Cort Ruddy just wanted to buy some paper plates, but instead had his first experience with being profiled as a stereotypical “dad”
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At first, I laughed, because that’s what I usually do when I don’t hear something a stranger says to me. Then it dawned on me what she said, and I didn’t know whether I should be offended instead.
“That’s so you don’t have to do the dishes,” she quipped matter-of-factly, with a smirk.
I was in Target, getting some random supplies for the homestead. Razors for me, pull-ups for the boy, cat food for… well, that’s obvious. And it just so happened that we were out of paper plates. So I got those also, in two sizes—dinner and desert.
While I was loading the two stacks of paper plates into the cart, the older woman passing by looked at me and said it, with a smirk.
That’s so you don’t have to do the dishes.
For the record, we don’t use paper plates a lot around our house. We like to have them on hand in case we have company with other kids, or we have a birthday cake to dispense, or we’re just feeling tired and want to avoid doing the dishes before bedtime. It’s a common feeling when you have kids.
Also, for the record, I do a lot of the cooking and shopping in our house. We are a thoroughly modern family in that way. I also do the dishes a portion of the time. Of course, my wife would tell you that, when I am the one who does the dishes, I never dry them and just leave the last ones cleaned and stacked on the counter. I often get in trouble for not drying and putting them away when it’s my turn to do the dishes. Ironically, I also get in trouble for not drying and putting them away when it’s her turn to do the dishes. But that’s another article altogether—one I’ll never write.
When this random woman at Target made her wise crack, I laughed. Maybe she was just joking. It was a perfectly funny thing to say. But maybe she wasn’t. Maybe she was really saying, “Typical man, buying paper plates so he doesn’t have to do the dishes.” And maybe she was thinking, he’s probably single and lives in a cave, or his wife must be out of town.
I know other dads—some I’ve met through dad blogging circles (it’s cooler than it sounds)—who’d certainly be offended by that comment, especially the single dads or those stay-at-homers who always take lead on household chores like dishes. There are dadvocates out there who would chalk this up as one more example of how the mom-dominated culture is profiling, discriminating, and working to keep good dads down.
And the dadvocates would write about it. I know, because I’ve read the articles about random people who’ve said random things to them in public places that were potentially or ostensibly offensive. Like the dad whose baby had soiled its diaper at a library and had a mom say to him, as he grabbed a diaper and headed for the bathroom, “Do you want me to handle that?” That well-intended gesture was pretty loaded. (Excuse the pun.)
I always wondered why nothing like that ever happened to me.
But was this comment about doing the dishes anything like that?
Just for a second, imagine if the roles were reversed, and I said it to her as she loaded a cart full of paper plates: “That’s so you don’t have to do the dishes.”
Totally different meaning, totally different offense. And, holy crap, is it offensive. Very. Even if I was just joking. They probably would have banned me from Target (if they could catch me).
Still, maybe it was just a harmless joke. Maybe, she would have said the same thing to a mom buying paper plates. Maybe, with her little quip and accompanying smirk, she was letting me into the secret club of shoppers, child-caretakers, and just-plain-old parents who all know that some days you just don’t have any energy to do the freaking dishes.
Besides, she was right. That’s exactly why I was buying paper plates.
So, at first I laughed. Then I thought I should be offended.
Yet, for some reason, it made me happy. I’d never been profiled as a dad before—at least not since I was aware such things happened.
Now, I had. I think.
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Article originally appeared on RuddyBits.com; Credit: Image—Steven Depolo/Flickr
“No ma’am, we all only use paper plates when we’re eating freshly killed hobos.”
Problem freakin’ solved.
Agree with the others, Cort. Get out of your head, man.
“Just for the record”…. a man never needs defend his choices when it comes to taking care of his family. Never.
A better response?
“Seriously, missy? You’re trying to pick up a married man in a grocery store with THAT line? I KNOW you can do better than THAT!”
It may have been meant to be offensive, condescending, or who knows. Just go with your gut response. If you think its funny (or decide that she deserved to be made fun of) then say something back like, “Are you offering to come over and wash if I put these back?”
Yeah, I got to agree with you guys. There’s enough blogs by the ‘perpetually offended’ on the web. We really don’t need anymore. I was the primary household shopper when the kids were growing up and if anyone said anything ‘profiling’ to me , well I didn’t pay it any mind. The only time I remember getting ‘riled’ was the time I’m waiting outside the women’s fitting room in the clothing section waiting for my daughter to come out and show me her outfit she wanted me to buy her. I got the ‘cold can I help you’ like I’m… Read more »
Get your head out of the sand and give it a shake. Her comment would be no more or less offensive if your roles had been reversed. It was a lame joke, to make a little conversation in a check out line. I think Scott is bang on when he says you are looking for a reason to be offended. As I often tell my girlfriend, if you look hard enough for a reason to be upset, you will find one. My advice to you. Lighten up. It’s not always about you, and there most certainly isn’t always a motive… Read more »
This seems like trying to find offense. One of the primary reasons for paper plates is directly because you don’t have to wash them, and can just throw them away. I buy them for that reason, my wife buys them for that reason, everyone who has ever had a picnic buys them for that reason. If I walked up to a mom who had just bought paper plates and said, “that’s so you don’t have to do the dishes.” She would nod, laugh (and mean it), and say, “Absolutely, I have enough going on in life to deal with that!”… Read more »
Datapoint: the times I’ve bought paper plates it’s been for reasons not to do with doing the dishes. It’s been either “we’re doing this stuff with way more people coming than I have plates for”, or “we’re doing this thing where we’ll be eating in the woods / at the beach / whatnot, and there’s no way I can haul real dishes out there”
I don’t think I’ve ever used a paper plate at home, in order to not do dishes. Nothing wrong with it, just not what I would do.