There are several recurring arguments people bring up against a mother’s right to breastfeed in public. Scott Posey disagrees with them all.
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A couple weeks ago, an image was shared on social media that caused quite a stir. The image was of a woman breastfeeding at her college graduation. Apparently, sharing this image online is akin to kicking kittens and the internet got all riled up like it usually does. The controversy around breastfeeding in public is not something new and, since I now have a child who breastfeeds, I pay close attention to the media coverage of the topic. I can’t say I’m surprised by some of the comments out there regarding breastfeeding—a few are comments I have thought about myself over the years. But something happened when my son was born that altered my feelings on the matter: I gained perspective.
With this perspective I realized that all along it wasn’t an issue with breastfeeding itself, but rather an issue with my perception of the age-old practice. In the end, it was a “me” problem, not a “mother” problem and it was on me to fix it. I was able to do so by doing research on the topic and talking with our lactation consultant. The information that most people don’t know about breastfeeding is vast, and once you learn it, you completely understand why breastfeeding in public is not only OK to do, but it should be done more and celebrated.
Looking online, and probably even in your friends and family circle, you’ll see a number of complaints/concerns that people put out there about breastfeeding in public. I’m sure there are plenty others, but the following are the ones I’ve seen most frequently over the years, and my response to each.
“It’s indecent. A woman shouldn’t show her breasts in public.”
Pre-child Scott would have seen a breastfeeding mother who didn’t cover as a “boob in the wild!” Post-childbirth Scott now understands that what I’m seeing is not a woman flaunting her womanly parts in public, but rather a woman providing the absolute best nourishment for her child. In other countries, a breastfeeding mother wouldn’t cause the slightest stir of controversy because she is doing something that is best for her child. It wouldn’t matter if it was done in public or at home because they aren’t scared of a little nipple showing while at the mall. It’s not like the mother is running around shoving her breast in your face, she’s discreetly feeding her child. Looking at modern media, you’d think we’d be the laxest country in the world in terms of sex, but, as we all know, that’s not true. We find “sex” in situations where it doesn’t exist. When you see a woman breastfeeding, you aren’t witnessing a sexual act. That mother isn’t a sexual deviant and she isn’t getting sexual enjoyment from feeding her child, she’s just feeding her child. You’re the problem in this situation and you seriously need to reevaluate your life if a woman feeding her child sends you into a lust-filled rage or makes you cover your children’s eyes for fear of corruption.
“You should cover up or go to the bathroom.”
This sort of goes hand-in-hand with the previous statement, but, since it includes the ludicrous bathroom comment, I’ll give it its own heading. To get the crazy one out of the question—would YOU eat in a bathroom? A baby is consuming a meal when he or she is breastfeeding and, as you probably know, your environment affects your enjoyment of a meal. Breastfeeding is as natural as breathing and it shouldn’t be forced to take place behind closed doors where your virgin eyes can’t be bothered to see it. A mother can do as she wishes and, if she wants to feed her child at the mall, that is her right. If she is a little more timid and chooses to sit off to the side while covered, that is also her right. She can even decide to do it in the bathroom for whatever reason, again, that is her right.
Some babies take to breastfeeding extremely well and will be doing it within the first hour of being born. Others, like my son, take much longer to learn and even longer to master it. If you ask my wife, our probably never mastered it and is still in a constant state of learning, with pain some days and calm seas the next. Never assume to know what a mother’s breastfeeding journey has been. By telling a mother to “cover up” or “go to the bathroom,” you are effectively telling her you don’t support her in this journey. Imagine how that would feel if it came from a friend or loved one. My wife tries to cover up sometimes, but Jack isn’t always cooperative. He’ll thrash and pull the cover off, making a natural process very unnatural. Leave it to the mom to decide—she knows what is best for her child.
“You should use a bottle while out in public.”
