little uptight, but this seemed like overkill. Especially because the only ones out at the bus stop are our neighbors on the other side of our duplex. We live on a quiet street with hardly any traffic, so it’s not like I’m setting up shop in Times Square. But, even if we did live in a highly trafficked area, I mean—THEY’RE PAJAMAS!!
I told her I work hard, and up until now I’ve had to get up early and get dressed in button-down shirts and slacks with dress shoes to head into the office. The beauty of working from home, I told her, is the ability to just laze around like a bum while I do my work. It doesn’t make sense to me to get dressed just to go out to the bus stop, to impress our neighbors (who don’t care what I look like) and fifteen elementary school kids who are too busy talking to notice my Patriots PJs.
But she wasn’t having any of it.
MJ maintained everyone should take some pride in their personal appearance whenever they leave the house—even if “leaving the house” consists of walking 25 feet to the end of the driveway and then coming right back inside. I’m not big on looks and etiquette, and MJ has a traditional streak a mile wide. And it appeared our two rather large personalities were locked in a death struggle.
That’s when the insults started flying.
She called me white trash. I called her a prude. She claimed I was humiliating my family, I urged her to get someone to surgically remove the rather large stick from her ass. On and on it went until we agreed to settle arguments like most couples do in this the 21st Century—pose the question to social media and have people vote on it.
So, good readers, with whom do you stand?
Do you care about appearances to the point of having to get dressed up to walk to the end of the driveway for fear of neighbors, strangers, and small children judging you? Or do you have enough self-confidence to say who gives a crap what other people think, and remain comfortable while walking your kid to the bus stop?
It’s the showdown—pajamas versus no pajamas. And the side you choose in this war could affect the future of our marriage, this internet, and possibly the world as we know it.
Weigh in and leave a comment.
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Article originally appeared on DaddyFiles.com; Photo courtesy of the author; Credit: Image—Lindsay/Flickr
I should hope the one does not go out the house without washing themselves first. touché
“Do you care about appearances to the point of having to get dressed up to walk to the end of the driveway for fear of neighbors, strangers, and small children judging you? Or do you have enough self-confidence to say who gives a crap what other people think, and remain comfortable while walking your kid to the bus stop?” OR…….do you prefer to look like a grown up and maybe give people the impression that you care about your appearance? I choose that, I mean, I don’t think putting on a pair of pants means you are giving in to… Read more »
I was about eight when I discovered the beauty of sleeping in the nude, and told my mum that she could stop buying me PJs. I don’t know that I would complain about a partner wearing a PJ to the bus stop, but I *do* know I would complain about a PJ in bed. I don’t really get why wearing a PJ is supposed to be more comfortable that getting dressed as you get out of bed. If I felt that way, I would probably look into making my regular clothes more comfortable. But then, I don’t have to understand… Read more »
I’m a married woman with three kids whose husband goes to work every day in a suit and tie but, who has been known to walk to the mailbox in his boxers. Thankfully, after a discussion or two on the potential mishaps that could occur, he puts on pants. That being said, I still have to side with Aaron on this one. You’ve technically not even left your own property and I’ve known very few 6 year old who cared, or even really noticed what an adult wore. As a young kid, I lived out in the country and had… Read more »
Not only do I support this, but I also think PJ bottoms are perfectly acceptable at a convenience store, Wal-Mart or anytime you need to leave the house after 11 PM and prior to 6AM. See also: hungover trips to the local burrito place.
Just two words: Pro PJ’s!!!
It’s kind of amusing to see how people treat you differently based on your attire. We went car shopping in our casual wear, and the first statement out of the salespersons mouth was “let me show you something more in your price range.” LOL! We had done our research, had a loan set up already with our bank and knew exactly which car we wanted. If we had shown up dressed differently Im sure we would have been taken more seriously. Same thing happens at restaurants occasionally. A nicely dressed couple next to us gets 3x’s the visits from the… Read more »
I am not a vain person, most of my haircuts are selected on the basis of how they will look when air-dried, but I am very much against pajamas outside the house (and leggings-as-pants.) You joke in your article that you “dress like a bum” for at home work, so you are saying that you send your kids off into the world while dressed as a bum every day. Not the model I would choose to present for my children. There are a lot of clothes on the scale of presentability between slacks and pajama pants. Cargos are quick to… Read more »
Great post. Its the bus stop… no biggie… Now, go shopping in PJs… different story… 🙂 Really enjoyed your blog!
I’ve ridden many a high horse regarding the appropriateness of various pants in public. Leggings as pants in any situation other than a gym is a particular favorite. To me the level of casual-ness of the activity, and the presence of others, is what makes the difference for me. Waiting at a communal bus stop (i.e. not just your own kids) would seem to me to be a case where jeans, sweatpants, or track pants (as previously suggested) would be the good compromise. This is different, to me, than just running down the driveway to put the trash out, where… Read more »
Pajamas are meant to be worn only in the home, maybe the backyard if your yard is privacy fenced in. It is a slippery slope. First it is the driveway, then the end of the block and next thing you know you are smack dab in the middle of Walmart acting like wearing pajamas in public is the norm. How about a compromise? Get a pair of Adidas track pants and slide them on before you go out the door. They are socially acceptable and still very comfortable.
Amelia: These are pajama bottoms, not a gateway drug that will lead to heroin. I don’t and will never go to the store in my PJs. But as long as I’m on my property, there’s no harm in dressing comfortably. Also, I have track pants and I wear them as well. To me they’re in the same category as PJs.
