Fred Goodall wonders if the way modern parents micromanage their children has contributed to the exponential growth in social media use by kids
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I often hear parents complain that kids are losing the ability to socialize in person because of their dependence on social media and electronic devices. When I watch my daughter send text messages to her friends who are standing only a few feet away, I’m inclined to agree. However, an article in the January 2014 issue of Wired magazine gave me a different perspective.
In the article, “The Parent Trap: How Teens Lost the Ability to Socialize,” author Clive Thompson argues that kids want to socialize in person, but their parents are preventing them from doing so. In an effort to protect their kids from danger and harmful influences, parents keep their kids holed up at home, bouncing from activity to activity, or limited to a controlled social circle of arranged playdates.
When I was a kid, I was free to wonder, explore, and socialize as I saw fit. I would hang out at my friends’ houses during the summers, meet them at the local fast-food joint after school, and go to the mall with them on the weekends. I enjoyed being in the presence of my friends. They accepted me for who I was and allowed me to express myself without judgment. Of course my mother had guidelines, but she allowed me to hang out with my friends without her direct supervision. Her main rule was that I had to home before the street lights came on. Because of this freedom, I learned how to deal with different types of people and adjust to different environments.
“Teens aren’t addicted to social media. They’e addicted to each other.” – Danah Boyd via Wired Magazine
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Today’s generation craves this same freedom and acceptance. That’s why they spend so much time on social media. Twitter, Instagram, and SnapChat allow them to interact with their friends in a way that’s unstructured and free from their parent’s constant hovering.
After reading Thompson’s article, I realized that I was guilty of being overprotective and limiting my children’s social activities. I recall one time when I was reluctant to let my 10-year son ride his bike around the neighborhood with his friend. I eventually let him go because I realized I was being a bit irrational and allowing fear to cloud my judgment. My son is very social and needs these types of interactions to be fulfilled.
I teach a class for parents called “Teens and Social Media: What Parents Need to Know.” Parents who attend the class are often baffled at their teenagers’ behavior and dumbfounded by the popularity of social media. They say things like: “I don’t understand why my daughter is constantly staring at her phone” or “All my son wants to do is play around on his computer.”
I have to remind them that connecting with friends is an important part of their children’s lives. Whereas we had more opportunities to socialize face-to-face with our friends, our kids have neither the time nor the freedom to hang out the way we did. Therefore, they are making social connections with the tools that are currently available to them.
Socializing online is not a bad thing. In fact, I spend several hours online each day interacting with my friends. However, kids need more opportunities for face-to-face interactions. I encourage parents to release the reigns and allow their kids to hang out the mall, go to summer camp, attend sleepovers, and ride their bikes through the neighborhood with their friends. You may discover that your kids actually enjoy communicating with their mouths in addition to their thumbs.
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This article originally appeared on MochaDad.com; Credit—Photo: Tinkerbrad/Flickr
The short answer is yes. I am in a unique situation in that my sons have different forms of autism. The need to learn social skills was told to me in the same way that I was told they needed speech, occupational therapy, special school, PT and therapy. Each one had a prescription of 2x a week. So I did that, briefly; as my circle of special needs parents grew I noticed something universal to all the parents I knew-no one worked on the socialization outside of the various social skills groups the various kids attended. No one practiced. I… Read more »
I wholly agree with the need for socialization. Kids first learn to socialize from their parents. If we are on devices and rushing from one thing to the next they will too. It saddens me to see technology at the table (if they all eat at the table). Our family sits down for every meal – technology free. Pew research showed that the average adults watches 34 hours TV per week. If that was turned off socialization would improve. One drawback to social media is that communication is limited mostly to just words – these are only 7% of the… Read more »
Great topic… I have been forced to become more of a helicopter parent…I have seen close friends show their abusive and violent side (shocking, really)…and I have had to cut off relationships for good mostly because I did not want my son to be exposed to that kind of behavior…My son is 13 and taller than me, but he still doesn’t know some of the dark things about some people…we still have to teach him about a lot of things about the ways of people (and some people are good at hiding their dark sides)…although, I am proud to hear… Read more »
There is a middle ground. My 12 year old has an xbox and an itouch. No phone, no computer for Facebook or any other social media. The time on both of his devices is managed. He is not allowed full reign on them and neither is allowed in his room. But we live in a world where no one knows their neighbors, police forces have been cut till you rarely ever see one in your neighborhood and when you do you wonder, huh, what’s going on? When, as a kid, we would roam the neighborhood there were 11 of us.… Read more »