Using formula isn’t the best option for your child, it’s just an option. A pediatrician once told us that the only benefit to formula is that it’s readily available if issues arise in breastfeeding, be it work or problems with the act itself. By feeding your child breast milk, you are giving it a specially formulated concoction that is the absolute best meal your child can consume. Most people agree with this and then say, “Well, pump and use a bottle.” Did you know that breastfeeding works best when the child is on the breast directly? By “using a bottle,” you are messing with nature’s foremost way of protecting your child from germs and other nasties in the world. According to NativeMothering.com:
“Close physical contact with your baby helps your body create antibodies to germs in his environment. When you breastfeed directly, your body creates antibodies in response to cues from your baby’s saliva and other secretions. After exposed to new germs, your body can make targeting antibodies available to your baby within the next several hours (Chirco 2008) (Cantini 2008). While a bottle of milk from a previous date will provide your baby with immune factors, it will not contain antibodies to germs he was exposed to today.”
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“Your child is too old to be breastfeeding.”
This is actually quite a common complaint and is not dependent upon the “in public” argument. If you breastfeed for longer than approximately six months, it’s likely you’re going to hear this argument. People seem to think that, as soon as the child begins eating solid foods (usually around 6 mos.), they should stop breastfeeding. That is just an inaccurate observation and one that the American Academy of Pediatrics disagrees with. According to the CDC’s website on breastfeeding:
The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that breastfeeding continue for at least 12 months, and thereafter for as long as mother and baby desire. The World Health Organization recommends continued breastfeeding up to 2 years of age or beyond.
Your argument that the one year old at Christmas dinner shouldn’t still be breastfeeding is wrong and quite frankly just shows your ignorance on the topic. Just because you stopped breastfeeding at that age or younger because you felt weird or just because you thought it was time, doesn’t mean that every other woman out there feels the same way. The benefits of breastfeeding continue to exist after the first year of a child’s life and telling a woman that she should stop because the child is too old is just wrong. Unless the woman has a teenager on her breast, just stay out of it.
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“I’m rather offended by that.”
Yeah, well…
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Originally appeared on FatherNerdsBest.com; Credit: Header Image—Maja/Flickr
5 thumbs up for your writing 🙂 i know i only have 2, nevertheless you deserve 5 from an old breastfeeding mother of 3 and my youngest weaned herself at the ripe age of 4 and a half! (the others weaned themselves when i was pregnant, because apparently the taste of the milk changed, at least my oldest, then 2 year old told me); never used a bottle, never needed formula and i feel blessed; yes i caught a few stares and questions, but actually most people never realized i was feeding my child, and no, i did not cover… Read more »
I do think improving education would help, children need visits in schools from breastfeeding mothers to teach them to be “so what?” about it when they are young.
And it should be seen on TV, off the top of my head the last time I can recall is on Mad About You. Perhaps a challenge for HBO, more breastfeeding less sex.
Your headline sums it up pretty well. Why would anyone care if women are breastfeeding in public, and why would we care what people think about it? Someone is offended? Sure. Do I care? Not a bit.
Some people are just uncomfortable with that. And ultimately the issue here is primarily educational. I’m personally uncomfortable with seeing the practice in public. It’s mostly because I see it so rarely and haven’t really been taught about how the handle it. It’s a bit like people with certain disabilities. It can be really awkward to figure out how much looking to do as not looking at all can be just as awkward and uncomfortable as too much looking. Rather than demonizing people that aren’t comfortable with women breastfeeding in public, perhaps a more constructive approach that’s less likely to… Read more »
If you have a problem with a perfectly legal and beautiful thing happening in public, that’s your problem. I’m not being elitist when I say it doesn’t matter what you think, because it doesn’t. My son is going to eat whether you are comfortable or not. I recommend you look into why it’s making you so uncomfortable or just ignore it. My son will still be fed regardless how you feel.
Yes, you definitely are being elitist. I always find it interesting that sexual harassment is only sexual harassment when men do it. Somehow making us uncomfortable requires us to S.I.U. but when men engage in our natural behaviors, we’re the ones that are bad.
Having spent many years overseas, and observing breastfeeding going on in public many times, I’ve always failed to understand why it’s such a big deal in the USA.