Your first error was in not arguing that they are not pajama pants. They are “lounge wear,” made for those who prefer comfortable clothing. And as I have seen many a person in “lounge wear” on airplanes, I think you are fine to go to the bus stop in the same. Provided, of course, that you are not going commando, because everyone knows that when you go commando in lounge wear, you risk accidental exposure and having to register as a sex offender. So perhaps you should ask yourself, “Never mind the marriage I’m destroying with this argument. Do I… Read more »
” Or, you know, start wearing sweatpants. Or, wait, better idea. Get yourself some of those skintight stretchy pants and a pair of boots that every woman I see seems to be wearing like a uniform.
indeed indeed, how it that more acceptable.
aaron, if your wife wears leggings or skintight jeans outside, ask her why that is more acceptable than your loose concealing pyjama bottoms
“… everyone should take some pride in their personal appearance whenever they leave the house…” When you wear a suit, you are dressing appropriately for the circumstance. When you wear an evening gown, you are dressing appropriately for the circumstance. When you wear a bathing suit, you are dressing appropriately for the circumstance. When you wear a tuxedo, you are dressing appropriately for the circumstance. When you wear shorts and a Hawaiian shirt, you are dressing appropriately for the circumstance. The point is: how we dress sends a message to the brain. It is a ritual that preps us for… Read more »
Charlon: So one cannot be fully present if they are not dressed as you deem appropriate? My circumstance is working from home. If I have a video conference call, I’m dressed for it. If not, I’ll lounge around in PJs. However, that has ZERO bearing on my work ethic. In fact, I get a lot more done at home in my pajamas than I do at the office.
So there goes your theory…
Wear those PJs with pride. People are overly concerned with what others (who they may or may not even know) think.
This article reminds me of another article about a father in Utah that took things much further than PJ pants! He wore a new costume each day for an entire year to wave at his son’s bus as his son left for high school.
http://abcnews.go.com/US/embarrassing-dad-170-costumes/story?id=13783709
And his kids ended up using the college fund for therapy.
Wow, wayyy too many things to worry about more than what my neighbors are wearing to the bus stop. I say people should go ahead and rock the PJs! I work from home and I will also be wearing my PJs to the bus stop when my son goes to Kindergarten this year. I worked hard/got very lucky and landed a job that allows me to work comfortably from home and I plan to take full advantage. I have a particularly awesome pair of lobster PJ bottoms I am looking forward to sharing with the neighborhood. Now – having said… Read more »
First of all, this had me laughing- even though I’m sure you two don’t find it as funny. To be honest with you, when I saw the title I assumed it was a woman at the bus stop in her pj’s and my initial thought was “hell no lady, you should care enough about yourself to get dressed”. But I am a vain person and always want to look my best, even if it is just the damn bus stop. When I saw the person in question was in fact you (a man) my opinion changed but only slightly because… Read more »
The much more important question here: do your kids get embarrassed by your attire at the bus stop?
If they are cool with it and if the other kids like that you wear Avengers PJs to the bus stop, then go for it!
Pijamas are for sleeping in. PERIOD! And even then they are optional.
Your choice of Pijama’ing reflects not on yourself, but on your children and your wife. People will think you do your gardening in your boxer shorts. They will assume she goes to Walmart dressed like… like the way people go to Walmart.
Ok, I might be overreacting, but I agree with her.
“Pijamas are for sleeping in. PERIOD!”
YES! I agree.
I’ve been a work from home permanent telecommuters for my corporate job since 2008, and yes, it is awesome to not have to dress up. But I leave that at the house door. Could it be because I only sleep in a teddy? Maybe it’s that I don’t feel comfortable with my bosoms swinging like Newton’s Cradle, unfettered under my shirt. But more likely, it’s that I want the joy of crawling back into my pajamas right after I get home again. It’s akin to the joy of going back to sleep after your morning chores are done because you… Read more »
And wearing too many neutral tones together or the wrong shade of lipstick, eyeshadow, or nail polish is ALSO trashy, but I bet your wife’s done it before, if only out of ignorance. Rules regarding clothing, fashion, and presentation are oftentimes arbitrary and specific to a set of circumstances. Here is your set of circumstances: You’re on your own property. You’re standing outside for ten minutes. You’re not interacting with the public at large. Ergo, pajama pants are fine.
Furthermore, there IS a proper place and time for trashiness itself. I’d subject her to some trashiness immersion therapy in the form of a John Waters movie marathon. After some Pink Flamingos, Female Trouble, Cry Baby, Cecil B. Demented, and A Dirty Shame, she might begin to put your negligible level of trashiness in perspective to the broader spectrum of trash. I mean, it’s not like you’re in full-on Divine-homage drag and eating canine excrement off of the front lawn as you wave bye to your children in clear view of a busload of their peers.
I say DO IT!! Why not be able to enjoy the comforting goodness of PJ’s!!! I’d wear them to work if it was acceptable!! BUS STOP TOTALLY ACCEPTABLE!!!
I’m so pro-pajamas, I’m ready to start a protest line and “Friends of” group. There comes a time in your life when as long as you’re clean, the pajamas are clean and unripped in the most delicate of spots (nuf’ said), it just doesn’t matter what the neighbors think. So yes, wear ’em to the bus stop and corner store if need be.
Pj pants totally acceptable on your property at anytime. This is how i role.
I pride myself in never wearing pajamas to the bus stop. However, I wouldn’t judge you for your choices (well, except the Patriots part, maybe). Assuming that I even notice. And, I can guarantee I’m not judging your wife or your family for your poor fashion choices.