Of course, it’s mostly women who object to other women breastfeeding – as evidenced by today’s news story about a mom breastfeeding in Starbucks and the Starbucks employee (a young male) gave the breastfeeding mom a free drink by way of apologizing for the complaining female.
This was great, my one comment is that your anti “use a bottle” section was just a little offensive/judgmental. I am a full supporter of Breast is Best, though my daughter didn’t seem to agree. I could never get her to actually breast feed, was forced to use a bottle, and to supplement with formula. and though that was not exactly my choice, what ended up happening doesn’t imply that i didn’t do the best for my child that i could. keep that in mind – especially since you did yourself point out that you don’t know what each mother’s… Read more »
Sara – Sorry if you took that wrong but that’s not what I was saying. I was saying that people who tell mother’s to use a bottle INSTEAD of breastfeeding in public shouldn’t do so. I am fully aware that some women can’t breastfeed and when that is the case formula serves an amazing purpose. What I was pointing out was that people who say (to a woman breastfeeding, not using formula), “use a bottle, it’s the same thing” are wrong. It’s not the same thing. A baby feeding straight off of the breast will get more benefits than pumping… Read more »
Great piece, I don’t know if you’ve seen this (saw it a lot a few months back) but there are some great historical pictures of women breastfeeding here http://www.buzzfeed.com/southerndisposition/25-historical-images-that-normalize-breastfeeding-jlw6 which seem to illustrate that this is a relatively modern hang up.
I hadn’t seen that before, thanks for sharing. I showed it to my wife as well and she agrees, definitely a modern hang up. Thanks for reading my post 🙂
Meg, I posted this link on my blog. Thanks for providing it.
You’re welcome. Love those pictures, glad to see them spread around.
” In other countries, a breastfeeding mother wouldn’t cause the slightest stir of controversy because she is doing something that is best for her child.” First of all, I personally agree with everything you say. But, please refrain from comments about other countries and/or cultures that you don’t seem to know very much about. The eaxct same issue is often raised to debate in various countries in northern Europe, And what would happen in a country where women aren’t even allowed to show their faces or be seen in public without the escort of a male relative, I don’t even… Read more »
What I was referring to was the prominence of breastfeeding in foreign countries. In the US, breastfeeding is almost considered secondary to formula nowadays (at least to a lot of the families we know.) Some families don’t even consider it before immediately picking up formula. If you look at the worldwide rates of breastfeeding, they are pretty significant across the board (with some exceptions of course.) What I was trying to point out was that breastfeeding in another country wouldn’t be as taboo as breastfeeding here, but then again, I’m only going off of numbers on a website. You are… Read more »
Thank you for your answer, Scott.
And I think I may have interpreted you wrong. I thought the comment was aimed at breastfeeding in public, and not breastfeeding, in general.
I apologize for that, and for the unneccessary harsh tone in my post in general.
All the best. /K
Hi Scott, nicely said. I blogged on this topic yesterday.
Take away my mammal card if this is how people treat breastfeeding moms
http://janacraft.blogspot.com/2014/07/take-away-my-mammal-card-if-this-is-how.html
Hi Jana. Thanks for sharing! I’ll be sure to check out your blog!
“Looking at modern media, you’d think we’d be the laxest country in the world in terms of sex,” This is exactly the problem is that society is so sex obsessed that women are seen as sexual and therefore using their own body for their own purposes instead of using it to give men something to look at makes people angry. Breasts are for men to be turned on by so of course its going to be inappropriate to show them in public if for our own damn reasons and not for a man’s benefit. Its just as ridiculous that these… Read more »
Speaking of ridiculous, a woman who’d had a double mastectomy had to fight to get the rules changed, after they insisted she cover her breast tissue-less, nipple-less chest. “Your chest in no way reveals your now-nonexistent breasts! Have you no shame!?”
Somewhere out there, my second-year logic prof just felt a cold shiver.
… and the link, which I forgot to add:
http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2012/11/20/women-with-mastectomies-can-now-officially-swim-topless-in-seattle-public-pools